


Purple bruises, faded scars and fresh cuts

by Unholy



Series: 5SOS: Beautiful scars on critical veins [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Burns, Child Abuse, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fire, Flower Crowns, Fluff, Hate to Love, Hospitals, Injury Recovery, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Katy made me a lovely cover!!, Kidnapping, Love Triangles, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Punk Luke, Recovery, Sad, Sad Ashton, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:03:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 90
Words: 140,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2505473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unholy/pseuds/Unholy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>When Ashton finally reached his home, limping, bruised and crying silently, the door flew open before he had the chance to reach for the knob and his father looked at him with such fury and hatred in his eyes that Ashton cringed involuntarily. Ashton just awkwardly stood on his own lawn as his father looked him up and down, nose crinkling in disgust as he saw the multiple bruises on his son’s face. Eventually he grabbed Ashton’s collar and dragged him into the house. Ashton yelped in pain when he stumbled over the threshold and fell to the floor, his ribs throbbing painfully. His father walked around him in circles, shaking his head disapprovingly, his face distorted from anger. He was like a predator, teasing its wounded prey, enjoying the moment before ending its life. Ashton watched the man he called his father anxiously from where he was situated on the floor, curling up into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible, despite the stinging and throbbing and bleeding of his body.<br/>And eventually, the predator attacked. </em>
</p><p>Or a soulmate au where everyone gets their soulmate’s injuries on their own body and Michael is worried sick about his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merlypops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/gifts).



> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Okay, so, before you start reading this fic, just know that this is a really sad story most of the time, and it will probably be very triggering quite a lot of times, so please, _please_ be careful while reading this. I'm not romanticizing anything, the things that happen in this fic are awful and I hope none of you have gone / are going / will go through any of this. Please be safe.  <3
> 
> I hope you'll like it anyway! Please let me know what you think - feedback would be great. 
> 
> This is inspired by the song Scars by Miley Cyrus: [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IFvZntilpo)]
> 
> THIS IS FOR KATY BECAUSE SHE IS THE BEST AND I LOVE HER. Also she made the lovely picture. :)

Michael Clifford kind of hated his soulmate.

No, actually, he hated what they did to their body, because inevitably, they did it to _Michael’s_ body as well, and he was kind of mad at them because _who would do that to their soulmate?_  But on the other hand he wasn’t mad because they had to be in a _lot_ of pain to do this to themselves. Michael would never be able to do it, just the thought of it terrified him, made him sick to the stomach.

He was sat on the bathroom floor, his back pressed against the cool tiles of the bathtub, which he’d been sat in mere moments ago, before _this_ had started happening. He’d hastily got out of the tub and put on some clothes as soon as he’d noticed. The sleeves of his jumper were rolled up to halfway up his upper arms and he was staring at his wrists. Ugly scars ran from his wrists all the way up to his elbows, some white and barely visible, some tinted a soft pink, and others still fresh and bright red. He softly ran his fingertips over a red one, hoping that somehow his soulmate could feel it - even though he knew that was impossible - and _never_ do it again.

Suddenly, a soft, tingly feeling spread through his left wrist and Michael quickly drew his hand back as if he had been burned. A long, deep, crimson cut appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and he clutched his arm with shaking hands. He wasn’t bleeding, he never bled from his soulmate’s cuts, but his soulmate surely was - the cut was too deep for them not to. (He was kind of glad that he couldn’t feel the pain his soulmate felt when they got injured, because surely it had to hurt a _lot_. He didn’t really have time to think about that though, as a new cut bloomed on his wrist, and more followed shortly).

To be honest, Michael was worried. No, fuck that, he was scared shitless. He was afraid that his soulmate would cut too deep. He was afraid that one day, he would wake up without the scars all over his arms. He was afraid that his soulmate would _die_ , because that had already almost happened at least two times, and that was the last thing in the world he wanted to happen. The worst thing about this all was that he had absolutely  _no idea_ of where his soulmate lived, and who they were. He didn’t even know the  _gender_  of his soulmate. (Not that he minded whether they were a girl or a boy, but it would be nice to at least know  _something_.)

He’d speculated about it a lot, though, and he’d come to the conclusion that they had to live either in Australia, Japan or the very eastern end of Asia - the cuts on his arms  _never_ appeared during the day, like when he was in school or playing video games with Calum on the weekends, but mostly late in the evening or in the early mornings, and sometimes even in the middle of the night, resulting in Michael being awoken at ungodly hours, only to panic and to be unable to go back to sleep for the rest of the night.

The cuts kept appearing, even deeper and more rapidly now, and Michael felt his stomach clench unpleasantly at the sight.

“No, no, no, no, no,” he mumbled, tears pricking in his eyes when the skin of his right arm started to split too, opening up around an invisible blade and leaking non-existent drops of blood. There were _so_ many cuts, and all of them were so _deep_. Michael felt like he was going to throw up when he realised that his soulmate could only have _one_ intention -  _death._

He grabbed his arm even tighter and let out an involuntary whimper when a cut got terrifyingly close to a vein.

“Michael?” his mother called. Her voice sounded slightly muffled through the closed bathroom door, but the worry was still very evident in it. She was one of the two people who Michael had told about his soulmate’s habits. Besides her, only Calum, his best friend, knew. He hid it from everyone else, not wanting to put his soulmate in that position if -  _when_ , Michael, don’t think like that - he finally found them.

“Mom!” Michael cried, clutching his wrist to his chest and inhaling deeply and shakily, willing himself to calm down. (It didn’t help.)

Thudding footsteps came up the stairs and a short moment later the bathroom door opened, revealing a very concerned looking Karen. “Mike, what’s going on?” she asked when she saw her son sitting on the floor, curled up in himself, clearly on the brink of bursting into tears. Michael wordlessly stretched out his arms so she could see and she gasped, her eyes widening slightly. Karen sank down next to her son and wrapped him in a tight hug, sending comfort into his skin. The hot tears burning in Michael’s eyes started running down his cheeks and he sobbed into his mother’s shoulder.

“Mom, I don’t know what to _do_ ,” he cried, voice muffled by the fabric of Karen’s shirt. “I don’t even know where they are - or who they are. What if they _die_?”

“Oh, _Michael_ ,” Karen sighed sadly. She gently took her son’s forearm in her hand and looked and the deep, jagged cuts scattered all over his pale skin. All of a sudden, they stopped appearing. Michael yelped and flew to his feet, frantically staring at his arms and spinning around in circles helplessly.

“No, no, no!” he wailed desperately looking at his bother and back at his arms over and over. “I can’t do anything! What if they...” He was cut off by his own sob, putting a hand over his mouth. Karen couldn’t do anything but hold her son while he cried, stroke his dyed hair and pray, pray that his soulmate would survive, whoever they might be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't as shitty as I think it is.

Ashton Irwin truly hated his life. He hated the stupid school his parents made him attend, he hated this whole stupid soulmate-system the universe had going on, but most of all, he hated _himself._ He hated himself because he was _unlovable_. Even his own parents thought so, seeing as they stopped caring about him years ago.

Ashton knew he was unlovable, because he didn’t even have a soulmate.

He had never gotten any injuries that he couldn’t explain, like everyone else did. He had broken his wrist once, when he fell out of a tree, and he had a small scar on his forehead, but his parents had told him that it had come from one of the many times he fell while playing outside. Of course he had bruises from time to time, mainly on his legs or arms, and more than half of the time he didn’t know where he got them from, but the doctors assured him that it was completely normal to have bruises and not remember how you got them, especially in those places. So, after a few years of anxiously waiting for an injury, a cut, a bruise, a broken bone, a scar, anything that would prove he _did_ have a soulmate, they gave up. Ashton didn’t have a soulmate. He wasn’t good enough for anyone to love, apparently, and so his parents also gave up on him. Somehow, even the kids at his school found out, and soon after that, his life had become a living Hell, for something that wasn’t even his fault - though he’d started to believe otherwise.

 

-

 

“Hey, Irwin!”

Ashton carefully glanced in the direction the voice had come from, only to see Alex and Jack, two senior guys who were constantly pestering him, standing there, grinning just a little too widely. Ashton quickly turned away and sped up his pace, until he was almost running, but of course, they came after him. He suppressed a whimper when he was pushed into some lockers violently and a sharp pain erupted in his shoulder, two hands holding him up by his collar, only the tip of his toes still touching the ground.

“Where do you think you’re going, fag?” Jack sneered. Ashton swallowed thickly and kept quiet, his gaze focused on the floor, avoiding the two other boys’ eyes. When they didn’t get their answer, Alex clenched his hand into a fist and punched him square in the jaw, making his head fly back and hit the lockers, earning a soft whimper from him. The next fist landed in Ashton’s stomach, making him gasp for breath and bend over in pain. The two other boys then pushed him down onto the dusty ground and went on, kicking and punching him until he couldn’t breathe anymore and black spots danced in front of his eyes. Eventually they went away, laughing evilly, and just left him there, lying on the floor in the middle of the school’s wide hallway, barely conscious and unable to get up. The pain in Ashton’s shoulder had become dull, but the back of his head was stinging sharply and when he gently touched it, his hand came back with blood on his fingertips. He took a deep breath, willing the panic building up in his chest to go away, and managed to get up from the dirty floor. A wave of nausea and dizziness hit him and he had to hold himself up by the lockers in order not to fall over, taking a few seconds to regain his composure. Ignoring the pain in his, well, _everywhere,_ he stumbled down the hallway, swaying slightly from dizziness and limping from the pain in his limbs, and started the walk home, which wasn’t too far.

Ashton didn’t know whether he should be glad about that or not. He really just wanted to drop to the ground and _die_ right there. Then, at least, he wouldn’t have to face his father. That man was _not_ going to be happy, seeing Ashton all bruised and beaten up. It would just be another sign for him that his son was _weak,_ wasn’t worth anything, and he would _surely_ finished what Alex and Jack had started.

So yeah, Ashton really hated his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!  
> There's gonna be some bad stuff in here, please be careful.

When Ashton finally reached his home, limping, bruised and crying silently, the door flew open before he had the chance to reach for the knob and his father looked at him with such fury and hatred in his eyes that Ashton cringed involuntarily. Ashton just awkwardly stood on his own lawn as his father looked him up and down, nose crinkling in disgust as he saw the multiple bruises on his son’s face. Eventually he grabbed Ashton’s collar and dragged him into the house. Ashton yelped in pain when he stumbled over the threshold and fell to the floor, his ribs throbbing painfully. His father walked around him in circles, shaking his head disapprovingly, his face distorted from anger. He was like a predator, teasing its wounded prey, enjoying the moment before ending its life. Ashton watched the man he called his father anxiously from where he was situated on the floor, curling up into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible, despite the stinging and throbbing and bleeding of his body.

And eventually, the predator attacked.

 

-

 

About an hour later, Ashton was huddled up on the bathroom floor, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, bruises covering his entire body and bleeding from several cuts. Every part of his body felt like it was on fire - and not in a good way. Everything hurt, and he just wanted it to end already.

He held a razor blade in his shaking hand, which he fiercely pressed to his wrist. The touch of the cold metal on his skin made him shiver, but he couldn’t describe the feeling in a different way than _good_. After having taken a few deep breaths, he dragged the piece of metal down his arm and hissed in pain as the skin split open and started bleeding. Relief washed over him like a tidal wave, though, and he couldn’t help but cut again, this time more prepared for the burning sting that appeared at the same time as the cut. He just bit his lip and kept going. Every sound was drowned out as he entered his own little world, completely absorbed in the shiny piece of metal and the crimson blood slowly trickling down his arm and dripping on the floor soundlessly.

Silent tears had started streaming down his purpled cheeks and his vision blurred from them, so he angrily wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and blinked the tears away. The razor blade was pressed into his wrist again and he bit his lip, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He slowly dragged the razor down his arm, the pain it caused close to unbearable and he nearly screamed, but managed to keep it in, releasing a strangled sob instead and biting his lip harshly.

 _Worthless_ , he thought bitterly, as he watched the blood run down his arm and start to form a small puddle on the tiled floor. It also stained his torso and there were smudges of the red liquid on his fingertips, but he really couldn’t care less about that at the moment.

 _Failure_.

He cut once more, deeper than he had originally intended, as he wasn’t very focused anymore, but he really did not care in the _slightest_.

 _Disappointment_.

He took the blade in his other hand and pressed it to his right wrist this time, dragging it down ever so slowly to feel every ounce of the burning sensation it brought. It didn’t even hurt anymore, he was becoming numb - and fast.

 _Unwanted_.

The cut he made next got very close to a vein, and he usually would’ve long stopped at this point, because he was getting dizzy from blood loss and he couldn’t focus on where he placed his razor blade anymore, but this time he continued. He just couldn’t keep living like this anymore, and in the end he would die anyway - so why waste more time in this godforsaken place when all he did was disappoint and annoy everyone?

 _Not good enough_.

The last cut was the deepest - and hurt the most. All of a sudden he wasn’t numb anymore. His arms felt like they were on fire and he actually screamed out in agony now. Both of his arms were _covered_ in blood, and it was still flowing freely from the numerous cuts scattered all over his wrists. The blood seemed to be _everywhere_ , and to be honest, it was quite terrifying. There was a large puddle on the floor, crimson drops trickled over his chest, and there was a dark stain in his boxers from where the blood had seeped into the fabric. There were drops on the wall that had splashed there each time he pulled the razor over his wrist in that direction. All in all, it looked like a scene from a horror movie, and Ashton smiled weakly. His vision was fading quickly and he could barely even make out the room anymore. The last thing he heard before he blacked out were thumping footsteps running up the stairs and his father’s annoyed voice, yelling something along the lines of ‘be quiet or I will break your bones’ in a threatening , before he fell onto his side with a loud thud and lost consciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a triggering chapter. Hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think.

Michael woke up somewhere around four a.m. that night, only to find himself safely tucked in his bed - his mother must’ve done that after he fell asleep in her arms, completely drained from the panic and crying - but somehow still  _cold_ all over from his panic.

He wasted no time to sit up and flick the bedside lamp on. Its weak, yellow light filled his room, and even though it didn’t quite reach the dark corners of the room, it was still bright enough for him to be able to see his arms. He yanked his sleeves up and almost fainted from relief; the cuts were still there. His soulmate wasn’t dead. Michael inhaled shakily and flopped down onto his back, fingers slowly caressing the angry red cuts. The edges of most cuts seemed to be glued together somehow, both ends of each one pressed together in an unnatural way, the red still peeking through slightly - stitches, Michael realised. Someone had found his soulmate and brought them to the hospital, where they had stitched up his cuts. _Thank God._

His relief went back to worry soon after that and he frowned as he saw a dark bruise blossoming near his elbow, the purple forming a sharp contrast to his almost milky white skin. Michael suddenly felt nauseous again and he grabbed the hem of his jumper with shaking hands, tugging it over his head and discarding it to the floor carelessly. His breath hitched in his throat as he looked down at his torso. From his chest down to his waist, and also on his shoulders and arms, he was completely _covered_ in bruises, which varied from a light greenish yellow to such a dark purple/blue it was almost black. Several cuts and scrapes were littered over his body as well, and Michael felt like he was going to pass out as he became light-headed from shock. Surely, there would always be _some_ bruises and scrapes somewhere, but there had never been this _many_ , and it honestly freaked him out.

He had _never_ wanted to find his soulmate _so_ badly.

 

-

 

“Jesus Christ, Michael!”

Calum approached him in school the next day when he was waiting for the younger boy at their lockers, worry evident on his tanned face, and he gently touched the skin around Michael’s eye, which was swollen shut and tinted a painful looking purple. “What the hell happened? Did someone punch you?”

Michael almost laughed, _almost_ , as he absentmindedly rubbed at his wrist through the soft fabric of his oversized sweater. (He would have laughed at the ridiculously cute expression on Calum’s face - as he looked like a sad puppy and tall, defensive guy with tattoos and _biceps_  at the same time - but there was nothing to laugh about. This wasn’t funny _at all_.)

“Not me,” Michael responded sadly, and then he took a good look at Calum and started a little, because the dark-haired boy had his hand wrapped in what seemed to be gypsum. “What happened to _you_ , mate? Shit, that looks painful.” He resisted the urge to grab it to take a good look at it, as it would surely hurt if it was _Calum’s_ broken hand, but the tanned boy just shrugged it off. “Soulmate. I don’t know what they did, probably got injured when they were playing football or whatever. They’re always so fucking _clumsy_ , it’s almost pathetic.”

The fond look in Calum’s eyes told Michael that he didn’t think it was pathetic _at all_ , though.

“But seriously, _what happened_?” Calum pressed, and Michael sighed, recalling the events of last night in his head and shuddering at the visuals it brought.

“They tried again last night,” he managed to choke out, and immediately Calum’s arms were around him and Michael leaned into the touch, craving comfort, as he hid his face against the younger boy’s chest. He sighed shakily and squeezed Calum’s waist before letting go and leaning against the lockers tiredly. Calum immediately stood in front of him and looked at him with a mix of worry and sadness in his eyes.

“But they survived,” he stated softly, ignoring the bell that rang loudly through the hallways, and the students that walked past them, on their way to class, brushing his shoulder occasionally when they passed. Michael nodded weakly, unable to push away the worry lying heavily on his stomach. “Yeah. They survived.”

Calum eyed him for a moment before gently taking his hand - his wrist was taboo, even though it didn’t hurt Michael when someone touched him there, it still felt like no one should touch something so _private_ \- and pulling him down the hallway, to one of the janitor’s closets. It was small and packed and dark and _confined_ and Michael did _not_ like that, but he pushed that feeling aside because he _really_ wanted to vent to someone that _wasn’t_ his mum, and Calum always knew exactly how to comfort him and what to say - or what  _not_ to say.

And so he told Calum everything.

He told him about how he had been sitting on the bathroom floor, watching the gashes appear on his arm and desperately wishing for it to stop, but not being able to do anything. He told him about how he had woken up at Satan’s hour in the morning, only to find his entire body completely covered in bruises in all sizes and colours. He told Calum how _useless_ he had felt, how _helpless_ he had been and how _guilty_ he felt for not being able to help his soulmate, even though he knew all of this was _absolutely not_ his fault. And Calum listened, didn’t interrupt him even once, nodded in all the right places and wrapped his best friend in a bone-crushing hug when he had finished his story.

“You’ll find them one day, Mikey,” Calum had assured him as he trembled in the tanned boy’s muscled arms. “You’ll find them and everything will be okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

And even though Michael knew there was _no way_ Calum could know for sure whether it would be okay or not, the soothing sound of Calum’s voice calmed him down slightly and he nodded, walking out of the closet ~~(no pun intended)~~ and feeling like he could _breathe_ again, even though the pressing worry was still buried deep in his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long, but I have a testweek coming, so I don't really have much time.

When Ashton opened his eyes, the only thing he saw at first was a blinding, white light, and he smiled weakly to himself, feeling _relieved_ and allowing himself to be a little proud of himself that he had managed to succeed.

But then his eyes started to adjust to the bright light, and panic bubbled up in his chest as he could make out his surroundings.

He wasn’t dead.

No, no, no, no, no. This wasn’t part of the plan.

He was in the hospital. The walls and ceiling of the room he was in were almost impossibly clean and bright white, and he now could hear the annoying beeping noise of the heart monitor beside his bed. A wave of desperation washed over him and he tried to get up, to get _out_ , but he couldn’t move. He glanced downward and vaguely noticed that he was wearing a hospital gown, but he felt the blood withdraw from his face and he felt cold all over when he saw that his hands were strapped to the bedframe. White gauzes covered both of his wrists, in some placed stained with red where blood had leaked through the bandage. Ashton chocked on a sob and started fighting his restraints, sobbing uncontrollably with tears trailing down his cheeks as he struggled desperately to break free, but it didn’t help. Eventually he just gave up and went limp, biting his lip to muffle his sobs and praying to any god that might be out there to _please, please just let him die_.

After what felt like at least an hour of staring at the white ceiling and hating himself for not even being able to kill himself properly, the door opened and someone walked in. At first he panicked, not thinking straight and believing said person was his father, and he started tugging at the restraints again, anxiety and _fear_ pressing on his chest like a ton of bricks and making it difficult to breathe, but he calmed down somewhat when he saw it was just a nurse. The young woman smiled down at him gently when she saw he was awake.

“Hello there, how are you feeling, Mister Irwin?” she asked. Her voice was soft and calming, and Ashton felt a bit more at ease. “’m okay,” he mumbled. “Why am I restrained, though?” he wondered aloud. “And you can call me Ashton, by the way.” He may have failed to kill himself, but he wasn’t going to be an ass because of that.

“Alright, Ashton. We took care of all of your injuries. None of them were major, except for the ones on your wrists, as you probably already knew, and we have stitched up most of them up. You also have two stitches on the back of your head, but they will be removed in three days. Besides that, the muscles in your right leg were injured pretty badly. You’ll be walking with a slight limp for the next couple of weeks, but it should go away by itself. If it starts hurting, though, sit down as soon as possible, okay?”

He nodded, not really caring about what she said. (It did explain why he felt this constant, tugging pain in the back of his head, though.)

“Where are my parents?” he then asked, a bit scared of the answer. That fear must have shown in his eyes, because the nurse grimaced for just a second before she forced the gentle smile back on her face. “Your mother is here, she’s been waiting to see you, but nobody was allowed in the room for as long as you weren’t conscious. Shall I tell her she can come?”

Ashton bit his lip and nodded hesitantly, but spoke up before the nurse had the chance to turn around and walk away.

“Is my dad here too?”

The lady shook her head and patted Ashton’s (good) leg gently, in what was supposed to be a comforting manner, but it did little to nothing to make Ashton feel any better. “No, he’s not here. I think your mother should talk to you about that,” she said softly. Ashton glanced at her, confused, but nodded nonetheless and tried to relax a bit when the nurse left the room, because his muscles started to ache slightly from being tense the entire time.

 

A few moments later, the nurse opened the door and let his mother in. He smiled softly and nodded to her to say ‘thank you’, and she sent him a bright smile and closed the door. The next second, Ashton was engulfed in his mother’s arms - as much as his current position allowed that, at least - and she was sobbing into his shoulder, much to Ashton’s surprise. He tried to bring is hands up to hug her back and sooth her, but then remembered he was still in restraints, so he just laid back and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“Oh, Ashton, I was so worried about you,” she cried, and Ashton felt a bit guilty, even though he knew she would be better off without him. (He didn’t realise he had said that out loud until his mother chocked on air and started crying even harder, seeming to be not far away from climbing on the hospital bed beside him, and said “Don’t think like that, I love you, don’t do this ever again”, and Ashton would be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel so guilty he started crying as well.)

After a good half hour of sobbing and Ashton’s mother assuring him that she really did love him, very much indeed, the nurse came back into the room, followed directly by a man in a long, white coat - the doctor.

“Hello Ashton, Mrs Irwin,” he greeted the two of them. “We will be keeping you here for three days - that’s standard policy with suicide attempts.” Ashton’s mother winced at the word ‘suicide’, but Ashton kept his face straight and nodded at the doctor to continue. “Also, you will have to stay in your restraints for at least twenty-four hours, just in case you’ll scratch at them - subconsciously or not - and they will reopen.” Ashton nodded curtly at that, not very pleased but it’s not like he had a choice. “At last, you need to be admitted to therapy. We trust you and your parents to find a good psychologist yourselves, though. Trust me, it will be good for you.”

Anne nodded and mumbled an “Of course, immediately, as soon as possible”, probably not even really registering what she said, but Ashton remained silent. He would _not_ go to therapy. He wasn’t crazy, goddammit, he just didn’t want to be in so much _pain_ anymore all the time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of drowning in school rn so I'll update more often after next week, I promise.

Three and a half days later, Ashton was _finally_  released from the hospital. His father hadn’t showed his face even _once_ that whole time, and Ashton was absolutely _terrified_ of what would happen when he got home.

His mom was there to pick him up. The drive from the hospital to their house was quiet and slightly awkward, but Ashton didn’t feel like talking, and his mother was probably scared she would say something wrong and have Ashton back in the hospital very soon, so she didn’t say anything either.

 

-

 

It wasn’t as bad as he had anticipated, Ashton thought. His father just glanced at him when he got in and nodded, seemingly indifferent that his only son had just got back from the hospital after almost _dying_ , before going back to reading the newspaper. Ashton breathed a sigh of relief before he quickly disappeared into his room and blasted Fall Out Boy loudly all afternoon and evening. He actually felt _alright_ for the first time in a long, long time, and he hummed along to the song as he started doing the homework he was assigned when he was in the hospital.

He should’ve known it was too good to be true, though.

When his mother had left for her late shift at work, his father positively _sprinted_ up the stairs and flung his door open, making Ashton jump and almost fall off the chair. All colour drained from Ashton’s face as he saw the state his father was in - flustered red from anger, panting slightly as he tried to suppress his rage, hands balled into fists and just a tad away from having steam coming out of his ears. He grabbed Ashton’s upper arm roughly and dragged him from the wooden chair, throwing him to the floor and immediately sending a kick to his stomach. Ashton whimpered and cringed, his arms wrapped around his stomach in an attempt to protect himself. It didn’t help though, as his father started to kick and beat every visible bit of Ashton’s skin, including his face - quite soon his nose was bleeding and he was pretty sure at least one of his ribs was bruised, after his father kicked him in his chest.

He yelped when his father grabbed a handful of his hair and slammed his head down on the hardwood floor harshly, and Ashton could feel the stitches snap. But then someone was running up the stairs and Ashton turned his head to the door as it opened once again, revealing his mother this time, looking absolutely _petrified_ of the sight she met. Immediately, she turned around and rushed back down the stairs. At this point, Ashton started crying, because the only person in the world who _ever_ told him they loved him left him like this (even though he knew there was absolutely _nothing_ she could do for him without getting hurt herself). His father just grinned at him sadistically and punched him in his face. Ashton whimpered as he felt his eye rapidly swell shut, and his father raised his fist again, ready to strike once more, when the sound of sirens broke the silence. Only a short moment and a couple of fists later, thundering footsteps were heard downstairs, on the stairs, and then the door swung open with such force that it collided with the wall, and three police officers were stood in the doorway, guns out and all aimed at Ashton’s father. The man glared at him for a second, before slowly getting up and stepping away from his son. One of the cops immediately rushed to Ashton’s side and put a hand on his arm, but quickly removed it when the curly-haired boy flinched and whimpered in fear. The officer called for an ambulance as the other two cuffed Ashton’s father and guided him downstairs. Ashton could do nothing but just lie on the floor, breathing raggedly as every breath hurt his ribs, and wait for the ambulance to come.

 

-

 

When Ashton awoke in the hospital this time, he did feel relief from still being alive, which he thought was quite weird, as it had only been three days since he’d tried taking his _own_ life. He wasn’t alone in the room - an officer was standing in the doorway, talking to a doctor (the same man as the one who had treated him after his suicide attempt, he recognised). He couldn’t make out what they were saying, as they were whispering, but they cut off their conversation as soon as they saw Ashton was awake. The doctor came up to him immediately, the officer trailing behind him a bit awkwardly.

“Hello Mister Irwin,” the man greeted him, once again, but this time Ashton was able to actually shake his hand, as he wasn’t restrained. “How are you feeling?” the doctor asked him, a worried frown on his face. Ashton shrugged and immediately winced in pain. His ribcage was throbbing painfully and he placed an arm over it, as if that would take away the pain. The doctor nodded a few times to himself and scribbled something down on the clipboard he took from the end of the hospital bed.

“I understand your ribs hurt,” he stated. Ashton nodded, face slightly distorted from the ache. “That’s completely understandable. Try to remain calm, okay?” he looked at Ashton worriedly before continuing. “You have two broken ribs, one almost punctured your lung. Almost, not quite. Also, your leg hasn’t really gotten better from what happened - I would recommend you to use crutches for a while, just to make sure it doesn’t get any worse. Aside from some nasty bruises, that’s all. We’re going to have to keep you here for at least one night - probably more - to keep an eye on you and give your body a good chance to heal. You should be able to go home soon, though.” The man smiled at him gently. “This is Officer Brown,” he then said, vaguely gesturing to the cop standing somewhere behind him. “He’s going to take your statement of what happened between you and your father at your house, if you think you can do that.” Ashton grimaced; that was a neat way of referring to what happened. “Yeah, that’s okay,” he answered, managing a small smile at the nice man before he walked off. The officer then came up to the bed and extended his hand. “Officer Brown, nice to meet you, Ashton,” he said. Ashton shook his hand, trying not to pull a face when his ribs protested. “Likewise,” he muttered. Officer Brown grabbed a chair and sat down in it next to the bed, placing a small recording device on the bedside table. “Just to be clear, your father is already arrested and will be charged for child abuse. We will need your statement to be able to win the trial, however,” he explained. Ashton just nodded, feeling his throat go dry and starting to shake at the memory of what had happened.

Eyes focused on his fingers playing with the duvet and with an unsteady voice, he told his story. He told about how his life had been okay - _good_ , even - when he was little. His parents had spent as much time with him as possible, he had had good friends in school, he had been _happy_. He told about how that changed, as years went by. He told about how he had never had unexplainable injuries, like everyone else, and how specialists had told them that Ashton didn’t have a soulmate, and how everything had went downhill from that. His mother hadn’t treated him any differently - aside from pitying glances every now and them - but something inside of his father had snapped _completely_. When they came home that afternoon, his father had hit him for the first time. After that, it had only gotten worse. Ashton told about how being beaten by his father had become daily routine, and not too long after that the kids at school had found out about his lack of soulmate and his friends had abandoned him, leaving him to be the weird, loner kid. That’s also when Alex and Jack had come into the picture and started bullying him. At first, it wasn’t too bad - just some harsh words and a slight shove against his shoulder when they passed him in the hallway - nothing he couldn’t handle, but it had gotten worse, to the point where they beat him up when there were no teachers around. That’s when Ashton started self-harming, to have some control over something for _once_ in his miserable life, and to relieve some of the stress he dealt with on a daily basis. Talking about the last week was the hardest part, but Officer Brown encouraged him and Ashton managed to finish his story, despite shedding quite a few tears.

Brown then told him his father probably wasn’t getting out of jail for a _very_ long time and Ashton chocked out a ‘thank you, thank you so much’, because that was the best news he had heard in _such_ a long time.

It got even better when his mom came in.

She had dark circles under her eyes and her eyes were red-rimmed, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She looked determined as she strode across the room and sat down in the chair that Officer Brown had used mere seconds ago. She smiled at him sadly, and Ashton’s returning smile was quite watery as he grabbed her hand and held it like a lifeline. His mother looked _lighter_ , Ashton noticed, like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

“We’re moving away from this godforsaken place,” she said, and Ashton felt hot tears starting to fall from his eyes at the thought of a fresh start, a _new chance_.


	7. Chapter 7

Ashton Irwin stood in front of his full-length mirror, adjusting his black skinny jeans that were so tight they seemed to be painted on, and pulling at his oversized sweater nervously. Today was his first day at the new school, the first day he would be getting out of the house since that dreadful day where his father was arrested. His hands were shaking violently and he had to sit down and take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He remembered how happy he had been when his mother had told him they were moving, how excited he had been about getting a fresh start, how _thrilled_ he had been when he heard he was getting a _new chance_. But now, he was just utterly _terrified_. All kinds of scenarios flashed through his mind. What if the people didn’t like him? What if they found out he didn’t have a soulmate? What if everything was going to be the same as in his old school?

Ashton shuddered and took another couple deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. Most of his things were still packed in boxes of all sizes, but he already had a bed, a desk, a small cupboard and even an old TV in use. His clothes were still neatly folded in a box, though, as he hadn’t found the time and energy to put them in his closet. He and his mom had moved to Sydney a good three weeks ago, and today he would join school in the middle of the semester, and of course, that would draw a lot of attention, and he wasn’t too thrilled about that.

He absent-mindedly held the end of the sleeves of his sweater in his hands to make sure his wrists wouldn’t be exposed as he walked down the stairs to have breakfast with his mom.

 

-

 

The car ride to school was silent. Ashton was fidgeting constantly, nervous about how his new school was going to be, and his mom didn’t know what to say to comfort him, so she didn’t say anything.

When they finally arrived at the huge, concrete building, Ashton took a few deep breaths and opened the car door slowly after he kissed Anne goodbye. He kept his head down to avoid attracting stares as he walked through the school’s hallways. It was quite a bit smaller than his previous school. His mom had selected a school with a good reputation and not too many students, so Ashton wouldn’t be too uncomfortable, which he was very grateful for. He was pretty sure he would’ve panicked and made a complete fool of himself if the hallways were crammed with people, but luckily there were only a few people leaning against lockers or walking to their classrooms. Nobody seemed to notice him, much to Ashton’s relief.

He went to the headmaster’s office, as she would be the one to inform him about everything, give him his schedule and stuff like that. A bit hesitantly, he knocked on the wooden door, receiving a muffled “Come in!”. When he stepped into the office, however, there was already another boy sitting there, slumped down in one of the two chairs with his arms crossed over his chest. Just like Ashton, he was wearing a pair of skinny jeans - this boy’s were ripped at the knees, though. A Blink-182 shirt clung to his broad shoulders and his hair was styled up into a quiff that seemed to have never heard of the term gravity. He also had a lip piercing - the black metal stood out against his pale pink lips. The thing that attracted Ashton’s attention the most, though, were his astonishing blue eyes. They were the kind of blue that you only see in pictures - photoshopped, that is - but these were, in fact, very real.

The headmaster stood up from her chair and extended her hand to him. “Hello, Mr Irwin, I’m Karen Clifford, head of the school. It’s very nice to meet you.” She smiled warmly at him and Ashton decided that he liked her already. “Hi, nice to meet you too.” Mrs Clifford gestured to the empty chair in front of her desk and Ashton sat down, glancing over at the blonde boy nervously. He fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves as he waited for Mrs Clifford to speak up.

“I assume you already know the basic rules of a high school,” she said, still with that smile on her face that made Ashton feel a lot more comfortable for some reason. “They are not any different here. Make sure you’re on time, do your homework, no running in the hallways, no violence.” (Ashton subconsciously pulled a face at that; the people in his previous school hadn’t really listened to that rule, now, had they?) “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to come to me. The door to my office is always open.” She winked and Ashton smiled, muttering a ‘Thank you’. Mrs Clifford then put a sheet of paper on the desk in front of him and Ashton took a quick look at it - it was his schedule. It seemed to be alright - he didn’t finish too late and he had a few free periods in between classes.

“Of course you don’t know your way around here yet, so Mr Hemmings here will show you around. You have most of your classes with him, anyway.”

Ashton turned his head to look at the skinny boy sitting next to him. Hemmings, as he now knew, glanced at him looking bored and extended his hand. “Hey man, I’m Luke,” he said. Ashton hesitantly took _Luke’s_ hand in his much bigger one. “Ashton,” he muttered, feeling stupid immediately because _the guy already knew that, you idiot._ Mrs Clifford smiled and stood up, the two boys mimicking her actions.

“Well, Mr Irwin, good luck at your first day and have fun.” She then waved them out of her office, leaving a so-nervous-he-was-almost-freaking-out Ashton with an oblivious-to-that Luke. The slightly taller, blonde boy turned to Ashton and grabbed his schedule from his hands, making Ashton flinch involuntarily, but Luke didn’t notice as he was studying the sheet of paper.

“You really have almost all your classes with me, except for maths and one free period,” he stated after about a minute. “And we have lit now. Horrible subject, but the teacher’s nice,” Luke smiled at Ashton and Ashton returned it hesitantly. Luke still didn’t seem to notice the curly-haired boy’s jumpiness. “You’re not much of a talker, are you?” the scrawny boy said, sounding a bit amused. Ashton blushed and shook his head, averting his eyes to the ground. “’M not very good with new people,” he mumbled, and Luke nodded understanding, much to Ashton’s surprise. “I get that, I’m not really a social butterfly myself, but you seem to be nice enough.” Luke smiled sheepishly and Ashton felt his nervousness fade, despite himself. “Thanks,” he said earnestly. The other boy just grinned at him happily.

“C’mon,” Luke said as he grabbed Ashton’s hand. Ashton immediately pulled his arm back and stuffed his hands in his pockets, muttering an apology because he didn’t want Luke to get mad at him, but he just _really_ didn’t like it when people touched him. Especially boys like Luke, because he was obviously popular, really good looking and just _exactly_ like Alex and Jack had been - and Ashton did _not_ want a repeat of history. And even though Ashton knew that it wouldn’t take long for Luke to realise that Ashton actually wasn’t all that great and leave, Ashton figured he could enjoy the blond boy’s presence and kindness for as long as it would last.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if you like it / what you don't like about it so I can improve.

Ashton couldn’t focus on the class. He knew that he had to pay attention, because he had joined in the middle of the semester and if he wanted to get a decent grade he really needed to work for it, but he just couldn’t keep his mind from wandering off. He mentally went over every single _what if_ and he was freaking himself out quite a bit. His biggest worry was _what if the people here find out that he doesn’t have a soulmate?_ because of course everything would go right back to the situation he had fled from and Luke would most certainly hate him and he didn’t want that because Luke was the first person of the same age as Ashton who was actually _nice_ to him, and he didn’t want to lose that already.

The blond boy was currently sitting next to Ashton, tapping his pencil on the table and staring at the teacher with slightly glassy eyes as the man ranted on about some poem written by Shakespeare that Ashton hadn’t caught the name of.

Then the bell rang and Luke seemed to jerk awake from his trance, quickly fishing his backpack off of the ground and stuffing his books inside of it. Ashton bit his lip as he shoved his stuff inside of his bag - a bit more gently than Luke had done - and wondered what would happen now. He was used to sitting alone during breaks, usually in the library or a small table in the back of the cafeteria, where he remained unnoticed by most students. He had expected Luke to walk out of the classroom without him - maybe wave before he left, because he was too nice to just leave without saying anything - but when he looked up, Luke was still standing there, apparently waiting for Ashton to finish packing up. Ashton glanced at him confusedly and got a bright smile in return.

“You’re having lunch with me,” he stated happily. Ashton lost the ability to speak momentarily and just gaped at Luke, completely taken by surprise. Luke’s smile faltered a bit at the lack of response.

“Uh, I mean, only if you want to, like, you don’t have to, I just thought...” the poor boy stammered, rubbing his neck awkwardly and a slight embarrassed blush on his cheeks. Ashton stared at him for a few more seconds before he found his tongue and managed to form an answer.

“Yes, I mean, no, I mean- yeah, I’d like that,” he stuttered, mentally cursing himself for not managing to keep his voice steady but smiling nonetheless. Luke’s bright smile returned, complete with blinding white teeth and black lip ring. Ashton mirrored it, a lot less bright, but a smile still. Then another thought crossed Ashton’s mind and his face fell again.

“Don’t your friends mind? I mean, I don’t want to be a burden,” he said softly, but Luke just shrugged and pushed the strap of his bag a bit higher up his shoulder. “I don’t do friends,” he said. “All people at this school suck anyway.” He shrugged again. Ashton nodded, pretty surprised by this information. “Well, then I don’t want to bother you,” he replied, but Luke shook his head and went to grab Ashton’s arm to drag him away, but the curly-haired boy flinched and quickly backed away, looking at Luke with wide, panic-struck eyes for a few seconds before he composed himself and forced himself to calm down. Luke frowned at him worriedly, looking him up and down, making Ashton cringe slightly from discomfort. If you just glanced at Ashton, everything seemed to be fine. But when Luke looked closer, he noticed that the shorter boy’s hands were shaking as he gripped at the sleeves of the sweater he was wearing.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked hesitantly. Ashton nodded immediately and a bit too vigorously, squeaking out a “Yeah, I’m fine”. Luke’s frown deepened, not believing the boy but not pushing any further as they’d only just met and he felt like he had no right to dig into Ashton’s private life at such an early state of their friendship.

 

-

 

The pair sat at a table that was actually meant for four people after getting their lunch. Luke still didn’t seem to mind Ashton’s company, so Ashton slowly relaxed a bit more. After a few moments of silence that Ashton was afraid to break, Luke spoke up.

“So, Ash, tell me a bit about yourself,” he said, grinning at the way Ashton’s cheeks reddened at the nickname. On the inside, Ashton was confused, because he had never had a nickname - if you didn’t count the names Jack and Alex had always called him - and he wasn’t sure if Luke was teasing him or not. He decided not - the blonde was looking at him expectantly with those way too blue eyes, a gentle smile on his face - and answered the question hesitantly. “There’s not really much interesting about me,” he mumbled, averting his eyes to the ham and cheese sandwich on his plate. “I moved to Sydney about three weeks ago. Originally come from Richmond.” He bit his lip, trying to decide what to tell the other boy. “Um, I play drums. Or used to, actually, but then my- I didn’t feel like it anymore.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word ‘father’, or even ‘dad’. It was all still too fresh, the memories too painful. “I still like to write songs, though. And I sing a bit as well, but I’m really not that good.” He giggled nervously. “What about you?”

Luke positively _beamed_ at him and was pretty much bouncing up and down in his seat. “Are you serious? You must be my soulmate! I write songs and sing as well! Don’t play drums though, only guitar, but eh, maybe we could jam together sometime!” he smiled excitedly at Ashton, eyes sparkling, completely oblivious to the way Ashton had tensed up and paled at the word ‘soulmate’. The curly-haired boy nodded stiffly and his smile was way too forced to be genuine, panic still evident in his eyes, but he managed to say “Yeah, that sounds awesome” with only a slight tremor in his voice.

Then, luckily, the bell rang and Luke rose to his feet, taking Ashton’s tray with him and emptying the leftovers of their sandwiches in a nearby trashcan.

“I have maths now, but I suck at maths so I’m in a different class than you are. You’re in the regular class, I have a tutor.” He pulled a face at that, which made him look adorable and Ashton couldn’t bite back the giggle that escaped his mouth. “So, I’ll see you later, Ash.” He waved at Ashton a bit awkwardly and disappeared in the crowd, leaving Ashton to walk to his classroom on his own, but feeling lighter and _happier_ than he had in a long, _long_ time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo my testweek is over, I survived and I'll try to update more often from now on!

Ashton entered his maths class, eyes darting over the room, searching for an empty seat. He found one somewhere in the back of the class and walked over to it quickly, keeping his head down and clutching the strap of his backpack like a lifeline. Nobody seemed to really notice him; a group of girls were gossiping over some hot guy and a few loud boys in the front were having a fake argument and hitting each other playfully with their notebooks. Ashton slightly shrunk back in his seat at the combative screams they gave, reminding him of the times his father had yelled at him in that volume. But luckily the teacher arrived at that moment, glaring at the boys and telling them to ‘sit their asses down if they don’t want detention’. In the meantime, the rest of the students had arrived and found a seat. No one sat next to Ashton and he send a silent thank you to God.

The teacher was a man somewhere in his fifties, Ashton guessed. He had fluffy, dark grey hair and soft brown eyes, that were currently focused on Ashton.

“Okay class, we have a new student in our midst,” he said while clapping his hands to silence everyone. Ashton turned a dark shade of pink as everyone immediately started looking around and all eyes eventually landed on him. He shuffled in his chair uncomfortably, fidgeting with the edges of his sleeves - a nervous habit he seemed to have picked up. He let out a quiet sigh of relief when the teacher went on with his introduction, meaning he didn’t have to tell the class that himself.

“This is Ashton Irwin, he just moved here so be nice to him.” The man then turned to the blackboard and started writing several equations down. Ashton hurried to grab his notebook and a pen and started copying them.

About ten minutes into the lesson, the door swung open with so much force it hit the wall and a tanned boy with a snapback and a worn out AC/DC shirt on walked in. He was chewing gum - Ashton could see it from all the way back in the classroom and thought it was pretty gross - and gave the teacher a small wave. The man sighed and put his crayon down, rubbing the remainder of the white powder off of his hands. “Well, mister Hood, glad to see you’ve decided to join us after all,” he said sarcastically. The tanned boy grinned widely. “It’s always a pleasure, sir,” he replied, before walking down the aisle and throwing his backpack down on the table beside Ashton, not even bothering to look at him. Ashton inhaled shakily and tried to stop his hands from trembling by gripping his pen tightly. When he shot a brief glance to the side, he saw the tanned boy looking at him. He was really good-looking, tall and muscular, with strands of black hair peeking out from underneath his snapback. Chocolate brown eyes were looking Ashton over and he blushed again. Finally, the boy raised his hand - making Ashton flinch, but if he even noticed it, he didn’t say anything about it, which Ashton was grateful for - and gave Ashton the same somewhat awkward wave he had given the teacher.

“Hey, I’m Calum,” he said. “Don’t think I’ve seen you around before.” Ashton shook his head and gripped the edge of his table tightly in an attempt to stop himself from shaking so badly. “No, ‘m new here,” he mumbled, avoiding the boy - Calum’s - gaze.

“Ah, I see. You already had a tour or do you need me to show you ‘round?” Ashton looked at him in surprise. He’d only met two people so far and both of them had been nice to him. He gave himself a minute to process everything and then turned back to Calum.

“I’ve already had a tour. Thanks, though.” He managed a small but gentle smile that Calum returned. “No problem, man. Wouldn’t want the newbie to feel like he isn’t welcome here.” Calum winked and Ashton suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He gnawed at his bottom lip and tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace, and he quickly focused on taking notes again.

He and Calum didn’t speak for the rest of the lesson. The tanned boy was already out of the classroom before the bell rang.

When Ashton exited the classroom a few moments later, Luke was leaning against the wall, apparently waiting for _him_ , because he pushed himself off of the wall and walked over to Ashton as soon as he saw him.

“Hey,” he greeted him. Ashton smiled - honest to God _smiled_ , it actually reached his eyes this time - as he greeted the blond boy back.

As Luke launched some story about how his math tutor managed to accidentally sit in front of his chair instead of in it, resulting in the poor guy landing on the floor on his bum, Ashton allowed himself to feel like maybe - just maybe - he might’ve found a friend in Luke.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is kind of short but also kind of cute so I hope you like it anyway. :)

Ashton and Luke found themselves a table somewhere in the back of the school’s fairly big library. There were tons of shelves with countless books and Ashton found himself kind of fascinated - he had always been a fan of books, and the old, Greek style the library was made in combined with the faint smell of paper and ink and the comfortable silence immediately made him fall in love with the place. (He was too busy admiring the high ceiling, that was beautifully decorated with ornaments, and gaping at the massive amount of books, to see the fond look and gentle smile on Luke’s face when Ashton’s mouth dropped open in awe.)

The table they were currently sitting at was Luke’s regular spot. It was kind of secluded, a bit hidden away behind a shelf in one of the corners. It was quiet and peaceful, most students didn’t even see them through the wall of books they were hidden behind, and they didn’t even have to whisper in order to not disturb others - they were far away enough.

Luke carelessly flung his bag on the table and flopped down in one of the five chairs. He sat back and watched Ashton as the other boy took a chair and slipped into it slowly, whimpering a bit and freezing, unaware of the blond boy’s eyes on him. Ashton took a few breaths before properly installing himself on the chair, but his face showed that he was still in pain.

Ashton’s slight limp had completely disappeared, but his ribs weren’t fully healed yet. He still had support bandages wrapped around his torso and they hurt occasionally - when he tried to sit down in a chair, for example. He gnawed at his lip to distract himself from the stinging pain in his chest - god, who knew broken ribs could hurt this much? - and forced himself to focus on the homework his maths teacher had assigned. His lip started bleeding soon, though, from him biting on it too harshly, and he winced at the metallic taste in his mouth. He put his pen in between his teeth to prevent himself from biting on it more and tried to keep his attention on his homework, but that didn’t work when Luke tapped him on the shoulder softly. Ashton started nonetheless, moving away from the other boy on instinct, but softly crying out in pain when his ribs protested. Luke frowned.

“What’s going on, Ash? Are you in pain? What happened?” The boy looked genuinely worried and Ashton bit his lip again, not even noticing the blood anymore, as he wrapped his arm around his ribs lightly, in an attempt to relieve the pain - which didn’t help, of course. Luke’s frown deepened and he reached out for Ashton’s lip, but stopped himself as the poor kid turned his head away and whimpered slightly, fear evident in every tiny movement he made.

“Shh, Ash, I’m not gonna hurt you,” Luke soothed him, and Ashton peeked at him carefully. Luke’s pierced lips curled up in a soft smile and he reached out to Ashton’s face again, gently prying his bottom lip from underneath his teeth and wiping away the blood that came off with it. He then continued to caress Ashton’s cheekbone softly, keeping eye contact the entire time to make the boy feel a bit more at ease. It seemed to work - Ashton relaxed a bit after a few more moments. The tension left his shoulders and he leaned into Luke’s touch slightly.

“There you go,” Luke murmured. Ashton glanced up at him through his eyelashes, still looking a bit doubtful, but at least he didn’t seem to be scared anymore.

“Now tell me what’s going on,” Luke demanded, but kept his voice down so as to not frighten the other boy again. Ashton turned his gaze to the floor and tried to bite his lip again, but Luke was having none of that; he gently put his thumb on Ashton’s lip and pulled it away from his teeth, then put his index and middle finger under the boy’s chin and forced him to meet his eyes. After a short silence Ashton opened his mouth and spoke.

“I... I just- it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he stuttered. When Luke sighted, frustrated, worried and confused by this secluded boy, Ashton squeezed his eyes shut, fearing he annoyed Luke exactly like he always seemed to annoy his father.

“Hey, hey,” Luke soothed him, “don’t be afraid of me. I might look scary, but I won’t hurt you. I’m not _that_ much of a dick.” Ashton let out a soft giggle at that and reopened his eyes, looking straight into Luke’s baby blue ones.

“I broke my ribs a few weeks ago,” Ashton blurted suddenly, taking himself by surprise. “It- it was stupid. I just fell, landed unfortunately. They’re still healing and they hurt sometimes, but I’m fine.”

Luke kept staring straight into his eyes, making Ashton squirm, feeling like the tall, scrawny blonde had the ability to look through him, to see his soul. Eventually, he nodded and sat back down in his chair. “That sucks, man. I hope they heal soon.” Ashton managed a small smile and a ‘Thank you’, gaining a bright smile back and Luke ruffled his curls a bit.

And for once, Ashton didn’t even flinch.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, here's a longer chapter to make it up.

Ashton and Luke were getting closer and closer as time passed. They’d only met about two weeks ago, but Ashton was already very fond of the quiffed blonde with his sparkling blue eyes, ripped black clothes and tattoos and piercing. Luke wasn’t as dangerous as you’d think he’d be. Underneath all the inked skin and ripped skinny jeans actually was a big heart. Ashton was pretty sure Luke wouldn’t hurt a fly. He had noticed some things about the tall boy, though. Like how he scowled at pretty much everyone he saw, and how he ignored most people when they tried to say something to him, and how he was rude to the few he _did_ answer. He seemed to dislike every single person in school, except for Ashton, which left the curly-haired boy flabbergasted. He hadn’t had friends in quite a long time, and then suddenly there was Luke, who was _cool_ and couldn’t care less about what other people thought of him, and who wanted to be friends with Ashton who for some reason didn’t understand that in the _slightest_. But it’s not like he was complaining. He hadn’t thought he’d needed a friend, but it was actually rather nice to finally have someone to talk to, have a laugh with and stuff like that. Ashton hadn’t realised how much he _craved_ this until he got it - and now that he had, he didn’t plan on letting go anytime soon.

Thanks to Luke, he had been feeling _okay_ lately. Sure, the urge to cut himself was still there, but not as heavy as it had been once, and he didn’t cut every day anymore. He was even contemplating going back to drumming, so he and Luke could make some music sometime.

He’d been having more good days than bad, lately, and he was starting to let his past go. He started looking at the time of his life that was still in front of him rather than behind him, and that was a good thing to do as he started seeing the good things of life besides the bad.

 

-

 

But, of course, there were still bad days, and today, everything seemed to be going wrong.

Firstly, he’d had a nightmare that night, resulting in him waking up at four in the morning, soaked in cold sweat and unable to go back to sleep. When he finally drifted off, he slept through his alarm, which meant he couldn’t take a shower and he had to skip breakfast and rush to school, only worsening his already bad mood. He didn’t even make it in time, despite his rush, which resulted in him entering the classroom looking like a wreck, panting and face flushed red, and all eyes were on him. The teacher didn’t look very happy, but he let it slide, mainly because Ashton was the new kid. Ashton quickly walked over to the last free seat in the classroom and slumped down in it, trying to hide himself in his sweater and avoiding eye contact with the person he sat next to. He had maths now, so Luke wasn’t there.

“Hey, it’s Ashton, right?” a voice next to him asked. Ashton looked up at the boy who had spoken, recognising him as the tanned boy he’d met on his first day. The boy - Calum, he now recalled - was looking at him expectantly, but he didn’t look aggressive, so Ashton nodded. “Yeah, why?” he asked. He’d only spoken to the guy once - on his first day, actually, when Calum had been the one to come in late and had sat next to Ashton. Every lesson after that, there had always been a player of the football team next to Calum - he was on the team himself, captain even, Ashton had noticed. It was quite hard not to notice, as everyone knew and the team walked around in their jerseys often enough.

“What, why? Do I need a reason to know your name?” Calum asked, and Ashton thought that _yes, you do,_ because nobody had ever wanted to know Ashton’s name, and he was still a bit overwhelmed every time someone talked to him without insulting him.

Ashton just shrugged in response to Calum’s question and turned to the blackboard, taking notes and starting on the work the teacher assigned them. The tanned boy made him feel a bit uncomfortable somehow, with his attitude that unintentionally screamed _I rule this place_. Ashton had been involved with that kind of people before, and he didn’t want to go through that shit again. So he didn’t speak to Calum unless the guy spoke to him first, trying not to seem rude at the same time in order to not piss him off.

His day went even further downhill when lunchtime came and Luke was _nowhere_ to be seen. Ashton tried to ignore the nagging feeling inside his chest that clearly said _He doesn’t want to be your friend, you moron_ and pulled out his phone to text Luke.

_To: Luke_

_Hey man where are you?_

He quickly pressed _send_ before his anxiety got in the way and put his phone on the table, staring down at it agitatedly until the screen lit up a mere minute later with a reply from Luke.

_From: Luke_

_Im not feeling well, staying home today. Sorry_

Ashton bit his lip, because _fuck_ how was he going to survive a whole day at school without Luke by his side to scare people off? He immediately punched himself inwardly for being selfish and typed a reply.

_To: Luke_

_Aw, hope you feel better soon_

He hoped it wasn’t totally lame that he’d sent _aw_. Luke’s reply came within a minute once again.

_From: Luke_

_Thanks (: hope youll be okay tho_

Ashton frowned for a minute, because _how could Luke know that he was freaking out?_ But then he realised that he probably hadn’t been able to hide his anxiety from the other boy very well, then he freaked out for a bit because _Luke must think he’s a total weirdo,_ but a small smile curled the edges of his mouth upwards, thinking of how Luke apparently was worried about him.

_To: Luke_

_Dont worry im fine. Just come back soon kay?_

Now he just hoped he didn’t sound too clingy and _fuck why was he overthinking everything?_

_From: Luke_

_I will Ash (:_

 

-

 

Ashton sunk down on his bathroom floor that evening. School hadn’t necessarily been bad, but without Luke, it hadn’t been good either. He’d bumped into some seniors in the hallway, who hadn’t appreciated that very much and had showed it by shoving him into the wall and muttering some curses into his ear. Ashton pretended not to be bothered by it - they were just some grumpy seniors, after all - but that evening, all the things that happened today came rushing back to him and he suddenly felt like utter shit, more so than usually, and he’d fled to the bathroom and locked the door. His mom was out for the night, taking a late shift at her work, so Ashton didn’t have to worry about getting caught. He stripped of all of his clothes, save his boxers, then pulled the razor out of the cabinet he hid it in and pressed it to his arm, not too close to the veins on his wrist. He pushed it into his skin with force and pulled it down swiftly. He hissed at the sting it brought, but kept going; it felt good. He needed this.

He only stopped when he started feeling light-headed, pressing some toilet paper against the fresh cuts to stop the bleeding before washing the blood off of his arms and the floor and crawling in his bed, pulling his phone out and opening his conversation with Luke. He hesitated briefly before typing out a message.

_To: Luke_

_You feeling any better?_

The reply was almost instant, just like they had been in the cafeteria in school, like Luke was waiting for Ashton to text him.

_From: Luke_

_Yeah im alright Ill be back tomorrow probably_

Ashton breathed a sigh of relief. He was getting too dependent on Luke. At his old school he had never needed any friends, and now he could barely even survive one day without him - quite literally.

_From: Luke_

_Are you okay?_

Ashton pulled a face - what was he going to say? He didn’t want to lie to Luke, but he also didn’t want him to worry or something. He bit his lip, thinking of a way to reply and avoid both.

_To: Luke_

_Ill be fine_

Not even ten seconds later, his phone rang, screen flashing Luke’s name. Ashton frowned, but pressed ‘accept call’ and put the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

 _“Ash?”_ Luke’s voice was a bit hoarse and he muffled a few coughs. _“What’s going on?”_

Ashton bit his lip and stared at the angry red lines covering his left arm. “Nothing.”

_“It’s not nothing, I can hear it in your voice. Something’s up - something has been up since the day we first met - even before that, hasn’t it?”_

Ashton could almost feel Luke’s intense, worried stare, with those baby blue eyes looking straight through his mask. He sighed. “I- um, no, don’t worry. It’s stupid, really,” he muttered. Luke made a little disagreeing noise.

 _“It’s not stupid if it makes you upset, Ash,”_ he said matter-of-factly. _“Please tell me what’s wrong? I’m worried about you.”_

Ashton sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know,” he said softly, glancing at his cuts.

_“Trust me, I do.”_

Ashton started playing with the white duvet he was sitting on. “I don’t think I’m ready to tell you yet,” he whispered, not trusting his voice. He didn’t want to lose Luke, which he surely would if he told him what was wrong. “Just don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be fine. It’s just a moment, it’ll pass.”

Luke stayed silent for a few moments, before softly humming his agreement. _“Okay. You can tell me when you’re ready, alright? I don’t want to push you or anything but I also don’t want you to hurt.”_

“Okay,” Ashton answered. “Now, cheer me up?”

Luke chuckled, immediately starting to tell a story of some fight he had with his big brothers, and rambling on about this _amazing_ new Black Veil Brides album that was coming out soon. Ashton smiled, despite himself, throughout the entire phone call, and fell asleep with that smile still evident on his face after Luke had sang him a lullaby.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for panic attack! Please be careful <3

The next day, Luke indeed showed up at school again. He looked a bit pale - more so than usual - and he coughed quite a lot, but Ashton was just glad to have him around again, even though he was kind of grumpy. (He still looked quite ill, and Ashton suspected the only reason Luke came to school was because Ashton had been feeling down the night before, and he would be lying if he said that didn’t make his heart melt a little bit. Maybe even a lot.)

Luke was his usual self, despite that he still wasn’t feeling very well - he glared at every student he saw, didn’t pay attention in any class and was rude to most teachers. Ashton had never enjoyed it as much as he did now. He hadn’t realised how fond he had become of the blond boy until Luke had been gone for one day. Ashton had felt completely lost, even though he had been alone for the bigger part of his life and it should worry him that he was becoming so dependent of Luke, so _close_ to the boy, but he wasn’t because for some reason he felt like Luke wasn’t the kind of guy to let him down. Ashton felt like maybe he could trust Luke. Maybe Luke wasn’t like all the others. Maybe Luke would stay if he knew what was wrong with Ashton.

Maybe Ashton didn’t _need_ a soulmate. Maybe Luke was enough.

 

-

 

“I’m gonna kidnap you,” Luke cheerfully announced as he and Ashton exited the classroom after their last class of the day had ended. Ashton raised one eyebrow at the grinning boy and chuckled softly. “You know, it’s not really clever to say that, because now I’m gonna run,” he replied. Luke scoffed and narrowed his eyes at Ashton, but the grin stayed on his face, so Ashton knew he wasn’t really mad at him.

“Being a smartass now, aren’t we?” Luke grumbled. “You can run as fast as you want, I’ll catch you anyway.”

 Ashton just pouted at that and Luke aww’ed at him and pinched his cheek, causing Ashton to blush and giggle, shoving Luke away.

“I thought you were punk rock, not some over-enthusiastic old lady,” he teased the tall boy, making him throw his head back and bark out a laugh.

“I am totally punk rock, shut the fuck up,” Luke shot back, and Ashton just grinned, not taking offense or getting scared from the cursing like he used to.

“So, why exactly are you kidnapping me?” Ashton asked and Luke shook his head, grinning like a mad man. “If I say that, it won’t be a surprise anymore,” he teased, and Ashton groaned, only slightly annoyed. “I don’t like surprises, Lukey,” he whined, “just tell me where you’re taking me. If you’re kidnapping me I have the right to know.”

“If you know where we’re going, it’s not kidnapping anymore. That’s no fun,” Luke said in a tone that demanded no further argument.

“Now you kinda sound like a psychopath,” Ashton noted. Luke laughed loudly at that once again.

“Oh, but haven’t you heard? I am a psychopath. A serial killer. I like to take cute little curly-haired boys to a secret place and torture them.”

Ashton laughed.

He honest to God _laughed_.

It shocked himself so much that he put a hand over his mouth and stared at Luke in disbelief. The blonde looked surprised as well, but he started smiling soon. It was a small smile at first, but continued to grow bigger and bigger until it was a face-splitting grin, making him look like he was about to burst.

“You are so cute,” Luke muttered, gently taking Ashton hand away from his face and holding it in his own, slightly smaller one. Ashton looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined, and if his tummy felt like it had butterflies inside of it, nobody needed to know.

 

-

 

Luke had guided Ashton away from the school, through some blocks Ashton had never heard of before. Suddenly, Luke stopped, pulling Ashton closer to him and actually lifting him up and _throwing him over his shoulder._ Ashton squeaked (in a very manly way, shut up) and grabbed fistfuls of Luke’s shirt, holding onto it for dear life.

“Luke! What are you doing?!” he yelled. He was now pretty much hanging over Luke’s broad shoulder, the bone digging into Ashton’s stomach uncomfortably, legs dangling in front of Luke and his face aimed at the ground. Luke had one of his arms around Ashton, holding him in place like he was carrying an inanimate object.

“Relax, Ash, we’re almost there,” he said, his voice somehow comforting to Ashton, but he still didn’t release his death grip on Luke’s shirt until the scrawny but apparently strong boy put him down. They were standing at the edge of a forest. Ashton shot him a confused look - why had Luke brought him here?

After a short moment, Luke reached out and gently removed Ashton’s bandana from his hair. “What are you doing?” Ashton questioned as Luke inched closer to him. Luke smirked. “I’m gonna blindfold you. I’m doing this whole kidnapping thing properly.”

Ashton frowned. He didn’t really like the sound of that. It would mean that he would be quite helpless if something was to happen, and it’s not like he didn’t trust Luke, but at the same time he didn’t know if he completely trusted the boy.

Before he had the chance to object, though, Luke had put the bandana over his eyes and tied it in a knot at the back of his head. He then took Ashton’s upper arm and started guiding him forward.

Ashton tried to suppress the panic bubbling in his chest, but it pressed on his lungs harshly, making it difficult for him to breathe.

“Luke...” he whimpered. The blond boy immediately let go of him and took a step back, which only made Ashton panic more. He was standing in the middle of the woods, blindfolded and on the brink of having a panic attack.

“Ash? Are you okay?” Luke sounded worried. Ashton breathed in sharply and tried to suppress the trembling of his body.

“Luke, I don’t like this,” Ashton whimpered, starting to full-on shake now, breathing raggedly and tears burning in his eyes.

“Hey, Ash, calm down, okay? I’m right here,” Luke said, reaching out to touch Ashton’s bicep hesitantly. Ashton immediately leaned into the touch, desperate to get to Luke because he was freaking out and he needed comfort. He was hyperventilating, not getting enough air into his lungs, only making him panic even more. As he gripped onto Luke tightly, he tripped over a branch, causing him to fall down and release a sob. He wasn’t thinking straight anymore, every noise he heard was his father approaching him and the hands touching him were his father’s, trying to hurt him again. He sobbed loudly, trying to push the body in front of him back, trying to get _away_ , but the strong arms wouldn’t let him to.

Then the bandana was removed from his face and his eyes met a pair of bright blue ones, shaded with worry and guilt.

“Ash, please, calm down, babe. It’s okay, it’s just me, please, just breathe,” Luke pleaded, and Ashton buried his face in the blonde’s chest, sobbing silently and letting tears of memories and relief fall from his eyes. Luke wrapped his arms around him tightly, pulling him impossibly closer and rubbing his hands over the trembling boy’s back, whispering calming words into his ear and pressing a soft kiss to his temple every now and then.

After a while, Ashton finally calmed down. He kept his head on Luke’s chest, too embarrassed to look the boy into the eye. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, but Luke made a choked noise and pushed him away gently, holding him at arm’s length and studying his tear-stained face.

“What are you sorry for? _I’m_ the one who should say sorry, I made you have a panic attack. I swear to God, I didn’t mean to. I’m so, so sorry.”

He looked into Ashton’s hazel eyes, his own ones showing nothing but sincerity. Ashton sniffled and managed a watery smile. “It’s okay, don’t worry ‘bout it. I overreacted,” he said, voice sounding slightly choked even though he wasn’t crying anymore. Luke frowned and pulled Ashton into a hug.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t overreact,” he stated, feeling Ashton tense up in his arms. “But I won’t push you to say anything, don’t worry. Just tell me when you’re ready, okay? I’m here for you, no matter what, Ash.”

Ashton felt tears burning in his eyes again, only this time from what he thought was happiness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really content about this, but I hope you like it anyway!

“Why did you blindfold me in the first place?” Ashton asked Luke as they were walking through the forest side by side. Luke bit his lip and rubbed his neck awkwardly. “I um, I wanted to surprise you. Like, I didn’t want you to see where we were going until we were actually _there_ , you know? I just wanted to make you happy and I’m sure you’ll _love_ where we’re going and I’m so sorry about what happened.” Luke’s voice sounded thick with guilt and a bit worry and Ashton reached out to hold his hand to comfort him.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Ashton assured him. Luke gave him a look that said ‘I will continue to worry until you’re fine’ and Ashton just squeezed his hand and went to walk a bit closer to him.

“You can still do that, you know?” Ashton continued after a few moments of silence. “That whole surprise thing, I mean. But just, like, put your hands over my eyes or something, okay? I don’t like to feel helpless, so a bandana doesn’t work, but like, that doesn’t mean you can’t make it a surprise anymore.” Ashton glanced up at Luke through his eyelashes, hoping he made some sense, and the blonde grinned widely. “That sounds good! Okay, we’re almost there, so I’m gonna do that now, alright? I’ll make sure you don’t walk into anything.” Even though Luke was super enthusiastic, he still made sure he wasn’t going to hurt Ashton, which made the curly-haired boy smile. Luke carefully put his hands over Ashton’s eyes and guided him through the forest over the path they’d been walking on. They walked a lot slower now, because Ashton obviously couldn’t see anything and Luke had to guide his every step, but it was more than worth it when Luke removed his hands from Ashton’s eyes.

“Oh my god, Luke, this is beautiful,” Ashton said, completely in awe, gaping at the place Luke had brought them with open mouth. Luke grinned sheepishly and flopped down on the grass, patting the spot beside him. Ashton slowly walked over and sank down beside him, looking around in wonder.

Luke had brought him to a field in the middle of the woods. There was a bit grass, more than enough for them to sit on, but the rest of the place was completely _covered_ in flowers of all sorts and colours. There were tiny blue ones, elegant pink ones, white, purple, red, orange, green, and even some roses in different colours. It was like a gorgeous sea of colours and the most delicious scents Ashton had ever smelled. He kind of felt like he was in some sort of paradise - he’d always been intrigued by flowers, as strange as that may sound, and he didn’t know where to look. There was so _much_ to look at, this place was _ethereal_ , and the sparkle in Ashton’s eyes that he had long lost, returned.

Luke noticed it as well, grinning in fondness at the awestruck look on his friend’s face, and he suppressed the urge to go all ‘aww’ on the boy. Ashton was _grinning_ , complete with bright white teeth and dimpled cheeks, and Luke kind of felt like he was in paradise too.

Ashton rose from where he was sat beside Luke and all but _ran_ to the nearest group of flowers - daisies, Luke happened to know - and he carefully started to gather them. Luke watched him slightly confused and a whole lot amused - the usually jumpy and quiet boy seemed to have completely changed in this place, full-on grinning the entire time and even softly humming a tune, almost darting through the field of flowers like a newborn deer. Luke chuckled from where he was sitting cross-legged on the grass as Ashton jumped away from the daisies and pretty much hopped over to some forget-me-nots.

After a while of Ashton exploring the place and picking some flowers here and there, he sat down on the grass beside Luke, still smiling widely, his eyes sparkling like Luke had never seen them do before. Luke would be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised - he had figured Ashton would love this place, yes, but mainly because it was quiet and peaceful and you just _had_ to think it was beautiful, because it _was_ , there was no arguing in that. He hadn’t expected the curly-haired boy to be this _delighted_ , though. Not that he was complaining. Quite the opposite. He really liked this side of Ashton - the happy, frolic, carefree (and cute, let’s not forget that one) side that he’d never seen before.

Luke put his arm around Ashton’s waist, without really thinking about it, and he was going to retract it as soon as he realised what he was doing, as it would usually cause Ashton to tense up, but now he just leaned into the touch, shuffled a bit closer to Luke and rested his head on his shoulder. Luke tried his best to keep his face straight and settled for a lazy smile, softly brushing his lips against Ashton’s temple as he watched what the smaller boy was doing.

Ashton pressed his thumbnail into the stem of the flowers, effectively splitting them in two. Luke frowned because _why would he do that,_  but it started to make sense soon as Ashton then carefully weaved the stems together through the opening he had created. Luke watched as the boy that was pressed up against him kept working on it, tongue slightly poking out of his mouth in concentration. After quite some time of comfortable silence, Ashton’s smiled brightened and he proudly showed Luke his creation, looking a bit like a little kid in kindergarten.

It was a flower crown.

Luke now seriously had to bite his tongue in order not to squeal because _this was just the cutest thing in the world_. Ashton was sitting there, pressed up against his side, his big, innocent hazel eyes shining with happiness and holding a _fucking flower crown_ in his hands. Luke guessed he took a bit long to reply, because Ashton’s smile faltered a bit and he quickly put the thing down.

“Sorry,” he muttered, trying to pull away from Luke, but the blond boy just held him tighter and refused to let him go.

“You are literally the cutest thing I have ever seen, did you know that?” he asked Ashton, staring at the crown in awe. Ashton blushed and hid his face in Luke’s chest. “No, it’s stupid,” he mumbled, voice muffled by the fabric of Luke’s shirt. The blonde frowned and removed his arm from Ashton’s waist, gently pulling the boy down until he was lying with his head in Luke’s lap and the rest of his body sprawled out on the grass. Luke then took the flower crown and gently lifted Ashton’s head up a bit to be able to put it on his hair properly. Ashton started blushing furiously and tried to hide his face in Luke’s shirt, but the taller boy grabbed his hands and started playing with his fingers, causing Ashton to look up at him.

“Don’t you think this is, like, really weird?” he asked, sounding more than a little unsure. Luke smiled down at him fondly, carding his fingers through his curls as he shook his head.

“No, princess, I don’t. I think it’s adorable,” he answered, smirking slightly. Ashton made a soft offended noise and punched Luke in the chest, making him release a puff of air and a laugh. Luke continued to stroke Ashton’s hair as he started to softly sing a song.

_“After the blood, after the tears have fallen down like rain. A loaded gun shot through the years and heaven was to blame.”_

Ashton stared up at Luke’s beautiful features as the boy sang in the most mesmerizing way he had ever heard.

_“I’ll take on all your shattered dreams, I’d give you almost anything, a chance to rise above the fog. I swear these words are true, I believe in you.”_

Ashton’s eyelids started to get heavy as the soothing sound of Luke’s voice slowly but surely lulled him to sleep. Luke’s long fingers kept stroking through his curls, softly massaging Ashton’s scalp.

_“I’ll never let you down. I promise right here, right now, I won’t let you down. I’ll never let you down, our faith will silence the doubt. I’ll never let you down.”_

As Ashton finally fell asleep in Luke’s lap, holding hands with the other boy, he’d never felt more _whole_ in his life.


	14. Chapter 14

In only a matter of _weeks_ , Ashton was making great progress - both mentally and physically. His mom was the first person to notice the changes. She saw that her son was smiling more often and more genuinely. His sad and fake smiles were mostly gone, hopefully to never return. She noticed that Ashton didn’t go to school with reluctance anymore, but that he actually _wanted_ to go, and he _always_ got home in a good mood, something she hadn’t seen in _years_. He didn’t spend as much time cooped away in his room as before - he was downstairs more often, just lounging on the couch, watching TV or reading a book. She noticed he didn’t flinch every time when she got close to him, and he allowed her to hug him more and more. Some evenings, he even cuddled into her side, letting her hold him and pet his hair, feeling _loved_ for the first time in as long as he could remember.

His ribs had healed fully and barely hurt anymore - just an occasional sharp sting when he walked into someone or something, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t deal with. Most of his bruises had disappeared or faded. Just the darkest bruises - the ones that had been almost black a few weeks ago - were still visible, and would stay that way for a while, according to the doctor. He was okay with that, though - it’s not like he took his shirt off a lot, anyway. And when getting dressed for PE, well, he’d just make sure he had a spot in a corner, so he would be able to turn away from everyone in the changing room, so they wouldn’t see his chest.

His friendship with Luke had only grown stronger the past couple of weeks, much to Ashton’s surprise. He hadn’t expected the beautiful boy to put up with him for so long, but he was still there, and he didn’t seem to be tired of Ashton yet.

Despite the doctor’s advice, he hadn’t gone looking for a therapist. They didn’t have a lot of money - tot that he was _poor_ , but definitely not wealthy either -, so why waste it on something he didn’t want? He knew himself - he wouldn’t tell the therapist anything, and he didn’t need help. He could manage himself. He was doing a lot better after all, even without any professional help. He still cut, yes, but not as much as he used to.

Don’t get him wrong, he still crashed down sometimes. There were still days where he would be huddled up on the bathroom floor, razor in his hand, blood trailing down his arms. He would still cry himself to sleep some nights, he still had nightmares about the horror he went through. He wasn’t _fixed_ , no, he was still broken, still shattered. Torn into pieces that more often than not felt like they couldn’t be put back to how they were supposed to be.

But, just occasionally, he felt like maybe he wasn’t a hopeless case. Maybe he wasn’t broken beyond repair. Maybe, just maybe, he could be fixed. How, he didn’t know. But _Luke_ somehow seemed to make him feel that way.

Maybe he wasn’t unlovable after all.

 

-

 

“Hey, Ash?” Luke asked him, several weeks later. The two of them were sitting at their regular table in the library, Green Day blasting in their ears through shared headphones. Ashton was doing his homework - man, was history a handful - and Luke was doodling on a piece of paper Ashton had given him, because he had kept whining about how bored he was. (Luke never did his homework, he was _too punk rock for that, Ash, who wants to know all that shit anyway?_ )

“Hmm?” was Ashton’s response, only half paying attention as he had just found the paragraph in his book he had been looking for and started to scribble down the answer.

“How would you feel about coming over to mine after school? You know, just hanging out and stuff? Maybe make some music for a bit.”

A long blue line appeared on Ashton’s paper as his hand shot out in shock. He turned his head to look at Luke with wide eyes. The blonde was sitting there, awkwardly rubbing his neck - his nervous habit, Ashton had figured out -, a slight blush creeping up his cheek.

“I mean, you don’t have to, of course, I just thought it would be fun,” he mumbled. Ashton gaped at him for a few more minutes, his brain still not processing what was actually happening here. The only thought running circles through his mind was _What the actual fuck this can’t be happening what_ and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before he managed to finally form an answer. In the meantime, Luke had already turned back to his doodle paper, ripping it to shreds in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

“No- I mean yeah- I mean, that’d be nice,” Ashton stuttered, making Luke grin at him widely and ruffle his hair - also one of his habits. He did it more and more often - ruffling Ashton’s caramel-coloured curls, making them messy and stick up in all directions. Ashton huffed and shoved Luke’s shoulder playfully, earning a giggle from the blonde.

Ashton felt good.

 

-

 

When the final buzzer echoed through the school loudly, indicating the end of their day. Luke and Ashton walked through the hallways side by side, exiting the building and walking towards the parking lot.

“You came here with the school bus, didn’t ya?” Luke asked. Ashton nodded and hoisted his backpack a little higher up his shoulder. Luke smirked.

“Good,” he said, earning a confused look from Ashton. Not even a minute later, Ashton’s jaw dropped in surprise: Luke put on his black leather jacket and zipped it up, grabbing his keys from his pocket and unlocking a fucking _motor cycle_. Ashton gaped at the shiny black and silver vehicle, jaw practically on the ground.

“So, what do you think?” Luke grinned at him, proudly gesturing to the motor cycle. Ashton pushed his lower law back up again and walked over to Luke. “It’s amazing,” he said, slightly in awe. It was obvious that Luke took good care of it - it looked brand new, paint still shiny and not a scratch to be seen. Luke’s grin impossibly widened as he swung his leg over the vehicle and stretched his hand out to Ashton. The latter took it and clumsily climbed on the motor cycle behind Luke. The tall boy showed him where to put his feet in order for them not to be in the way or get burned by the heat of the engine, smirk never leaving his face. Ashton blushed as Luke grabbed his hands and put them around his own waist, causing Ashton’s back to be pressed up against Luke’s. He could smell the blonde’s shampoo and deodorant, as well as the leather of his jacket. Ashton carefully shuffled a bit backwards, to he wasn’t _that_ close to Luke anymore, but still kept his arms wrapped around his waist for security.

“You ready?” Luke asked, twisting the handle as Ashton nodded excitedly, making the engine roar and the motor cycle spring to life. Ashton yelped in shock and clung to Luke, pressing his cheek against the guy’s shoulder and squeezing his waist tightly.

“Relax, princess,” Luke chuckled, making Ashton blush, but he didn’t let go. Luke let the handle go momentarily to put his hand over Ashton’s and squeeze it reassuringly.

“I’ve got you.”


	15. Chapter 15

The ride to Luke’s house took about fifteen minutes, all of which Ashton spent with his face squashed against the leather of Luke’s jacket, breathing in the comforting scent and clinging to the boy like his life depended on it. (It probably did, seeing as Luke’s driving style was quite reckless.)

Ashton was so caught up in Luke’s warmth, the feeling of Luke’s stomach rising and falling slightly along with his breathing under his hands and Luke’s scent - a mix between cigarettes, shampoo and Axe deodorant - that he hadn’t noticed they weren’t driving anymore. He was still pressed up against Luke’s back, safely hidden away behind the taller boy’s broad figure, gripping onto Luke so tightly he was sure it would leave a mark.

“Um, Ash?”

Ashton lifted his head, carefully peeking over Luke’s shoulder, only to see that smirk still on the boy’s face.

“We’re at my house.”

“Oh.” Ashton blushed and quickly retracted his hands before letting himself slide off of the motor cycle. His balance was nowhere to be found, though, as he swayed and took a few steps before toppling over. Luke was there in time to catch him, however, gripping his bicep and pulling him back to his feet. Ashton turned a darker shade of pink as Luke laughed at him, quite embarrassed but not worrying too much about it because it was only Luke, and Luke was his _friend_.

“I swear to God, Irwin, you’re such a girl,” Luke teased him, still laughing as he guided Ashton to his front door. Ashton just giggled and shoved Luke away, making him trip, so he had to hold himself up by the front porch.

“Shut up, Hemmings, I’m not,” he shot back. He used to get upset when Luke would say things like that, but Luke had noticed that (like he always seemed to notice when something was wrong with Ashton) and assured him that he didn’t mean it in a bad way. It took him a few times, but eventually, Ashton started to believe him, and now they seemed to be teasing each other back and forth constantly.

Ashton didn’t mind one bit.

“Are so,” Luke grinned, before unlocking the front door and pulling Ashton over the threshold behind him, making sure he didn’t trip, though.

“Oi, Lucas, get your lazy ass here and make me some food!” came a sharp voice from what seemed to be the living room. Ashton flinched and hid behind Luke’s back, not having expected it and _definitely not_ liking the swearing. The blonde ran a soothing hand down Ashton’s spine and whispered some calming words in his ear before gently putting his hands over the trembling boy’s ears and raising his voice.

“Make your own food, you dickhead! I’m not your fucking servant.”

“Will you two tone it down? I’m trying to watch Supernatural here, for fuck’s sake,” a third voice grumbled from another room. Luke rolled his eyes and took Ashton’s hand, gently dragging him to the living room. Ashton followed him reluctantly, subconsciously making himself as small as possible.

“Brothers,” Luke chuckled sarcastically, “always so much fun.” Ashton giggled, but still felt nervous because Luke’s two brothers kept yelling at each other. (“Why do you even watch that stupid show anyway?” - “Say that one more time and I swear to God I will rip your head off!” - “Just shut up and make me food, you moron!”)

The yelling died down once Ashton and Luke reached the living room, though. A blonde guy was sitting on the couch, playing a video game - Call of Duty, Ashton noticed - and raised his eyebrow at the two of them.

“Aww, our little Lukey brought a guest. Try to keep it quiet, okay? I don’t want another sleepless night because your one-night stand can’t shut up.” Ashton turned as red as a tomato and tried to pull himself away from Luke’s grip, but the taller boy held him tightly and shot his brother a death glare.

“Shut the fuck up, Ben. Ashton’s just a friend. Oh, and if we were to do something tonight - which we aren’t - I’d make him be loud just to annoy your stupid ass.”

Ben flipped him off and stood up, extending his hand to Ashton, who flinched and grabbed fistfuls of the back of Luke’s tank top. Luke stood in front of him protectively and swatted Ben’s hand away.

“Back off man, you’re scaring him,” he huffed, keeping one hand on Ashton’s arm the whole time to make sure he didn’t freak out. “Ash, this is one of my big brothers, Ben. I’m sorry about the yelling and stuff, he doesn’t mean any of it. He loves me very much.”

“Of course I do,” Ben grinned, his smile almost identical to Luke’s. Ashton managed to compose himself, scolding at himself on the inside for not being able to keep his cool even though the boy wasn’t doing anything. He extended his own hand to Ben, who smiled and took it happily. “’M Ashton, nice to meet you,” he said as clearly as he could without letting his voice shake.

“Nice to meet you too,” Ben answered, before turning to Luke. “So, you brought a polite one for a change,” he winked, unpausing his video game and starting to play again. Luke just rolled his eyes, slapped the back of Ben’s head and dragged Ashton to the kitchen.

“Sorry about that,” he sighed, running a hand through his quiff. “He doesn’t mean bad, he’s a really nice guy actually. Just a bit rude to me, but eh, family, right?”

Ashton giggled a bit and leaned against the kitchen counter. “I’m sorry I overreacted like that, I didn’t mean to, just couldn’t help it,” he said softly. Luke left the drinks he was pouring for what they were and went over to Ashton, ruffling the smaller boy’s curls a bit, frowning slightly.

“Don’t apologise for things like that, Ash. You always do that, but it’s not your fault. And like I’ve said before, I’m pretty sure you didn’t overreact. Just tell me what happened that made you like this when you’re ready to, okay? And until then, tell me if something or someone makes you feel uncomfortable and I’ll fix it, alright?”

Ashton nodded and hesitantly, _so_ hesitantly, wrapped his arms around Luke’s torso, silently begging for a hug but keeping his grip loose enough so Luke could say no if he wanted to.

Apparently, he didn’t want to. Luke immediately pulled Ashton closer and embraced him with his scrawny, long arms. Ashton rested his head against Luke’s chest and listened to the blonde’s steady heartbeat. It calmed him.

“The yelling and swearing made me feel uncomfortable,” he mumbled. Luke momentarily tightened his grip before letting go carefully.

“Wait a minute, I’ll tell them not to when you’re around,” he promised, after which he went back to the living room and Ashton could hear him and Ben talking for a few moments before Luke strode over to the room where his other brother probably was. About two minutes later he showed up in the kitchen again.

“Well, that’s fixed,” he announced, grabbing the two glasses of coke he’d poured and beckoned Ashton to follow him. The blonde led the way up some stairs and shouldered open one of the doors. They entered what Ashton assumed was Luke’s bedroom, judging by the posters of bands Luke liked on the wall and the piles of clothes scattered all over the room.

Ashton liked it.

There was a guitar in one of the corners, which looked brand new - Luke obviously took good care of it. Luke dumped his backpack on his desk, which was occupied by a pile of schoolbooks that looked suspiciously untouched.

Ashton sat down on the bed and Luke flopped down on it beside him, stretching his arms out to Ash, making grabby hands at him and pouting a bit. Ashton grinned and leaned back until he was lying on the bed as well, wrapped up into Luke’s arms. The tall boy pressed his lips to the top of Ashton’s head and let them linger there for a while, making the smaller boy close his eyes and hum softly, enjoying the touch.

Then Luke started playing with Ashton’s fingers, intertwining them and tracing patterns in his skin. After a while he froze, though, his grip on Ashton’s hands becoming uncomfortably tight and Ash opened his eyes, looking up at Luke’s face. The blond boy had paled visibly, blue eyes wide as he stared down at their hands. Ashton frowned and followed his gaze, only to feel all the blood retract from his face.

His sleeve had ridden up a bit, causing a good part of his arms to be visible, along with his cuts.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for panic attack!   
> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think? It means a lot!

Luke slowly untangled himself from Ashton and stood up, leaving the other boy pale and frightened on the bed. He took a few steps backwards, away from the bed, unable to speak and eyes remaining focused on the countless lines on Ashton’s arm. He kept backing away until his back hit the wall and that’s where he froze, staring at Ashton, his blue eyes wide and looking absolutely _horrified_.

Ashton was still in the middle of the bed, staring at Luke and feeling like his world was falling apart. His chest tightened, the self-loathing flowing through it like a hurricane, leaving him gasping for breath. He wound his hands in his hair and tugged at his caramel-coloured locks, his chest heaving, trying to get air into his lungs. He curled himself up into a ball, tears streaming freely down his cheeks as his breath hitched in his throat more often than not, unable to breathe properly and feeling like he was suffocating, which he probably was. He choked on a sob and pressed his nails into his wrist firmly, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt little drops of blood starting to trickle down his arm. He vaguely heard a gasp from somewhere in the room, but his mind didn’t really register it - he was too busy freaking out.

“Ash, you need to calm down.” Luke sounded very far away and Ashton started to get dizzy, swaying slightly even though he was sitting down as the lack of oxygen now started to really kick in.

“Ashton, seriously, calm down, you’re hurting yourself. Please, babe, stop. Look at me. Ash, look at me,” Luke pleaded. Ashton felt a warm hand on each of his cheeks as Luke forced him to look into his blue eyes. Then Luke was climbing on the bed next to him and not even a second later, Ashton was engulfed in Luke’s long arms. He was still panicking, his wrist was still bleeding slightly and he still _couldn’t breathe, goddamnit._  Ashton vaguely noticed that his head was resting on Luke’s shoulder and the other boy’s hands were running up and down his back in an attempt to calm him. Soft, pink lips were pressing sweet, tiny kisses on his forehead, cheeks and hair, and his legs were entangled with Luke’s scrawny, freakishly long ones, but his lungs were still _fighting_ for air and was it just him or was the room spinning?

“Ash, please, please just _breathe_ ,” Luke sobbed, panicking himself as he saw Ashton struggling for air. He put one hand on Ashton’s chest and the other on his cheek, forcing the curly-haired boy to look at him. He felt tears pricking in his eyes as they locked with hazel ones. Tears were still gushing from them and the only emotions they displayed were sheer panic and agony. Ashton’s mouth was opening and closing like a fish on the shore, gasping for breath but unable to _grasp_ it.

“Try to copy my breathing, okay? You’ll be fine, I promise. Just breathe,” Luke choked out, trying to keep his own tears at bay as Ashton gasped brokenly and tried to inhale. After a few attempts he _finally_ managed to take a breath, though it was still very shaky, but at least he was breathing again. Luke kept breathing exaggeratedly deep and slow, and it took a good fifteen to twenty minutes, but eventually Ashton managed to breathe properly. Luke let out a sigh of relief and pulled the boy closer, placing his chin on Ashton’s head and just holding him tight. Ashton was still crying mutely, holding fistfuls of the fabric of Luke’s shirt in a death grip.

“Sorry,” he whispered eventually, voice cracking even at that one word. “I’m so sorry, Luke, you weren’t supposed to find out, especially not like this. I’m so sorry.”

Luke shook his head, pulling Ashton higher and closer and tightening his grip even more, a few tears escaping his eyes, despite that he was trying his best to keep them in. He never cried. That was _so_ not punk rock. But when he sat there, holding this crying, _broken_ boy in his arms, he couldn’t help it. He also didn’t have it in him to really care. Ashton was _hurting_ , and Luke just wanted that to _stop_.

“Stop saying you’re sorry all the time,” he whispered back, pressing a kiss to Ashton’s curls. “Please, tell me why you do it?” he added a bit hesitantly, afraid Ash would have another panic attack but also thinking he had waited long enough. Ashton was worse than he had thought, and the poor boy needed help. He wasn’t gonna let it go any longer. He needed answers, and he needed them _now_.

“No, please don’t make me say it. You’ll know how much of a freak I am and you’ll leave and I don’t want you to leave, Luke, I need you, and-” Luke shushed him and petted his hair a little, playing with one of the curls while rubbing soothing patterns in Ashton’s back with his other hand.

“I know you probably won’t believe me right away,” Luke said after a while, when he figured out what he was going to say, “but it’s true, and I’ll prove it over time. I am _not_ going to leave you, Ash, no matter what. And knowing that you do... _that_... to yourself, doesn’t make me look at you any differently.” Ashton let out a muffled sob and clung to Luke’s shirt even more. The blonde just pressed another kiss on his forehead, lingering for a bit before he continued his little speech.

“I’m gonna help you, okay? I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, but just, like, call me if you feel like you need to...” He choked on the word and bit his lip to keep it from trembling. “Just call or text me or even come over if you need me, alright? It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night, or any other time. I don’t want you to do _this_ -” he carefully pulled the sleeve of Ashton’s sweater up to reveal the cuts on his arm, “to yourself anymore. Promise me you’ll at least try?”

It stayed silent for a long time and Luke was just about to speak up again when Ashton’s small voice broke the silence.

“Okay.”

Luke pressed a soft kiss to his nose in reward. “Good. Thank you.” Then he sat up a bit more and positioned himself and Ashton in such a way that they were still half holding each other, but they were also able to properly look at each other.

“Why?” was all Luke asked, and Ashton shook his head and avoided the blonde’s gaze. Luke frowned and grabbed Ashton’s chin gently, forcing the boy to look at him.

“I won’t judge,” Luke promised him, “just tell me.”

Ashton closed his eyes, a few tears escaping from under his eyelids as he realised he had no choice but to tell his only friend the reason why he had never had any friends in the first place. He took a few deep breaths before speaking up, his eyes still closed and biting his lip anxiously right after. His voice was barely above a whisper and if it hadn’t been so quiet in the room, Luke wouldn’t have heard him.

“I don’t have a soulmate.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short and shitty. Sorry.

Ashton squeezed his eyes shut as soon as the words left his mouth. He didn’t know what exactly he was expecting, but what really happened, he’d _definitely not_ considered an option.

Well, nothing really happened.

A silence fell between the two boys. One of Luke’s hands kept rubbing soothing circles into the skin of his arms and the fabric of his sweater, and the other kept playing with his fingers gently, intertwining and detangling them over and over again. Ashton could hear Luke’s heartbeat - or feel it rather than hear it, but well, same thing - from where his head was resting on the blonde’s chest and one of his hands was still fisting Luke’s top. The silence stretched on for so long that Ashton didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He started fidgeting and shifting in Luke’s lap and he was getting more and more worried by the second and Luke was just sitting there, not making a damn sound.

Finally, after what felt like _hours_ to Ashton, Luke spoke up.

“Okay. And?”

Ashton tensed up in Luke’s arms and cleared his throat, a confused frown on his face. “What do you mean ‘and’? That’s it. That’s the reason I’m like _this_ ,” he said, voice trembling slightly. He bit his lip and avoided Luke’s gaze.

“Ash, the fact that you don’t have a soulmate can’t make you as scared as you are,” Luke said softly. Ashton could hear the frown in his voice. He pushed away from Luke and got off of the bed, getting quite frustrated because Luke just didn’t _get it_.

“Don’t tell me that’s not possible, because that is _exactly_ the reason why I’m like this,” he hissed, unable to talk any louder because his voice would crack for sure and he had already showed _so_ much weakness to Luke. “Why am I still here, though?” Ashton asked suddenly, not really sure if he was talking to himself or to Luke. “Why haven’t you kicked me out yet? Oh god, you must think I’m disgusting now. Of course you do, everyone does. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I -”

Luke got up from the bed and Ashton flinched, wincing when the door handle dug into his back uncomfortably.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Luke asked him, raising his hands slightly to assure Ash that he meant no harm. “Why would you say those things? Just because you don’t have a soulmate won’t make me hate you or anything.” He tried to take a step closer but Ashton flinched away from him again. “Why do you think so low about yourself?” he added in a whisper, looking a bit like a kicked puppy.

“Why?” Ashton repeated, growing more frustrated by the second and not even knowing where all this anger came from.

“Do you want to know why?” he hissed, rage evident in his hazel eyes and looking quite intimidating, even with drying tear tracks on his face. Luke subconsciously took a step back as Ashton strode forward, poking his index finger in the blonde’s chest. “Because everyone has always made that very fucking clear. I was bullied for it in my first school, they never left me alone. I got new bruises every single day. And when I got home, my dad was always there, and he was _so_ much worse. They all made it crystal clear that I’m nothing, that I’m worthless, that I’m not good enough for _anything_ or _anyone_ , that I should just go _die_ because all I always do is disappoint everyone and they would be better off without me. I’m not good enough for anyone to love, Luke, because _I don’t even have a soulmate_. I’m that much of a failure.” He sucked in a deep breath and retracted his arm, stepping away from Luke. The tall boy couldn’t do anything but stare at Ashton in shock, his brain needing time to process everything the curly-haired lad had just told him. Meanwhile, Ashton didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. Luke was looking at him with a mixture between confusion and horror and he very much wanted the ground to swallow him whole and never get out again.

“So, now you know why,” Ashton said softly, unable to talk louder because his voice was failing him and he _wasn’t going to cry again, goddamnit_. And Luke was still just standing there, not saying anything and Ashton couldn’t take it, so he just grabbed his backpack and made his way downstairs and out of the house, ignoring the confused looks Ben and Jack shot him when he passed them.

He shivered when the cold air hit him - of course he forgot his coat when he left the Hemmings residence - but inside he just felt numb. Of course Luke wouldn’t want him anymore, now that he knew Ashton’s secret - the one he’d intended to _keep_ a secret, this time. He messed up big time, like he always seemed to do, just when things had started to get better, and now he was back at square one.

When he got home, he sank down on the bathroom floor once again, with the need to drown out every single bit of the nagging pain he felt in his chest.

His phone, which he had ditched on his bed, kept vibrating, Luke’s name appearing on the screen again and again.

Ashton didn’t hear it. He just kept going.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning once again! Be safe <3

Michael didn’t understand.

He had been feeling better lately. After his soulmate’s suicide attempt, his entire body had been covered in cuts and bruised, but they had mostly disappeared - there were only scars left to remind him of what had happened. No new bruises had appeared and Michael figured that they’d finally gotten away from whomever had done that to them. He certainly hoped they did.

His soulmate seemed to be getting better themselves as well. They used to cut every day, sometimes more than once a day, but the past few weeks there had been days when no new cuts had appeared. It wasn’t over yet, though, Michael knew that. He still had fresh cuts on his arms multiple times a week, but not as many as before and not on his wrist - more up his arm, near his elbow, a bit away from the veins. It was like his soulmate didn’t cut in order to die anymore, but for another reason. Maybe they couldn’t stop, maybe they felt like they deserved it - Michael didn’t know.

But now, it was crashing down again. Apparently, something had happened today, because it was barely even six o’clock and he was sitting on his bed with Calum playing a videogame when his arms had started tingling. He dropped the controller in shock, causing his character in the Mario Kart game they were playing to drive off the track. Calum yelled in excitement of his victory at first, but his grin immediately dropped when he saw the expression on Michael’s face - the red-haired boy was even paler than usual and he looked like he was going to be sick.

“Mikey? Are you okay?” Calum asked warily, feeling kind of dumb because he obviously _wasn’t_ , but he didn’t know what else to do or say. Michael sucked in a breath and pushed his sleeve up his arm with a shaky hand. Calum gasped sharply and Michael felt like he was going to faint as he let out a soft whimper. The almost white skin of his arm was decorated with bright red gashes, quite a bit deeper than what Michael had gotten used to in the past few weeks. He couldn’t move, he felt like he was frozen; all he could do was stare down at the cuts and try to keep his tears in.

Calum crawled up to him and engulfed the older boy in a hug. Michael pressed his face against Calum’s neck and breathed in shakily, holding onto Calum like a lifeline.

“I’m so sorry, Mikey,” the tanned boy whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Michael’s head. “I wish there was something I could do.” Michael seemed to tense up at that and carefully pulled away from Calum’s arms. “But there _is_ something I can do,” he said, half to himself, half to Calum. The dark-haired lad pulled his eyebrows together in confusion. “What? What do you mean?”

But Michael had already rushed to the bathroom and was rummaging through the cupboard under the sink. Calum followed him, looking at him like he had completely lost it. And maybe he had, Michael thought, but he couldn’t care less at the moment - he needed to help his soulmate.

Finally, his fingers curled around what he’d been looking for and he quickly retracted his arm. Calum’s eyes widened as he saw what Michael held in his hand and he stepped forward immediately, attempting to take the object away from Michael before he could put it to use, but whimpering helplessly when the older boy pushed him away.

“Michael, no, please don’t do that,” Calum begged him, but Michael just glanced at him with a sad look in his eyes, silently apologising through their eye contact, before he gently but sternly pushed Calum out of the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Calum started panicking, pounding on the door with both fists at the same time and yelling Michael’s name over and over again. The two boys were home alone - they were at Michael’s place, Daryl was at the police station where he worked and Karen had to do paperwork at the school - so no one would be able to help.

The red-haired boy sat down on the floor with his back pressed against the bath tub, just like that day a couple of weeks ago, when his soulmate had tried to kill themselves. He took his flannel off, leaving him shirtless, and discarded it on the floor, ignoring Calum’s desperate calls of protest and breaking the head off of the razor he’d taken from the cupboard. His hands shook as he took out one of the blades and pressed it to the inside of his upper arm, taking a few deep breaths because _was he really going to do this? This was probably a very bad idea_.

But he did it anyway.

He pressed down harder and let out a choked whimper at the unpleasant feeling it brought, and he took a few seconds to compose himself before biting his lip and dragging the blade through his skin. His mouth fell open in a silent scream of agony, he couldn’t breathe for a few moments as the sharp, stinging pain flowed through his body. The razor blade dropped from his fingers and clattered on the ground, making Calum go silent for a brief second, before he started to try and break through the door with even more force than before. Michael thought he could hear the boy sobbing in between words - but he could be wrong. He let out a strangled cry himself, clutching his sore and bleeding arm in an attempt to reduce the pain. Blinking a few times, he forced the tears that were burning in his eyes away and took a good look at the cut. It was bleeding excessively - but that could also just be Michael freaking out over this, because he’d never done this before and the only time he’d ever seen this much blood was the one time he took a football to the nose and got a nosebleed - so he crawled to the cupboard, his left arm clutched to his chest, to get the first-aid kit.

He stopped dead in his tracks, though, when he heard a loud thud on the other side of the door, followed by some loud sobs - Calum had sunk down onto his knees, the thought of what Michael was probably doing to himself right now making him nauseous. Michael shakily stood up, his hand still covering the cut in order to stanch the bleeding, and walked over to the door, turning the lock. Calum, who hadn’t expected the door to open and was leaning on it with his entire weight, fell face first onto the bathroom floor. He hurriedly got up and grabbed Michael’s arm, his eyes wide from shock and fear and his cheeks wet from tears. A choked sound escaped his lips and he scurried over to grab the first-aid kit, effectively bandaging Michael’s arm before pulling the older boy in for a bone-crushing hug.

“Don’t _ever_ do that again,” Calum sobbed, burying his face in Michael’s shoulder as he gripped onto Michael like he was afraid that the boy would disappear if he let go. “I was so scared.” Michael hugged him back slightly uneasily. “I promise,” he whispered, closing his eyes and rubbing his hands over Cal’s back to calm him down.

As soon as the tanned boy pulled back from the hug, Michael took a good look at his arms. From the moment he’d made his cut - his first and last, he decided - no more cuts from his soulmate had appeared. Michael breathed a sigh of relief. (He’d actually meant to carve a heart in his skin to show his soulmate that he loved them, but apparently the once slice he’d made had been enough for them.)

They were good. For now, at least.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.

Ashton was confused.

He hadn’t even come _near_ his upper arm with the razor blade, yet there was a bright red line carved into the skin. It wasn’t very deep and it wasn’t bleeding, but the weirdest thing was that he couldn’t feel it _at all_.

He carefully put his blade down and traced his hands over the cut, frowning when he didn’t feel any pain, even though the cut was deep enough to have split his skin - he _should_ be able to feel it, yet he _wasn’t_ , and just _what the hell was going on here?_

Eventually, Ashton just shrugged to himself, writing it off as a mixture of numbness and adrenaline, and he figured he probably just accidentally made the cut without realising. He leaned back against the wall, feeling a bit dizzy from blood loss. He knew he probably should go take care of the cuts right now, because the room was spinning and he felt weak, like he would collapse if he tried to stand up, but he couldn’t be bothered to get up - why would he? What did he have left to live for? He was _broken_ , he knew that, and he was pretty sure he was just annoying - or even worse, _disappointing_ \- everyone. He had hit rock bottom again - _God_ , why did he fall so easily? - and he’d just had _enough_. Memories of the hospital kept haunting him though, his mother’s tear-stained face and red eyes after he’d woken up in particular. Ashton knew he couldn’t put her through that again.

Despite this, he still couldn’t find the strength to get up. His vision was getting a bit blurry at the edges and when he tried to lift his arm, the movement was slow and laboured. He felt himself starting to sway and barely had the time to catch himself as he suddenly sped towards the ground, bumping the side of his head painfully with a thud and losing consciousness soon after.

 

-

 

Ashton woke up to the sound of Anne knocking on the bathroom door repeatedly, sounding worried.

“Ash? Sweetie are you alright? You’ve been in there for quite a while now...” Her voice trailed off and Ashton pushed himself up off the floor.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I was just- um- my hair’s a mess, it won’t cooperate, I’ll be out in a minute,” he croaked out, wincing at how terrible his voice sounded but hoping it was convincing enough. His mom stayed quiet for a few seconds before mumbling an ‘Okay’ and leaving his bedroom. When Ashton was sure she wouldn’t come back, he got up on his feet and took a good look at his arms, feeling nausea coming up when he saw that his entire forearms were _covered_ in dried blood. Shakily, he gripped onto the edges of the sink tightly, opening the tap and washing the dark red substance off his skin. He pointedly didn’t look at his arms after that and exited the bathroom, putting on a hoodie before he made his way downstairs to get dinner.

 

-

 

Ashton did _not_ want to go to school the next day. He was absolutely exhausted - he hadn’t got much sleep that night - and he absolutely _dreaded_ confrontation with Luke that was sure to come. The only class he didn’t have with Luke today was his free period - the blond boy had maths in that hour. Ashton would just have to find a way to avoid Luke, because he wasn’t sure if he could handle whatever the blonde was going to say or do to him at this moment. He knew it was going to come eventually, and he would just be avoiding the inevitable, but he needed a little more time.

 

-

 

His first class of the day was literature, which was okay - it wasn’t his favourite subject, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t like it - and the teacher was actually a really nice guy.

The only problem would be Luke.

Ashton made sure he entered the classroom when Luke was already in there, so the tall boy wouldn’t be able to go and sit next to him. He quickly slid into a seat in the front row, which was almost empty most of the time, and he could feel Luke’s burning gaze from where he was seated in the back of the classroom.

Then the bell rang and Ashton grabbed his books from his backpack as the teacher cleared his throat to silence the students.

“Mr Hemmings, sit down please. We’re going to continue reading the story we started on two weeks ago,” the teacher said. Ashton heard Luke grumble from the back of class and flop back down in his chair. He silently breathed a sigh of relief, grabbing the story he was supposed to read and taking a pen to underline the important parts.

 

-

 

Ashton used the same tactics for the classes he had with Luke for the rest of the day. When his free period came around, he went to the library by himself and sat down at the table he always used to sit at with Luke. There were relatively many students in the library - Ashton saw the entire football team lounging on and around two of the tables, clearly annoying some of the other students because they were really loud, but no one dared to say something about it. They were tossing a football back and forth, eating chips and other snacks in the meantime. Ashton shifted a bit in his chair, feeling a bit uncomfortable because of the football players, but he tried to ignore them and started doing his homework.

It was all good for a while, Ashton was making great progress with his homework and the football team was nothing more than annoying - Ashton relaxed quite soon.

That changed quite soon, though, because the football they had brought with them for some reason came flying to Ashton, hitting him on his upper arm. He didn’t know if they’d meant to or if it was an accident, but he started shaking anyway when one of the boys came up to him.

“Shit, mate, I’m sorry. You alright?”

Ashton flinched as the boy stretched out a hand, backing away until his back his a bookshelf. The football player eyed him worriedly and Ashton cringed under his gaze. He now recognised the boy as that Calum guy that had sat next to him in maths a couple of times. Calum inched closer, trying to calm the curly-haired boy down, but Ashton whimpered involuntary and pushed back into the shelf even more, causing the books to dig into his back painfully. His eyes were focused on Calum’s hands, gazing at them warily, like he was afraid the tanned boy would hit him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Calum asked, sounding worried and unsure. He took another step closer and Ashton darted to the side, trying to get away from the tanned boy but stumbling over his own feet and taking a nasty fall to the hardwood floor. Calum muttered a curse under his breath, kneeling down next to Ashton to help him get up, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the state the other boy was in. Ashton was gasping for breath, his chest heaving and pulling his hair harshly. Calum didn’t know what to do, so he tried wrapping his arms around the shaking boy, as that always helped to calm Michael down, but Ashton whimpered and even _sobbed_ , so Calum started panicking as well.

“Oi, Cal, what did you do to him?” one of his teammates called. He awkwardly turned around on his heels and shot the guy a glare.

“Shut up, James, I didn’t do anything!” he said, still very worried. James walked up to them and pulled Calum away gently, looking at the shaking boy on the ground. Just as he wanted to help Ashton get up, an angry - _furious_ , actually - voice called out, making everyone, even the other students, cringe at the tone.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Get away from him!”

Luke came storming in, violently shoving James away so that he collided with Calum, almost making the both of them stumble and fall. Ashton turned to look at him, fear evident on his face and tears trickling down his cheeks. Luke’s heart broke at the sight. He crouched down next to Ashton and wrapped his scrawny arms around the boy, pulling him close. The two football players stood there somewhat awkwardly, watching the pair.

“Um, I’m sorry, I swear we didn’t mean to. He just-” Calum started saying, but was cut off by Luke’s death glare. “Get the fuck out of my sight,” the blonde hissed venomously, glaring at the tanned boy so intensely Calum cast his eyes downwards. “You’ve done enough damage.”

Luke scooped Ashton up in his arms and lifted him up bridle style, carrying him out of the library, ignoring any looks shot in their direction. When they reached the hallway, Luke carefully put the other boy down, but still supported him when he noticed that Ashton’s legs were shaking so badly that he could barely even stand.

“Are you alright? What did those fuckers do to you? I swear to God I’m gonna kill them,” Luke growled. Ashton tried to calm himself down and blinked his tears away.

“They didn’t do anything, it was an accident and I freaked. It was my fault,” he mumbled. Luke glared at him half-heartedly and pulled him in a hug.

“It wasn’t your fault. They’re all dicks anyway. I’ll make sure they won’t bother you again,” he assured Ashton. The curly-haired boy smiled softly and leaned his head on Luke’s shoulder.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened at my place the other day,” Luke then said, causing Ashton to tense up, but he didn’t pull away.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you run off like that but I was just taken aback. I’m not gonna let you be alone again, okay? I wanna be here for you, because you’re my friend, and a fucking _great_ one too, so please, stop avoiding me? I’m not judging you in any way if you’re worried about that or anything.” Luke bit his lip and looked at Ashton expectantly. Ash stared back with teary eyes and nodded slightly, tightening his grip on the blonde’s waist and sighing in relief. Luke wrapped his arms around Ashton’s torso and pulled him closer, carding his fingers through his curls.

“Oh, I also need to say that what you said made me kinda worried about you,” Luke confessed. “I don’t know what you’ve been through and I respect it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I think that it’d help you if you did.” Blue eyes met hazel ones and Ashton couldn’t help but relax as he saw the look in Luke’s eyes. “You can talk to me, you know that right? I’m here for you.”

Then Luke’s lips brushed Ashton’s forehead and he sighed contently, nodding a bit to Luke’s chest.

“I know.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for taking so long to get them together but it's gonna take quite a while still, I'm afraid.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Ashton asked Luke during lunch break in the cafeteria. The pair was sitting at their regular table in the back of the cafeteria, Ashton’s head leaning on Luke’s shoulder as the blonde was aware that he needed the physical contact right now. Luke made a small hurt noise and swung his arm around the smaller boy’s waist. “Because I love you,” he said, like it was nothing. Ashton almost choked on his own saliva but Luke didn’t seem to notice. “You’re the best friend I could’ve _ever_ asked for and you’re just such a cute little fluff I wanna protect you.” He blushed slightly but tried to ignore that as he ripped his sandwich in little pieces, glancing at Ashton almost shyly.

“I’m not,” Ashton mumbled, pointedly avoiding Luke’s gaze and staring at the grey table top. Before he got the chance to say anything else, Luke’s hand came up to his face and covered his mouth, effectively cutting off Ashton’s ability to speak. “Don’t you dare go there again. You’re _not_ worthless, or a failure, or everything you think you are. You’re just hurt, and I wanna fix you.”

Ashton scoffed, placing his hand over Luke’s to drag it away from his mouth. “I don’t have a soulmate, Luke. I can’t be ‘fixed’.” Luke narrowed his eyes and angrily threw his sandwich down on the plate, causing pieces of lettuce to fly across the table.

“Ashton, listen to me,” he said, grabbing the curly-haired boy’s chin to force him to look at him. “The fact that you don’t have a soulmate doesn’t change how _amazing_ you are. Who cares about that stupid soulmate system anyway?”

Ashton closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look into Luke blue ones. “My dad. The kids at my old school. Me,” he answered, voice barely above a whisper. If his eyes had still been open, he would’ve seen the pain in Luke’s when he said that.

“Well, I don’t,” the blond boy said firmly, causing Ashton to open his eyes in confusion. “I couldn’t care less about it. I do have a soulmate, yes, but to be honest, I don’t want them. I want to be able to make my own choice. I want to pick the one person I’ll be spending the rest of my life with _myself_. I don’t need some weird power or something to do that for me. So I don’t care that you don’t have a soulmate, Ash, because I will never have mine and I couldn’t be bothered less by that.”

Ashton looked into his eyes, trying to determine if he was lying, but all he could see was honesty and sincerity. He nodded slightly, tears burning in his eyes, and put his head back so it rested on Luke’s shoulder.

“What kind of a nickname is that, though?” he chuckled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “‘Cute little fluff’? What the hell, Lucas.” The blonde just chuckled softly and ran a hand through Ashton’s curls. “Well, you _are_ a cute lil’ fluff, don’t fight me on that. Or would you rather have me calling you ‘princess’?” Ashton blushed at the mention of that nickname and shrugged half-heartedly. “Honestly, I don’t care. They’re both nice,” he mumbled, blushing a darker shade of pink. Luke giggled and pressed a kiss to his soft curls. “Alright, fluff.”

They stayed like that in a comfortable silence for a while - Ashton even closed his eyes and just enjoyed Luke’s presence - until the blonde suddenly tensed up and put a protective arm around him. Ashton opened his eyes and glanced at Luke confusedly, following his stare and feeling the blood withdraw from his face as he saw what - or rather, _who_ \- Luke was looking at.

It was Calum.

He was walking up to their table with two other boys in tow. One was that James guy that was with him in the library earlier, and Ashton didn’t recognise the other - he had dyed-red hair and was wearing a sleeveless flannel with black skinny jeans and black boots. He looked... intriguing.

Luke was pretty much growling from somewhere deep in his chest as the jocks neared their table. He got up from his chair, pulling Ashton up with him and taking a protective stance in front of the smaller boy, one hand on his chest to make sure he stayed back.

“What do you want?” Luke demanded hostilely. He could feel Ashton starting to shake behind him and mentally cursed the three boys in front of him.

The tanned boy raised his hands defensively. “I was just gonna say sorry for what happened earlier. I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he said. Luke scoffed, taking a step closer to Calum so he was towering over the boy. “Yeah, well, it happened anyway, didn’t it?”

An awkward silence fell, in which Luke just glared daggers at the three other boys. Eventually Calum spoke up.

“I’m really sorry, okay? My name’s Calum by the way.” He offered Luke his hand, but pulled it back and rubbed his neck awkwardly when Luke didn’t even so much as glance at it. “D’you mind if I talk to him personally, you know, to properly apologise?” Calum asked, gesturing to Ashton, who was still hidden behind Luke’s body.

“You should be, good for you and yes, yes I do,” Luke replied, looking unimpressed and even disdaining. Calum’s face fell and his red-haired friend shot Luke a furious look.

“I just wanna say I’m sorry-” Calum tried, but Luke wasn’t going to back down. “You already did, he knows you are. I don’t want you coming close to him _ever_ again. You’ve done enough already,” Luke said, turning around to Ashton and pulling the boy away with him, an arm flung over his shoulders protectively. Ashton felt small, but he’d also _never_ felt safer in his life and he was _so_ grateful to have Luke.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Ashton mumbled, but Luke cut him off by squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “I know. I wanted to, though. I don’t want that asshole near you. He’s a football player, they’re all dicks anyway, no exceptions. And his dyed friend looked dick-ish as well.”

Ashton giggled and pressed himself further to Luke. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“We’re skipping classes for the rest of the day,” Luke suddenly decided, pulling Ashton with him to the wardrobe to retrieve their coats. “Our little spot in the woods is much more fun anyway.”

Ashton smiled widely at that, dimples showing, making Luke coo at him as they exited the school.

“Thanks for doing this,” Ashton said, beaming at the blond boy, who returned his smile immediately.

“My pleasure entirely, princess.”

Ashton smiled and blushed slightly, keeping his gaze focused on the ground as he hesitantly put his arm around the tall boy’s waist. Luke’s smile widened and he gazed at the curly-haired boy fondly, letting a comfortable silence fall over them. After a few moments, however, Ashton spoke up.

“Oh, and Luke?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just had to use that nickname haha :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow this is bad and took me forever - sorry.  
> I know Calum wrote Gotta Get Out, but I'm just gonna pretend Luke did.

After a short walk, the two boys arrived at the flower field hidden in the woods. Luke felt Ashton buzzing from excitement as he saw the familiar sea of colours again and couldn’t help but smile. Just like the first time they were here, Luke flopped down on the grass and watch as Ashton scurried over to the flowers, picking some he liked here and there, and eventually the curly-haired boy sat down beside him with quite a few delicious smelling flowers in his hands - clearly more than the previous time, Luke noticed. Ashton immediately started to weave the stems of the flowers together once again, working fast with nimble fingers.

Luke watched him fondly again, rubbing a hand over the smaller boy’s back or carding his fingers through his curls every now and then. Ashton smiled at every touch and leaned into them, dimples showing and a soft giggle escaping his lips several times. It took him quite a while to finish a flower crown, but neither of the boys minded - they had time anyway, and they enjoyed each other’s company, so it was all good.

After some time, Ashton had made one almost perfectly round flower crown, consisting of daisies. Luke just cooed at him, grinning widely, and took it from his hands, only to carefully place it atop of his curls. He looked so cute in it, Luke thought, especially when he blushed slightly with a slight smile - like he was doing right now.

Much to Luke’s surprise, Ashton just carried on weaving the flowers - small blue ones this time, which took him even more time than the daisies because they were about twice as small - but he didn’t ask, because Ashton seemed to enjoy this place so much, and Luke didn’t have the heart to interrupt him when he was smiling so _brightly_.

Luke started humming a random tune, which he only recognised as ‘Alone Together’ by Fall Out Boy when Ashton started humming along softly, like he wasn’t quite sure if he was allowed to.

Luke then started to softly sing the words to the song and Ashton stopped what he was doing, staring up at Luke in awe, mesmerized by the blonde’s angelic voice.

_“I don’t know where you’re going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul? I don’t know where I’m going but I don’t think I’m coming home. And I said I’ll check in tomorrow, if I don’t wake up dead. This is the road to ruin, and we’re starting at the end.”_

Luke twirled one of Ashton’s curls around his finger as he sang, the boy’s hazel eyes staring up at him, taking in every inch of his face. Ashton started to sing along with the blond boy as Luke smiled at him warmly, encouragingly.

_“Say yeah, let’s be alone together. We could stay young forever. Scream it from the top of your lungs, lungs, lungs.”_

Now it was Luke’s turn to look awestruck. “Wow, Ash, your voice is amazing,” he said, making the curly-haired boy blush.

“No, it’s not,” he mumbled, turning back to the flowers he was weaving together. Luke frowned and pouted a bit, but didn’t comment on it otherwise. He just continued singing and playing with Ash’s hair as the smaller boy was leaning up against his side, making a second flower crown. When the song ended, Ashton pouted, looking up at Luke.

“Sing another one, please,” he asked, his hazel eyes shining. Luke couldn’t help but agree to do so - Ash was too cute when he looked like this.

“Alright then. Um... I’ve written one song myself. Would you like to hear it?” Luke offered, biting his lip self-consciously. Ashton smiled brightly, dimples showing, nodding excitedly. “Yeah, I’d love to!”

Luke smiled and pressed a kiss to Ashton’s forehead before grabbing a loose thread on his shirt and twisting it between index finger and thumb nervously.

_“Even when the sky is falling down, even when the earth is crumbling ‘round my feet. Even when we try to say goodbye, and you can cut the tension with a knife in here. ‘Cause I know what’ll happen if we get through this...”_

Ashton’s mouth dropped, once again getting distracted from the task at hand as he stared at Luke with nothing but admiration in his eyes. Luke blushed slightly but kept singing nonetheless.

_“And if the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees baby, we just gotta get out, we just gotta get out. And if the skyscrapers tumble down and crash around baby, we just gotta get out, we just gotta get out.”_

Ashton focused on his flowers once again as Luke nudged his legs with his knee, but kept glancing at the blonde every so often. He couldn’t help it, Luke was just so _beautiful_ when he sang like this.

_“‘Cause I feel so damn lost. And it comes with a cost, of being alone. Everything is falling down. We’re suffering, helpless thoughts and out we sing, prayers go to the sky.”_

The curly-haired boy then made a little triumphant sound as he proudly held up the now finished flower crown, made out of the small blue flowers. Luke flinched, however, when Ashton tried to put it on _his_ hair.

“Wow, stop, what’re you doing?” he asked, backing away on all fours, eyes focused on the crown in Ashton’s hand like it was something dangerous.

The only dangerous thing here was the pout on Ashton’s lips, however. Damn, Luke felt himself cave in already.

“Please? I made this for you. It’d look really good on you and it complements your eye colour,” Ashton reasoned. Luke shook his head vigorously. “No. No way, Ash. That’s not gonna happen.”

Ashton frowned. “Please, Lukey? You’ll look amazing, I promise.”

Luke made a little disagreeing sound and glanced to Ash’s face and back at the flower crown again, sighing when the boy’s frown got deeper and his pout cuter.

“Okay, okay, fine. Jesus, why am I doing this?” he questioned, sitting back down and allowing Ashton to come close with the goddamn thing this time. He cringed when Ash put it on his hair and adjusted it until he was satisfied, taking a few steps back to admire the outcome.

It was a huge contrast - Luke’s black leather jacket and black ripped skinny jeans with the innocent blue flowers atop of his head - but Ashton couldn’t deny that it looked very good on him. Luke crossed his arms, pouting and glaring at Ash. The smaller boy cooed at him and pinched his cheek.

“I told you, you look amazing,” he said, pecking Luke’s nose and snuggling up against him on the grass. A smile broke the blonde’s frown and he pulled Ashton closer, pressing the tip of his cold nose to Ash’s neck.

“So do you, princess. So do you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short, sorry. Hope you like it though!

A week later, Ashton was, once again, sitting at his regular table in the library, while Luke was in maths class. It had been quiet almost the entire time - there weren’t many students in the library today, which Ashton was happy about.

His peace got disturbed, though, when someone pulled back the chair next to him and flopped down onto it, making Ashton jump slightly and pull out his earplugs.

It was Calum, again.

The tanned boy looked at him with a gentle smile and gave him the same wave as he’d done on the day they first met. Ashton attempted a smile back, lifting his hand - still grasping his pen - and gave the smallest wave back. Calum beamed.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I know you probably don’t like me, and don’t want me around...” His voice was laced with a slight sadness and Ashton felt bad for him. “But I just wanted to apologise to _you_ , because I only got to say it to your friend the other day and I still felt bad about it.” Calum rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and glanced at Ashton from the corner of his eye. The curly-haired boy smiled softly and put his pen down.

“It’s alright, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just kind of freaked out with no good reason, so I’m sorry for giving you a scare.” He mimicked Calum actions, his hand reaching up to his neck. “And actually I don’t mind your company.”

He hadn’t realised that was true until he said it out loud - the football player made him uncomfortable somehow, with his jock-y appearance and obviously being popular, but he was actually really nice and Ashton knew this - he still had to get used to this whole socializing thing. Calum’s smile brightened even more - if that was even possible. “Awesome. You seem like a cool guy, Ashton.” Ashton chuckled, feeling his face heat up and desperately trying to suppress the upcoming blush. “Same for you, Calum,” he responded, receiving a soft laugh and a happy boy in return. Calum frowned soon after that, though.

“Your friend doesn’t like me very much, does he?” he asked, sounding more than a little sad. Ashton wondered why - it’s not like he knew Luke, obviously, and for all Ashton knew, Luke hadn’t done anything _too_ bad to the dark-haired boy.

“I guess not,” Ashton said softly, fingers playing with his pen for distraction and something to keep his eyes on so he didn’t have to see the sad-puppy look on Calum’s face. “His name’s Luke, by the way. And he doesn’t mean bad, he’s just a little protective of me.” It felt weird to say that - that someone really cared about him enough to want him to be safe - but it felt good. A smile tugged at the edges of his lips and he felt them curve upwards slightly at the thought of Luke. Calum made a sad noise but managed a smile nonetheless.

“He sounds like a great guy,” the tanned boy said earnestly. Ashton nodded excitedly, completely agreeing with him. “Yeah, he is.”

A silence fell between the two boys. Ashton continued fidgeting with his pen as Calum played with a loose thread on his shirt. Eventually, Ash decided to just say something, because the other boy had decided to come sit here in the first place, so apparently he didn’t dislike Ashton.

“I think you should meet Luke. Like, properly meet him, not like last time. I’m sure you’ll get along well,” he said. Calum nodded thoughtfully. “I hope he’ll give me another chance, because I messed up my previous one quite badly.”

Ashton giggled. “He probably never gave you a chance in the first place. It’s nothing personal, he’s just secluded, that’s all,” he hurried to add. Calum just chuckled darkly, tearing off the thread he was playing with and dropping it to the ground.

“Yet you, the new kid - no offence - came waltzing into this school and now he’s suddenly all besotted about you,” he said, an edge of bitterness to his voice. Ashton frowned.

“I guess we just get along?” he said, but it sounded more like a question - he was quite confused by Calum’s behaviour. The tanned boy scoffed and looked Ashton in the eye.

“You two don’t ‘just get along’. Luke barely ever talks to people, and when he does, he’s always rude, or at least not friendly - almost _hostile_. But with you, he’s completely different. He _likes_ you, Ashton, and Luke _never_ likes someone. You mean more to him than you probably think, judging by the way he took care of you the other day. It’s obvious that you’re special to him, everyone can see that.” Calum swallowed and took a shaky breath before continuing, voice calm but _forced_.

“You’re special to him, that’s something rare.” He frowned, eyes focused on the table top, and crossed his arms, shifting a bit in his chair. “He hates me. And... he seems like a really good guy. I want him to like me...” His voice trailed off and Ashton gently squeezed his shoulder in sympathy.

“How ‘bout I talk to him? Let him give you another chance. How’s that sound?”

Calum smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.” He patted Ashton’s shoulder and grabbed his backpack, walking off. Ashton watched him go, frowning in confusion. The dark-haired boy had been weird about the whole Luke-thing. Ashton wondered what was going on.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO BLOODY LONG I hope you can forgive me!

The next time Ashton was at Luke’s house, he opened the subject ‘Calum Hood’. Luke just narrowed his eyes at him and asked: “Isn’t that the dick that made you have a panic attack in the middle of the library?”

Ashton bit his lip and nodded. “He didn’t mean to, though,” he hurried to add. “Really, it was an accident. You should let it go. I did.”

Luke frowned and stood up from where he and Ashton had been lying on the bed and stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed in front of his chest and frowning at Ashton. “I still don’t like him, and I still don’t want the guy anywhere _near_ you. I care too much about you to let you get hurt, Ash. And to be honest, it’s frustrating me that you won’t tell me _why_ you’re hurting, because now I don’t know what I can do to help. But until _I_ know how to help you, I won’t let anyone else come near you, because you’re _mine_ and maybe I’m being a little overprotective but I have the feeling you’ve been hurt _more_ than enough already, and I just don’t want you to go through that again.”

He sighed when his small rant ended and sank back down on the edge of the bed. Ashton crawled up to him and wrapped his arms around the boy’s slim waist, putting his chin on his broad shoulder and kissing his neck softly. “Thank you, Lukey. But Calum is a good guy. He’s nice and he seems really cool, actually,” he said. Luke made a little noise that Ashton couldn’t quite put a meaning to but that didn’t matter anymore when the blonde kissed the top of his head, smiling. “I don’t know. He’s still a football player, though.” Ashton rolled his eyes.

“Just the fact that he plays football doesn’t make him an ass, y’know?” he retorted. Luke chuckled, intertwining his fingers with Ashton’s. “No, I don’t know that actually. But enough about that Calum guy, I don’t wanna talk about him.”

Ashton grinned, cuddling up into Luke’s arms. “Why not? I mean, he’s _kinda_ cute...” he teased, earning Luke’s long fingers tickling his sides, making him squirm and giggle almost hysterically.

“Maybe he is. Still not as cute as you, though,” he smirked, making the curly-haired boy blush slightly, but frown short after.

“He acted kinda weird, though,” Ashton said thoughtfully, recalling the conversation he had had with Calum a few days back. “We talked about you, and he was sort of bitter? Like, it sounded like he was _jealous_ or something equally ridiculous but... I don’t know, I’m probably wrong,” Ashton mumbled. Luke made a noise to indicate he was thinking and rubbed the slight scruff on his chin. “I don’t see why he would be jealous. I mean, I really don’t like him and he probably feels the same way ‘bout me, so let’s not talk about him anymore, okay? Like I said, enough about Calum.”

Ashton nodded, turning away to flop down on the bed, yawning like a cute little kitten. Luke cooed and ruffled his curls, which earned him a small grunt but also a lazy smile.

“I want to tell you,” Ashton suddenly said, almost too lowly for Luke to hear, but somehow he caught it. “I really do,” Ashton continued, “but I’m just scared of how you’ll react. And I know that’s probably ridiculous, but it’s not pretty, and I don’t want you to leave me. I need you.”

Luke pouted and sat down next to Ashton, his back against the headboard and one of his hands tangled in Ashton’s wild curls. “No matter what it is, I won’t leave you,” he promised. “I’m not gonna make such a stupid mistake. And besides, you’ve already won me over a little more by the fact that you don’t have a soulmate, so I’m _definitely_ not gonna leave you, because guess what, princess,” he said, looking straight into Ashton’s _beautiful_ hazel eyes. “I kind of really like you, so I’m not gonna let you go. You’re stuck with me.”

He stuck his tongue out and the curly-haired boy giggled, closing his eyes and almost _purring_ when Luke’s massaged his scalp a little, causing the blonde to smile down at him fondly.

After a few moments, Ashton sighed, crawling up to Luke and putting his head on Luke’s chest. “Okay, I’m gonna tell you. But can you promise me something?” he asked, biting his lip anxiously even though he knew that wasn’t necessary, because this is _Luke_ we’re talking about here. The blond boy made a little agreeing noise and put an arm around Ashton’s waist. “Anything.”

“Don’t interrupt me, or get mad at me if I can’t continue,” Ash whispered, and Luke nodded. “Of course. Anything for you, fluff. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Ashton nodded as well, taking a few deep breaths before grabbing a loose thread on the edge of Luke’s lame Christmas jumper - that his mum had made for him, which was actually really sweet, but _so_  didn’t fit the tall boy’s usual style - and speaking up with a shaky voice.

“Okay, so, um, I never got any injuries I couldn’t explain, like all the other kids, even when I was little. So we went to this specialist in the hospital and eventually they said I didn’t have a soulmate. I was too young to really understand what that meant, and my mom was kind of _okay_ with it. Like, she kept sending me these pitying looks and she distanced herself from me quite a bit, but at least she didn’t... _do_... anything. And, well, my dad wasn’t so easy about it. I was too young to realise what I was doing wrong, but...” he felt a tear escape from his eye and he wiped it away furiously, hoping Luke hadn’t noticed. “But that didn’t matter to my d-dad. He- he um... he h-hit me. It wasn’t too bad at first, just the occasional slap, but it only g-got worse and worse and -” Luke made a chocked noise and tightened his grip on Ashton, but the curly-haired boy couldn’t take the comfort right now - he would surely break down. So he carefully manoeuvred out of Luke’s arms and sat cross-legged in the middle of the double bed. He fumbled with the hem of his shirt for a few moments before slowly and hesitantly taking it off, revealing his scarred and bruised torso. Luke gasped and covered his mouth with his hand, a few tears trickling down his cheeks. Ashton blinked his own ones back and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself to shield his chest from Luke’s eyes. He wanted the blond boy to see, he _needed_ him to know. He didn’t want to live with the constant fear that Luke would leave him if he ever found out.

When Ashton continued talking, his voice lacked of all emotions and sounded a little chocked because of the tears he was trying to keep at bay. “S-somehow, the kids at my school f-found out as well and m-my friends abandoned me. I even started to get bullied, and I- I found my way of c-coping with e-everything.” He softly ran a finger over a scabbing cut on his arm and Luke sniffled, but didn’t say anything. Ashton was grateful for that.

“But I’m only human, I have my limits,” he continued, grimacing as he saw the once deep, still healing gashes on his wrist. “And at some point, it all became too much for me to handle.” He was whispering now in order for his voice not to shaky so much he couldn’t speak anymore.

“I just wanted everything to e-end already.” He swallowed, looking Luke straight in the eye and seeing his bright blue orbs staring back at him sadly, tears gushing down his cheeks. “So I tried to k-kill myself.”

Luke quickly brought a hand up to cover his mouth, but he wasn’t fast enough - Ashton could still hear the muffled sob escaping Luke’s lips and he felt his heart break. The blonde tried to reach for him, but Ashton shuffled back, not ready for a hug yet. He needed to finish this, or else he would never be able to talk about it anymore.

“Ironically enough, it was my dad that found me. He called an ambulance because if I had died, it only would’ve led to a lot of questions and he didn’t want that. And after I got home from the hospital, h-he... um- he beat me a-again. That’s how I broke my ribs. H-he did that. But he’s in jail now. It’s over, it’s in the past. I need to let it go.”

Luke stretched his arms at Ashton invitingly, and the curly-haired boy positively _flung_ himself at the blonde, inhaling his familiar scent of leather, cigarettes and a tad shampoo. Finally, he let it _go_ , he let himself cry without being embarrassed about it. His tears soaked Luke’s shoulder and Luke’s tears dripped on Ashton’s head, but both boys couldn’t care less.

“You’re really brave, Ash,” Luke whispered after a while, voice cracking. “I’m proud of you. Thank you for telling me, you’re so strong.”

Ashton smiled faintly, snuggling up into Luke’s arms and sighing contently at the familiar warmth.

“Thank you for listening, and being here, and just being _you_ , really.”

“Anything for you, fluff.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically for Katy bc she's the best. <3


	24. Chapter 24

The next day, Ashton made a decision; he’d try to befriend Calum, even though Luke didn’t want him to. Calum seemed like a really nice guy, and who was Luke to tell Ashton who he could or couldn’t be friends with anyway? So as the tall blond boy took off to maths class and Ashton to his own, he quickly slid into the chair next to Calum. The tanned boy looked at him with surprise, but smiled eventually.

“Hi there, ‘sup?” he said. Ashton grinned widely and shrugged. “Nothin’ much. Just wanted to ask you to come sit with us for lunch today, so I can properly introduce you to Luke. Only if you want to, though,” he added, looking at Calum only half worried. He’d noticed himself that he’s begun to be less stressed, less _frightened_ around other people, not only Luke and his mom.

Calum seemed to think about it for a few moments, before he nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, that sounds good. Is it okay if I bring a friend, though?” he asked. Ashton bit his lip, contemplating it for a moment - Luke wouldn’t like the idea of Calum sitting with them, let alone another boy - but he nodded anyway. “Yeah, that’s cool,” he replied, shooting Calum a warm smile and getting a bright one in return.

 

-

 

Lunchtime rolled around quite soon and Ashton was left so nervous his hands were shaking while he waited for Calum and his friend to arrive at his and Luke’s table. The blonde eyed him warily, gaze focused on Ashton’s trembling hands and sweaty forehead. Ashton saw him looking and gave him a reassuring smile. Luke just frowned and took the curly-haired boy’s hands in his own.

“What’s going on? Are you alright? Is something wrong?” Luke asked him and Ashton immediately felt guilty for worrying the boy. “No, everything’s alright, I’m fine. It’s just...” His voice trailed off, he wasn’t sure how Luke would react to the fact that Calum could be over anytime now.

“It’s just what?” Luke pressed, putting his hands over Ashton’s forehead to feel his temperature. “You don’t have a fever, at least.”

Ashton giggled and pushed his hands away. “I know, I already said I’m fine. It’s just- I kind of, maybe, might have invited Calum to come sit here?”

Luke just stared at him wordlessly for a few moments, fists clenching around the fabric of his shirt. Ashton could easily tell he wasn’t pleased about it.

“Why did you do that?” Luke asked him, perhaps a bit more harshly than needed but Ashton didn’t pay attention to his tone. “Because I like him and I want you to like him too,” he replied instantly, already having expected that question. Luke just glared at him, unable to really be angry with the smaller boy but also _definitely_ _not_ pleased.

“Forcing me to sit with him during lunch won’t make me like him,” he shot back, earning a stern gaze from Ashton.

“ _I_ like him,” the curly-haired boy said in a tone that demanded no arguing. “And I’m absolutely sure that you’d like him too if you didn’t try to fucking hard to hate him. So please, be nice, give him a chance.” Ashton looked at the blonde with puppy eyes and Luke had to look away before he melted. Ashton pouted. “Please? At least do it for me?”

And how could Luke possibly say no to _that_?

“Okay, okay, fine! Jesus, how do you always do that?” he said, more to himself than to Ashton, but the smaller boy answered anyway.

“Because you love me.”

It was meant to come out as teasing, but Luke could hear the hopeful, insecure tone behind it, and he washed away all of Ashton’s doubts with a soft peck to his nose and a simple “Yeah, I do.”

Ashton smiled brighter than Luke had ever seen him do before.

Their little moment was interrupted, however, by a small choked sound from a few feet away, making both boys look up. Calum stood there, clutching the strap of his backpack so tightly his knuckles were white, his friend right behind him. Ashton recognised him as the boy with the dyed-red hair that had been at the scene Luke had caused in the cafeteria the other day. He was glaring daggers at the two boys at the table as he swung an arm around Calum’s shoulders.

Ashton found he couldn’t seem to look away from the pale boy. He was _intriguing_ , somehow, and Ashton felt drawn to him. Their eyes met for a moment, which seemed like a _lifetime_ to Ashton, but then Luke elbowed him in his stomach gently, causing him to break the eye contact and look at the blonde questioningly.

“Are you gonna invite your _friend_ to come sit, or are you gonna let him stand there?” Luke said teasingly, earning a shove against his shoulder.

“Hey,” he said to Calum, gesturing to the chairs on the other side of the table. The tanned boy swallowed before sitting down, his friend following. Calum then extended a hand to Luke, which the blonde _didn’t_ ignore, this time. “I’m Calum,” he muttered awkwardly, and Luke raised an eyebrow -since when did a _football player_ not know what to say? - but nodded nonetheless. “Luke,” he said, perhaps a bit stiffly, but Ashton was satisfied anyway. “This is Michael,” Calum added, pointing at his friend, who just nodded at Ashton and glared at Luke. The blonde rolled his eyes and put an arm around Ashton’s waist, the curly-haired boy leaning into the touch almost unconsciously. Michael snorted from the other side of the table and stood up suddenly, putting his hands on the table top, palms flat, and leaned over to them, glaring at Luke.

“If you just invited Cal to come look at how you can’t take your hands off each other, then I’m taking him away again, because I don’t want him to see that,” he hissed, causing Calum’s face to flush red.

“Mikey, stop, it’s fine,” he pleaded, but the red-haired boy just ignored him, looking at Luke with so much hatred in his eyes that even Ashton flinched. He also shot Ashton a look, but it didn’t seem to be so hateful - Ashton couldn’t place it, though.

Luke didn’t, however. He seemed completely unimpressed, glaring back with just as much fury in his gaze. “Don’t talk to Ash like that,” he snarled, standing up and leaning over himself, mimicking Michael’s position. The latter growled and grabbed Luke’s collar, pulling the tall boy forward until he almost lost his balance. “Don’t treat Calum like this,” he hissed into Luke’s face. Nobody had seen the blonde’s reaction coming, though.

He hit Michael.

Luke’s fist slammed straight into Michael’s jaw, causing the older boy to let go of his collar and release a strangled cry, clutching his face. Calum stood up, grabbing Michael’s arm to steady him and glaring at Luke.

“What the hell did you do that for?” he demanded. A few students looked up when they heard the raised voices, but paid them no further attention. Luke said nothing, just stared at both Michael and Calum with such _loathing_ in his eyes that it made the tanned boy’s stomach clench unpleasantly. Ashton looked at Luke with wide eyes, his mouth fallen open. “W-what... why-” he stammered, making Luke’s face pale and fall at a rapid pace.

“Shit, Ash, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” he said, extending a hand to the smaller boy, but Ashton flinched away and grabbed his backpack from where he’d dumped it on the floor, flinging it over his shoulder and rushing from the cafeteria, leaving Luke behind and missing the look in the blonde’s eyes that proved that his heart _shattered_ into little pieces.


	25. Chapter 25

“Ashton? Ashton!”

Luke’s voice followed him as he rushed through the crowded cafeteria into the emptier hallways, trying desperately to get away from him. Ashton actually wanted to go to the library, but he knew that would be the first place Luke would look for him, so he changed paths last second and rushed off in the direction of the toilets, darting through the door and quickly pushing it shut behind him, hoping Luke didn’t see him enter. After a few minutes passed without any sign of Luke, Ashton allowed himself to relax a bit. He was mad at himself for freaking out so much over Luke punching Michael, but he couldn’t help it - he’d felt that exact same right hook to his _own_ jaw more times than he liked to admit, and he knew _exactly_ how much it hurt. It also scared him because he had _never_ thought Luke would be able to do such a thing, because the scrawny boy was so _sweet_ to him - but then again, who was he kidding? He knew that Luke was hostile to everyone and didn’t like anybody, and he wasn’t exactly a sweetheart - everything about him screamed that, from his leather jacket to the pack of cigarettes permanently stashed in his pocket, and, not to forget, his _motor cycle_ , the only exception being his behaviour towards Ashton. So he really shouldn’t be this surprised, or _shocked_ , even, that Luke had hit Michael, especially because the red-haired boy had been annoying and _taunting_ him, but he was still scared.

Ashton gripped the edges of one of the sinks in the bathroom, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip, and tried to keep his breathing under control. An iron fist seemed to be squeezing his lungs, though, and he was struggling for air, but he calmed down somewhat when he splashed some water in his face, repeating the action a couple of times before he managed to take a proper breath. He grabbed some paper towels and dried his face, his eyes locking with his own in the wide mirror above the sinks. His skin was pale and he could see his hands trembling as he threw the now wet paper in the bin, turning back to stare at himself in the mirror.

He was actually _scared_ of Luke, even though he knew that wasn’t necessary - because the tall boy would _never_ hurt Ashton, he knew that - but he just couldn’t help it. There were too many memories of too much _pain_ , and Ashton could feel everything he had tried to forget come rushing back to him. For some reason, Ashton felt like Luke had hit _him_ , instead of Michael. He even had a tingly feeling on his jaw, like Luke had _really_ hit him.

Then his eyes drifted off to the mirror and he froze, eyes zooming in on his jawline. A purple mark was blossoming there, much like the ones he’d always had when his father had hit him. Only this time, it wasn’t his _father_ that had done it.

_What the hell?_

He brought his hand up and gently poked the bruise, pressing harder when he didn’t feel anything, but still no pain. He frowned, his right hand subconsciously moving to pick at the cut on his upper arm that he had _no_ memory of inflicting himself.

He tried to wipe away the bruise, and no matter how much he rubbed it, the skin just turned red and raw, but the bruise stayed in place. Ashton’s frown deepened as he stared at the purple mark on his jawline. He didn’t understand what was going on, and it scared him.

He almost jumped out of his skin when the door swung open and Luke entered the bathroom, panting slightly, stopping for a moment before engulfing Ashton in a bone-crushing hug, ignoring the smaller boy’s struggles of protest and _fear_ until he just went limp and clung to the blonde, inhaling his familiar scent of leather and smoke.

“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered, pressing kisses to the top of Ashton’s head. “I didn’t mean to scare you, honestly I didn’t, but you can’t deny that that Michael guy had it coming.”

Ashton chuckled mirthlessly, but pressed a soft kiss to Luke’s jawline nonetheless. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I freaked.”

Luke just pulled him closer, shaking his head, but Ashton gently pulled away from the hug. “Look,” he murmured, running a finger lightly over the purpling skin on his jaw. Luke frowned and gently cupped Ashton’s chin in his large hand, studying the bruise and softly running a finger over it.

“What happened?” he asked, worry evident in his voice and gaze. Ashton just stared at his reflection in the mirror, and noticed he looked just as terrified as he felt.

“I don’t know.”


	26. Chapter 26

“That went even worse than I thought,” Calum sighed as he led Michael to the bathroom to take a good look at his rapidly bruising jaw. “And I already figured it wasn’t gonna go well.”

Michael squeezed Calum’s hand reassuringly while entering the bathroom. “You’re too good for that stupid blonde asshole anyway, you deserve way better than him,” he said, but he got a violent shove against his shoulder and a hard glare as someone exited the bathroom. It was Luke, and he was pulling Ashton along with him, the curly-haired boy tucked under his arm.

Michael didn’t like the look in Calum’s eyes as he looked at them. It was too _sad_ , and clearly _jealous_ , and Michael didn’t want his best friend to feel like that.

“Lemme take a look,” the tanned boy muttered, gently taking Michael’s chin in his hand and examining the purple mark on his jawline. He hummed a bit as he gently pressed a finger on it, causing Michael to hiss in pain and push his hands away.

“Okay, okay, I get it, you’re mad at me for provoking shit. I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his jaw. Calum shrugged innocently but looked just a _little_ bit too smug.

“It’s nothing too bad, just a bruise. Makes you look badass though, so it’s all good,” he said, a small smile playing on his lips despite himself. Michael grinned and pulled his best friend into a hug.

 

-

 

Calum went to sit beside Ashton in the library again the next day, despite everything. Ashton looked quite surprised, but also happy, so Calum figured he’d made the right decision.

“I’m really sorry about what Luke did,” was the first thing Ashton said when the tanned boy sat down beside him. Calum smiled softly. “That’s okay, Mikey had it coming.” Then he frowned, attempting to cup Ashton’s jaw but the boy flinched, so he backed away slightly.

“Sorry. It’s just- you have a bruise there,” Calum said. Ashton’s hand went up to his jaw on instinct as he nodded. “Yeah, I know. I walked into something the other day,” he said, and Calum frowned. It was in _exactly_ the same place as _Michael’s_ bruise, the one Luke had inflicted on him.

“You look sad,” Ashton said suddenly, catching Calum off guard. The tanned boy licked his lips and averted his gaze to the table top, causing Ashton to frown.

“What’s wrong? You were acting weird the other day as well. I’m worried about you,” he said earnestly. Calum raised an eyebrow. “You’re worried about me? Why? I mean, we’re not even friends, and...”

Ashton’s face _fell_ at that and he avoided Calum’s gaze, grabbing his pencil to have something to do as he tried to keep his tears in. Calum immediately felt bad.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I’d like to be friends with you, if you want that. But our best friends kind of hate each other and that’s kind of my fault so I thought...” He let his voice trail off and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Ashton perked up at that, dropping the pencil again and shuffling a bit closer to Calum.

“It’s not your fault. They’re both kind of being overprotective dicks but they mean well, it’s okay,” he promised. Calum smiled genuinely at the younger boy and hesitantly stretched his arms out. “Can I get a hug?” he asked, eyes shining and hopeful. Ashton grinned, dimples on display as he slowly inched forward, into Calum’s arms, and wrapped his own around the tanned boy’s chest, snuggling into his warmth with a content kitten grumble. Calum smiled and pulled him closer, running a hand up and down Ashton’s spine and resting his chin on the caramel-coloured curls.

“I like you, Cal,” Ashton admitted, even though it wasn’t really something you’d have to _admit_ , but Calum’s smile brightened nonetheless. “I like you too, Ash,” he promised. “And Michael does too, he’s just not too good at showing it.”

Ashton chuckled, pulling away from the hug and trying to tame his curls a little. “Luke’s not really good at that either. He does like you, I’m sure, he’s just afraid of me getting hurt again so he tries to scare everyone away. You shouldn’t let him though. He does want to be your friend, I’m pretty sure about that.”

Calum nodded thoughtfully. “I hope so. Though ‘friends’ isn’t really what I was hoping for.” The last thing was barely even audible, so lowly had he spoken it, but Ashton caught it anyway.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. Calum just nodded and hugged Ashton again, without warning, but the curly-haired boy relaxed in his arms and hugged him back immediately. “I don’t blame you,” Calum whispered, and he felt Ashton nod against his shoulder. “I don’t blame you either.”

 

-

 

Ashton and Luke went to the Irwin residence after school that day. Anne-Marie was more than happy to finally meet Luke, as Ashton had told her a lot about him already, and she might have been a little _too_ hospitable, but Luke understood, and didn’t mind at all.

He and Ashton were lounging on the bed, tangled up in each other, the TV playing softly in the background. They weren’t really doing anything, not even talking for that matter, just enjoying each other’s warmth and scent.

They were disturbed, however, when the movie that was playing suddenly and without warning changed to a news reporter, the title ‘Breaking news, prison break’ flashing on the screen. Luke sat up, unintentionally forcing Ashton to do the same, and turned the volume up.

“... escaped from prison this morning. The entire police force is looking for them and they expect the fugitives will be found soon. If you see them, please contact the police instantly.”

Two pictures appeared on the screen, both with names under them. One was a man with greasy, brown hair that hung into his face dirtily. He was called ‘Mitch’, according to the TV. The other one was completely different, with short caramel-coloured hair and actually looking kind of _decent_ , especially for a criminal.

Both Luke and Ashton froze at the same time, Ashton from the picture, but Luke from the name.

 _Irwin_.

Luke could feel Ashton start to tremble and the smaller boy’s breathing turned shaky and ragged. His hands came up to tangle into his hair, but Luke stopped him from doing so and pulled him into his chest, whispering sweet nothings and calming words into his ear as Ashton fought for breath.

“It’s okay Ash, really, it’s okay, he’s not gonna hurt you again, I’ll protect you, I promise,” Luke said, hugging Ashton tighter than he’d _ever_ done before, and apparently that was just what he needed, as he already seemed to be calming down.

“I know,” he mumbled, wiping at his eyes to rid them from tears. “They’ll catch him before tomorrow anyway. There’s nothing to worry about.”

It sounded more like he was trying to convince _himself_ , so Luke just hugged him again and didn’t let him go until he had to leave for work.

Ashton didn’t even think about his father for the rest of the evening.

 

-

 

When Ashton was lying in bed that night, he was calmer than he’d thought. Luke had been texting him silly things ever since he left the Irwin residence and Ashton was actually smiling at the screen of his phone.

_To: Lukey_

_Thanks for everything, really appreciate it :) gonna go sleep now, g’night x_

He smiled at the almost instant reply from the blonde boy.

_From: Lukey_

_My pleasure fluff :) Okay sleeping beauty, sleep well xx_

Ashton’s smile brightened as he put his phone down and ducked under the covers, snuggling in the warmth with a soft groan.

But just as he was about to drift off, a gloved hand was put over his mouth and his eyes flew open.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try not to hate me too much please.

The first thing Luke did the next morning, was text Ashton. That had basically become a part of his morning ritual - he’d wake up, lie in bed sleepily to gain enough courage to open his eyes for a few minutes, send Ashton a good morning text, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and then go to school.

_To: Princess_

_Morning fluff. Sleep well? xx_

Ashton usually didn’t reply immediately, as the curly-haired boy slept a bit longer, but Luke _really_ needed time in the morning to do his hair and stuff. So the blonde went to take a quick shower and got dressed into his usual pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a tank top with a leather jacket.

He picked up his phone while ruffling his damp hair with a towel, but when he unlocked the device, he didn’t have any messages. Luke frowned. Ashton should’ve replied by now. But he pushed that thought away soon, though, because he wasn’t the only thing on Ashton’s mind.

He couldn’t deny he felt a bit sad from that.

 

-

 

The first class he had that day was literature, so Ashton would be there anyway. Luke barely even thought about the lack of reply as he slipped into his usual seat and waited for Ashton to arrive. It wasn’t too uncommon for the other boy to arrive later than Luke did.

Luke _did_ get a bit worried when the bell rang and the teacher closed the door, indicating the start of the lesson, and Ashton still wasn’t there.

Mr Lewis, the teacher, seemed to realise the same thing as he checked the attendance list and frowned at Ashton’s name.

“Mr Hemmings, do you happen to know where Mr Irwin is?” he asked, looking at Luke. The latter shook his head. “No sir, I haven’t talked to him since last night, I don’t know where he is.”

He couldn’t quite keep the edge of worry out of his voice and the older man’s frown deepened.

“Alright then, let’s just start class,” he said, grabbing a book from his briefcase and starting on the analysis of the story. Luke couldn’t focus though. Ashton had _never_ missed a single class in the time he’d spent in this school, and he would certainly text Luke or something if he was ill.

Luke couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling of worry in his chest.

 

-

 

It didn’t really get any better during the day. Ashton hadn’t showed up at any of their classes and no one knew where he was - he hadn’t let the school nor Luke know why he wasn’t there and the blonde had to keep saying to himself that he was overreacting in order not to freak out from worry.

At lunch, Calum and Michael went to join him. He groaned in frustration and shot a glare at the red-haired boy, who glared back at him just as hard.

“We’re worried about Ashton,” Calum stated before Luke had the chance to say anything, so the blond boy settled for a snarl. “Why would you? It’s not like you’re his _friends_ or anything.”

Calum’s face fell and Luke tried to not feel too guilty, focusing on Michael instead, who was looking at him like he was about to strangle him.

“Can you at least _try_ to be a decent human being for once?” Michael snapped. “Your best friend isn’t at school, nobody knows where he is and you’re still being a complete asshole!”

Luke growled and sat up straight, dominating Michael in length without a doubt. “He’s not _missing_ , stop being a drama queen. He’s probably just ill or something,” he shot back, even though he didn’t believe it himself. Calum seemed to notice that.

“You’re worried about him too,” the tanned boy stated, making Luke gnash his teeth in annoyance. He didn’t know what it was, but these two boys seemed to be able to annoy him to no end.

“Ashton is _our_ friend too, you know?” Calum continued, voice soft and soothing, somehow. “Or _mine_ , at least, he hasn’t hung out with Mikey too much, but he and I definitely are friends, seeing as he _hugged_ me yesterday, and I guess that’s pretty damn special because he flinches from just about _everything_.” Calum now actually send him a glare - or more like a stern gaze, because he looked more like a puppy than anything else and Luke suspected he was one of those guys with eternal patience and kindness, the kind that annoyed him most of anything - and swallowed almost nervously. Judging by the way Michael then moved, he had grabbed Calum’s hand for comfort, or something similar.

“I think there’s actually something going on with Ashton, like with his home situation or something like that,” Calum confessed, shifting in his seat awkwardly and playing with a loose thread on his shirtsleeve. Luke scoffed and took a swig from his water bottle, looking at Calum intently.

Damn, those brown eyes were actually really pretty... Okay, no, Luke, _stop_.

“I know exactly what’s going on in his family, and his mom is the sweetest woman ever. He’s _recovering_. Everything that happened to him is already in the past, so do him a favour and don’t fucking bring that up. And I thought I had told you not to come near him,” he added, almost growling from the back of his throat. Michael just rolled his eyes and chucked a piece of lettuce at the blonde, which missed him by miles, though. “You can’t deny Ashton other friends, Hemmings, that’s low, even for you. I don’t care if you’re an overprotective little shit, because maybe I am that too, but you’re just being plainly _possessive_ , and that is not acceptable.”

Luke just sent him a long, hard glare that hopefully displayed the deep, intense _loathing_ he felt for the guy, then shouldering his backpack and skipping out of the cafeteria, attempting to slam the door shut behind him, but it just swung open and closed for a good minute before finally hanging still.

 

-

 

His last lesson of the day was French, which he detested, because they lived so far away from France anyway, so why would they have to learn that fucking language?

This lesson was a bit more... interesting than usually, however. The principal, Mrs Clifford, came barging through the door, looking a bit more pale than usual as she went to the teacher and said something to him in such a low voice that Luke couldn’t make it out, even though the entire class was silent and listening. The teacher frowned a bit before turning back to the class, or to _Luke_ in particular.

“Mr Hemmings, would you be kind enough to join Mrs Clifford to her office, please?” he said in that overly polite tone the teachers always used, but he didn’t have it in him to scoff now as he saw Mrs Clifford’s expression.

 

Once they arrived in her office, Luke felt his blood run cold. Like, he literally felt cold all over, like a bucket of ice water had been emptied on him.

Ashton’s mom was there.

She had tear tracks on her face, mascara was running down her cheeks and her eyes were red and bloodshot. Luke immediately felt like crying when he saw her like that. His chest tightened with worry as he sank down in the chair beside her, putting his hands over hers and attempting an encouraging smile, but he knew he failed miserably.

“Mr Hemmings, I called you in here because I know you’re a good friend of Ashton’s,” Mrs Clifford started, sending a worried glance at Mrs Irwin. Luke just nodded, swallowing to get rid of the sudden lump in his throat. “Call me Luke, please. And yeah, I am,” he answered, his grip on Anne-Marie’s hands tightening momentarily in a manner of comfort. Anne didn’t even attempt to smile and the look in her eyes was a bit glassy.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked, voice a bit choked with worry. “Is Ash okay?”

Anne then retracted her hands and hid her face in them, sobbing quietly. Luke felt his heart break.

“Luke, has Ashton contacted you today?” Mrs Clifford asked, and he shook his head, hesitantly putting an arm around Mrs Irwin’s shoulder. “No, the last time I spoke to him was last night. I texted him this morning but he didn’t reply.”

Mrs Clifford nodded and her face fell. She suddenly looked very sad and like she’d aged a few years in the short conversation.

“What’s going on?” Luke repeated, eyes glassing over slightly as they burned with tears, which he quickly blinked away. Mrs Clifford just shook her head and took a deep breath, handing a tissue to Anne and patting Luke’s hand sympathetically.

“Ashton wasn’t at his home this morning. There are policemen looking for him at the moment, though,” she said, and Luke felt his blood freeze in his veins as he realised something.

“But, there was something on the news yesterday,” he said, tears welling up in his eyes once again, and this time he didn’t even try to blink them away. “His father...”

Anne sobbed loudly and shook her head, but tried to nod at the same time and Mrs Clifford just shot him a _look_.

But when a police officer suddenly entered the small office with a bad-pixeled photo of the man he’d seen on the news the evening before, Luke knew for sure that Ashton hadn’t just _ran away_ or something equally ridiculous.

His father had come back for him.


	28. Chapter 28

Ashton was terrified.

Is was dark in his bedroom, so he couldn’t see who it was. It definitely wasn’t his mom or Luke, though. His own hands immediately shot up from under the covers and tried to pull the hand over his mouth away, but whoever it was, they were too strong.

He whimpered in fear when _another_ set of hands started to lift him up from the bed and onto his feat. Tears burned in his eyes, but he tried his best to hold them in. He kept thrashing, trying to kick the two men off of him, but they were way too strong. One of them had a hand on his mouth and an arm around his waist, and the other tried to keep his arms and legs in place.

“Give me the duct tape,” he heard one of them say, and he immediately went limp when he recognised that voice, tears starting to leak from his eyes, _beyond_ terrified now.

It was his _father_.

He could feel himself starting to get a panic attack, but there was nothing he could do about that now - Luke was pretty much the only person who could calm him down at this point, and his father surely never would even try.

Then the sound of duct tape being ripped pierced the silence and not even a second later, the sticky patch of tape was put onto Ashton’s mouth. Tears were streaming freely down his face but he didn’t dare to move anymore, knowing that every time he _did_ , his punishment would just be so much _worse_ , like it always had been. Ashton’s hands were yanked behind his back and his wrists were taped together uncomfortably, but he didn’t move a muscle anymore and he didn’t object, afraid of the pain he’d get. The guy also crouched down in front of him and wound the tape around his legs a few times, preventing Ashton from moving. His father just lifted him up around the waist as if he weighed nothing and swung him over his shoulder, carrying him just like _Luke_ had done when he brought Ashton to their spot in the forest for the first time, only _so_ much different.

By the time his father carried him out of his bedroom, Ashton was sobbing loudly in terror, which only annoyed his father, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it. He did hope his mom heard him, though, because he didn’t think he would be able to keep living like he always used to, now that he had gotten a taste of what his life could be like - what he _wanted_ his life to be like. He had friends now, he had _Luke_ , he was finally starting to get over the fact that he didn’t have a soulmate, he’d finally found someone who had _accepted_ him for who he was. But apparently happiness wasn’t for him - his father made sure of that.

When they got outside, Ashton was reminded that he was only wearing pyjama pants and no shirt, as the cold wind struck his skin, causing goosebumps and shivers. He heard the bleeping sound of a car unlocking and could do nothing to stop them as they opened the trunk and threw him inside. His father shot him a long, cold look before he shut the trunk with more force than necessary and walked around the car to the driver’s seat.

Ashton rolled around in the trunk when the car started driving, and he continued to cry, sobbing loudly now that his father couldn’t hear him anyway.

He had _never_ been this terrified before.

 

-

 

Ashton didn’t know for how long they’d been driving - it could’ve been thirty minutes as well as four hours, he honestly had no idea - but he’d lost the feeling in his arms and his legs were hurting from his uncomfortable position. He was tired and his eyes were a bit swollen and hurt from the crying and fatigue and he was sure his face was all red and blotchy.

When the trunk of the car was opened, Ashton had to blink a few times in order for his eyes to adjust to the sudden burst of light, but before he even had the chance to do so, his father had grabbed him by the arm roughly and pulled him out, causing him to lose his balance and fall to the floor. Concrete, he noticed, when his exposed back came in contact with the cold surface. His father just grinned down at him sadistically and kicked him in the stomach, making him gasp for air, which he couldn’t really do because of the tape, so he was left coughing awkwardly and breathing in through his nose deeply. Then he was swung over his father’s shoulder once again as they brought him into the building they went to. It looked quite industrial, Ashton noted. Everything was made of concrete and it was almost empty, save for some furniture and plastic hanging from the ceiling instead of doors, separating the building into rooms. His father carried him through some of those makeshift rooms, and eventually opened a real door, which led to small, dusty stairs. It was pitch black and Ashton wondered how his father had managed not to fall while he walked down. When they reached the bottom of the stairs - and it was way longer than usual stairs in a house, Ashton had counted over thirty steps when his father walked down them - the man just dropped Ashton from his shoulder, making him fall to the ground and hit his head on the bottom step. He winced and tears pricked in his eyes once again, but he refused to show any more weakness in the presence of his father.

Mr Irwin searched for the light switch for a few moments, and when he found it, the room was lit by a single light bulb, which hung in the middle of the high ceiling - it must’ve been three metres high, at least - and the light didn’t quite reach the corners of the room. It was probably a basement, Ashton guessed. There were a few boxes piled against one of the walls, but otherwise, it was completely empty. Ashton was freezing - there was no heater in here and he was still only wearing his pyjama pants, and nothing else.

His father dragged him to the middle of the room and dropped him there once again. Ashton could feel panic building in his chest, but he tried his best to suppress it. Mr Irwin crouched down in front of Ashton and stroked his cheek with one hand, making the boy whimper in fear, eyes glassing over with tears. He couldn’t move away or at least _try_ to protect himself, and he didn’t even want to think about what was likely to happen with him now.

His father smiled and ruffled his curls, just like _Luke_ always did.

“I’m gonna take care of you now.”


	29. Chapter 29

Ashton had no idea how long his father left him in that basement, but he guessed it was quite a while, seeing as he pretty much lost all feeling in his arms and all of his limbs were starting to ache from sitting in the same position for too long - he was still tied up with the tape. At least the light was still on, so, even though it barely even lit the room, Ashton was able to see _something_. He still remembered that it had been absolutely _black_ in here before the light was switched on, and he was sure he would’ve been even more terrified if he wouldn’t have been able to see _anything_.

His head whirled around when he heard the door creak open and thudding footsteps coming down the stairs. He swallowed, throat burning a bit from dehydration, and looked up at the man he called his father.

Mr Irwin entered the basement carrying a tray with a single slice of bread and a glass of water. He placed the tray on the ground and walked over to Ashton, ripping the tape off of his mouth before the boy even had the time to flinch. It hurt, and Ashton could feel his lower lip starting to bleed, but he didn’t make a noise. His father then roughly turned him around and peeled the tape off of his wrists, causing it to rip some of his cuts back open again - it wasn’t too bad, luckily. Ashton hissed nonetheless, but the familiar stinging pain actually felt _good_. He received a slap on his cheek from the sound he made, though. He cringed, but managed to keep his mouth shut this time. His father then handed him the tray and walked over to the stairs.

“Eat, quickly. You don’t want to make me wait,” he said, and Ashton just stared down at the parsimonious meal for a few seconds before he finally picked up the slice of bread and hesitantly took a bite. It was quite dry and it actually hurt to swallow it because his throat was all raw, so he ate it as quickly as he could and then gulped down the water. As soon as he finished, his father stood up again and kicked the tray away from Ashton. The curly-haired boy swallowed nervously and subconsciously tried to back away, but his father was having none of that. He grabbed Ashton’s - still bound - ankles and yanked him forward, causing him to hit the back of his head on the floor again. He whimpered involuntarily, but it pissed his father off a _lot_. Ashton saw his expression change from annoyed - which he always looked when he in one room with Ashton - to _furious_ , and even though Ashton saw the first hit coming, he didn’t have the time to avoid it. It landed on his cheek, making his head fly to the side and he fell back to the ground once again, desperately trying to keep his pained sounds in but not entirely managing, which only resulted in more blows and kicks.

Mr Irwin didn’t stop until his son had stopped making any noise or movement. Ashton was just lying there on the cold concrete floor, his hands placed over his head in an attempt to protect him, but that only exposed the rest of his body even more. He was pretty sure his torso looked _horrible_ , and his old bruises hadn’t even properly healed yet.

When the beating and kicking finally ceased, Ashton carefully peeked out from under his arms, staring at his father with wide, panicked eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks silently. Mr Irwin just looked back at him with nothing but _disgust_ in his eyes - Ashton wouldn’t know how else to describe it. The man then walked out of Ashton’s sight for a short moment before returning with a roll of duct tape. It took everything Ashton had to not flinch or scramble away from him, and he bit his lip harshly to prevent himself from making any sounds. Mr Irwin yanked his hands behind his back once again and taped them together, putting the sticky part of the tape on his cuts on purpose.

Before he put another piece of tape over Ashton’s mouth, he crouched down in front of him and took his son’s chin in his hand, forcing him to look at him.

“It is your fault I got sent to jail,” the man hissed, his grip on Ashton’s chin tightening and the curly-haired boy couldn’t help the small whimper he accidentally let out. His father’s eyes darkened with anger, but he didn’t comment on it. “That was _completely_ unfair,” he continued, looking Ashton straight in the eye. Tears were still dripping from his hazel ones and his vision was a bit blurry.

“All I did, I did it for _you_ , though, because you’re a complete _failure_ and I needed to teach you. I was trying to _save_ you, Ashton. So I’m gonna be very clear right now, okay? I have only _one_ rule, and that is: you’re not allowed to speak. You’re _worthless_ , and if you ever make even one _tiny_ little sound, I will _kill_ you, do you understand me?”

All Ashton could do was stare at his stone-cold face, into his frozen eyes, and nod. It was a very faint movement, barely even evident, but his father caught it. The man smirked a bit and patted Ashton’s cheek, causing more cheeks of terror to fall from his eyes, but he _did_ manage to not make a sound this time.

“Good boy,” his father whispered in his ear, before putting a piece of tape over his mouth and standing up, walking back up the stairs once again and taking the tray with him.

As soon as the door fell shut behind him, Ashton curled up into a ball - as best as he could with his arms and legs bound - and sobbed loudly. He didn’t know for how long he would be able to keep living like this, and he’d only been here for a few hours tops. He already missed his mom terribly, not to mention Luke.

 _Luke_.

Ashton shut his eyes tightly and let out a loud, body-shaking sob, tears now gushing down his cheeks like a waterfall.

He just wanted to get back to Luke.


	30. Chapter 30

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a blur for Luke. The officer who entered Mrs Clifford’s office with the picture of Ashton’s father had turned out to be her husband. Mr Clifford had asked him some questions about Ashton, like when Luke had last seen or heard from him and if he had any idea of where Ashton’s father might’ve taken his son. The blonde had answered all questions truthfully and as detailed as he could and, after he had made Officer Clifford promise him that he’d tell Luke if there was any progress, Mrs Clifford had allowed him to go home for the rest of the day. He had walked Anne-Marie to her car and made sure she was okay enough to drive home, even though he could barely keep his own tears at bay. Eventually, Anne had sniffled a bit and hugged Luke briefly, smiling sadly while wiping her tears and running mascara away with a tissue. She’d patted Luke’s shoulder a bit and ruffled his hair, tears shining in her eyes and unable to say anything - Luke usually hated it when people touched his hair, but he was nice enough not to comment on it this time. He turned to get his motor cycle as soon as Anne had driven off, zipping up his leather jacket as he climbed onto the vehicle.

He couldn’t help but notice how cold he felt without Ashton pressed up to his back and arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

 

-

 

He slammed the front door shut behind him a little more harshly than necessary, but he needed to relieve his pain and worry _somehow_. His parents weren’t home yet anyway, so he wouldn’t get a lecture about it. Ben and Jack were home already though, seeing as they were both in university and their days were a lot shorter than in high school.

“Hey, why are you home so early?” Ben asked, emerging from the kitchen upon hearing the front door open and close. Luke just shrugged and avoided his brother’s gaze, fingers fumbling with the zipper of his pocket to retrieve his pack of cigarettes.

“Principal gave me the rest of the day off,” he muttered, fishing a cigarette out of the box and putting it between his lips. “You don’t happen to have a lighter, do you?”

Ben shook his head and frowned at the emotionless tone of Luke’s voice. “Did something happen?” he asked, almost carefully, and Luke felt his eyes brimming with tears instantly. He shook his head, however, hands dipping into all of his pockets in search of a lighter, even though he knew he didn’t have one on him - he just didn’t want to face his brothers right now. Pushing past Ben, he darted into the living room, pulling open every drawer to get a fucking lighter - seriously, how hard could it be to just find one? - but eventually he got a hold of one, immediately lighting his cigarette and inhaling the smoke, letting it burn in his lungs for a few moments before exhaling. Jack threw a chip at him, scolding at him from where he was draped over the couch. “Don’t smoke in the house, Luke, it stinks.”

Luke just shrugged and tried to go upstairs, but he was stopped by Ben, who had a worried but determined look on his face.

“Okay, you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong, right now,” he demanded, keeping Luke’s wrist in a tight grip despite the younger boy’s struggles. Eventually Luke just sighed and flopped down on the couch, burying his face in his hands, but being careful so as to not get burned by the cigarette.

“Did something happen in school?” Ben tried, standing in front of his youngest brother and frowning at him worriedly. Luke just shook his head and took a deep breath before lifting his head to gaze up at Ben, a single tear slipping from his eye. Ben just looked _shocked_ now, because even though Luke was the youngest of the three of them, he _never_ cried - as far as they knew, he hadn’t cried in _years_ , so to see their little brother so sad absolutely broke their hearts - and worried them deeply, of course.

“Something’s happened to Ashton,” Luke whispered, taking another drag of his cigarette, but neither of his brothers said anything about it anymore.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Luke sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m just gonna tell you the main things, no further details, okay?” He only continued when both of his brothers had nodded. “Okay, so Ashton’s dad was abusive - that’s why he was always so jumpy - but the guy was sent to jail when the police found out what he did. But now he apparently escaped from prison and went after Ash.” More tears started to roll down his cheeks, but he didn’t even try to make them stop anymore. “He disappeared tonight. Nobody knows where he is. The police are looking for him, but they’ve got practically nothing so far.”

Ben and Jack stared at him, shock, worry and compassion evident in their eyes, but Luke didn’t want their empathy right now - he needed to be alone.

“I’m just gonna go to my room,” he muttered, standing up and walking up the stairs. Neither Ben nor Jack followed him, understanding he didn’t want their company at the moment.

 

-

 

Luke went to school the next day, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, but he wasn’t fooling anyone, especially not himself. He was even more secluded than usual, just ignoring everyone who tried to say something to him - which were only few people, luckily - and he found a table in the back of the cafeteria at lunch, where barely anybody even noticed him.

But somehow, Calum and Michael found him anyway. They pretty much slammed their trays down on the table top and flopped down in a chair, just staring at Luke for a few moments - Michael did his best not to glare, while Calum just looked worried. Luke was fed up with all the pitying glanced he’d received today and he pointedly ignored Calum, glaring at Michael instead - he noticed the large bruise on the older boy’s cheek, but didn’t comment on it, thinking he deserved what he got, whatever it was.

“What are you doing here? I’m trying to eat my lunch in peace, leave me the fuck alone for once,” he said angrily, but his tone didn’t sound very convincing because there barely was any sharpness in it.

“We know what happened to Ashton,” Calum suddenly said, sounding a bit sad and looking like a kicked puppy in every way possible. Luke almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“Splendid. Could you leave me alone now, then?” he spat, receiving a death glare from Michael in return. He couldn’t be bothered any less by that, though.

“We’re worried about him as well,” Calum said softly, obviously trying to not let Luke’s harshness affect him. Luke just snorted and grabbed his backpack from the ground, flinging it over his shoulder.

“Well, that’s wonderful. Now, would you mind leaving me the fuck alone, because I do _not_ want your company, or talk about what happened. Ashton is my best friend - hell, he’s so much _more_ to me than ‘just’ a friend - so don’t tell me you’re _worried_ about him. I’m terrified out of my mind that I will never see him again - ‘worry’ doesn’t even _begin_ to cover it. So, if you would do me the honour of pissing off, then that’d be great. I can take care of myself, I don’t need you and I don’t want you. Ashton might’ve liked you, for some weird reason, but I _don’t_ , so just- just go away, okay? Leave me alone. I wanna be alone.”

By now, he had tears pooling in his eyes, and he fled the cafeteria before the two boys could notice, he hoped.

Calum did see, however, and no matter how hurt he was by the blonde’s harsh words, his heart still broke for Luke.


	31. Chapter 31

Michael frowned at his reflection in the mirror, tracing his index finger over a large, purple bruise on his cheek. He didn’t know what was going on - his soulmate had been okay-ish lately, there had been no new bruises lately, though there were still old ones visible on his chest, which he guessed had been so bad that they took really long to heal - and it scared him that something was now going on again. It also made him feel bad that he wasn’t able to do anything - and yes, he knew it wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t stop him.

Eventually, he sighed and exited the bathroom, flopping down on his bed beside Calum. The tanned boy was spending the night at Michael’s place - he did that a lot - even though tomorrow was still a school day - neither of their parents cared about that.

Calum was lounging on Michael’s bed, flipping through channels on the TV in search for something fun to watch, but so far, no luck. They’d already put a mattress on the floor for Calum to sleep on, and it was getting quite late - especially for a school day - so Michael went to put on his pyjamas. After he took his shirt off, he was still fumbling with his pyjama top - it was inside out and refused to cooperate - and he suddenly heard Calum gasp. Turning around to look at his best friend with an eyebrow raised questioningly, he saw that Calum’s eyes were focused on Michael’s chest. He glanced down confusedly and couldn’t help but gasp as well at what he saw - there were definitely new bruises now. His stomach was a nauseatingly dark shade of purple and his torso had multiple bruises as well, varying in colour and size, just like _that_ time. He was sure the large one on his stomach would stay for a while, just like the old, still visible ones.

“Mikey, what’s going on?” Calum asked with a slight tremble in his voice, even though there was nothing wrong with him or his soulmate - he was still afraid for Michael. The older boy shook his head, pyjama top slipping through his shaking fingers and falling to the floor soundlessly. “I don’t know,” he replied, still staring at his chest a bit breathlessly. “I thought it was all getting better.”

Calum stood up and put his arms around Michael’s waist, guiding his best friend back to the bed and laying him down on it, climbing under the covers beside him.

“It’s gonna be okay,” the tanned boy whispered, and Michael clung to him tightly. “I hope so,” was all he managed to press out.

In the meantime, Calum had left the television on on the news. The reporter was just starting on a new report, a picture of a middle-aged man with light brown hair and hazel eyes appearing on the screen behind him.

 _“Now moving on to the prison break of yesterday morning,”_ he said, rearranging the papers on the desk in front of him. _“The two prisoners that escaped are still not caught, and it appears that they have now taken a hostage. Many people blame the police for not doing enough to catch the fugitives at first, so now the Sydney Police has put as many men on the case as they have available. The boy that the two fugitives, Irwin and Mitch, have taken hostage is seventeen year old Ashton Irwin, who happens to be Irwin’s son. Apparently the two fugitives have taken Ashton from his house last night, while everyone was asleep. Irwin was charged with child abuse a few months earlier and given twenty years, no probation. The detective who is leading the investigation believes that Irwin is a very dangerous guy and that they have to find him soon before it will be too late for Ashton.”_

Both boys had paled visibly and Michael hurried to grab the remote and turn the TV off. It was silent between them for a few minutes before Calum spoke up.

“So that’s why he wasn’t at school today,” he mumbled, still staring at the television, even though the screen was black now. Michael hummed and frowned, suddenly realising something.

“My dad is on that case,” he said, sitting up straight and looking down at Calum. “He wasn’t home the entire day - I think he’s still at the station now - and he just said that a prisoner escaped and he had to catch him.”

Calum’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably Ashton’s father then,” he agreed, pulling Michael back down. “That means we can ask him how Ashton’s doing and we’ll know immediately if there’s any progress if we tell him Ashton’s our friend.”

Michael nodded enthusiastically. “I hope they’ll find him soon though. If his father was arrested for child abuse - I don’t even want to think about what he could do to Ashton.”

Calum shivered at the thought and cuddled up to Michael, but frowned soon after.

“He had a bruise on his jaw a few days back,” he noted. “Like, after Luke had hit _you_.” He could feel Michael tense beside him at the mention of the blonde’s name, but chose to ignore it. “He said he walked into something, but how can you walk into something with your jaw? That’s like the _last_ place you’d get a bruise if you ‘walk into something’,” he said, and Michael frowned thoughtfully.

“But his father only escaped yesterday, so it couldn’t have been him,” the red-haired boy remarked. Calum nodded. “I know. It’s weird.”

Michael hummed in agreement and pulled Calum closer, sensing the boy’s distress. “My dad’s a great cop, they’ll get him in no-time, I’m sure,” he said, ruffling Calum’s dark hair a bit, receiving a small smile in return.

A silence fell between them then but, just as Calum was about to fall asleep, Michael shot up, looking angry more than anything else. “What’s wrong?” the tanned boy asked him, yawning a bit.

“Hemmings,” Michael seethed. Calum just looked at him confusedly, not understanding what his best friend was talking about in the slightest.

“What if Hemmings hit Ashton?” Michael clarified, flapping his hands around in meaningless motions because of his anger. Calum huffed and attempted to punch Michael, but because he was tired, his fist didn’t have much force behind it. “ _Luke_ wouldn’t do that. He loves Ashton.”

Michael noticed the sad edge to Calum’s voice, but didn’t comment on it. “Then how did he get that bruise? Huh?” he asked, but Calum just flopped over onto his side, to his back was facing Michael.

“Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. He wouldn’t hurt Ashton, you know that just as well as I do,” Calum mumbled, yawning widely. “Let’s just get some sleep now, alright? Staying awake worrying about things isn’t gonna help anyone.”

Michael moped for a few more moments before climbing back under the duvet beside Calum, who had already fallen asleep, and sighed softly, staring up at the ceiling. Things were _way_ more complicated than they should be - he could see that Calum was crushing on that Luke kid, and he absolutely _hated_ how Luke was so _mean_ to Calum, even though the tanned boy had been nothing but nice to him. Michael didn’t care if Luke was rude to him, but he didn’t want his best friend getting hurt, which was _exactly_ what was happening now. He hated how Calum couldn’t stay away from the blonde boy, even when it only hurt to see how he was making heart eyes at Ashton. And now Ashton was _missing_ and that sucked a lot too because despite everything, Ashton was their _friend_.

Michael sighed again and rolled onto his side, pulling Calum closer and snuggling up beside him.

“G’night,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against his best friend’s neck and trying desperately to ignore the tingly feeling on his chest, indicating another injury from his soulmate.


	32. Chapter 32

Ashton had no idea how long he’d been in the basement. He genuinely lost his sense of time, because it was always dark in the room - there were no windows - and his father came downstairs occasionally, but without any pattern in his visits. Sometimes he’d stay away for what felt like _ages_ to Ashton, which he was glad about, but on the other hand not so much, because that also meant no food in that same period of time. He was still bound and gagged, and he was getting kind of scared that the blood circulation in his hands and feet would be cut off if he stayed like this for much longer.

Ashton felt gross. He hadn’t showered since he’d been taken - though he didn’t really know how long ago that was - and he’d been lying on this dirty concrete floor ever since. It wasn’t hot in here - in fact, it was very, _very_ cold, but Ashton was sweating anyway - he was a teenage boy, of course he did.

The door creaked and a weak ray of light illuminated the stairs for a brief moment, before the door was closed again and someone came walking down the stairs. Mr Irwin crouched down in front of his son and ripped the tape off of his mouth. Ashton cringed a bit, because it _hurt_ to have tape torn off your lips like that, but otherwise didn’t move or make a sound. His father grinned smugly and took the tape off of his arms and legs as well - his wrists started bleeding again because the tape ripped his latest cuts open, and it _stung_ and Ashton would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a bit triggered by the blood and the pain - but it’s not like he could do anything right now.

“Get up,” his father said, and Ashton tried, he really did, but he’d lost the feeling in his feet a long time ago, so when he tried to stand, he just collapsed again. Mr Irwin let out an annoyed grumble and grabbed Ashton’s upper arm, roughly yanking him up. Ashton whimpered when his feet ached from the sudden weight they had to carry, but luckily, he remained standing.

“I brought some food,” Mr Irwin said. His voice caused unpleasant goosebumps to form on Ashton’s skin and the curly-haired boy shivered slightly. “And you can walk around for a bit. I don’t need you getting handicapped,” he continued, and Ashton nodded wordlessly. It was awkward for a few moments, as Mr Irwin looked at his son expectantly, but Ashton couldn’t move because he still couldn’t feel his feet and he didn’t dare to walk. Eventually his father just pushed him in the direction of the plate, causing him to stumble, but not fall, and he carefully picked up the single slice of bread one he’d regained his balance.

His father did nothing but watch him closely as he downed the glass of water afterwards and started walking around a bit. Little drops of blood dripped on the floor from his wrists, creating a lugubrious pattern on the pale concrete, but neither of them commented on it. After a while of very uncomfortable silence, Ashton hesitantly spoke up, shaking with nerves as he did so.

“How long have I been here now?” he asked, voice small and trembling, sounding like a frightened child. His father looked _furious_ , but managed to maintain his composure. “This is the third day,” he said, walking over to the curly-haired boy. Ashton flinched involuntary, but all that did was piss his father off even more. The tape came out again and Ashton’s wrists were tied together tightly, the sticky tape pulling on his skin, which only made every movement hurt.

He didn’t even see the first hit coming - which was stupid, now that he thought of it. The fist connected with his cheek and nose at the same time, and Ashton felt a blood vessel pop, thick drops of blood starting to leak from his nose as he fell to the ground.

“What did I tell you about speaking?” Mr Irwin asked, the underlying threat in his voice unable to miss, his face mere inches away from Ashton’s. The boy could smell his father’s breath - it reeked of cheap scotch and _cigarettes_ , which reminded him of _Luke_ , despite how entirely different this situation was, and he felt his stomach clench at the thought of the lanky blonde boy.

Ashton didn’t dare to speak, very much aware of the ban his father had put on him making any sound, and afraid of the consequences now that he _had_ , anyway.

“I asked you something!” Mr Irwin suddenly yelled, sending a kick into Ashton’s chest. The curly-haired boy doubled over in pain - as far as that was possible in his current position - and let out a breathy gasp as all air was forced out of his lungs, but apparently that was seen as a _sound_ as well, as his father pulled him up by his _hair_. It took everything Ashton had in that moment not to at least whimper, biting his lip until it started bleeding.

“Not allowed to speak,” Ashton whispered, tears escaping from his eyes, even though he tried _so_ hard to keep them in. His father nodded and let his hair go, a few curls sticking to his palm, and Ashton barely managed to stay on his feet.

“Exactly,” his father said, pushing Ashton backwards until he was pressed against the wall, which was really uncomfortable because his hands were still taped behind his back. Mr Irwin pressed his hand against Ashton’s jaw, tilting his head back and giving him just the _slightest_ trouble breathing. “So why did you speak, then?”

Ashton breathed in through his nose sharply, fighting his restraints as he tried to put his hand over his father’s and pull it away. At the lack of response, his father grabbed a handful of caramel-coloured locks and pulled his head forward a bit, before slamming it back into the wall. Ashton whimpered in pain and closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain, but that didn’t work, of course.

His father’s mouth was so close to his ear now that Ashton could feel the hot, humid breaths on his skin. The words were slightly slurred and the stench of alcohol was very evident. “Fucking answer me, you disgrace.”

Ashton opened his mouth and sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, trying to keep himself together, but when his father threw him to the ground and sent a kick to his stomach, he gave up.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise this took me so long.

When Ashton woke up the next time, his hands were taped together in front of him instead of behind his back, which was a _lot_ better - but still not comfortable. His body was aching and stinging and he was fairly certain one of his ribs was broken again, so he tried to move as little as possible.

At first, he’d thought he was alone, so to say he started when he heard a voice was quite an understatement. He jerked up, which caused a fresh wave of pain to wash over him and he gnashed his teeth, crying out softly, trying to put a hand on his ribcage but failing because his hands were bound.

“You’re awake then.”

Ashton squinted, trying to make out where the voice was coming from in the semi-darkness of the basement. Eventually, his eyes landed on a dark figure sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. The guy stood up and started walking towards him slowly, making him seem extra threatening to Ashton. The curly-haired boy moved back a bit as the guy approached him. It wasn’t his father, however - this man had longer hair, which was a bit greasy and looked sort of gross. It weirdly reminded Ashton of Severus Snape from Harry Potter. The guy was pretty skinny and scruffy and his teeth, which were revealed as he shot Ashton a bright smile, were yellow rather than white.

Ashton nodded softly in response to his statement and anxiously waited for what was going to happen. In the few days he’d been there - he honestly had no idea how long exactly - his father had always been the only one to come downstairs. Ashton was quite sure it was the same guy as the one that had helped his father kidnap him, though.

“I’m Mitch,” the man said, extending his hand to Ashton. The curly-haired boy looked at it sceptically for a while before hesitantly lifting both his hands and awkwardly shaking it. “Ashton,” he croaked out, which was completely unnecessary because _of course_ this Mitch already knew who he was.

“I figured, yeah,” he said, running a hand through his shoulder length hair and shifting from foot to foot, grin still plastered on his face. “Mr Irwin told me to come down here and un-tape you, because of something with blood circulation, I don’t know.”

Ashton nodded slowly and stretched his hands out again, patiently waiting until the guy had managed to peel the tape off, a lot more carefully than his father always did. Once it had come off, he rubbed the red skin of his wrists, sighing softly. He wasn’t bleeding too much - hell, if you compared this too the times he really cut himself, this was _nothing_ \- but some of his cuts started leaking little drops of blood once again. Mitch seemed to notice this as well, judging by the way he furrowed his eyebrows - he didn’t comment on it, though.

“I also brought you some food,” he said, gesturing vaguely to the stairs. Ashton managed to get up and stumbled over to the tray on one of the steps slowly, his limbs a bit stiff from being in the same position for a long time. The food Mitch had brought was nothing more than usual - a dry slice of bread and a glass of water. His stomach was growling loudly as he downed it all rather quickly, wishing he could spend more time on it. He was hungry all the time, since a few days already, seeing as all he got in a day was the same parsimonious meal, and he could feel he already was a _lot_ weaker than he’d been before he got stuck in this place.

“I’m gonna go back now,” Mitch said, taking the tray in his hands and walking up the stairs a few steps before turning back around. “Oh, yeah, um, you’re allowed to walk around and stuff, but don’t try anything. ‘M pretty sure Mr Irwin will kill you if you do.” Ashton just nodded and watched as Mitch walked up the stairs and out of the basement. In the brief moment the door was open, a white light, shone into the dark room, illuminating a part of the stairs and the wall, before the door closed and Ashton was cast in darkness again. The single peer in the middle of the ceiling was starting to shine even less than it already did, and he was fairly sure it wouldn’t be long until he was completely in the dark. That thought made him shiver - it was bad enough in here already when he _was_ able to see something. He didn’t want to have to endure that when he couldn’t even see the tip of his own nose.

 

After it’d been silent for a while - Ashton didn’t know for how long exactly, but he guessed around half an hour, when he was sure that nobody would be coming in for a while - he started walking along the concrete walls, his fingertips exploring every inch of the cold material they could reach, searching for something - a way out, a way to find help, _anything_ \- but all he got was frozen and dusty fingers. His digits were now turning a bit blue and becoming numb, while his toes already were a nauseating shade of purple. He didn’t know how much longer he could live in this temperature - it couldn’t be warmer than ten degrees Celsius in the basement, and seeing as he was only in his pyjama pants still, that was _way_ too cold.

Eventually, after he’d searched all the walls and even the floor, but found absolutely nothing, he sighed and glanced towards the stairs, hesitating for a brief moment before slowly walking up them, careful to make as less sound as possible. Once he’d reached the top of the stairs, he laid his head against the cold metal of the door and listened closely. Not a single sound was heard, and he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down before he pushed the door handle down. It made a creaking noise from rust and old age, but the door didn’t give in - it was locked. He’d already expected that, but that didn’t make it any less good news. There was absolutely no way out of here for him.

And to make it worse, just as he was about three-quarter down the stairs, he heard someone fumbling with the lock before the door above him swung open, hinges squeaking loudly. Ashton whirled around quickly, only to come face to face with his father, whose face was all blotched red with anger - and probably a bit alcohol too. The curly-haired boy felt the hairs on his neck stand up straight as he stumbled down the last steps, falling on the ground with a thud, but he barely acknowledged that as his father positively raced down the stairs, yanking him up by his arm harshly and pushing him against the wall.

“I thought Mitch told you not to try anything,” he said, the edge of frenzy in his voice unmissable. Ashton trembled and whimpered slightly, trying to cower back but unable to do so because he was already against the wall. His father put one hand on his neck and used the other to keep him pressed against the concrete. Ashton whimpered as the hand closed around his neck and he pawed at it, trying to get it off, but his father was too strong, he didn’t budge.

“Didn’t Mitch warn you about what would happen if you did that?” Mr Irwin asked, his mouth close too Ashton’s ear - the boy could feel his scruff brush against his jaw. Ashton nodded only slightly, too terrified and unable to move more because of the hand on his neck. His father grinned mirthlessly and tightened his grip.

“You’d been warned, Ashton, and now you’re gonna have to face the consequences.”


	34. Chapter 34

Luke was miserable.

Ashton had been gone for a week now, and Luke had never felt more alone in his entire life. He’d never had any real friends beside his brothers - he’d never _wanted_ friends. None of the people he’d met were interested in the same things as him - while all the boys loved cars and sports and other stuff boys are _supposed_ to like, Luke had always only been interested in music. People had never been very accepting on that, so he eventually just gave up on trying to make friends and pushed everyone away who _did_ want to be his friend, figuring they wouldn’t understand anyway. He became rude to everyone and very secluded and closed himself off so he wouldn’t _need_ any friends, but then _Ashton_ had come barging into his life and just torn down his walls, without realising and apparently without any effort, and changed almost every single one of Luke’s personal life rules - except for the soulmate one, that had only grown stronger.

Now that Ashton was missing, Luke didn’t even know what to do with himself anymore. He skipped over half of his classes, but the teachers let him be most of the time because they knew he was having a tough time, and he barely got out of his room anymore, which worried his brothers a lot, because Luke would usually join them in playing video games, eating pizza and watching re-runs of TV shows. Ben and Jack tried everything they could think of to get Luke out of his shell again, to take his mind off Ashton, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time Luke just stayed in his room, strumming chords on his guitar and scribbling down lyrics that came to his mind. He tuned his guitar and scraped his throat, plucking at the strings, mindlessly playing a tune as he softly sang the words to the song he’d just finished.

 _“Don’t talk, let me think it over. How we gonna fix this? How we gonna undo all the pain? Tell me, is it even worth it? Looking through a straight line, taking back the time we can’t replace._ _All the crossed wires, just making us tired. Is it too late to bring us back to life?”_

He stopped when there was a soft knock on the door, but didn’t make a move to get up. “Go away, I’m not in the mood for company,” he grumbled, strumming his guitar louder, hoping that the person on the other side of his door would go away.

_“When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I fall apart, I'm fighting hard to breathe. You’re the reason, the only reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb, I swear my heart is never giving up. You’re the reason, the only reason.”_

Another knock sounded, a bit louder this time, and the door swung open without Luke giving them permission to come in. He groaned in frustration, putting his guitar on the bed behind him and turning to face whichever of his brothers had decided to barge into his room like this and scold at them, but the person his eyes met wasn’t Ben nor Jack.

It was Ashton’s mother.

Anne-Marie was standing in his doorway, with her hand still on the knob, and Luke immediately rushed to her and hugged her when he saw the state she was in. Her eyes were a bit too watery and her make-up looked like it had been smudged and she’d tried to wipe it away.

“Hey, how are you?” Luke asked her softly after they broke away from the hug, standing in front of her a bit awkwardly. Anne grimaced - what probably should’ve been a smile - and gestured to the stairs on the other side of the corridor. “The police just called me that they wanted me to come to the station. It had something to do with Ashton’s case, that’s all I know. I want you to come with me though, since you’re his best friend,” she said, voice wavering a little. Luke nodded gratefully and put on some shoes quickly, flinging his leather jacket over his shoulders and following Anne downstairs. Both his brothers shot him looks, filled with concern and pity, but Luke just smiled weakly at them and led Anne out the house, to her car.

 

-

 

The ride to the police station had been silent, but not uncomfortable. The both of them knew that they didn’t have to say anything, so the silence wasn’t heavy, even after Anne had popped Ashton’s favourite cd in and I Miss You by Blink-182 started playing. (Luke did get a bit emotional from it, but he managed to keep it dry, and politely ignored it when he heard Anne sniffle a bit and wipe at her eyes.

When they arrived at the station, Officer Clifford was already waiting for them outside. Luke had to gather his courage for a bit before he found the strength to open the car door and follow Anne inside the building. Officer Clifford was still waiting for him at the entrance, a soft smile on his face as he shook Luke’s hand. The police officer led the two of them to a small room, with some comfortable chairs in it. All of them sat down and Clifford offered them a cup of coffee, which they both refused.

“Do you have news on my son?” was the first thing Anne asked, unable to wait any longer. Officer Clifford sighed sadly - Luke felt his blood run cold - and shook his head slightly. “Unfortunately, we haven’t. We’re doing everything we can at the moment, but he has disappeared without a trace. The only leads we have are the DNA of both Mr Irwin and his accomplice and tire tracks in front of your house, but those are from a stolen vehicle - and there also happen to be tons of that kind of car only in this city. There’s no way to track that down.” Officer Clifford sighed again and shot the pair a sad look.

“So, what I’m trying to say, is that the chances of a missing person returning alive drop after twenty-four hours. For Ashton, it’s already been a week, and given what’s happened between him and his father in the past... I can’t say I’m optimistic about it. I’m not trying to make you lose hope, because you definitely shouldn’t - we’re not giving up until we’ve found him, and we will continue to do everything we can - but don’t get your hopes up too high. It’s been long. I’m really sorry.”

Anne let out a muffled sob and Luke put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her a bit closer and rubbing her back gently in an attempt to calm her down, while he could barely keep himself together, the thought of possibly not seeing Ashton ever again too much to handle.

Officer Clifford smiled sadly at him, his eyes filled with empathy. “I’m really sorry, kid. You can stay here for a while to take it all in.” He patted Luke on his knee and exited the room, leaving Luke alone with a sobbing Anne and his own thoughts.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Anne mumbled after a while, sitting back and wiping her eyes with a tissue she retrieved from her purse. She shot one quick look at Luke and sighed, pulling the blond boy in her arms. “Oh, c’mere, love,” she mumbled, running a hand through Luke’s hair. He didn’t even realise he was crying until a tear fell into a rip in his skinny jeans, on his leg. He wiped at his eyes angrily and pulled back from Anne.

“I need a minute,” he croaked out, before practically running out of the room and walking through a few random hallways of the police station, looking for a bathroom. He didn’t find one, though, as he ran into the _last_ person he’d expected to see there.

“What are _you_ doing here, Hemmings?” sneered a familiar voice. Luke clenched his fists in annoyance, but made sure that the other boy couldn’t see his face.

“Fuck off, Michael, I don’t need your bullshit right now,” he muttered, attempting to push past him, but the pale boy took his upper arm in a surprisingly strong grip. Suddenly, Luke felt annoyed that he didn’t even know Michael’s last name, while the red-haired boy always called him ‘Hemmings’.

“Are you crying?” Michael asked, and Luke blinked in an attempt to keep the fresh flood of tears in, but he didn’t quite manage. He suppressed a sniffle and yanked his arm out of Michael’s grip, wiping at his face, but Michael stopped him again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” the smaller boy asked. His tone had lost all venom and was now just soft and laced with an edge of concern. “Are you alright.”

Luke nodded, but he couldn’t keep his tears in anymore now. He tried to say “Yeah, I’m fine”, but the words didn’t even come out - Michael knew what he meant, though, because he read the blonde’s lips. Sighing, he pulled Luke into a hug, despite the hatred they felt for each other, and let Luke cry into his shoulder.

Officer Clifford rounded the corner then, looking worried, but he visibly relaxed when he saw Luke in his son’s arms, shoulders shaking slightly. Michael mouthed a “What happened” to him, but his father just shook his head, mothing “Later” back. Michael nodded and ran a hand over Luke’s trembling back, trying to calm the boy down, even though he still hated the kid - he couldn’t just let the boy be sad on his own, he wasn’t  _that_ much of an ass.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me so long.

Apparently, Luke had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of his breakdown. He woke up on a small, leather sofa in one of the break rooms of the police station, his only company being a certain dyed-red boy. He groaned as he sat up too fast and his head ached, little stars dancing in front of his eyes. Michael looked up from his phone and glanced over at Luke, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked softly. Luke just attempted to glare at him, but it failed quite miserably, as his eyes were still red and his cheeks still damp from crying. He sighed and rubbed his face, looking really tired, and Michael was kind of worried about him. (Not that he’d ever admit that.)

Luke shrugged and avoided the other boy’s gaze, staring at his fingers. “I just want him back,” he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes once again, but he managed to blink them away this time. Michael looked conflicted - his hands were twitching in his lap, like he wasn’t sure if he should comfort the blonde boy of not. Eventually he decided not to.

“Did you get here by yourself?” he asked. Luke shook his head. “No, Anne picked me up.”

Michael couldn’t help it - he snorted. “So you’re already at the stage where you call his mother by her first name,” he sneered, hating himself the moment the words left his mouth. Luke’s anger flared back up, the sad look in his eyes replaced by hatred. “Look, you twat, I don’t care that you don’t like me, and you can say whatever you want about me, I don’t give a fuck, but leave Ash and his mom out of this. I love him, okay, and yeah I call his mom by her first name, why the fuck would you care about that?” he hissed, full-on glaring at Michael now, despite his sore eyes. The red-haired boy sighed and nodded, standing up. “Because Calum is my best friend and I don’t want him to get hurt,” he replied to the question Luke didn’t expect to get an answer to. “I’ll go get someone to bring you home.”

Before Luke got the chance to say something, Michael left the room, leaving the blonde confused as to what he’d meant with the bit about Calum. He groaned, frustrated, and stood up, walking around the room while pulling at his hair until a man came in. It was Officer Clifford - he looked quite worried. The man put his hand on Luke’s shoulder.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked, and Luke shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’m worried, and scared. I need him,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket, just like _Ashton_ always did. Officer Clifford nodded understandingly. “I know, that’s totally normal, and we’re doing everything we can to get him back, alright?” he reassured the blond boy, and Luke nodded. “Yeah, I know. ‘M just wondering if that’s enough.”

 

-

 

Anne-Marie had gone back home a while ago, while Luke was sleeping, so Officer Clifford brought him home. Nothing had been said during the entire drive, and even though the silence had been heavy, it hadn’t bothered Luke. He’d just ignored it, crawling back into his shell, but even further than before he’d met Ashton.

Both Ben and Jack had been waiting for him to come home, Luke noticed - they tried not to let it show and pretended they were watching TV, but it was quite obvious they weren’t when the device was turned off. Luke appreciated their concern, though. He needed the support, even if he didn’t _want_ to need it, and he knew the older boys cared about Ashton too - who couldn’t?

“Hey guys,” he said, sounding tired, even to himself. The pair only looked up when he said that, but Luke knew they’d noticed him before - they weren’t as subtle as they thought they were.

“Hey, Lukey. How was it? You were gone for quite a while,” Jack said, trying to sound neutral, but Luke didn’t miss the edge of worry to his voice. He smiled a bit, but it faltered quite quickly, and he sat himself down in the large, brown armchair next to the couch his brothers were sitting on.

“It wasn’t good,” he said quietly, staring at the polished table top blankly while frowning as he recalled Officer Clifford’s words.

“Why? Have they found Ashton yet?” Ben asked, the words ‘or his body’ remaining unsaid, but drifting in the air heavily. Luke shook his head, laughing just a bit hysterically. “No, they haven’t. And it’s been a week already. The chances of finding a missing person _alive_ after twenty-four hours is small already, let alone after seven fucking _days._ ”

A silence fell between the three boys after that, none of them knowing what to say. Ben and Jack both sent pitying glances at their youngest brother, but Luke tried to ignore them as best as he could while searching in his pockets for a pack of cigarettes, fingers trembling.

“Are they giving up the investigation?” Jack asked eventually, and he let out a relieved sigh when Luke shook his head. “No, they’re still doing everything they can. At least, that’s what the cop said. I don’t know. He told us not to get our hopes up.”

Both his older brothers pulled a face at that and pulled Luke closer to them, engulfing them in a messy hug. He didn’t even try to object, which was strange - he rarely ever complied to family hugs.

“He’ll survive, Luke,” Ben whispered, and Jack nodded his agreement. “He has to.”


	36. Chapter 36

The next day was a Sunday, which meant no school, and that was just what Luke needed. He didn’t want to leave his room, especially after the conversation he and Anne had had with Officer Clifford the day before, and he _definitely_ didn’t want to face Michael after the breakdown he’d had against the older boy. All he wanted to do was lie in bed all day, maybe play some guitar and write a few songs, and just ignore the world, like he’d been doing for the past week, and since forever actually, before he’d met a certain curly-haired boy.

His brothers had made different plans for him, however.

The two older boys came barging into his room around noon without a warning, causing Luke to grumble from where he was buried under a few layers of thick, white covers. “Go away, guys,” he moaned, ducking back under the duvet until he was completely invisible. “I wanna sleep.”

Jack strode forward and ripped the covers off of him, putting a bare-chested Luke on display. Goosebumps erupted on his skin as the cold air brushed it. Annoyed, he sat up, glaring at his two brothers. Ben shook his head.

“No way. You’ve been sulking for long enough. You need to get out, you can’t stay in your room being miserable all the time. Ashton wouldn’t want you to.”

The last sentence hurt, Luke wasn’t going to lie about that. He tried to ignore it, though, and slid out of bed, looking down at his brothers - he was the tallest out of them, bless.

“Alright then. What did you have in mind?” he asked, looking at them expectantly. It better be something good, or else he wasn’t going to. He needed some alone-time.

“I didn’t, I gotta go to work,” Ben said, gesturing to Jack. “But he’s gonna take you to the gym.”

Luke cocked an eyebrow. “The gym, huh? Seriously?”

Jack nodded determined. “Yes, the gym, seriously. I know you prefer working out alone, but I’m pretty sure some company would do you good, and you really need to get out of your room.”

Luke groaned and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “You do realise I’m going to hate you forever, right?”

Both of his brother nodded simultaneously and Luke gave up, knowing they wouldn’t back down. Huffing, he gathered some sweatpants and a plain grey tank top. “Fine, I’m gonna take a shower, give me half an hour.”

They waited until he’d disappeared into the bathroom, but Luke still heard his brothers high-five through the closed door.

 

-

 

Jack drove onto the parking lot in front of the gym just over an hour later. Of course, Luke’s shower had taken a bit longer than he’d anticipated, but it was still early enough. The two brothers walked into the large, red-bricked building side by side, sports bags swung over their shoulders casually.

“Feel good to be among people again?” Jack asked teasingly. Luke huffed but laughed, despite himself, and shoved his brother’s shoulder. “No, it’s horrible, I hate it. Why can’t you just let me waste away in peace?” he bit back, not even joking. Jack rolled his eyes at the younger boy.

“Because you’re my little brother and even though you’re a little shit most of the time, I love you, and I’m not gonna let you be alone in your room all day when you should keep going, even if you don’t want to.”

Luke sighed and glanced to the side to look at his brother. Even though he was still annoyed that they’d dragged him out of bed and forced him to go outside, he knew they meant well and he still loved the two douchebags.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly, receiving a grin and ruffled hair in return. “No problem, kiddo.”

 

-

 

A few hours and heavy workouts later, both blonde boys were coated in a layer of sweat and had a slight ache in their arms and legs, indicating they’d probably have myalgia the next day. Luke chugged down a bottle of water in record time, while Jack was sat on a bench with a white towel in his neck, panting slightly.

“My wrist hurts,” Luke whined, flopping down next to his older brother on the wooden bench. Jack frowned and gently took his arm. “Damn, that’s not good though. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken so much weight with the lifting,” he said, but Luke pulled his arm back and rolled his eyes.

“Calm you tits, drama king. I broke it _weeks_ ago, it fully healed already, don’t fret it. You sound like mom,” he said, receiving a huff and a shove. “Just saying. Don’t bite more than you can chew.”

Luke stood up and chucked his now empty water bottle in a nearby trash can. “Okay, so, what are we gonna do now? Can we go home, or do you want me to do more ‘among people’?” he asked, emphasizing the last two words with a ridiculing hand gesture. Jack laughed but shook his head. “Nah, this has been more socializing than you’ve done all year, I think we can go home now.” Luke chuckled and flipped his brother off. “Fuck you, I go to the gym all the time.”

He grabbed the straps of his sports bag and flung it over his shoulder, turning to Jack. “C’mon, let’s go then.”

Jack nodded and shouldered his own bag, following the taller boy out of the dressing room. On his way to the door, however, one of Luke’s feet got trapped in someone else’s stuff, which they dumped on the floor carelessly, and because Luke was a nine feet tall giant and his legs were way too long for him to coordinate properly, he lost his balance and fell to the tiled floor with a smack. He heard Jack laughing behind him and he couldn’t blame the older boy - it must have looked funny, he probably would’ve laughed himself, had his wrist not made a nauseating snapping sound and hurt like a bitch when it got smashed to the ground under his body and the sports bag. Jack’s giggles died down soon when all Luke did was push himself up with his good arm and get it wrist out from underneath him, but didn’t even try to stand up.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, parroting Michael’s words from the day before without knowing, the worry in his voice more evident and sincere than the red-haired boy’s, though. Luke bit his lip to try and distract himself from the agony in his wrist and managed to sit up, clutching his bad arm to his chest carefully.

“Wrist,” he mumbled, stifling a groan of pain while attempting to get back on his feet. Jack’s eyes widened and he immediately put an arm around Luke to help him sit down on the bench. “Oh, fuck,” he mumbled when he saw the state Luke’s wrist was in. The younger boy didn’t even dare to look - he’d been it the previous time already, bent in an impossible angle, and he didn’t need to see that again.

“Hospital, please,” he choked out, and Jack seemed to shake himself out of the shock. “Yeah, of course, come on,” he mumbled, taking a shirt from his bag and wrapping it around Luke’s bleeding wrist very carefully. He helped Luke stand up and guided his younger brother out of the gym and into the car, breaking quite a few speed limits as he drove to the hospital. Luke kept telling him to slow down and that it wasn’t a major emergency, but Jack didn’t listen - he was worried about his little brother, who could blame him?


	37. Chapter 37

Jack had been driving so fast that the tires of the car made a screeching noise when he hit the brake after arriving at the hospital’s parking lot. Luke winced at the sound, but Jack didn’t even notice, as he was already out of the car and running over to Luke’s side to help him out. The tall boy was carefully holding his broken arm to his chest, making sure it moved as little as possible. Jack helped Luke get out of the car and walk to the entrance of the hospital, supporting his weight like Luke had broken his _ankle_ rather than his wrist.

“I’m not handicapped, you know, I can still walk,” he said, trying to sound annoyed, but he was secretly kind of happy with his brother’s concern for him, so he couldn’t help the fond smile on his lips. Jack shrugged and just kept walking, pretty much carrying Luke at this point. “I’m not taking any risks. You might break your leg if you trip over a loose brick or something,” Jack muttered, causing Luke to laugh, despite the pain in his wrist. “It’s asphalt, Jack, I won’t trip.”

Jack breathed out a laugh and dragged Luke inside of the white building, the sterile scent of detergent welcoming them. “You never know, you’re clumsy as fuck with those giraffe legs of yours.”

They arrived in the emergency room, and lucky for them, it was almost empty - the only other people there were an old couple of whom the lady was in a wheelchair and a mother with her toddler, an adorable little boy with huge, beautiful, dark brown eyes. Not even half an hour later, a man in a long white coat with a gentle smile on his face walked into the waiting room.

“Hello, my name is Dr Collins, come on in,” he said. Luke and Jack got up and followed the man through a few corridors into a room.

“So, what happened?” Dr Collins asked as they sat themselves down in the chairs on either side of the wooden desk. Luke held his injured arm up. “I fell and broke my wrist. Again. It also happened a few weeks ago, so I guess it was still a bit vulnerable.”

Dr Collins nodded a few times and then stood up, gesturing for Luke to follow him. “We’ll have an x-ray made to see how bad it is, and we’ll put your wrist in a cast, the amount of time depends on the results.” Luke nodded to indicate he’d understood and then him and Jack were following Dr Collins to another department of the hospital. There were yellow signs placed on each of the doors, warning people for the radiation. Dr Collins opened the second door and walked in, Luke and Jack following close behind him. A nurse came in through another door a few moments later, and Jack had to wait behind a wall - with glass in it, so he could still see what was going on - while they took the x-ray.

“The results will be ready in a few moments, you can follow Dr Collins to get a cast in the meantime,” the nurse said after a while. Luke nodded and stood up, following the doctor outside of the room.

“How’s it feel?” Jack asked him as soon as they were in the corridor. Luke pulled a face, his sore arm still supported by the other one. “Hurts,” he mumbled. “But nothing too bad. I’ll live, I survived last time.” He smirked slightly and Jack huffed out a laugh. “You’re never allowed to scare me like that again though, just try to stay in one piece from now on, okay?”

Luke laughed a bit louder than appropriate in a hospital, causing a nearby nurse to shush him, an angry expression on her face. He just flipped her off when she wasn’t looking anymore.

Dr Collins opened a door and led the two boys in. There already were two nurses waiting for them,  both in a long white coat and soft blue coloured hospital uniform underneath.

“Okay, Mr Hemmings, take a seat,” one of the nurses said - they were both women, a short blonde girl in her early twenties, judging by her youthful face, and an older, brunette lady. Luke sat down in one of the chairs and carefully stretched his arm out to the brown-haired women, who took a good look at it and poked it in a few places, causing Luke to hiss in pain.

“Damn, that hurts,” the blonde said, and the nurse withdrew, thankfully, only to be replaced by the other nurse.

“I’m going to put the cast on your arm now. The results just came in, it’s a clean break, you should be good in two to three weeks,” the blonde lady said, and Luke groaned, frustrated. “Two to three weeks? That’s way too long,” he whined, but the nurses just rolled their eyes and started casting his wrist. Jack and the doctor kept talking to him in an attempt to distract him.

“You’re lucky it’s your left wrist, though, so at least you can still write,” Jack commented, but Luke just snorted. “No excuse to not do my schoolwork. Joy.”

Jack just flipped him off. “By the way, I’m not gonna be your slave now, just because you’re too clumsy to walk on your own without breaking anything.”

Luke pouted and put on his puppy eyes. “But I’m disabled now, I can’t do anything by myself!”

“Stop being such a baby and man up, it’s only your left hand you can’t use,” Jack said, trying to sound annoyed but only coming across as amused (and maybe still a bit shaken up). Luke’s eyes widened, only half-jokingly, as he realised something. “I can’t play guitar now anymore, can I?” he asked, turning to Dr Collins. The man shook his head. “I’m afraid so. Your arm will be in a sling for at least one week, possibly longer. Come back in two weeks, and we’ll see if we can take the cast off or if you’ll have to keep it for another week. I don’t expect it to take any longer than that, though,” he said. Luke nodded, looking a bit sour, but also feeling like it could’ve been _much_ worse, and glad that it wasn’t.

“Thank you,” he said, and just at that moment, the nurses finished his cast and carefully put it in a sling, gently tying the white fabric in a knot on the back of his neck.

“All right, all done,” the older lady said, and Luke smiled at her gratefully. His wrist was still sore and it hurt like hell, if he was being honest, but he decided to not comment on it; he wasn’t some wimp.

“It probably still hurts a bit right now, but that should reduce soon. If it keeps hurting a lot, don’t hesitate to come over. Also if there are any complaints, please do come back before out appointment. Don’t want it to get worse than it has to, now do we?”

Luke nodded and tried to move the arm in the sling a bit, but it hurt, so he just decided to leave it. “The next weeks are gonna be Hell,” he muttered, receiving a snort and a (more gentle than usual) shove against his shoulder from Jack. “Stop being whiny and cheer up, you’re a pain in the ass when you’re in a bad mood.”

Luke just laughed and glared at his brother half-heartedly. “Excuse me, I have every right to be in a bad mood right now. The only way to make me feel better would be to buy me ice cream,” he said, smirking when Jack sighed loudly and threw his arms up in surrender. “Ugh, fine! But only one cone.”


	38. Chapter 38

Michael was at Calum’s place when it happened. They weren’t really doing anything, just lounging on the bed, half-watching a horror movie, when Calum suddenly hissed and clutched his wrist. Michael frowned and scooted over to the younger boy, looking at him worriedly.

“Cal, you okay?” he asked, and Calum shook his head, whimpering a bit. “I think my wrist just broke,” was his reply, and Michael raised his eyebrow for a moment before realising.

“Soulmate?” he asked, and Calum nodded, a pained expression on his face. He might not feel the pain from his soulmate’s injury - the moment his wrist broke, he didn’t feel anything - but he was worried about his soulmate and he knew he’d have to go to the hospital himself as well, like, right _now_.

“My mom’s downstairs, go tell her what happened, I’ll be down in a minute,” he told Michael, and the red-haired boy hesitated for a moment before pressing a soft kiss to Calum’s forehead and darting down the stairs, into the living room. In the meantime, Calum took a towel from the bathroom - in lack of something more useful - and wrapped it around his wrist before walking down the stairs, where both Michael and Joy were already waiting for him with their coats on and car keys in her hand. Calum’s mom put an arm around his shoulders and guided him outside, to the car. Michael insisted on him sitting in the backseat so he could keep an eye on him and Joy could completely focus on driving. Calum sighed, only slightly annoyed, because _he_ was fine, it didn’t even hurt, and it had happened before, he knew what to do. He did appreciate his best friend’s concern, though, and he made sure Michael knew that by cuddling into him during the ride.

Once they arrived at the hospital, the first thing Joy did was walk to the front desk. A nice looking lady in her forties smiled warmly at them.

“How can I help you?” she asked. Joy gestured to her son, who was gently clutching his towel-wrapped wrist. “His soulmate broke their wrist,” she said, and the lady nodded a few times, taking a phone and pressing a few buttons before putting it to her ear. Calum guessed they had cases like this all the time, where someone had a broken bone that didn’t come from _themselves_ , and they probably had a special routine for them as the injuries were never _lethal_ , no matter how bad they actually were, so they were never real emergencies.

“Dr Parish has some time now. You can walk through this hallway and go left at the end, he will be waiting for you there,” the lady said as soon as she had put the phone down. Joy smiled at her gratefully and mumbled a quick “Thank you” before gesturing the two teenage boys to follow her as she strode down the hallway. Dr Parish was indeed waiting for them at one of the doors. She greeted them all with a smile and a handshake and gestured for them to sit down. The chairs were more comfortable than Calum would’ve given them credit for.

Dr Parish asked him to explain what had happened when he broke his wrist, which he did - it was a short story, really, it hadn’t been spectacular at all - and as soon as he was finished, Dr Parish went to get another doctor - or a nurse, Calum hadn’t really paid much attention, he knew what they would do already anyway - and they carefully but quickly wrapped Calum’s arm in a cast and a sling.

“We’ll take the cast off in two weeks if everything goes well, and you only need the sling for one week - it’s only a recommendation, though, it’s more to take the pressure off to reduce the pain, but since you probably don’t feel any, you don’t necessarily need the sling,” Dr Parish explained, and Calum nodded to let her know he’d understood.

“Thank you,” he said with a small smile, which Dr Parish returned, and after a final handshake they were free to go again.

“What a way to spend your Sunday,” Michael muttered when they were back in the car. Calum rolled his eyes and gently kicked Michael’s shin. “We haven’t even been in there for an hour, stop whining,” he said, and Michael huffed, but Calum still caught the corner of his mouth trembling a bit, like he was trying not to smile. “That’s still one hour wasted, though. Why does your stupid soulmate have to be such a klutz?”

Calum couldn’t help but smile fondly at the mention of his soulmate, and he traced his cast with his index finger. “They’re not stupid.”

 

-

 

The next day, Calum had to go to school again, but he didn’t want to get out of bed - which wasn’t unusual for him, but this time he _really_ didn’t want to. It was _Monday_ , his arm was in a cast, he couldn’t participate in football practise and there was a big game coming up, so the coach would kill him, and everyone would surely be asking him what happened and how it happened and if he knew who his soulmate was yet and he’d have to say _No, I don’t_ and feel bad for the rest of the day, because there was _nothing_ he wanted more than to have that knowledge.

Calum took a shower, got dressed and slowly walked down the stairs, slumping down in one of the chairs in the kitchen and looking at his mom, who was sitting there as well, reading the newspaper.

“Mooooooom,” Calum whined, dropping his head in his hands but quickly lifting it back up again when his forehead bumped against his cast painfully. “I don’t want to go to school today,” he pouted. Joy just turned the page without looking up. “I know, sweetie, you say that every morning.”

Calum groaned and banged his head against the table top. “But I have a broken wrist today. I’m handicapped. I can’t even write,” he whined, glancing up at his mom to catch her reaction. Joy looked at him over the edge of the newspaper with one eyebrow raised. “It’s only your left wrist, you can still write. And you would be allowed to stay home if it hurt a lot, but it doesn’t, so I’m not taking pity. Now, off to school, or you’ll be late.”

Calum just glared at her for a moment, but she didn’t see, as she’d resumed to reading, and got up to put on his coat. Glancing back into the kitchen once more, he decided to go back and try a little harder, even though he knew his chances were small.

Joy looked up as soon as her son re-entered the kitchen and rolled up her newspaper. As soon as Calum opened his mouth to say “But...”, she lifted the roll and slapped him with it.

“Go, now!”

Calum darted out of the house, grinning despite himself.

 

-

 

The day went almost exactly as Calum had anticipated - everyone immediately started bombarding him with questions as soon as they caught sight of his cast and since he didn’t have every class with the same people, he was almost constantly telling the story. The football team - and not to mention the coach - were disappointed, to say the least, when he told them he couldn’t come to practise that day, and probably not for the entire week. The lecture he’d thought he would get didn’t come, though, and he was happy about that - at least his mood wasn’t _completely_ ruined.

It didn’t get better _at all_ , though, when Michael got back from his maths class - he didn’t have maths with Calum because he was failing - being all weird. It got on Calum’s nerves, to say the least. The red-haired boy was very grumpy - if not angry - but Calum knew it wasn’t directed at him, which made him wonder what happened during his past class.

“Okay, are you gonna tell me what crawled up your ass and died or what?” Calum snapped when he couldn’t take the tension anymore. Michael didn’t even try to keep up a conversation and it was seriously pissing Calum off right now, especially because he felt sorry for himself because of his wrist. Michael just grumbled and shot Calum a look - even in that brief moment the tanned boy could see the anger and _sadness_ in his best friend’s green eyes.

“Nothing, don’t worry,” Michael said, sending a long, hard look at Calum’s cast, almost absent-mindedly. Calum frowned, but didn’t push any further, because he knew how stubborn Michael was - the older boy wouldn’t talk if he didn’t want to, no matter how hard you tried to convince him.


	39. Chapter 39

Luke was getting quite pissed.

His wrist still hurt a lot, though the doctor said it should be somewhat better now - and he was too stubborn to go back to the hospital before his cast would come off, and Ashton still wasn’t back. He’d come to the point where he visited Anne every day to ask if there was any news, or if the police had let her know anything else - she just shook her head every time, eyes just a tad too watery, and offered Luke another cookie.

Besides all this, Michael was getting on his nerves, a lot more than usual. The red-haired boy kept glaring at him every time they crossed paths in the hallways of the school and dragged Calum away, like Luke was some sort of disease. Not that Luke really minded _that_ \- he’d rather have them far away from him than anywhere nearby, and he was used to receiving glares all the time - he just wanted the guy to come forward and tell him what was bothering him to his _face_ , not like this, behind his back but _way_ too obvious.

Luke would’ve went to him and demanded to know what the hell had gotten Michael this worked up over the blonde boy, but he was still _very_ embarrassed about what had happened between him and Michael the other day at the police station - the breakdown he’d had against the older boy. He didn’t even want to think about what the red-haired boy would say about that, so he preferred to avoid confrontation and just let Michael be. He’d rather be annoyed on his own than even more embarrassed by people he didn’t even like - or more like _hated_ with a passion, on the border of loathing. He couldn’t bring himself to fully detest the other boy, Calum, however. Ashton had liked that kid and no matter how much Luke _wanted_ to hate the tanned boy, he _couldn’t_ , because he’d _promised_ Ashton he’d give Calum a chance, and sticking to that promise seemed even more important now that the curly-haired boy wasn’t around - and possibly wouldn’t be around again.

Luke pushed that thought away quickly. He couldn’t afford to think like that - Ashton would survive. Like Ben had said - he _had_ to.

 

-

 

Today was one of those typical days - Michael had been glaring at him almost non-stop in maths class, and Luke had just rolled his eyes at the older boy and flipped him off, which got Michael even more pissed - to the point his face had turned red and the teacher had asked him if he was okay.

When the bell rang, Luke had his stuff together faster than Michael did, but when he exited the classroom, the red-haired boy pushed past him, bumping against his shoulder with quite some force on purpose. Luke stumbled a bit and glared at the back of Michael’s head, wondering what the hell he’d done wrong - he hadn’t even so much as _spoken_ to the older boy and his best friend since that day at the police station.

Lunch time rolled around excruciatingly slow and Luke managed to find an empty table somewhere without any people nearby. It did, however, have clear view of Michael and Calum, who were sitting at a table quite a few feet away - outside of hearing distance, but Luke had _no_ trouble catching Michael’s every glare sent his way. He also saw Calum cast him some glances every now and then, and eventually, the tanned boy poked Michael in his side and said something to him - probably something like “Stop glaring”, because even though Luke had been nothing but rude - and maybe even _mean_ \- to him, he was still nice.

It made Luke feel a bit bad, if he was being honest. He’d never admit that, though.

In the meantime, it seemed like Michael and Calum were having an argument. The tanned boy looked rather pissed off, while Michael looked more like he was going to be sick. Some words were exchanged that Luke couldn’t hear and eventually Calum seemed to give up, taking an angry bite from his sandwich while Michael said something, looking a lot more calm and running his hand up and down Calum’s back in a soothing manner.

After a while, the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Luke groaned internally and went to empty his tray in a bin, taking his time in order to not be stuck in the crowd. Michael went to throw away his and Calum’s mess at the same time, walking to the same bin as Luke was at, which annoyed the blonde boy. There were plenty of trash cans in the canteen, couldn’t he just pick another one?

Michael did look at him when he threw the dirty napkins and leftover pieces of lettuce in the bin. The look he shot Luke was long and hard, but it wasn’t a glare. Luke could see the struggle going on behind the other boy’s green eyes. Michael’s eyes drifted down, frowning at Luke’s cast for a few moments before Calum shouted a “Come on, Mikey” and the redhead turned around without giving Luke another glance.

Luke did follow the two boys with his eyes, however, and what he saw made his eyes widen in shock and surprise, but also confusion. Calum’s hand was wrapped in a cast similar to his, but he didn’t have a sling. Otherwise, it looked _exactly_ the same - Luke had had a broken wrist before, he knew the difference between a clean break and one harder to heal. This didn’t look too severe - just like his own was.

Luke wondered if that was why Michael was so grumpy - his best friend was hurt and he wanted to protect him. He guessed he knew how the red-haired boy felt, he’d been exactly like that with Ashton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke is very oblivious and I'm sorry.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me too much.

A few days later, still without any news on Ashton whatsoever, Luke was starting to feel permanently sick from worry. He literally had a stomach ache every time his mind wandered to Ashton, and his heart sunk a little more every day, when he went to Anne and there was still no news. Time seemed to pass _so_ much slower now that Ashton wasn’t by his side, now that he didn’t have anyone to distract him during classes or to chat with him during free periods. He also missed the cuddling and the singing in their spot in the woods and he even missed the _flower crowns_ \- he wasn’t even afraid to admit that anymore. He still had the blue flower crown that Ashton had made for him. It was carefully preserved on his nightstand, and he remembers how Ashton had _beamed_ when he’d seen it lying there, and Luke can almost still feel the smaller boy’s arms around him of the hug he’d received in that same moment. The thought of it brought tears to his eyes, and he quickly snatched the flower crown away, carefully putting it in his closet, out of sight, but still within reach.

Luke hated the soulmate system even more now. If it hadn’t existed, Ashton wouldn’t be missing right now, and the two of them could just be together happily. (He tried to ignore the fact that they probably wouldn’t have known each other without the soulmate system in the first place. He knew that Ashton’s life would’ve been much better without it anyway, even if Luke wouldn’t have been in it then.)

 

-

 

School was a drag nowadays. All the teachers kept sending him pitying looks as they knew he was close with Ashton, and it was driving Luke crazy. He didn’t want their pity, he just wanted his Ashton back.

The thing that bothered him even more than the teachers was Michael. The red-haired boy was still acting just as weird and hateful as he had the past couple of days and Luke was seriously contemplating just going up to him and punching him in his pale face. He didn’t want to do that when Calum was present, however, and Michael never seemed to leave the tanned boy alone, so Luke just left them be. He could put up with some annoying glances, it wasn’t a big deal.

That changed drastically, however, right before Luke’s maths class began. He was the first to arrive at the classroom - even before the teacher, so he couldn’t enter the classroom yet - because he hadn’t been hungry, so he hadn’t bothered going to the canteen, only to get stared at pityingly some more. Michael arrived soon after him though, looking extremely pissed and walking quite fast, not even slowing down when he neared Luke. The redhead slammed Luke against the wall without warning, grabbing his collar and just glaring daggers at the younger boy. Luke didn’t even have the time to fight back before Michael brought his face close up to his, mere inches in between them, and started talking.

“Do you even know what you do to him?” Michael hissed, slamming Luke back into the wall once again. The blonde didn’t so much as make a sound, he just stared at the older boy angrily and gritted his teeth. Michael only got more annoyed when Luke didn’t answer, groaning as his grip on Luke’s collar tightened. “You’re hurting him, you’re hurting him a lot and I hate you so much for doing that to him.”

Luke finally pushed the red-haired boy off of him and straightened a few wrinkles in his shirt, more to piss Michael off even more than anything else.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, keeping a straight face and deciding to try and handle this maturely, not turn it into an unnecessary fight. (Before he’d met Ashton, he wouldn’t even have considered that.)

Michael just narrowed his eyes and huffed, baring his teeth like a dangerous animal. “You know damn well who I’m talking about,” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “For how long have you known?”

Luke was now nothing but utterly confused, which probably radiated off of his every feature, seeing as Michael’s shoulders slumped after a few moments and he dropped his arms. “You don’t even know, do you?”

The blond boy just shook his head, having no idea what the older boy was talking about. Michael sighed and rubbed his face, suddenly looking very tired. “Have you even noticed Calum’s broken wrist?”

Luke nodded and glanced at Michael confusedly, unsure whether he should punch the boy or listen to him. He decided the latter, as he knew Ashton would be upset if he really did hit the guy.

“That wasn’t _his_ broken wrist,” Michael said after a short silence, voice barely above a whisper as he looked at Luke with a sad look in his eyes. “It was his soulmate’s.”

Luke didn’t like the tone the older boy’s voice held, but this still didn’t take away any of his confusion. Michael seemed to notice that too, as he let out something in between a growl and a scream and turned away from Luke to punch the wall on the other side of the hallway. A small pained noise slipped past his lips, but otherwise he didn’t show it had hurt. He turned back to Luke after a while and poked a finger in the younger boy’s chest, seething with anger.

“ _You_ are Calum’s soulmate,” he said, and Luke’s eyes widened involuntarily. Now that he thought of it, it did make sense - especially the broken wrist, but also the fact that Ashton had mentioned Calum was acting weird, and how nervous the tanned boy always was around him.

“No fucking way,” he said however, taking a step back and sucking in a deep breath. “That’s not possible. He’s not my soulmate.”

Michael just gave him a _look_ , and Luke slumped down to the floor, head in his hands. “Fuck,” he muttered, biting his lip hard, almost making it bleed. “Does he know?” he asked, looking up at Michael vulnerably and scared. The red-haired boy shook his head and shrugged at the same time.

“I don’t think so. I haven’t told him, and I don’t think he’s figured it out by himself. He’s had a crush on you for years, and he’s pretty sure that the ‘amazing hot guy he likes’ isn’t his soulmate. He doesn’t believe he’s _that_ lucky,” Michael said, biting his lip as well before the hard look came back to his eyes. “I don’t think he’s lucky at all. You don’t deserve him, he’s too good for you. You’ve been nothing but a total dick to him and he’s only ever been friendly. But he’s still my best friend, and I want what’s best for him. So I’m gonna ask you: do you accept him as your soulmate? Are you going to care for him?”

Luke just stared up at him for a few moments, completely silent, just thinking. Eventually, he shook his head. He didn’t like Calum that way - he wanted Ashton. Ashton was the one he liked - _loved_ , even, maybe - and he’d never wanted his soulmate anyway. He was going to choose his _own_ destiny, his _own_ love, not the one the universe had assigned to him. He was going to choose _Ashton_.

“No,” he whispered, unable to put more force behind his voice, and Michael’s eyes hardened as he nodded.

“Thought so,” he muttered, before shooting Luke a disgusted look. “You don’t deserve him anyway. I don’t want you anywhere near him _ever_ again. I won’t let him get hurt anymore.”

Luke couldn’t do anything but nod as the teacher then arrived, followed by a hoard of students, and Michael shot him one last look before disappearing into the classroom.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff is really starting to happen now!

The next week passed in a bit of a blur for Luke. He was alone with his thoughts, most of the time, so without anyone to distract him, his mind wasn’t always a very pleasant place to be. He mostly thought of Ashton - wondered where the curly-haired boy - _his_ boy - was, and how he was doing. Whether he was alright or not. Luke doubted that.

Whether he was _alive_ or not. Luke had no idea.

His head was starting to hurt from all the possible scenarios and _what ifs_ swirling through his mind, taunting him, keeping him awake at night. He looked like a wreck, with dark circles under his eyes and an unhealthy pale skin, with his cheeks sunk in. Eating had become more of a struggle than a necessity, which is why he was now pretty much skin and bones. His brothers’ attempts to get him out of his room reduced and eventually ceased, resulting in Luke being closed off from the world in his room, with only his guitar as company. He didn’t even leave to go to school about half the time, just staying at home all day doing nothing, sulking, thinking, overthinking, and sleeping, only to be woken up by nightmares and overthink some more.

Today, he _had_ to go outside, though - it had been two weeks since he’d broken his wrist and they had an appointment with Dr Collins this afternoon, to take the cast off. His mom was at work, so one of his brothers would have to drive him, as Luke couldn’t drive with a broken wrist. Jack volunteered - both he and Ben had the day off, but Jack had been there the first time as well, so he knew the doctor already.

So Luke got in the passenger’s seat of Jack’s car, arm carefully manoeuvred into the sleeve of his jacket, and they arrived at the hospital about twenty minutes later. They were a bit early - about ten minutes, nothing too bad - but the waiting room was quite crowded, especially compared to the previous time they were here, so Luke figured it would take a bit longer than planned. He was okay with that, though, Jack was always good company and it was actually _nice_ to have something to focus on, to distract him for a while.

Only a few minutes later, some more people entered the waiting room, one of them with his arm in a cast, similar to Luke’s own. The blonde felt the blood withdraw from his face as he recognised the tanned boy who’d just come in, with a woman - probably his mother - next to him. Luke swallowed and slumped in his seat a bit, trying in vain to hide himself from Calum’s eyes. Jack shot him a worried look.

“Are you alright? You look a bit pale. What’s wrong?” he asked, but Luke just shook his head. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, but Jack wasn’t having any of that. His eyes followed Luke’s anxious gaze and eventually landed on Calum’s wrist, widening in shock and surprise.

“Luke...” he said, voice trailing off, but Luke just whimpered and shook his head.

But of course, Calum _did_ look their way, and their eyes met for a moment. Calum smiled gently at him in a manner of salutation, and Luke nodded stiffly, not-so-subtly trying to hide his arm from the tanned boy’s view.

He failed miserably, though.

Calum’s gaze flickered down from his face to his hands, and his eyes widened even more than Jack’s had done, causing him to look more like a puppy than he’d ever done before. Luke shifted in his chair uncomfortably, avoiding Calum’s gaze and praying for Dr Collins to come in and just take the goddamn cast off already.

He distantly heard Calum mutter something to his mom before walking up to the two blonde boys. Jack just shot him a look, eyebrows raised, eyes focused on the boy’s wrist.

“Hi,” was the only thing he managed to get out, and Luke kind of wanted to laugh and cry at the same time as Calum nodded at Jack stiffly before focusing his attention back on Luke.

“Hey,” he said in a small voice, looking extremely vulnerable. Luke felt a wave of guilt wash over him, but tried desperately to keep his face straight. “Hey,” he muttered back, still not looking the older boy in the eye.

“You weren’t at school today,” Calum said, and Luke suppressed a snicker before nodding a bit. “Yeah, I know,” he said, internally slapping himself because _really, Luke, that’s all you can come up with?_

The next moment was slightly awkward, with Jack’s mouth still hanging open and Luke refusing to meet his gaze. The blond boy internally cursed the universe with all he could come up with, and cursed Michael as well, just for the hell of it. He did hope that the red-haired boy would look after Calum though, because Luke might not like Calum in _that_ way, he still did like him, and he didn’t want him to be sad because of him.

“So, you broke your...” Calum started, but Luke interrupted him.

“Yes.”

“And I broke my...”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean we’re...”

“Yes.”

Luke felt his stomach twitching in an unpleasant way and he bit his lip to try and make the tears in his eyes disappear.

“Oh. And-”

“No.”

Luke felt tears pooling in his eyes, and Dr Collins couldn’t have picked a better time than that to swing open a door and call out his name, giving him an excuse to stand up and walk away, shoulder brushing against Calum’s lightly, silent tears streaming down both of their faces.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a testweek coming up again, so I won't be able to upload very often anymore, I'm sorry!

Calum didn’t know what to feel.

He couldn’t decide whether he should be angry or confused or hurt or something else or everything at once or nothing at all.

He was confused, because _Luke was his soulmate?_ Never had he expected that, and he thought that the universe was playing some sort of sick game with him because Luke was obviously in love with Ashton, not with Calum. It didn’t even matter that they were soulmates, Luke didn’t want him anyway.

He was angry, because Luke had clearly _known_ they were soulmates already, judging by the blond boy’s reaction to Calum’s confrontation - he hadn’t been surprised in the _slightest_ , and he’d been strangely cold about it, like it didn’t even matter to him that his _soulmate_ was right in front of him, within touching distance, and all Luke really had had to do was reach out, and Calum would’ve been _his_ immediately, without a doubt.

And Calum was hurt because Luke _hadn’t_. He hadn’t even _tried_ to say something, to do something, anything, to keep Calum, to push him away - and that confused the tanned boy even more. Luke had basically rejected him, yes, but the only thing he’d said was “No” and he hadn’t tried to get rid of Calum or something like that, and though Calum knew that Luke absolutely _hated_ Michael, he also knew that he at least tolerated Calum. Maybe not really genuinely _like_ him, like Ashton liked Calum, but the tanned boy hadn’t really expected him to.

The spot where his and Luke’s shoulders had touched was still tingling when Calum went to bed that night, his thoughts tumbling over each other through his mind, making his sleep restless.

 

-

 

Calum looked awful the next morning, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t expected that - he hadn’t really slept well that night. If it wasn’t for his mother, he would’ve stayed in bed that day, but Joy practically dragged him out of bed after giving him a half hour long hug, aware that he needed it. She sent him to school nonetheless, claiming that he needed the distraction it would bring. Calum didn’t tell her that he only the issue he needed to be distracted from in school. He went without complaining, though, knowing it wouldn’t help anyway and not really having the energy to do so.

He sat alone on the school bus, as usual, seeing as Michael lived a lot closer the school, so he didn’t need to take the bus. The music blasting from his earplugs managed to somewhat keep his mind off things, but when _Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don’t)_ came on, he ripped them out furiously and stared out the window for the rest of the ride with the song stuck in his head, fighting back tears and feeling quite pathetic.

_I fought it for a long time now, while drowning in a river of denial. I washed up, fixed up, picked up all my broken things. ‘Cause you left me, police tape, chalk line, tequila shots in the dark scene of the crime. Suburban living with a feeling that I’m giving up everything for you. Oh, oh, oh, how was I supposed to know, that you were oh, oh, over me? I think that I should go. Something’s telling me to leave but I won’t, ‘cause I’m damned if I do ya, damned if I don’t._

 

He arrived at school feeling grumpier than he’d _ever_ done before, and he ignored all shouts of “Hey man” and “What’s up” from his teammates and other friends as he walked down the hallway, up the first stairs, to his locker, where he knew Michael would be waiting for him.

By the time he arrived there, his hands were clenched to fists by his side, and he was trembling all over. Whether it was from anger, fear, or hurt, Calum couldn’t say.

The sight he met wasn’t one he’d expected, however. _Luke_ was standing there, talking to Michael in a hushed voice, and the red-haired boy looked severely pissed off, but his face fell as soon as he caught sight of Calum, pushing Luke back and glaring at him until he left, and a bit longer after that, before turning to his best friend.

“Hey Cal,” he said, smile on his face just a tad too bright to be real for Michael, but Calum ignored him.

“What was that about?” he demanded, but his voice was shaking just as bad as he was and he had to bite his lip to keep it from wobbling. Michael sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the cherry red locks in frustration, but before he could say something, Calum spoke up again.

“You knew, didn’t you? You knew all along and you didn’t tell me.” He couldn’t keep the tears in anymore, and he felt them starting to fall from his eyes, trickling down his cheeks and leaving a wet track. Michael bit his lip as well, looking guilty, and nodded.

“I only found out a few days ago, but I didn’t want to tell you-”

“Why not? Why, Michael? Why would you keep that from me? You knew how much I wanted to know who my soulmate is, I’ve wanted that all my life and _you_ _knew_ , you fucking found out and you kept it from me,” Calum choked out, voice unsteady and cracking more than voice. Michael’s eyes were glassing over as well as he shook his head, swallowing visibly.

“No, Cal, it wasn’t like that, I promise. It’s just- he’s a dick and I didn’t want you to get hurt even more,” he explained, looking desperate as he stretched his arms out to Calum, but the tanned boy just flinched away and shook his head.

“No, don’t. I don’t really want to see you right now,” he whispered, and he closed his eyes tightly when Michael gasped brokenly, a soft sob escaping his best friend’s lips.

“Calum, I’m so, so sorry, I swear,” Michael whispered, trying to hug him, but Calum walked backwards, shaking his head and pushing Michael’s hands away.

“I... I need to be alone for a while,” he said, voice thick with tears, before he turned away and stumbled down the stairs, almost falling a few times, and Michael could do nothing but watch his best friend walk away, knowing he had completely screwed up, even if he’d had the best intentions.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've uploaded. I've managed to write this in between my piles of schoolwork, but I won't be able to write anything more until in two weeks, so this fic will be on some sort of hiatus until that time, but I promise I'll go back to writing as soon as I can! I miss writing on this fic and I can't wait to get back to it, so if you have some patience, I'll be back before you know it. Lots of love and I hope you'll stick around for this while!

Michael was surprised to see no one other than _Luke_ approaching him that morning, when he was waiting for Calum at their lockers. He raised an eyebrow as the blonde stopped in front of him, looking _nervous_ more than anything else. Michael didn’t feel any sympathy at all towards the taller boy, though, no matter how bad he looked, and he greeted the boy with a snarl.

“What do you want?” he growled, receiving a hard stare from Luke, but it lacked its usual sharpness and hatred.

“Calum knows,” was all he said, and the silence that followed was filled with an uneasy tension, so thick they could almost physically _feel_ it. Michael swallowed and stared at Luke in shock, disbelief evident in his features. “What?” was all he managed to get out. “What do you mean, ‘he knows’? How did he find out?”

Luke just shrugged and averted his gaze to the floor, fumbling with a loose thread on his shirt crankily. “Bumped into him at the hospital yesterday,” he mumbled, holding his now cast-free wrist up for Michael to see. The red-haired boy made a choked sound and took a step closer to Luke when he noticed that some of the other students in the hallway were listening, interested in why the loner punk kid was talking to Michael, who always hung out with the jocks of the school.

“What did you say to him?” Michael demanded, grabbing Luke’s upper arm and shaking slightly when the blonde didn’t answer immediately. “What did you say?!” he whisper-shouted. Luke wrinkled his nose and pulled his arm free from Michael’s grip, rubbing the now slightly sore spot. “We barely even talked to each other. He saw my cast, asked if we were soulmates and I said yes. That’s all.”

He left out the part where he’d rejected the tanned boy and basically ran away on purpose. Michael just glared at him for a few seconds before poking his index finger in the younger boy’s chest, just like the last time they’d talked.

“If I _ever_ see you near him again, Hemmings, I swear to god I will kill you,” he threatened. Luke just nodded and pushed his finger away. “I know, you’ve told me that before. I just wanted to ask you if you could... look after him? Please? I don’t want to hurt him, even though you probably won’t believe that,” he said, but Michael just snorted. “Yes, of course I’m gonna look after him, he’s my _best friend_. And yeah, sure, whatever, just-”

His eyes drifted to a certain dark-haired boy across the hallway and he cursed inwardly, pushing Luke away from him and sending him a long, hard glare before the blonde finally caught on and started walking away, not looking back even once.

Michael couldn’t have loathed the guy more.

He did manage to put on a fake smile as Calum approached, which the younger boy hopefully bought. Michael didn’t think so - they knew each other too well.

When he saw the hurt look on Calum’s face, he started wondering if he’d made a mistake.

 

-

 

It went even worse than Michael had thought it would. All he had wanted to do was protect Calum from getting hurt by Hemmings, and he had expected Calum to maybe be a bit upset with him for not telling, but he’d also thought that Calum would _understand_ why he’d done it.

Apparently, he didn’t.

He watched as the tanned boy all but _ran_ off, stumbling down the stairs in his hurry to get away, and Michael felt horrible.

 

-

 

Luke looked up from his lunch when the chair on the other side of the table was pulled backwards and someone sat down in it. Out of all the people that it could’ve been - which weren’t that many at all, now that Luke thought of it -, he hadn’t expected it to be Calum. The tanned boy looked sad, his nose scrunched up slightly and eyes watery, like he could start crying any minute, but he was trying his best not to. Luke hesitated, trying to think of something to say, but his mind was blank, unable to come up with anything as he stared at the boy’s tanned face, his dark brown eyes glassed over and _sad_.

“You okay?” Luke managed to get out, and he immediately wanted to slap himself because it was _more_ than obvious that the older boy _wasn’t_ okay, and Luke knew that was _his_ fault, even though he hated to admit that.

Calum just shrugged and sniffled a bit, and Luke felt his stomach churn unpleasantly. “Michael hid it from me, and that hurts even more. I’m supposed to be able to trust him.”

An uncomfortable silence hung in between the boys, and Luke shifted in his chair subconsciously, trying to ignore the pang of guilt he felt.

“I’d never expected you to say yes, you know?” he then said, and all the blood rushed from Luke’s face, leaving him pale. Calum didn’t even notice, as he kept his eyes focused on the table top, frown on his face as he muttered his next sentence.

“I never expected you to be my soulmate in the first place. Everyone knows how much you hate them, so I figured that maybe you didn’t have one, I don’t know. I don’t blame you for not wanting me, even though we’re apparently soulmates. It hurts, yeah, but it’s not like I can make you. I was just wondering if we could still be friends, despite, well, everything? I hope we can.”

Calum looked at Luke with his big, chocolate brown eyes and Luke squirmed under his gaze, scrambling up to get his backpack - because he was weak, he knew that.

Luke had never hated himself more than in that moment, when he shook his head slightly and muttered the same sentence he’d said to Ashton on the day they first met.

“I don’t do friends.”

He unsuccessfully tried to ignore the guilt lying heavily in his stomach as he turned and walked away.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! I'm sorry it took so long, but my testweek is almost over now and I promised you'd have something today, so here you go! I hope you'll like it. Things are starting to happen, that's for sure.. ;)  
> Thank you all for sticking around while I didn't have time to write, you have no idea how much it means! I love you all!

Calum’s mom had actually let him stay home the next day, when he told her he really didn’t feel like going - and a few days after that, for that matter. Maybe it was because he’d come home in tears, sobbing so badly he had trouble breathing, but still refused to say what had happened, or because he’d went to bed at five o’clock in the evening that day and still managed to look exhausted, with dark bags under his eyes because he’d just lay awake, _thinking_ , the entire night - Calum didn’t know. He was just grateful that she had, and that she was bringing him cups of tea and some chocolate a few times a day. He wasn’t ready to go back to school, he couldn’t face Michael yet after what he’d done, and he _certainly_ couldn’t face Luke after the last conversation they’d had, which had resulted in Calum being like this in the first place. He hadn’t explained that to his mom, though, he didn’t want to talk about it and relive it all, but somehow, she seemed to understand - maybe not exactly what had happened, but well enough to know he _couldn’t_ go to school instead of not _wanting_ to.

Calum knew that by staying home, he was just postponing the inevitable and it wasn’t really helping him at all; he only grew more pale and nervous each passing day, when he thought about what had happened, but he really didn’t want to face neither Luke nor Michael, afraid of what they’d say.

But he really couldn’t take the sitting at home all day, thinking about everything and _overthinking_ everything, anymore. Usually, he always had Michael by his side to comfort him and calm him down and tell him that it was going to be alright, but now Michael wasn’t here either and Calum felt like he was on the brink of breaking down. He’d been lying on his bed silently crying his eyes out for the better part of the day, and the multiple times his mom had come up to his room to try and get him out of there, he had ignored her or told her he wanted to be alone. He could tell Joy was worried about him, but she let him be, and he was grateful for that.

Calum knew he was probably being stupid. Michael was his best friend, it would be alright as soon as they’d talked about it - especially because _Michael_ was the one who’d made a mistake, and Calum was very willing to forgive him. He still couldn’t shake the feeling, the _fear_ of rejection off of him. That was what had happened when he had talked to Luke, and he couldn’t help but be afraid that it would happen to him when he would talk to Michael as well. Calum was one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t survive losing his best friend - though he was pretty close to that happening _now_ already. They hadn’t talked in over a week, as Calum had stayed home all that time, and he was starting to get worried that maybe he’d waited too long for his chance to make it up with Michael - even though he knew that he himself wasn’t the one who’s messed up in the first place.

His mom showed up on the other side of Calum’s door a bit later - or a lot later, Calum had no idea anymore. She knocked on the door softly and, when there was no answer, started talking anyway.

“Your father and I are going to go out for a bit, sweetheart, will you be okay?” she asked, sounding worried. Calum forced himself to sit up and wipe the wetness of his tears off his cheeks and answered: “Yeah, ‘m fine. Go have fun.”

Joy seemed to hesitate for another moment, before mumbling an “Alright, take care” and heading back down the stairs. Calum let himself fall back onto his bed as soon as the front door slammed shut. He could feel the tears burning in his eyes again, and suddenly decided that _no_ , he’s had enough of the wallowing in his self-pity, and he would go do something about it _now_ , before it would be too late to fix things. He quickly got up and walked over to his wardrobe, putting on a simple pair of black skinny jeans and an oversized _Nirvana:_ _In Utero_ sweater. Slipping his phone into his pocket and putting earplugs in, he raced down the stairs and grabbed his set of keys before darting out the front door onto the streets. As soon as the door slammed shut behind him, he regretted not taking a coat, as it was _pouring_. He was already soaked before he’d even made it out of his front yard, but he didn’t really care - he just wanted to get to Michael as soon as possible.

The thought of Michael enhanced itself even further when a Taylor Swift song came along, her clear voice louder in his ears than the sound of the rain. Calum was sure Michael had put the song on his phone - he himself didn’t listen to songs like this very often.

_“Last night I heard my own heart beating, sounded like footsteps on my stairs. Six months gone and I’m still reaching, even though I know you’re not there. I was playing back a thousand memories, baby, thinking ‘bout everything we’ve been through. Maybe I’ve been going back too much lately, when time stood still and I had you.”_

The hot tears burning in his eyes now started to run down his cheeks, mixing with the cold raindrops that were still falling from the sky, which wasn’t really helping to make his sad mood any better. Calum had forgotten what the name of the song was, but the lyrics seemed to be written for him in this moment - which he thought was very pathetic and he snorted at himself for that thought.

_“Come back, come back, come back to me, like you would, you would if this was a movie. Stand in the rain outside ‘till I came out. Come back, come back, come back to me, like you could, you could if you just said you’re sorry. I know that we could work it out somehow, but if this was a movie you’d be here by now.”_

Calum’s feet carried him through streets and around corners as if on auto pilot, while he put all his attention to the songs playing, so he didn’t have to think about the confrontation that was to come. But that didn’t work out quite as well as he’d hoped - he had to skip over half of the songs, as most of them would only cause him to cry harder if he’d listen to them. When a certain My Chemical Romance song came on, he ripped his earplugs out and shoved them in his pocket angrily, but the words were already stuck in his head, taunting him for the rest of the way to Michael’s house.

_Can’t find my way home, but it’s through you and I know what I’d do just to get back in her arms._

 

When he arrived at the street Michael’s house was in, he stopped walking and stood on the sidewalk for a good ten minutes before he finally gathered the courage to walk up to Michael’s door. The green paint on the wood was peeling slightly, but the rest of the house looked very neat. Calum raised his hand and hesitated for a few seconds, before nodding softly and taking a step back. After a good minute, there was still no one, so Calum knocked again, a bit louder this time, and now he could hear some stumbling and muttered curses before someone called “Coming!”. The door opened soon after that and Calum was met with the sight of his best friend, finally, after a week of not seeing him _at all_. Michael looked utterly _shocked_ to see Calum there, if his slack jaw and wide eyes were something to go by. He looked _bad_ , Calum noticed, with dark circles under his eyes and an unhealthily pale skin. Calum swallowed nervously and averted his gaze to the floor, watching the raindrops fall down on the pavement and form puddles of cold water. After a few seconds of _very_ uncomfortable silence, Calum looked back up and saw that Michael was on the brink of tears, shaking visibly as he stood there, like he was afraid Calum would _yell_ at him.

Another fresh rush of tears started to stream down Calum’s cheeks, but he was sure Michael didn’t notice, as they were hidden by the pouring rain.

Calum had _never_ before felt more vulnerable than now, when he stretched both his arms out to the older boy in front of him and whispered a “Mikey”, that was overpowered by the sound of the rain, but Michael knew anyway, as he let out a dry sob and lurched forward, wrapping both his arms tightly around Calum and pulling the boy close, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry,” Michael whispered, and Calum wound one of his hands in his red hair in a comforting manner, as he whispered “It’s okay”, and he had _never_ felt more relieved when Michael let out the breath he’d been holding and gently pulled Calum inside of his house.

They stared at each other for a few moments, silently agreeing that they were _alright_ again.

“Lemme get you some dry clothes, you must be freezing,” Michael then said, and Calum nodded as he followed his best friend up the stairs, texting his mom that he’d be spending the night at Michael’s place in the meantime. 


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took me long. Again. I'm so sorry. There's something big happening, at least! Hope you enjoy!

Another few days passed and Michael and Calum were inseparable again, just like they had been before. The rare occasion they weren’t together - like when they had maths - they even texted all the time, just happy to be together again and not fighting anymore. Michael didn’t even mind having P.E. this time, even though he usually absolutely _hated_ any and every form of exercise.

Getting dressed into his sports clothes was always tricky, though - he had to find a place where he could half hide himself when he took a piece of clothing off, so the other people in the changing room wouldn’t see the bruises and cuts littered all over his body. That would only lead to a bunch of questions that Michael wasn’t ready to answer yet - that he _couldn’t_ answer, because he didn’t know anything himself. Calum always had his back though - quite literally, as he would stand in front of Michael when the older boy took his shirt off, so he’d be hidden from any curious looks.

Michael was especially feeling the burning eyes of _Hemmings_ on his back today. The younger boy’s piercing blue eyes kept returning to looking at Michael and Calum, and it was seriously starting to piss Michael off. Who did that blonde kid think he was, first rejecting Calum like he didn’t mean anything, and now he kept looking at the tanned boy the entire time. It might not really be any of his business, but Michael _knew_ that that Hemmings boy was for Calum, and he hated how much that kid had hurt his best friend. He didn’t want something like that to happen again, but there was a nagging feeling of worry lying in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn’t shake it off.

When he finally got dressed in his gym class attire, which took longer than usual because he kept getting distracted by the countless dark bruises and other wounds all over his body, he and Calum went into the sports hall side by side. He couldn’t hide the bruises on his legs, because shorts were required, but there were no rules that said he couldn’t wear a hoodie, so that was exactly what he did. It might be too hot and quite uncomfortable after a while of running and other exercises, but as long as it covered his chest, stomach and arms, he was content.

Hemmings was being a particular ass today - even though he didn’t _really_ do something. The continuous staring was very much annoying Michael, and he made that clear by glaring right back at the kid every time his own green eyes met Hemmings’ ocean blue ones. The blonde glared back at him every time, but it didn’t keep him from staring.

It got even worse when their teacher teamed him, Luke, Calum and James - a boy on the football team - up, and then went to the other side of the sports hall, leaving Michael and Luke to glare at each other and Calum and James to stand there a bit awkwardly, not sure of what to do.

Luke was the one to break the tense silence that hung over them.

“Where’d you get those bruises?” he asked, gesturing at Michael’s legs with his hockey stick. The red-haired boy’s expression darkened, but Calum quickly put a hand on his shoulder to keep him calm. It helped; Michael took a deep breath and just glared at the blonde. “Bumped into things,” he answered curtly, indicating he didn’t want to talk about it, but Luke either didn’t catch on to that or ignored it on purpose, for he kept going on about it.

“Hmm, is that so? They don’t really look like those kinds of bruises, do they?” he said, attempting a smug expression but not quite managing. Michael noticed the bags under his eyes and the tired look in his blue orbs, but pushed that aside, only focusing on the words leaving the blonde’s mouth, even though it was quite clear that he didn’t really mean them.

“You don’t know anything about me, so stop pretending that you do and leave us alone,” Michael pretty much growled, taking a protective stance in front of Calum, even though that was completely unnecessary.

“No need to be a bitch about it,” Luke said, clearly annoyed, but without a reason, really, which only pissed Michael off even more.

“Listen, you little shit,” the redhead said, taking a step forward in an attempt to intimidate the younger boy, even though Luke towered a good few inches over him. “It’s none of your business, so stay the fuck out of it.”

Luke just raised an eyebrow and slight anger clouded his irises, and Michael liked it. Liked that he could have such an effect on the blond boy. Luke breathed in deeply through his nose, clearly suppressing his anger.

“I get that you don’t like me because I don’t want Calum, but honestly, you don’t-”

Before Luke even had the chance to finish his sentence, Michael’s fist collided with his cheek and nose, effectively forcing his head back and causing Luke to almost fall over, stumbling back a few steps, with blood gushing from his nose. It was deadly quiet between the four of them for a few agonizingly long seconds, before Luke surged forwards and slammed his fist straight into Michael’s jaw, with so much force behind it that Michael stumbled and fell, luckily catching himself before his head hit the floor. A few other people had started looking at them now, but no one stepped in, and the teacher was somehow still oblivious to it all.

Michael growled from where he was lying on the floor and scrambled back to his feet, running over to Luke and tackling him to the floor. The two boys were not rolling over the linoleum in a mess of fists and legs, a few drops of blood escaping from Luke’s nose from time to time. The teacher did notice it now - it was quite impossible _not_ to, with all the punches thrown and the groans echoing through the sports hall. The man rushed to them and pulled them apart, with some yelling thrown in. Calum immediately rushed to Michael’s side to try and calm the older boy down, while James went over to Luke to keep him from jumping on Michael once again. The teacher was furious, yelling at them to go to the principal’s office and to not show up at his classes again. Luke just glared at him and rushed through the door, to the changing room, one hand on his nose to keep the blood from running. Michael grumbled a bit and clutched at his side, where Luke’s foot had collided with it and a bruise was definitely forming. Calum guided him out of the sports hall, but the teacher stopped them and called Calum back, resulting in Michael half-limping into the changing room on his own. Luke was already there, his light blue gym shirt in his hand and his chest bare, his skin looking almost golden under the lights of the room. Michael pointedly ignored him and went over to where his clothes were stashed in the corner of the room.

“There was no reason for you to hit me,” Luke said as he put on his normal shirt, and Michael just snorted.

“You didn’t need to say that in front of Cal. He gets it, alright? You don’t have to rub it in every time you see him,” he said, making absolutely no effort to hide his annoyance. Luke sighed at that, though, slumping down on the bench and putting his head in his hands, much to Michael’s surprise.

“I know,” he mumbled, and the silence that fell between them was awkward and _thick_ , but Michael was afraid to break it, so he just took his shirt off and rummaged around in his bag for a bit, searching for the jumper he’d been wearing before, but a loud gasp distracted him. He whirled around with wide eyes, realising that his chest and arms were completely bare now, that every injury on his body was completely visible. Luke was staring at him with his mouth agape, not moving or making a sound. Michael quickly grabbed his jumper from his bag, but before he had the chance to put it on, Luke had stood up and rushed over to him, grabbing his wrist with more force than necessary. Michael flinched and tried to pull his hand back, but the blonde’s grip was too strong.

Michael couldn’t recall ever being as surprised as he was when Luke softly ran a finger over one of the many fading cuts on his forearm, with tears suddenly brimming in his eyes.

The taller boy’s eyes took in every inch of Michael’s exposed chest and stomach, darting over the dark bruises and other injuries, and eventually coming back to look at his arms. Finally, after a long silence, he spoke up.

“Did-” Luke scraped his throat and blinked the tears away when his voice cracked. “Did you do this?” he asked, glancing up at Michael through his eyelashes. The older boy swallowed visibly and shook his head.

“They’re my soulmate’s.”

His voice hadn’t been louder than a whisper, for that was all Michael could get out, but Luke had heard clearly, and a sob escaped his lips as he clutched to Michael’s arm like a lifeline.

“What’s going on, Hemmings? You’re scaring me,” he admitted, and Luke just shook his head and continued tracing some of the cuts with his thumb, the gesture making goosebumps erupt on Michael’s skin.

“That can’t be...” Luke whispered, and even though Michael was certain he was talking to _himself_ , he couldn’t help but ask: “What?”

“Those... your arms... I’d recognise them any time,” he mumbled, silent tears still running down his cheeks. Michael kind of wanted to wipe them away, but he restrained himself. Instead, he just looked at the blond boy confusedly, until he explained, ever so quietly.

“Those are Ashton’s scars.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is kinda bad, I'm sorry. I hope the rest is alright though!

Michael stared straight into Luke’s eyes after those words left his mouth, lips parted slightly as he gaped at the younger boy in disbelief. Luke didn’t even so much as notice, though, too focused on the countless marks all over Michael’s otherwise pale skin.

“No way,” Michael whispered, unable to talk any louder. Luke now looked just the slightest bit annoyed, despite himself, as he attempted to glare at Michael - he just looked sad, if anything, though.

“ _Yes_ way. I’ve seen them on his body plenty of times, every time he spent the night at my place or I stayed over at his. I’m the only one he ever voluntarily told and showed, and he wasn’t afraid to take his shirt off in front of me. And those bruises, his father started doing that to him when they found out he-”

Luke cut himself off as his eyes widened in realisation, letting go of Michael’s arm, taking a few steps back and staring at him, shock and confusion evident in his blue eyes. Michael frowned, confused and concerned about the sudden twist in behaviour. “Luke? What’s wrong?”

“This is impossible,” Luke whispered, his expression becoming unreadable rapidly, and Michael started to get seriously worried now.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, finally putting on his jumper and awkwardly adjusting the sleeves. He didn’t really know what to do with this new information - he had wanted to know who his soulmates was for _years_ now, but now that he actually knew, he didn’t really know what to think of it. Of course, Ashton was a cool and sweet guy, for as far as Michael knew him, but he was _kidnapped_ at the moment, and obviously, his heart already belonged to someone else. _Luke_ , to be exact.

Luke’s voice interrupted his thoughts, though, and made him frown again.

“Ashton doesn’t have a soulmate.”

Michael furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the boy in front of him. Luke’s face kept growing paler and his eyes looked more and more tired with every second they spent talking about Ashton. He continued talking, though, before Michael had the chance to say anything.

“That’s why his father s-started doing... _that..._ to him,” he said, voice shaking, as he gestured at Michael’s now clothed chest. “He doesn’t have a soulmate, they went to some professional for that. He told me that every bruise or injury or anything not caused by his father was the scar on his forehead, but he got that by falling when he was a kid or something, and now his father took him and-” Luke gasped for breath, seemingly not even acknowledging Michael’s presence anymore, too busy trying to calm his breathing and wiping away the still flowing tears.

“He was my best friend,” Luke whispered, giving up on trying to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks, for only more tears were flowing, and he just sank down on the bench once again, his face hidden in his hands and his shoulder shaking slightly, even though no sounds left his mouth.

Michael felt bad for him. He still didn’t _like_ the kid, but seeing him in such a state, so _broken_ , made it very hard to _hate_ him.

“You’re talking about him in past tense,” Michael noticed, and Luke just let out a muffled whimper, but otherwise didn’t say or do anything. The red-haired boy hesitated for a few moments, before he decided ‘fuck it’, and went over to where Luke was sitting on the wooden bench, half curled up in himself. Michael felt his heart clench slightly at the short gasps for breath Luke was letting out, and the involuntary whimpers leaving his lips every now and then. He slowly sat down next to the blonde and put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“But he’s not dead,” Michael said softly, his thumb rubbing small circles in the fabric of Luke’s shirt. “He’s still alive, and _I_ am the proof of that.”

Luke slowly looked up upon hearing that, the rush of hot tears finally starting to cease a little. “You’re right,” he mumbled, looking guilty and a bit _defeated_ , somehow. “As much as I hate that, you’re right. Does this give us any chance of finding him?” he asked, voice sounding small and vulnerable. Michael bit his lip, thinking.

“Not necessarily _finding_ him, no. We’ll need something more for that. But at least now we know that he’s still alive, so the police won’t quit the investigation, even if there’s hardly any progress. They can’t give up on someone like that when they _know_ he’s alive, and still has a chance. They’ll keep searching until he’s back. They _will_ find him, Luke, I promise,” Michael said, and Luke just nodded, slightly leaning into Michael’s touch. The older boy _really_ couldn’t hate him anymore, even if he’d tried.

“C’mon, we should go to the principal’s office,” Michael said, standing up and trying to get Luke to do the same. “She’ll call a police officer to pick us up. We’ll have to tell them about this.”

Luke nodded and rose from the bench, following Michael out of the changing room.

 

Michael was the one to knock on the door to the principal’s office once they arrived there. He didn’t even wait for a ‘come in’ though, he just barged through the door.

“Michael, what are you doing here?” Mrs Clifford asked him, not having noticed Luke yet. Michael gestured to him though, and Mrs Clifford raised both eyebrows, knowing her son and the blond punk boy didn’t get along very well. It was only then that she saw the bruises on both their faces, and the dried blood still stuck to the skin underneath Luke’s nose.

“What happened to you two?” she asked, standing up from her chair and walking over to Michael, tilting his head a bit so she could take a better look at his bruised cheek. The red-haired boy swatted her hand away, though, and took a step back.

“Mum, we need to tell you something important,” he said, glancing at Luke as he did so. Karen furrowed her eyebrows a bit more, but sat back down and gestured for the two boys to do so too.

“Mum?” Luke mouthed at Michael, confusion evident in his eyes. Michael nodded, but immediately turned his attention back to his mother.

“We have some news about Ashton,” he said, and Karen’s eyes widened almost comically. She held up one finger to silence him, while she grabbed her phone and typed in someone’s number.

“I’m just gonna call your dad, he should probably be here, then,” she said, and Michael nodded in agreement. Luke just looked from Michael to Mrs Clifford and back at Michael, very confused now.

“My dad’s a cop. He’s leading the investigation on Ashton,” Michael supplied helpfully, and realisation dawned on Luke. “Officer Clifford is your dad, isn’t he?” he asked, and Michael made a little agreeing noise.

“Didn’t know your last name was Clifford,” Luke muttered, and Michael just shrugged. “I only know your last name because Calum wouldn’t shut up about you,” he replied, and kind of regretted that he’d said that when Luke’s expression fell. He didn’t feel too bad about it though, the thought of how much Luke had hurt Calum still very evident in the back of his mind. And even if he was kind of starting to warm to the blond boy now, he still wanted him to feel bad about hurting Calum.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been so long since I updated and I'm so sorry about that. School has been busy af, I barely even have time for myself anymore. I hope this update is okay anyway. I love you guys, you're amazing.

The silence in the office wasn’t as uncomfortable as Luke had anticipated. Mrs Clifford - or Karen, as she insisted him on calling her - had gotten the two boys and herself a drink, but not much had been said. There was a certain tension in the air, the cold pressure of fear (but also a bit relief) making it hard for them to speak their mind. They were all lost in their own thoughts, minds wandering to the thought of Ashton, and the events that had taken place in the changing room only minutes before. Luke wondered how everything was going to continue from now on. Nothing was as it used to be anymore - or as he thought it had been - and though he really didn’t want to lose Ashton, he knew he couldn’t hide this from him. This - a _soulmate_ \- was all he’d ever wanted for the biggest part of his life, and Luke wouldn’t be the one to prevent him from getting that.

 

-

 

Officer Clifford arrived not too much later, wearing his standard dark blue police uniform. The look on his face was one of question and worry, sending a glance at his wife before he turned to the two boys sitting there.

“Hey Mike,” he said, walking up to his son to give him a pat on the shoulder, worry still evident in his features as he nodded at Luke with a gentle smile. “Hello, Luke.”

Luke nodded back, but he was unable to manage a smile. His mind was too preoccupied with bad scenarios for that.

“We need to tell you something important,” Michael said, rising from his chair to properly face his father. Officer Clifford nodded and jingled his keys a bit. “Let’s talk about that at the station, yeah? I can’t really be missed there now, actually.”

The two teenagers nodded furiously, and Karen agreed too, giving them the rest of the day off and assuring them that she’d inform their teachers of this. Both boys then followed Michael’s father out of the building and over the parking lot, to the police car parked on the side, as far out of sight as possible so as to not draw too much attention.

As they stepped into the vehicle, Luke couldn’t stop the thoughts from tumbling over each other in his head, moving through his mind like speeding cars, unable to organise them and giving him a headache.

 

-

 

When they arrived at the station, Officer Clifford led them through a - now familiar - set of hallways through the police station. Michael must’ve walked this route many other times before, Luke realised. He wondered how he hadn’t known that Michael was Officer Clifford’s son - why else would a teenage boy be in a police station in his free time? Especially in the part of the station where only cops were allowed to come. Luke mentally face-palmed, though maybe now wasn’t really the time to talk about that.

As soon as they stepped over the threshold of the part that was Officer Clifford’s office, both Michael and Luke stopped dead in their tracks. Detectives and other people were walking all around the place, cleaning up. Luke saw pictures of Ashton, his father and that Mitch guy disappear in folders, which were put in boxes and sealed before taken away. He frowned, confused. Michael looked more panicked, though.

Both teenage boys stared at the scene in front of them for a few seconds, in complete shock, before Michael turned to his father and practically _jumped_ onto the man, fury and sheer _panic_ clouding behind his eyes.

“Dad! What the hell is going on?” he yelled, clinging to the dark blue fabric of his father’s uniform. Officer Clifford gently pried Michael’s hands off him and took a step back, fixing a wrinkle in his blouse.

“We haven’t found a single trace ever since we started the investigation - which was _weeks_ ago. The chances of Ashton still being found alive are nihil by now. There are more urgent cases at the moment, and this one is restricting the attention for those. I’m really sorry, guys,” he said, and even though Luke could see he was genuinely upset about it, he was still mad. Ashton was his baby, he _needed_ him back.

“No!” Michael screamed before Luke got the chance to say anything, however. Officer Clifford raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t comment on it, even though a few people were looking at them annoyed. “He isn’t dead. We have proof,” Michael continued, softer now. Officer Clifford’s eyebrow almost reached his hairline at this point, but he nodded curtly and gestured at a door a few metres away. As soon as the door had shut behind them, Michael practically _ripped_ his jumper off, revealing his battered torso. Officer Clifford’s eyes widened in shock from seeing the state his son’s chest was in.

“What happened?” he asked, voice thick and eyes dark with anger. Michael just shook his head.

“They’re not mine. They’re my soulmate’s,” was all he said. A silence fell, in which all Officer Clifford seemed to be capable of was staring at the dark bruises on Michael’s chest.

“Dad?” the red-haired boy said eventually. The man’s eyes flickered up to Michael’s face for a second before sinking back down to his chest, but he nodded slightly in acknowledgement. “Ashton is my soulmate.”

Officer Clifford now frowned, seemingly pulled out of his trance. “How do you know that?”

“Luke recognised his scars when we were in the changing room. Dad, he’s still alive. He’s still out there, somewhere, and someone is still hurting him. You can’t quit the investigation! You need to help him!” Michael cried, making wild gestures with his arms, which caused the jumper in his hand to hit Luke in the face. The older boy smiled sheepishly as soon as he realised and put it back on. Officer Clifford turned to Luke then, the expression on his face unreadable.

“Luke, are you absolutely sure about this?” he asked, and Luke nodded before he’d even finished his sentence. “One hundred percent, sir. No doubt about it.”

Officer Clifford nodded a few times, seemingly deep in thought, rubbing his moustache absentmindedly, before striding over to the door and pulling it open, yelling orders at the first person he saw.

“Johnson! Get as many people back in here as you can, and fast! Ashton Irwin is still alive. We need to keep looking. And if the chief has something to say about it, tell her to come to me.”

The man he’d spoken to immediately scrambled up to gather people and get the evidence and leads back in place. Behind Officer Clifford’s back, Michael and Luke fist-bumped and grinned at each other, despite the case still not being solved - at least Ashton still had a chance.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually making time to update this - I should be making homework now, actually, probably. Anyway, here's some more. I hope you like it!

Daryl Clifford had to physically put the two boys out of the police station after he’d brought new life into Ashton’s case. Karen had picked them up after she was able to go home - as she couldn’t leave whenever she wanted because she was the principal - but Michael and Luke didn’t mind. They probably would’ve spent way more time at the station if they had been allowed to. Both Michael’s parents hadn’t let that happen though, Karen because “it was a school day tomorrow” and Daryl - as Officer Clifford had insisted Luke on calling him - because the investigation was restricted, and outsiders weren’t allowed to know anything.

Luke was disappointed that they hadn’t been able to be more helpful for the investigation - all they provided was proof that Ashton was still alive, but _nothing_ else, no new leads. They couldn’t find him just from soulmate-bruises on someone else’s body. They needed _more_ for that, and they just _didn’t_ have that. It was driving Luke insane. He needed Ashton back. It wasn’t even a matter of _wanting_ anymore, no, he _needed_ him back. As soon as possible.

 

-

 

Karen drove Luke back to the school, seeing as his motor cycle was still there, and he needed it to actually get to school the next day. Before he’d gotten out of the car, however, he turned back to Michael one last time and a look of deep sadness washed over his face as he suddenly noticed a fresh bruise on his neck, stretching out over the older boy’s milky white skin, disappearing under the knitted fabric of his jumper. Luke’s soft, cold fingertips gently brushed the purple skin, and he hoped that Ashton could somehow feel it. His face fell slightly as he realised that wasn’t possible.

He glanced up at Michael, the other boy’s green eyes shining in the orange glow of the street lights on the school’s parking lot. The look in them, for once, _couldn’t_ be described as hateful - it was more friendly, though it didn’t quite reach that level of fondness yet. It was good enough for Luke in that moment.

“Take care, Michael,” he said, and after muttering a quick ‘thank you’ to Karen, he hopped out of the car and crossed the parking lot, heading towards his motor cycle. He contemplated going home for a short moment, but eventually decided not to - he had somewhere else he’d be needed more, he figured.

 

A short fifteen minutes later, he arrived at Ashton’s house. He’d driven the route so many times he could dream it, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a nagging, pressing pain in his chest while driving it now, when everything was so different. When Ashton wasn’t there.

He rang the doorbell, but there was no response at first, even though Anne’s car was parked right in front of the house. Luke frowned and rang again, and again, and finally, he heard some stumbling from the other side of the door, and a few seconds later, it opened, revealing a very distressed-looking Anne.

“Oh, hello, Luke. I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you,” she said, and Luke just smiled reassuringly. “That’s okay,” he promised, “I wasn’t expecting myself to be here either, to be honest. Can I come in?”

Anne nodded quickly, only now realising she was being slightly rude, and stepped aside to let Luke through. The blonde boy walked the familiar route through the living room and into the kitchen, opening the fridge.

“Do you want a drink?” he asked, voice a bit louder than usual to make sure Anne could hear him.

“Just some water, please,” she replied, entering the kitchen as well. Luke nodded and poured two glasses, taking them back into the living room, Anne following close behind him. The both of them sat down on the couch and sipped their glasses in a slightly uncomfortable silence. Luke was the first to break it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine worry evident on his face. Anne just stared blankly at the glass of water in her trembling hands for a few moments, tears welling up in her eyes, but they didn’t spill yet. Eventually, she sighed and put the glass down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“There haven’t been any new leads on Ashton for a while now,” she said, voice thick with pain and tears, and Luke immediately scooted over to grab her hand in a manner of comfort. “So they’ve given up on him.”

The words were nothing more than a choked whisper, barely audible, but Luke caught them. He was sure he’d be infuriated if he had heard it like this for the first time, if he hadn’t known the context - the chances of Ashton still being alive were practically nothing -. But he wasn’t, he knew _more_.

“I spoke to Officer Clifford this morning,” Anne continued, rubbing the back of Luke’s hand in soothing circles with her thumb subconsciously, even though _he_ wasn’t the one who needed comfort right now. Luke shook his head furiously before she had the chance to continue, however.

“No, they didn’t. I got them to continue. Or well, Michael and I did,” he said, grabbing Anne’s hand in both of his and looking straight into her tear-filled eyes. She sniffled a bit and frowned, confused. “What do you mean? How did you do that?”

Luke bit his lip and averted his gaze. “We, um... well...”

Now _his_ eyes were getting watery as well, and he angrily wiped at them, annoyed with himself. He’d never been this emotional before. It had only happened since Ashton had come along - and especially disappeared, for that matter. He took a deep breath before he started talking again, his voice now slightly monotone.

“Okay, so, Michael and I kind of had a fight in gym class today, so the teacher sent us out. In the changing room, he took his shirt off, and... and I... he was...” Luke breathed in shakily and forced himself to calm down, the comfort of Anne’s hand rubbing up and down his back helping slightly.

“He looked _exactly_ the same as Ashton did, but so much worse. It was _terrifying_. There were s- _so_ many bruises, I could barely e-even see any s-skin anymore,” he said, trembling from the memories, now that all the adrenaline had left his body.

“I r-recognised them, Anne.” The blonde glanced up at her through his eyelashes, hot tears finally starting to roll down his cheeks, leaving a gleaming, moist trail on his face. “T-they were h _-his_. They were _Ashton’s_.”

Anne just looked utterly _confused_ now, and Luke couldn’t blame her - he knew he was being very vague, but he couldn’t bring himself to say any more details at this moment.

“I think I found Ash’s soulmate,” he whispered, the look on his face changing to one of pure _agony_ \- a mental pain, not a physical one. He looked up at Anne, and her tears started falling as well, from the heartbroken look on the boy’s face.

“Michael is his soulmate.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Anne mumbled, pulling Luke into a hug. He clung to the soft fabric of her sweater almost desperately, sobbing into her shoulder.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he choked out after a while, trying to detach himself from Anne, but she only held him tighter, aware that he needed it. “It’s okay, just let it all out.”

They stayed like that for a while, settled in each other’s comfort, until Anne glanced at the clock on one of the walls and ushered Luke to get up.

“It’s getting quite late. Why don’t you stay the night here? I don’t want you driving when you’re like this,” she said, and Luke wanted to disagree, but decided not to - she had a point. “Only if it’s not bothering you,” he said quietly, wiping the wetness of his tears off his cheeks. Anne shook her head immediately.

“Of course it isn’t! Go upstairs, get ready for bed. You can- you can use Ashton’s stuff. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” She smiled sadly at him, before composing herself and ruffling his hair a little bit. “Off you go. I’ll let your mother know you’re here.”

Luke nodded and went up the stairs, to Ashton’s room. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, he regretted his decision to stay here - it was weird being here without Ashton. It felt wrong. The air felt cold and the posters on the wall seemed to be mocking him, showing off the things that Ashton loved, the things they’d bonded over. Everything still smelled like Ashton, even though he hadn’t been in the room for a long, _long_ time.

Luke tried to push everything aside as he strode over to the closet and grabbed some pyjamas, putting them on quickly. The scent on them was overwhelming - they smelled like laundry detergent - lavender - with a hint of gentle cologne and just _Ashton_. Luke blinked away the tears that were pooling in his eyes once again and headed towards the bathroom, but stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t touch all of Ashton’s stuff and pretend nothing was wrong.

He forced his shaking legs to carry him to the bed and lay down under the covers, but that almost just made it _worse_. Ashton’s scent was _so_ evident here, so overwhelming, it was too much. Tears started leaking from his eyes once again, but they were silent this time. Anne found him like that, and it made her sniffle a bit too. She brushed a few strands of hair from Luke’s face and managed a smile, albeit watery.

“Goodnight, love,” she mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead before walking out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short and I'm sorry about that. Anyway, because the next chapter will be chapter 50, something big will finally happen in it. And I'll try to finish it today so I can upload it on Valentine's Day tomorrow :')

It wasn’t until lunch break the next day that he saw Michael again. The older boy looked a lot _better_ than he had for a while now - Luke had noticed he hadn’t looked good, but he just hadn’t _cared_. Now, he found himself thinking about it almost constantly. If Michael was okay, then Ashton was at least _somewhat_ okay as well.

The was something curious about Michael now, though. It took Luke’s worn out mind a bit longer than it should have, but then he realised that Michael had re-dyed his hair. It was no longer cherry red, but it was blue. And not just a little blue, but, like, _blue_. Very blue.

Only slightly to Luke’s surprise, he and Calum - who was walking by his side, like always - came sit with him at his table. Luke’s eyes immediately drifted to the bruise on Calum’s cheek and nose, and his hand subconsciously went up to his own face to brush at the identical one on his own cheek. Michael broke the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over them.

“Yeah, I’m sorry you have to walk around with that thing on your face, Cal. Didn’t think about that,” he said, and Luke huffed.

“I’m the one you actually hit, y’know?” he said. Michael just raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a few moments, but there was no harshness in his eyes anymore. “Yeah, well, you had it coming. Don’t try to deny that,” the now blue-haired boy bit back, with lacking venom in his voice. Luke narrowed his eyes at him, but couldn’t fight the smile off his face as he chucked a piece of bread at Michael’s head, which he skilfully dodged.

“Any news?” he asked then, and Michael shook his head, though his face didn’t fall - which meant it wasn’t _too_ bad.

“No new leads or anything, but they’re keeping their hopes up. He’s alive. And his injuries aren’t too severe. Like, not lethal. They will find him.” Michael looked convinced and determined, so Luke relaxed a little bit.

“I’m confused,” Calum piped up from beside them. Michael and Luke spared a glance before Luke shrugged and took a sip from his water bottle. Michael rolled his eyes, but turned to face Calum.

“I um- I mean we - Luke and I - we probably found my soulmate,” Michael said, cheeks flushing pink slightly. Calum’s eyes widened and he sat up a bit straighter, full attention on what Michael was saying now. “You did what now?” he asked, disbelief evident on his face.

“In the changing room yesterday, Luke recognised the, um... scars... on my body,” Michael explained, and Luke nodded in agreement. A short silence fell, before Luke chose to spoke up, his voice filled with a bit more _joy_ than usual, even if Ashton wasn’t _there_ \- just the thought of the curly-haired boy made his heart flutter.

“They are _exactly_ the same as Ashton’s,” he said, and Calum’s face changed from curious and confused to _worried_. “You don’t mean the scars on his _wrist_ , do you?”

Luke hesitated for a few moments before nodding cautiously. “Especially those. But he was getting better. He wasn’t as scared or sad as he used to be. Until his father decided to show up and ruin _everything_ we’d built, that is.”

Both Michael and Calum’s faces twitched slightly from disappointment and hurt, upon hearing Luke say ‘we’, but otherwise didn’t show it had affected them in any way.

“He’ll need a therapist once he gets back, though,” Michael said, frowning a bit. Luke raised both his eyebrows and stared at the older boy. “Excuse me?”

“Well, I mean, he was hurting himself. Wasn’t he seeing a therapist for that, anyway? And now, his father does god knows what to him, he’ll be quite shaken up about that. He’s definitely gonna need therapy,” Michael said, and Luke bit his lip, thinking it over.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he sighed, putting his head in his hands. “He didn’t have a therapist before, though. He didn’t _need_ one. _I_ was enough for him to get better.”

Calum’s face fell at that and Michael sent him a warning glance. Luke just glared back at him, but didn’t say anything more.

“You’re not his soulmate though,” Michael said suddenly, and Luke narrowed his eyes at him, wanting to say “Neither are you”, but that was just the point; Michael _was_. He sighed again, eyes growing several shades darker with sadness.

“I know,” he muttered, before a new wave of determination hit him. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t love him, or he can’t love me. I love him a fucking lot, and I know he loves me too. We didn’t let the soulmate system come in between us earlier, why would it change us now?”

It remained quiet between them for a while, a thick, tense silence, in which Calum just stared at the table top, frowning, while Michael and Luke held eye contact, without any emotions showing on their faces. Eventually, Michael spoke up. One single sentence, but the words hit Luke like a brick to the face.

“This time, it’s Ashton who’s soulmate is in the picture, not yours.”

Luke just stared at him, dumbfounded and with a heavy feeling in his stomach, while Michael gently took Calum’s arm and guided him up and out of the cafeteria, leaving Luke sitting there on his own.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone's day was good :) Here's an extra long chapter for you guys because it's Valentine's Day. I hope you'll like it! Also, finally some action here. ;) It might be triggering, especially the first half, so please be careful! I love you x

Luke hadn’t seen Michael nor Calum for the rest of the day, or the day after that. So he was quite surprised, to say the least, when he received a text message of Michael.

_From: Unknown Number_

_Could u come over to my place after school? I wanna talk to u. -michael_

Luke frowned at the screen of his phone - why would Michael want to talk to him? It’s not like they were friends or anything. He saved the number in his phone as ‘Clifford’ for the time being, and began typing a reply.

_To: Clifford_

_How did you get my number?_

He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently as he waited for Michael to reply, while considering going over to Michael’s place. His phone bleeped after a minute or two, signalling a new message.

_From: Clifford_

_My dads a cop. So are u coming over or not?_

Luke pursed his lips and tapped his foot some more, before making a decision. What did he have to lose by going?

_To: Clifford_

_Yeah fine i’ll come over. Whats your address?_

He quickly put his jacket on and zipped it up as he walked across the school’s parking lot to where his motor cycle was waiting for him. Michael texted him his address quite soon, and luckily, he approximately knew where it was. Letting the motor roar to life, he carefully steered out of the parking lot and onto the road, mixing in with the paltry traffic that was driving around there.

 

-

 

He arrived at the Clifford residence about half an hour later, parking his motor cycle in the driveway and walking up to the door. Michael opened it after he’d knocked on the blue painted wood.

“Hey,” the blue-haired boy said, stepping aside to let Luke in. The taller boy nodded and mumbled a greeting under his breath, before slipping past Michael and awkwardly walking into the living room. It was quiet in the house; both Michael’s parents were probably still at work, seeing as it was still quite early.

“So, do you want a drink?” Michael asked suddenly, clearly trying very hard to ignore the awkward tension between them. Luke just shook his head and put his hands in his pockets, standing in the middle of the living room, not really wanting to be there. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked instead, and Michael’s shoulders slumped slightly as he sighed.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he mumbled, opening a door and disappearing up the stairs. Luke followed suit, albeit confused.

Once they’d reached the older boy’s bedroom, Michael immediately sank down on his bed, while Luke hovered in the doorway a bit awkwardly. A silence stretched between them, but it wasn’t as awkward as it could be. Luke could sense that Michael was distressed, and he was willing to give the blue-haired boy a few moments to compose himself. In the meantime, Luke found himself a chair and observed Michael’s room. He had a quite good taste in music, Luke discovered; various posters of bands like Fall Out Boy and Bring Me The Horizon covered one of the walls, and there was even a guitar in a corner of the room.

“Something’s going on,” Michael finally spoke, catching Luke somewhat off-guard, as he had been looking at Michael’s cd collection, trying to read the names of the artists on the small labels from over two meters away - which didn’t really work out.

“What do you mean?” he asked, standing up and taking a seat next to Michael on the king-sized bed hesitantly, but he saw that he needed some comfort right now, even if Luke may not be the best person for that.

Michael didn’t reply with words; he simply let his shaking hands travel to the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, discarding it on the other side of his bed. Luke gasped involuntarily at the sight of Michael’s upper body; cuts, bruises and gashes covered every inch of his body, the purple and blue marks stretching on further over the still clothed parts of his body.

“It just keeps getting worse and I don’t know what to do. I can’t drive yet and my dad isn’t answering his phone,” Michael said, expression absolutely pained and terrified. Luke let his fingertips gently brush one of the deep gashes on his chest, fingers trembling.

“I don’t think there’s really anything you _can_ do,” he said, hesitantly putting an arm around Michael’s shoulder. He didn’t even regret it, as the older boy immediately leaned into the touch and put his head on Luke’s shoulder, sighing softly.

“I have done something before, though,” he said, bringing his hand up to his upper arm and tracing the single cut, which had already scabbed over and was well on the way to healing. Luke frowned. “What did you do?”

“He was... cutting. I wanted him to stop. So I did it too. It helped,” he mumbled, hiding his face in the fabric of Luke’s jacket, breathing in the faint scent of the black leather. “He stopped.”

Luke’s frown deepened and he subconsciously pulled Michael closer, stroking his back in a manner of comfort.

“What if I did it again?” Michael then whispered, and Luke tensed up, the movement of his arm stilling immediately, his hand resting heavily on Michael’s lower back.

“No,” Luke said, but before he could continue, Michael pulled away and sat back up straight, wrapping his hands around himself. He looked vulnerable, Luke noticed.

“But it helped last time. And I know he’s not the one in control right now, but I could do it to comfort him, to make sure he knows we’re out here, looking for him, worrying about him, waiting until he _finally_ comes back,” Michael ranted, standing up from the bed and pacing back and forth in his room while making wild arm gestures. Luke shook his head nonetheless.

“He wouldn’t want you to do that to yourself,” he said, quietly, and Michael knew he was right. He just didn’t want to admit that.

“Probably not. But I don’t want him to give up on himself. He needs to hold on a little longer, we’ll find him. He can’t give up now. And judging by this-” he gestured at his battered chest, where another large bruise showed up, just in that moment, “he’s having a particularly hard time. I don’t want to take the risk.”

Before Luke had the change to react, Michael had darted into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Luke rushed after him and pounded on the door a few times, panic slowly rising in his chest, closing up his throat. “Michael?! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get out of there, now!”

It was silent for a few moments before Luke heard a stubborn “No”, and then the sound of someone rummaging through a cupboard. He stood there in front of the bathroom door for a few moments, panicking, before realising he had to _do_ something. The only thing he could come up with was to call someone.

The dial tone only sounded two times before Calum picked up. Luke tried not to feel guilty about how he’d been treating the dark-haired boy. “Luke?”

“Um, yeah, hey, Calum. I um- I need your help,” he said, rubbing his neck awkwardly, before remembering the situation. “Fuck, I- it’s Michael, he’s about to do something _very_ stupid and I can’t stop him. He won’t listen to me,” Luke said, clutching his phone like a lifeline while he had the other planted firmly against the hardwood of the door, like that would make Michael stop.

Calum made a muffled, pained noise, and then Luke heard some rummaging and a door opening and closing. “I’m on my way,” Calum said hastily before hanging up, without giving Luke the chance to reply. The blonde shifted back and forth on his feet as he waited for Calum to arrive, and begged Michael to come out of the bathroom some more, but the blue-haired boy pretended not to hear him, so he gave up on that fairly soon. The soft - and some louder - whimpers that he could hear through the door concerned him deeply, though, and he strongly wished there was something he could do.

It wasn’t even ten minutes later when he heard the front door opening and closing, followed by the thudding footsteps of someone rushing up the stairs. The door to Michael’s bedroom flew open and in the doorway stood Calum, face flushed and panting - probably because he’d ran all the way here. He didn’t even spare Luke a second glance - he immediately went up to the bathroom door and banged on the door with his fist.

“Michael, come out, please don’t do this,” he begged, and it was only then that Luke realised the tanned boy was panicking as well - his voice was thick and trembling with unshed tears, and he was visibly shaking. Luke put an arm around his waist to keep him up when his knees started to give out. Calum leaned heavily on him, but for some reason, Luke didn’t even mind.

Then, completely unexpected for the two boys, the bathroom door unlocked, and it took them a few seconds to register before they both darted forward and all but _ripped_ the door open, rushing inside as soon as they fitted through the opening.

Michael was sat on the floor, with his back against the bathtub. Crimson blood was trickling down his arm, forming a small puddle on the floor. A blood-coated razor blade was lying a few feet away from him, like it had been weakly thrown away. Michael’s eyes were puffy and red, panic evident in them, with tears still leaking from them, dripping down his face onto his bare chest and black skinny jeans. Both Calum and Luke remained standing in the doorway for a few seconds, too shocked to move, before Calum shook himself out of his trance and went over to the cupboard under the sink, grabbing some bandages and rubbing alcohol from it. Luke stepped around the blood to Michael’s shaking form and carefully sank down onto his knees on the boy’s right side, putting an arm around his waist, but careful as to not touch his arm.

“C’mon,” he muttered, helping Michael stand up. The blue-haired boy winced, but let himself be pulled onto his feet and sat down on the toilet, after Luke had closed the lid. Calum grabbed a towel and began to dab away the blood on Michael’s arm, who winced and tried to pull his arm away every time Calum accidentally rubbed on the wound, but Calum’s grip was too strong. Eventually, when most of the blood was wiped away, the cut became visible, still leaking some drops of the red liquid. Calum gently pressed the towel down on it to stem the bleeding, to which Michael cringed and whimpered slightly. Calum made a soft hushing noise and Luke gently rubbed a hand up and down his back.

After a few minutes, Calum carefully removed the towel, revealing a red and irritated skin, with a dark red cut in it - shaped like a _heart_. Luke couldn’t help it, he snorted. It had no heat at all behind it, though, it was actually very shaken up.

“You’re so lame,” he choked out, and Michael cracked a careful, slightly broken smile. “I know, don’t fucking laugh at me, you dick.”

“I’m not laughing,” Luke replied, and Michael went silent, and Calum’s expression darkened as well. The tanned boy skilfully cleaned up the wound and wrapped the bandage around his arm, securing it in place. Without any warning, he tackled Michael in a tight hug right after, burying his nose in the older boy’s hair.

“You promised you wouldn’t do that again,” he choked out, and Michael wrapped his arms around Calum as well. “I know, I’m sorry,” he mumbled back, clinging to the black fabric of Calum’s tank top.

Calum and Luke guided Michael back into his bedroom and the three sat down on the bed, a silence in between them, but it wasn’t really that awkward at all. It was tense, though, as they all waited for something to happen on Michael’s body. The bruises had still been appearing when Michael locked himself up in the bathroom, but that had stopped now, luckily. Luke couldn’t help but fear for something _worse_ , though.

The front door opening and closing caused all three of them to jump up in surprise, having been too engaged in the thick silence. Michael immediately got up from the bed, spinning around frantically a few times before disappearing in the bathroom once again, rummaging around a bit while mumbling panicked curses under his breath. Calum went after him right away, and Luke followed a bit later.

“I need to clean it up...” Michael repeated constantly, while walking around the bathroom looking for God knows what.

“Hey, no, it’s okay,” Calum promised him, pulling him in for a hug. “It’s fine, let’s just go downstairs, yeah? We can clean it up later.”

Michael nodded weakly and quickly put his shirt back on, before walking down the stairs. Daryl was in the living room, still wearing his navy blue police uniform. He was on the phone, talking agitatedly to the person on the other side of the line.

“No, you can’t do that just yet. We need to make sure it’s him first. - I know what the witness said, but that doesn’t prove anything. - We need more information, we can’t just bust down the door without knowing anything about the place. - I know very well what’s at stake here! But we can’t. yet. Just wait them out a bit.”

Daryl hung up the phone angrily and put it down on the coffee table with more force than necessary, checking if the screen wasn’t cracked immediately. Michael was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Dad? What’s going on?” he asked. Daryl sighed and turned to him, unbuttoning the jacket of his uniform. The look on his face couldn’t be described as anything else than conflicted.

“I’m actually not allowed to tell you guys,” he started, but the hopeful and frightened looks in their eyes pushed him over the edge. “We’re probably having a breakthrough.”

A huge smile slowly grew on Luke’s face, while Michael started jumping up and down in excitement and pretty much jumped on Calum’s back. “What is it?” he asked eagerly. Daryl looked slightly uncomfortable, but told them anyway. “Someone saw a guy that matched Mitch’s description in a supermarket somewhere in one of the outskirts of town. A patrolling police car nearby followed them to an industrial area. We’ve got officers around the entire place, but we can’t go in just yet. We don’t have enough information.”

Michael suddenly looked like he was going to be sick, and placed a hand over his stomach. Daryl ran a hand through his hair and looked at his son pityingly. “I’m sorry Mike, we’ll do something as soon as we know more.”

Before he’d even finished his sentence, Michael shook his head and looked up at Luke, panic written all over his face. Luke felt his blood run cold as he stared back at the blue-haired boy. Michael lifted his shirt with a very badly shaking hand and Luke almost fainted at the sight. A deep wound had appeared on Michael’s abdomen. It wasn’t like any of the other, however; those weren’t too deep - deep enough to bleed, yes, but not really dangerously deep. This one was _deep_ , though, and looked suspiciously much like a _stab wound_. To Luke’s horror, more started appearing quite rapidly, just as deep as the first one. Michael’s legs gave out underneath him, but Calum and Luke caught him just in time, supporting the entire weight of the boy.

Daryl stared at his son’s stomach for a few moments, in complete shock, before scurrying back to the table and grabbing his phone, putting it to his ear as soon as he’d dialled a number.

“Johnson? Go in, _now_.”


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me longer than I expected, sorry. I hope it's good enough!

“Dad? Dad what’s going on?” Michael asked, panic radiating off of his every feature, causing his voice to tremble and his limbs to shake. Daryl didn’t answer, he just made a beeline for the front door, buttoning up his uniform as he did so. Michael didn’t give up that easily though - he ran after his father, storming out of the front door, with Luke right after him and Calum following suit.

“I need to go. I’ll call you as soon as I can,” Daryl promised, before ripping the door of his car open.

“No fucking way. I’m coming with you,” Michael said, attempting to climb into the police vehicle as well, but Daryl gently but firmly pushed him back.

“I’m sorry Mikes, you can’t come with me. Call your mom, tell her to come home right now, but don’t go anywhere. I’m sorry.”

He then quickly slammed the door shut behind him and climbed behind the wheel, starting the car and speeding off. The three boys were left shaking on the driveway, despite the hot weather in Sydney. Luke stared in the direction where the car had disappeared for a few moments, before quickly grabbing his keys from his pocket and climbing onto his motor cycle.

“I gotta go,” he said, and he and Michael shared a look. The older boy nodded. “I’ll call you when something happens,” he promised, and Luke nodded, waved and then drove off, in the direction of Anne’s house. He figured she needed his company right now.

 

-

 

Daryl Clifford steered his car into the large parking lot of the industrial area, immediately jumped out of the vehicle and running over to the two cops standing on either side of one of the doors. One of them recognised him and took a step forward.

“Mitch was inside, he’s already been arrested and he’s in the van now. Irwin hasn’t been found yet. It’s a large building,” he said. Daryl nodded and grabbed his gun from his belt, walking through the door with the weapon at the ready. Johnson came up to him as soon as he saw him.

“There’s officers on every floor, but Irwin hasn’t been seen so far. There’s evidence all over the place, though. This is definitely where they keep Ashton.”

Daryl nodded, looking around frantically, the image of Michael’s abdomen still fresh in his mind. “We need to find him _now_ , or he’ll die.”

Johnson’s eyes grew wide, but he nodded and gestured for a few men to follow him. Daryl led them over the concrete and around the thick plastic hanging from the sealing, somewhat dividing the space into separated rooms. The building reeked of cheap alcohol and a musty stench, all mixed with the faint coppery smell of _blood_.

Daryl felt sick to his stomach.

He certainly didn’t feel any better when several muffled “Clear!”s were shouted from all around the building, but the little spark of hope returned inside of him when a group of three officers dragged a struggling person up to him, pushing him to the wall next to the door roughly.

“Where is he?” one of them practically screamed in his face, and then Daryl realised who it was, upon seeing the man’s greasy, caramel-coloured hair and furious hazel eyes.

“You’re never gonna find him in time,” Irwin hissed, his voice filled with venom, but Daryl didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered towards one of the walls for a brief moment, and he savoured the panic, fury and _fear_ in the disgusting man’s eyes when Irwin realised he’d noticed.

“Take him away,” Daryl ordered, before motioning some other officers to follow him. Johnson was by his side in a heartbeat, taking large steps to keep up with him. Daryl pushed the dangling plastic aside and barged through the room until he reached the wall Irwin had been looking at. A single iron door was the only thing that interrupted the otherwise plain concrete wall. It didn’t have a keyhole, but an iron bar instead, so the door couldn’t be opened from the inside. With a heavy feeling in his gut, he pressed his back to the concrete, the cold material burning into his uniform and causing a shiver to run up his spine. Johnson put a hand on the bar that kept the door locked and looked at Daryl. After taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a brief second to calm himself down, Daryl nodded, tightening his grip on his gun and immediately darting into the other room as soon as the door opened. He almost tripped and fell, as a set of stairs started at the very first step over the threshold. He managed to steady himself by quickly leaning against the wall.

It was pitch black in the room, he could barely even make out the shape of his hand a few inches from his face. Behind him, he heard the clicking sound of a flashlight being turned on, and he followed up on their example, taking the black metal object from his belt and pushing the button. A line of bright yellowish light illuminated the room, and he aimed it at the stairs so he could see where he was walking. Each step of the stairs was covered in a layer of dirt and dust, but there were footprints clearly visible on them. Someone had been here recently.

Daryl and Johnson moved down the stairs quickly but carefully, and stood side by side for a few moments, light beams of their flashlights moving around the room. Johnson flicked the light switch as soon as he found it, but the pathetic gleam it radiated did barely anything to improve their sight.

“Clifford,” Johnson suddenly said, voice just above a whisper, but not loud at all, as he pointed his flashlight on something on the floor. It gleamed a nauseating, dark red, and Daryl felt his stomach clench unpleasantly. He carefully took a few steps forward, careful as to where he was putting his feet and focussing on any sound of movement at all in the rest of the basement - there was nothing, though.

A few boxes were scattered around the room, he now noticed, but he completely forgot about them again when his eyes landed on something else. It was only partly visible, half hidden from view by the carton boxes, but Daryl almost _fainted_ when he realised what it was.

It was a foot.

“Oh god,” he muttered, stuffing his gun back into its holder on his belt and hurrying forward, Johnson close behind him.

As he walked around the boxes, the body attached to the foot came into view. It took all he had in him not to turn away and vomit in that moment, and he gripped onto Johnson’s shoulder to keep himself upright, but he forced himself to recovered quickly.

The body lying on the icy cold floor of the basement was Ashton’s. All he was wearing was a pair of pyjama pants, consisting of a thin, green and blue checkered fabric. His feet were a dangerous-looking shade of _purple_ , probably from the cold, and his eyes were closed. The features of his face showed such evident _pain_ , though, and Daryl completely understood why.

His greasy hair was plastered onto his forehead, sticky with sweat, even though it was freezing in the basement. One of his legs was lying in a strange angle, as was his left wrist. The thing that concerned Daryl most, though, was the terrifyingly _huge_ amount of _blood_ all over him. The red liquid came pouring from the deep stab wounds in his abdomen, and had spread over his battered chest and seeped into the fabric of his pants.

It looked like a scene taken directly from a horror movie.

Daryl cursed and sank to his knees next to Ashton’s motionless body, gently putting two fingers onto his neck to search for a pulse, while Johnson took a step back and started talking into his radio agitatedly, calling for paramedics, eyes wide with shock.

As soon as Daryl’s fingertips so much as brushed the skin of Ashton’s neck, the boy’s hazel eyes flew open, identical to his father’s but yet so, _so_ different. They were wide and panic-struck, filled with utter _terror_ , as Ashton tried to scramble backwards, _away_ from him.

“No, hey, shh, it’s okay kid. I’m Daryl, I’m Michael’s father. You’re safe now, I’ve got you, he’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

Ashton shook his head, tears of fear filling his eyes and threatening to spill over. His breathing was ragged and sounded _strange_ , like something was off about it, but Daryl couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Ashton still tried to cower back, dragging himself backwards with his good arm, but he winced and whimpered when he accidentally put pressure on his clearly broken leg. Immediately, he froze, eyes growing wider than they already were before, but besides that, he didn’t move a muscle anymore. His breath now came in short, fast puffs of air, on the verge of a panic attack. Daryl didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t come any closer to the boy, but the blood was still _gushing_ from his stomach, and he needed medical attention, right _now_.

“We need to get him out of here. The paramedics can’t come down here with a stretcher,” Johnson said, and Daryl’s stomach _dropped_ , but he knew what he needed to do. He really didn’t want to hurt or scare Ashton, but he also didn’t want him to _die_. So he inched forward, slowly but steadily, and carefully gathered the _broken_ boy in his arms, despite the way his face distorted from pain and his body shook from fear. Ever so slowly, he walked back up the stairs, Johnson walking after him with one hand on his back to steady him, so he wouldn’t fall.

On the other side of the iron door, a group of paramedics was waiting for them. Daryl gently laid Ashton down on the stretcher and one of the paramedics immediately put a needle in his arm, injecting a clear liquid. Ashton slowly calmed down a bit after that - they’d given him a sedative. Daryl couldn’t do anything but watch as they wheeled him into the ambulance and took of with screeching sirens. Johnson showed up by his side a few moments after the ambulance had disappeared, following his gaze to the spot it’d been parked mere minutes ago. The blood stains on his uniform suddenly felt hot, like they were burning his skin, and made him nauseous.

“Go,” Johnson said, nudging his shoulder. “Make sure he doesn’t wake up in the hospital alone. I’ll handle the work here. You go.”

Daryl nodded, grateful, and gave Johnson a pat on the shoulder before hurrying out of the industrial building, to his car, and speeding off to the hospital.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for me to feel bad again. Not only for making you wait but just for this chapter in general. I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me someday. I'll update again as soon as possible, I promise!  
> Can I also just give a shoutout to [Julie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Eat_Sleep_Write_Read)? She started #freeashton in the comments since the first chapter Ashton was taken. Go follow her on tumblr: [[x](http://leadernotafollower.tumblr.com)]. Thank you all so much for reading!

The lukewarm wind of Australia swept up Luke’s hair as he sped towards the Irwin residence, his helmet still at Michael’s house, forgotten in his hurry. He didn’t really care about it in that moment, even though the wind was tugging at his face harshly, making his eyes teary and his skin seem numb. The only thing on his mind was _AshtonAshtonAshtonAshton_ over and over again.

As soon as he’d driven up the driveway of Ashton’s house, the front door opened and Anne rushed out, looking curious, surprised, and a little scared as well. She probably saw that something was up from the look on his face - though the tears in his eyes and the paleness of his face were mostly caused by the lack of helmet.

It was silent for a long time, the both of them just staring at each other, Luke trying to get his tumbling thoughts together and Anne anxiously waiting for him to say something.

“They probably found Ashton,” he eventually said, and Anne put both her hands over her mouth as her eyes widened in shock. Luke continued before she could say anything - not that she’s be able to do so right now.

“We should probably get to the hospital,” he said. Anne nodded and went back inside, only to return with her car keys and phone a short moment later - there was no way she was getting on the back of Luke’s motor cycle.

“Let’s go then,” she said, the tears she was doing her best to hold back audible in her voice. Luke didn’t comment on it. He’d probably start crying soon as well.

 

-

 

Michael felt dizzy.

He wasn’t in pain - not a _physical_ one at least - but the weird angle his leg was in made his stomach turn unpleasantly. It had happened mere minutes after Daryl had rushed off to the industrial area they were possibly keeping Ashton. Michael had panicked, and though Calum was evidently scared as well, he’d managed to stay calm and carry Michael inside, laying him down on the couch and calming him down. They mutually decided not to call an ambulance, as Karen would be there very soon and they would be heading to the hospital anyway - and besides, the injuries weren’t dangerous for Michael. He could only imagine the pain Ashton was going through at this time, though.

Just as they heard the squeaky sound of the breaks of a car and the crunch of pebbles being squashed together, Michael let out a weak whimper and clutched his arm to his chest. His wrist had gone limp, hanging useless in an unnatural way. He felt sick.

Karen rushed inside the house and gasped when she saw her son in such a state. Not having the strength herself, she ordered Calum to carefully lay him on the backseat of the car. The tanned boy did just that, and then took a seat himself, letting Michael rest his head on his lap.

“It’ll be okay,” Calum said softly, and Michael whimpered but nodded, holding onto Calum’s hand like a lifeline. “I really hope it will.”

The ride to the hospital cost them less time than it should have, thanks to Karen breaking more than a few speeding limits. They weren’t caught, luckily - Michael thought that cops wouldn’t have made a big deal of it if they had, though, seeing the state he was in.

Calum carried him inside the white-bricked building bridal style, and a few nurses immediately rushed to them when they saw him.

“Soulmate injuries,” he managed to press out, trying his best to keep as still as possible so as to not cause any further damage, as that would be dangerous for Ashton, probably. A stretcher was rolled into the entrance hall and Calum placed him on top of it, immediately grabbing his good hand and running along as the nurses wheeled him off, refusing to leave his side.

 

-

 

Michael had been lying in the ‘Soulmate Emergency’ room for a good ten minutes when a nurse came in, carrying a clipboard in her delicate hands. She checked the information on the sheet attached to the end of his hospital bed and read the paper on her clipboard again before plastering a gentle smile on her face and moving to shake his hand. His left wrist had been wrapped in a splint, as was his right leg, and he’d have to spend the upcoming weeks in a wheelchair, but we was surprisingly okay with that - as long as he had the injuries, Ashton was alive. Not _okay_ , but alive. And that was good enough for now.

“Hello, Mr Clifford,” the woman said, putting the clipboard under her arm. “Your soulmate, Mr Irwin, has just arrived and is going into surgery any minute now. I will need to give you a sedative as well; it won’t be a pleasant sight.”

Michael swallowed but nodded, trying to relax his arm as much as he could so it wouldn’t hurt. After she’s injected him, she turned to Karen. “You’re allowed to stay here for as long as you want. Just let me know if you need anything.”

Karen nodded, sincerely thanking her. Michael felt his eyelids grow heavy fast. Calum was still holding onto his good hand. The tanned boy didn’t know what to say, but Michael understood. He squeezed Calum’s hand a bit tighter, before the sedative fully kicked in and his hand went limp in Calum’s larger one.

 

-

 

Luke and Anne arrived at the hospital about fifteen minutes later, immediately rushing over to the front desk.

“Ashton. Ashton Irwin. Where is he?” Luke asked, panting a little from the sprint he took from the parking lot to the entrance. The lady behind the desk typed a few things on her computer before answering. “Mr Irwin is in surgery at this moment. His soulmate and his family are here now, though, you can wait in his room if you’d like.”

Luke nodded eagerly and the woman told them the directions. Anne thanked her, as Luke’s mind was too occupied to think about that, and the both of them took off to the Soulmate’s room. Karen was the only one who looked up upon their arrival. She smiled softly, _sadly_ , and stood up to give Anne a hand.

“Hi, you must be Ashton’s mum. Nice to meet you, I’m Karen.”

“Anne. Nice to meet you too,” Anne replied, sinking down in one of the chairs next to the bed. Luke took a seat next to Calum. The dark-haired boy still hadn’t looked up.

“Hey,” Luke said softly. The only reaction he got was tears starting to roll down tanned cheeks. Luke sighed, not in annoyance, but more in a tired, I-just-want-this-to-be-over-and-for-everyone-to-be-happy kind of way. Hesitantly, he put an arm around Calum’s shoulders and pulled him closer when he started to shake with the effort of not making any sound.

“it’s gonna be okay,” he mumbled, his fingertips tracing invisible patterns on Calum’s arm. “They’re both gonna be okay.”

“How do you know that?” the tanned boy asked in a small voice. Luke could practically feel his heart break from the vulnerability in it.

“Because they’re strong. They’re fighters. They won’t give up. And we’re here for them. We’ll get them through,” he answered. Calum nodded, a careful smile peeking through his tears. “Yeah, we’re here,” he muttered, intertwining his fingers with Luke’s. The blonde half wanted to retract his hand and half never wanted to let go. He decided to not do anything, telling himself it was just because the older boy needed comfort right now, not because he liked it.

A heavy silence fell between the four of them after that, the air thick with fear and hope. Luke liked it that way, the silent support, not needing to use any words for a while. Anne and Karen didn’t seem to like it as much though, as they decided they were going to get a cup of coffee after some time. Luke just nodded and Calum, once again, didn’t react. The silence came back just as heavy when the door fell shut behind them, but it didn’t last as long this time.

“Luke...” Calum’s voice sounded, small but alarmed, and he started to shake in the tall boy’s embrace. Luke looked up, eyes focussing on Michael’s pale skin.

  1. Not purple.



Luke gasped for air as he watched the dark, ugly bruises slowly fade, revealing the clear, milky white skin underneath. Calum choked on a sob as he yanked the blanket from Michael’s arm. The thin, parallel scars on his wrist were barely even visible anymore, vanishing fast, making it look like nothing ever happened.

“No no no no no,” Luke muttered as also the finger-shaped bruises on his arm disappeared. Calum hid his face in Luke’s chest and sobbed loudly, gripping onto Luke’s leather jacket for dear life, even though _he_ wasn’t the one _dying_ here.

Luke could do nothing but stare at Michael’s healing body and clutch Calum to his chest to prevent himself from breaking down as well.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, here is the next update! Thank you all for reading and I'm sorry for breaking your heart with the previous update :')

The tears that had been burning in Luke’s eyes finally spilled over as he watched the last coloured marks on Michael’s pale skin fade away, the only thing remaining being the little scar on his forehead, just above his eyebrow. He remembered how Ashton had always thought he’d gotten in from being a clumsy toddler. That thought forced a sob out of him, and he clung to Calum even more, the older boy’s warmth the only thing that kept him from running away until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He didn’t know how long they stayed that way, clumsily wrapped up in each other’s limbs while seated in two different chairs, the wood of the armrests digging into his side uncomfortably.

He didn’t open his eyes when he heard the door open and Anne and Karen returned, bringing Daryl and the faint smell of disinfectant with them.

“Oh, boys,” was all Anne said as she went over to them and patted Luke on his back, her hand a heavy weight there. He felt like he failed her somehow. He hadn’t been able to keep her son safe, and now he was... he was _dead_.

“Hey now, calm down, it’ll be okay.” The hand on his back rubbed soothing circles in the fabric of his jacket and Luke felt another sob bubble up in his chest. His whole body ached from how hard he was crying and the uncomfortable position he was in.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, and Calum tightened his grip on his waist and Luke suddenly felt like he couldn’t _breathe_.

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re allowed to be upset,” Anne said, her voice too gentle for Luke to understand in that moment. She was supposed to be more _upset_. Frowning through his tears, Luke lifted his head from where he’d hidden his face in Calum’s shoulder and spared a careful glance at the hospital bed in front of him. What he saw made his jaw so slack and his mouth fall open in shock. He released his tight grip on Calum and tapped his shoulder until he finally looked up, his facial expression immediately matching Luke’s.

The bruises were back.

Luke breathed a sigh of relief and tried to gasp air into his lungs as he wiped his tears away, the flood finally ceasing, while Calum released another sob and almost choked Luke with the tight grip he held on the younger boy’s waist. He’d _never_ been this glad to see the purple marks.

“Oh, thank God,” Luke breathed, leaning over as best as he could with another boy attached to him, to pull the blanket back over Michael’s battered arm. Anne, Karen and Daryl looked confused and concerned, especially about the little hiccups still leaving Calum’s mouth occasionally, and the waterfall of tears that didn’t seem to stop. Luke continued to silently comfort him as he turned to Anne.

“He um- the bruises, they... they disappeared. They...” He felt his throat close up again and had to blink back a fresh set of tears. Anne put a hand over her mouth and sank down in a chair on the other side of the bed. Karen looked shocked too, and Daryl had paled visibly.

“Jesus Christ,” Anne muttered, waving cool air to her face to calm herself down. “Well, at least they reanimated him, then. He’s still alive.”

It sounded like she was talking to herself more than to anyone else, so Luke chose not to comment on it, focusing on loosening Calum’s grip on him instead, so he could breathe properly again. He made sure to keep an arm wrapped around the other boy’s shoulders, though. Just for comfort, he told himself once again. He almost believed it.

“Hey Daryl,” he mumbled when he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake. Daryl gave him a nod and a watery smile as he grabbed his son’s small hand in his own. That’s when Luke noticed the large bloodstain on his navy blue uniform. “Oh my god,” he mumbled softly, squeezing Calum’s arm just a little too tightly, causing the dark-haired boy to wince. Luke didn’t even think of saying sorry, but his thumb started rubbing soothing circles into the tanned skin subconsciously.

“How is he?” Luke asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the dark red stain. The only thing that came to his mind was how _large_ it was. _Dangerously_ so. Luke felt nauseous, his stomach throbbing and churning at the unpleasant scenes flooding his mind.

“To be honest, I don’t know. He wasn’t good when he got into the ambulance. And he was scared. Terrified, even. I’m afraid he won’t be the same as he was before.”

Luke nodded sadly, the movements of his hands stilling on Calum’s arm and back. “I figured that already, yeah,” he muttered. “But he’ll be okay, right?”

Daryl looked at him for a while before averting his gaze to the floor. “I don’t know. We can only hope.”

 

-

 

It wasn’t until almost two _hours_ later that a nurse re-entered the room, greeting everyone first before walking over to Michael and injecting a transparent liquid into his arm. After only a few seconds, Michael’s eyes opened, green orbs looking around the room confusedly for a moment before he remembered.

“How did it go?” he asked, his voice hoarse because his throat was dry. The nurse patted his good leg softly and spoke up to everyone present in the room.

“The surgery was successful. We lost him once, but we managed to bring him back. He’s lost a lot of blood though, so he’ll feel the results of that for the upcoming weeks, probably. We managed to stabilize him, but he’s still unconscious, though he should be waking up soon. Somewhere in between a few hours and a few days, probably.”

Luke made a choked sound from somewhere in the back of his throat and hid his face in his hands. Calum hesitantly ran a hand through his hair. Luke didn’t comment on it.

“May we see him?” he asked, fresh tears brimming in his eyes. The nurse smiled apologetically.

“Only family members are allowed in his room now, and no more than two at a time. He’ll need a lot of rest to recover. And once he’s awake, we’ll also need to discuss admitting him to therapy.”

Anne nodded, standing up from her chair. “Of course, of course. Can I please see him now? I’m his mother.”

The nurse nodded. “Follow me.”

They all followed her through a few hallways, once Michael had been placed in a wheelchair, to the Intensive Care Unit. Luke’s stomach made an unpleasant flip at the sight of the sign. Ashton’s room was on the very end of the hallway, slightly hidden away from curious glances. Luke suspected they did that on purpose, to make sure he wouldn’t be scared more than necessary.

“Only two people can go in,” the nurse reminded him, and Anne looked conflicted, glancing between Luke and Michael as they both stepped - or wheeled, in Michael’s case - forward.

“And family only!”

“I’m his boyfriend!” Luke protested, at the exact same time Michael practically yelled; “I’m his soulmate!”

Noticing the hurt expression on Calum’s face, Michael glared at Luke and stretched out his hand to the tanned boy, placing his hand on Calum’s lower back as soon as he was within reach, hating that he could barely move himself. “Fine. You go in, Hemmings.”

Luke looked like he wanted to protest for a moment, guilt evident in his face, before he pretty much forced himself to turn around and follow Anne into the hospital room.


	54. Chapter 54

Luke’s stomach seemed to keep doing backflips over and over again after the white door of the hospital room had fallen shut behind them. He and Anne were met with the steady, slightly annoying beeping sound of the heart rate monitor. Luke couldn’t lift his gaze, he didn’t have enough courage to look up and see the boy he loved so much in such a state. As eager to finally see Ashton as he had been outside, as terrified he was now. It was like someone else had taken control of his body. He couldn’t get his limbs to move, it felt like they were glued in place. His feet wouldn’t carry him forward, his neck wouldn’t lift his head, his muscles wouldn’t twitch, his chest barely even moved when he breathed. He was frozen, _numb_ , even his brain seemed to have stopped working, one single word bouncing through his mind, banishing all other thoughts.

 _Ashton_.

In the meantime, Anne had walked further into the room already, and taken a seat next to the bed, one of Ashton’s large hands clasped between hers. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, but she wasn’t crying anymore - she’d run out of tears a while ago. Her voice was soft when she spoke, gentle but shaking slightly, just like it had been a lot recently.

“C’mon love, come here. It’s alright,” she said, stretching one of her arms out to reach for him, the shaky undertone of emotions in her voice showing Luke that she was equal parts relieved and scared. Luke couldn’t blame her.

He managed to recollect his composure and took a shaky breath, chest stuttering at the large gulp of air, and lifted his head to look at the motionless boy in the hospital bed.

Ashton was wearing a hospital gown, the light blue material standing out enormously against the dark bruises on his skin. Both his arms were lying on top of the white duvet, showing off more purple and green than actual skin. His face was bruised as well, one of his eyes swollen shut, the sensitive skin around it almost _black_. Sickening red marks stretched over his neck, the shape of fingers easily distinguishable.

Luke’s stomach had stopped doing backflips - it had turned into being a one-piece circus, giving him the feeling like he had to throw up.

Tentatively taking a step forward, he grabbed the white metal railing of the hospital bed to stay on his feet, grip so tight his knuckles turned white. He felt dizzy, his head was spinning and he felt his throat closing up as his eyes focused on Ashton’s face, his gaze shifting from the greasy yet dry strands of hair resting on his forehead, gliding over his purpled cheeks to his jawline, which was even more distinct than it had been, now that he was severely underweight. His arms were so thin and fragile-looking, Luke felt like they would break if he so much as touched them. Ashton’s skin was stretched around his bones though, the once tanned skin now paled from lack of sunlight, and peeling in several places at the lack of hydration he’d endured.

Luke had seen Ashton in his most vulnerable moments - during panic attacks, with his arms uncovered, showing his scars, in crying fits when the darkness lurking in the back of his mind attacked - but he’d never seen Ashton look so _fragile_. The curly-haired boy looked like he would turn to dust and fall apart if you so much as _touched_ him.

Luke’s breaths were slow, deep and shaky as he sank down in the other chair, his hands clasped in between his knees to keep them from trembling too badly. He knew he was shaking, though, and his attempts to stop it were futile. He didn’t dare touch Ashton, hold his hand, stroke his hair, kiss his scars, afraid that this was all a dream, that he’d wake up as soon as his fingertips brushed Ashton’s purpled skin, all alone in his bed, shivering from the cold, despite Sydney’s heat.

Anne hadn’t hesitated though - she’d immediately grabbed onto her son’s hand as soon as she had the chance, and Ashton was still there, still lying in the hospital bed, not having so much as moved a muscle. Luke breathed in and out a few times, trying to get his breathing under control, before slowly stretching a hand out, until it touched the cool fabric of the duvet. He stilled there, subconsciously holding his breath, and didn’t move a single muscle until nothing had happened after a few minutes of deadly silence. His hands moved a bit further, until the very tip of his finger brushed against the side of Ashton’s arm so lightly he’d barely even felt it, but he immediately withdrew his hand.

Nothing happened, of course, and Luke sat there for a few more minutes, staring at Ashton’s near lifeless body, before reaching out once more and gently taking his hand, intertwining their fingertips, just like they’d always done.

Anne smiled at him from the other side of the bed, understanding how unreal it felt to finally have him back, after _months_ of not having him around.

 

-

 

Ashton still hadn’t woken up when night began to fall. The sun had set a while ago and the last remainders of her light were now starting to fade as well. The steady beeping of the heart monitor beside Ashton’s bed was the only thing that kept Luke awake, the stress, adrenaline and events of that day finally taking their toll on the teenage boy. Neither he nor Anne had left the room even once the whole afternoon and evening, despite the doctor entering multiple times to try to get them to move around a little, eat something, have a glass of water or a cup of coffee, but the two refused stubbornly, not moving from their seats, even when Luke’s back started to ache from the uncomfortable wooden chair.

The doctor re-entered the room when it was completely dark outside, a nurse coming in after him to shut the curtains and check up on Ashton’s IVs.

“We have arranged a sleeping room for you two,” the doctor informed them. “It’s just down the hall. I suggest you go there now and have some good rest. You both look like you need it.”

Luke was already shaking his head before the man had finished speaking. “I’m not leaving him,” he whispered, clutching to Ashton’s hand for dear life. Anne sighed, knowing just how stubborn Luke could be if he wanted to. There was no use in trying to get him to change his mind; if he wanted to stay, no one could take him away without force. Anne stood up and walked over to where Luke was seated, still keeping Ashton’s hand in a tight grip. She put a hand on his shoulder and kneeled slightly, so their faces were on the same level.

“I’m going to sleep now. You can join me in the sleeping room whenever you want to, but you can stay here tonight if you really want. But if it takes longer for him to wake up, you will sleep there. We don’t want you getting a bad back from sitting here all the time, yeah?”

Luke hummed softly in agreement, his eyelids feeling heavy already. Anne smiled softly at him, ran a hand through his already half-flattened quiff, pressed a kiss to his forehead and then exited the room, the doctor and nurse following her.

Luke sighed deeply as he put his arms on the mattress and rested his head on them, eyes drooping closed soon after.

The fingers of one of his hands were still intertwined with Ashton, a silent promise to never leave the other boy again.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's _another_ testweek coming up, so I won't have much time to write again, and right after the testweek we're going to Rome with school for a week, so I won't be around at all, I'm sorry! I hope you're willing to wait for that time.

Luke had slept terribly that night. After he’d finally gotten used to the constant beeping of the heart monitor, he he was still bothered by the nurses coming in to check on Ashton, which happened every hour. They tried their best to not wake him up, but he got started from his slumber anyway - he was a light sleeper. Apparently, Ashton was doing well, because the nurses always left after a few minutes, just checking the IVs and watching the monitors for a second. He still hadn’t woken up, though, and Luke started to get worried that he _never_ would, even though he knew Ashton was just sedated, purposefully kept unconscious so he could recover.

The next time Luke was woken up, Anne was standing next to him, her hand feeling heavy on his shoulder. He attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes and sat up straight, suppressing a yawn.

“G’morning,” he mumbled, a hoarse edge to his voice. It came out a bit slurred, the remainders of his nap still evident in it. Anne looked a bit worried.

“You should get some proper sleep, in the sleeping room, you look like a wreck,” she said, and Luke chuckled darkly. “Thanks.”

Anne rolled her eyes fondly. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. But seriously, you need some sleep. Ashton wouldn’t want you to exhaust yourself, you know that.”

Luke huffed, taking the other boy’s large hand in both his own, thumb rubbing circles into the dry skin. “I’m not leaving him,” he said stubbornly, avoiding her gaze when his mouth was involuntarily stretched wide open around a yawn. Anne cocked an eyebrow, but didn’t argue.

“Okay, well, at least get some sleep here, then,” she pressed, and Luke nodded, too tired to oppose. He rested his head back onto the cool duvet of Ashton’s bed and let his eyes flutter closed, sinking back into a dreamless sleep once again.

 

-

 

Luke was woken up by a knock on the door almost two hours later. A quick glance at Ashton told him that the other boy wasn’t awake yet, and he sighed in disappointment. Holding onto Ash’s hand again, he turned to face the person that had just entered the room, ignoring the lack of response that had come from the other side of the door.

It was just a nurse. She did the check-up and smiled gently at Luke.

“Mrs Irwin left to get some of Ashton’s personal belongings from their house,” she explained, and Luke just nodded, before she exited the room once again. However, there was another figure standing in the doorway now. It took Luke’s sleep-dazed mind a few moments to recognise the boy, but that might’ve also been because of his crazy hair colour.

Michael sank down in the chair on the other side of Ashton’s bed without saying anything, staring at the motionless boy in the bed with pain in his eyes. Luke tried his best to suppress the anger in his voice when he spoke.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, keeping his gaze focused on Ashton’s bruised face to restrain himself from glaring at the now purple-haired boy. Michael just sighed softly and shifted in his chair.

“They let me in because he’s, you know, my soulmate.” Luke looked up at him now, his grip on Ashton’s hand tightening just a little bit. Michael’s eyes zoomed in to their intertwined fingers for a moment, swallowing hard, before adverting his gaze. “I wanted to see how he’s doing.”

“He’s okay,” Luke heard himself say. “He hasn’t woken up yet, but there haven’t been any problems with the wires and stuff, I don’t even know. He’s okay.”

Luke rubbed his eyes, pouting slightly because his brain was still a bit foggy with sleep, and Michael nodded, still staring at their intertwined hands.

“What’s gonna happen when he wakes up?” the purple-haired boy asked suddenly, the slight edge of fear to his voice unmistakable. Luke remained quiet for a while, pondering, before he answered.

“I don’t know.”

“What kind of an ‘I don’t know’ is that?” Michael asked, clearly trying to be annoyed, but he just looked and sounded _drained_. “Is that the ‘I do know but I don’t want to tell you because I don’t like you’-I don’t know, or more of an ‘I don’t want to talk about it’-I don’t know?”

Luke huffed, shifting in his chair so that he was in a more comfortable position. “It’s an ‘I really don’t know’-I don’t know,” he bit back, refusing to meet Michael’s eyes. He felt almost _helpless_ , somehow. He really didn’t know what was going to happen when Ashton finally woke up, when they finally _really_ got him back.

“I don’t want him to leave me, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to leave him voluntarily, but I’m not going to stop him from getting together with his soulmate, if that’s what he wants. All I care about is his happiness. I just want him to finally be happy,” Luke’s voice got smaller and smaller, cracking at the final word. He shakily took a breath, angry with himself for getting this emotional so easily lately, and attempted to subtly wipe his eyes with his sleeve. Michael was nice enough to pretend not to notice.

“It’s up to him,” Luke said, staring at Ashton’s face - the expression on it would’ve been peaceful if it hadn’t been for the bruised skin - his voice under control again. “I won’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to. If he wants to be with you, then that’s okay with me, if that’s what makes him happy. But if you ever hurt him, even the tiniest little bit, I will _break_ you, do you understand me?”

Michael just stared at him for a few moments, expression blank, before he leaned back into his chair slightly. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Luke just nodded. “With all my heart.”

“If he chooses to be with me, I’ll take care of him. I’ll do my best to make him happy. But if he _doesn’t_ ,” the older boy swallowed and his eyes turned slightly glassy, “I’m sure you’d be the right person for him.”

The two boys looked each other in the eye for a moment before they both smiled at the same time. It was weak, but it was there, and it was _genuine_. Luke thought he could live with Ashton being with Michael, if he couldn’t be with the curly-haired boy himself. He and Michael might not have particularly started off on the right foot, but it wasn’t unfixable. Michael was okay, Luke thought.

Luke still hoped, _prayed_ even, with every fibre in his body, that Ashton would choose _him_.

Then Michael stood up and walked towards the door, but turned back around before leaving.

“You’re a good guy, Luke,” he said, his hand on the door handle, eyes trained on the floor to avoid looking Luke in the eye, but the blonde could still see that he really meant it. He felt a small smile tug at the edge of his lips, curving it upwards just a little bit.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he replied, his smile brightening some when Michael turned around more and gave Luke a deep, meaningful look, before disappearing out the door.

When Luke turned back to the boy in the bed, he nearly had a heart attack, and he literally had to grab the armrests of his chair tightly in order to not tumble out of it.

Ashton was awake.

His hazel eyes were focused on Luke’s face, irises taking in Luke’s features. He was clearly still a little out of it from the drugs, the sedative hadn’t completely gotten out of his system yet, but his eyes were open. He was _awake_.

Luke felt tears well up in his eyes, and his vision turned blurry for a moment before the hot liquid came pouring down his cheeks, leaving moist trails behind. The little drops fell down onto the fabric of his skinny jeans, soaking into it immediately, but Luke didn’t even notice, as all he had attention for in that moment was _Ashton_.

“You’re awake,” he whispered, unable to speak up more, voice cracking now already. He clasped Ashton’s hand tightly in between his own, just staring at the boy’s beautiful eyes for a few moments, before slowly and gently reaching out to brush a strand of hair away from his forehead. Ashton seemed to jerk awake suddenly, pushing himself backwards,  _away_ from Luke, the look in his eyes changing from dazed to _terrified_ within a second. His hand was ripped from Luke’s almost violently, and the curly-haired boy cradled the hand to his chest, like it was wounded. His breath came in short, small gasps, chest hitching, and Luke _knew_ he was having a panic attack but for some reason, _he_ had caused it. His stomach churned.

“Hey, Ash, it’s okay, it’s me. It’s Luke, you’re safe, I promise. I won’t hurt you. I’ll never hurt you. I love you,” he said, voice soft so as to not startle Ashton, but the smaller boy seemed to not even register the words as he just flinched back even more when Luke took a step forward, his hands coming up to cover his face in protection. The entire time, he didn’t make even one single sound, just the short puffs of breath leaving his lips. Luke didn’t know what to do, he started to panic himself, so he forced himself to stay calm, even though his throat was closing up a bit, and pressed the big red button to call the nurse. Almost immediately, a doctor and two nurses came rushing in, taking one single glance at the situation Ashton was in before grabbing a needle from somewhere - Luke didn’t even notice - and managed to inject the sedative into a vein in Ashton’s arm. It only took a short moment for his body to relax, sinking in on itself as Ashton lost consciousness once again. The nurses had to call security to actually have Luke leave the room, as he refused to leave Ashton’s side for even a second, but he found himself in the sleeping room not five minutes later, face in his hands, crying not so silent tears as he kept seeing the frightened expression in Ashton’s eyes in his mind.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I've managed to find some time to write this, even though I really should be studying right now.. I hope you'll enjoy it! Please tell me what you think :)

It wasn’t much later until Anne came back, carrying a sports bag with what Luke assumed were Ashton’s clothes and other belongings. As soon as she’d entered the sleeping room and taken in Luke’s appearance - tear tracks on his cheeks and red, puffy eyes - she dropped everything she was holding and rushed over to the bed Luke was sitting on, putting one arm around his shoulder and running the other through his blonde locks comfortingly.

“H-he woke u-up,” Luke choked out, his body shaking with the violence of his sobs. “H-he w-woke up and h-he had a p-panic attack b-because of m-me,” he stammered, curling in on himself and leaning into Anne’s comfort. He noticed how her grip tightened a little and now she tensed up completely, but when she spoke, it wasn’t audible in her voice.

“You can’t blame him for being scared Luke, especially not after all he’s been through. But you most certainly shouldn’t blame yourself either. There’s only _one_ person to blame in this, and I think we both know who that is.”

Her words left a silence behind that felt both heavy and light at the same time. Luke knew she was right, he was being too hard on himself. _Of course_ Ashton would be scared, it was stupid to think that he wouldn’t be. And though Luke had known somewhere deep down that he should’ve expected the curly-haired boy to be frightened, but he had still hoped - or maybe even convinced himself - that Ashton would have come running into his arms - figuratively speaking. He had hoped that Ashton would magically forget about everything that had happened as soon as his eyes landed on Luke, that the smaller boy would put his arms around Luke’s torso, tuck his face into the crook of Luke’s neck to rub his cold nose up against the skin there, and it would all be alright. It would be like nothing had happened and they could all go back to the way it used to be.

But of course it couldn’t be that way.

Luke and Anne were still in the same position when a doctor entered the room a bit later. It was a friendly looking man with short grey hair and some stubble on his jaw, enough to make it very evident, but too little to really form a beard. He stepped forward after closing the door behind him and shook both Anne’s and Luke’s hand, introducing himself as ‘Doctor Hinds’.

“So, as you know, Ashton had quite a bad panic attack when the anaesthetic wore off,” the man said, getting straight to the point. Luke was grateful - he didn’t think he could deal with all the sugar-coating and delaying the inevitable. “This was expectable. He’s had a lot to deal with in the past months and it would’ve been weirder if he _wouldn’t_ have been like this, if I’m being honest.”

Anne made a weird noise and Luke suspected she was holding back tears. He had a hard time keeping himself together as well.

“I’m just going to give you a short walkthrough of what will happen from this point on. Ashton has a few bad injuries, but we expect all of them to completely heal. He has a broken leg and broken wrist, and a couple of broken ribs as well. One of them punctured his lung, which is part of the reason why we lost him in the OR, but we’ve managed to recover everything. Besides that, he suffered from severe blood loss, and that will also have some side effects for him; mainly nausea and dizziness. Physically, he’ll be completely fine in a while, if he gets enough rest. We’ll make sure that will happen. Mentally, it’s a completely different story, though. The panic attack only proves this, I would say. We will be admitting him to therapy once he’s well enough physically. He can’t deal with something like this on his own - all he will do it shut it out, try to push it away, but it will always stay in the back of his mind, and that’s a heavy baggage to carry around all the time. Support of his loved ones will, of course, help a lot as well. I’m asking you to be patient and understanding with him, he has a hard time behind him, but some more coming up, even if it is for the best.”

Luke nodded immediately when Doctor Hinds shot him a glance, unable to speak with the thought of how close he’d been to losing his Ashton for good.

“Is he awake now?” Luke asked, voice sounding small, even if he was trying his best to keep his emotions at bay. Doctor Hinds shook his head lightly. “No, we had to sedate him again when he had that panic attack, to keep him from accidentally hurting himself. He should wake up in a few hours. You can stay in his room if you really want to, but I strongly advise you to be careful if you do. Ashton is probably not in the right state of mind at this time. It’s all still too recent, his mind probably hasn’t caught on with the fact that he is safe now. So if you go in there, keep your voice down and soft, don’t raise your voice at him, make sure your movement are slow and warn him before you touch him. You need to be gentle with him for a while.”

“Okay,” Luke croaked out, his voice hoarse and cracking and barely any sound even coming out of his mouth, but Doctor Hinds seems to hear - or rather, understand - him anyway. He’d been talking to Anne more than to Luke until this point, but focuses his attention more on the two of them now.

“There is one last thing I need to tell you before I let you back in Ashton’s room. We will be monitoring him closely from now on, watching his reactions to certain things, like sentences, use of words, touches, movement, etcetera. With this information, we can put up ‘guidelines’, to say it like that, for how to be around him, to make sure he doesn’t get scared more than necessary. I hope you understand that you will need to follow these lines. Patience will be vital for the upcoming times.”

Both Anne and Luke nodded at the same time, pressing out some agreements before moving to stand up as Doctor Hinds opened the door. “You can see him now, but please be careful,” he said, putting a hand on Anne’s shoulder for a moment to show his compassion before leading them through the hallway, back to Ashton’s room.

Luke could feel himself start to shake as soon as his foot was over the threshold, afraid that he would make a mistake again, move when Ashton wasn’t expecting it, say a triggering word or touch him somewhere that would send him into another panic attack. That’s the last thing Luke wanted to do.

He shakily sank down in the chair he was in a few hours earlier. He didn’t dare taking Ashton’s hand this time.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me so long! I don't know when the next chapter will be up but I hope it won't take too long. <3

It was a few hours later that Ashton woke up the second time. Calum and Michael had come by to visit once more - Calum had insisted on seeing Ashton, but Michael hadn’t wanted to have Luke and Calum alone in the same room, so he’d tagged along to make sure Luke would ‘behave’. Luke thought that was a little unfair. He never meant to hurt Calum, he just didn’t know how to deal with the complex situation they all were in.

He wished all of it wasn’t this complicated.

When Ashton woke up this time, both Luke and Anne were in the room. Luke was hovering by the window, staring out over the grey hospital terrain, watching all the different people come and go. It gave him a tight feeling in his chest, even though he couldn’t really place where that was coming from. Anne was sitting in a chair beside Ashton’s bed reading a book, when there was a stutter in the beeping of the heart monitor. She immediately looked up to glance at the equipment before her eyes ghosted over her son. A soft gasp left her mouth as soon as she was met with the light hazel of his eyes. Luke looked up upon hearing her gasp and his eyes widened, but other than sitting up straight, he didn’t move, worried that he’d scare Ashton again. Anne closed her book and put it on the bedside table with slow, measured movements. Ashton was still dazed from the sedative, but he was already starting to get back to his senses. His gaze darted around the hospital room, taking in details of the unknown environment. A frown grew on his face when he didn’t recognise the room. Anne had wisely chosen to stay on the side, letting Ashton take in the situation by himself before jumping in. Eventually, his eyes stilled on his mother’s form. They both seemed to hold their breath for a few seconds, before Anne plastered a watery but genuine smile on her face.

“Hey sweetie,” she said, the tears in her eyes evident in her voice as well. Ashton just stared at her for a while, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly hanging open. Anne kept smiling at him, but didn’t come closer, not wanting to scare Ashton. After what probably was a few minutes, but felt like _hours_ to Luke, Ashton put his hand on Anne’s, where she was holding the metal bar on the side of his bed. A strangled sob left Anne’s lips then, and she quickly brought up her other hand to cover her mouth, the smile never leaving her face though.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said, and Ashton managed a small smile - or a twitch of the corner of his lips more than anything, but at least it was _something._ He then turned to look over the room once more, his hand still resting on top of Anne’s, who gave his hand a little squeeze.

“Luke is here as well, sweetheart,” Anne said gently, and Ashton’s head immediately shot up to look around the room, and that was the moment Luke chose to rise from where he was seated on the windowsill. The steps he took were slow and tentative, and the insecurity was readable in his face. He attempted for a smile as well, but it didn’t quite work out - his face fell again immediately, tears burning in his eyes. Ashton stared at him wordlessly, various emotions playing in front of his eyes before they settled on a mixture of fear and _hope_ , which made the curly-haired boy look so tiny and _vulnerable_ that Luke instantly felt himself topple over the edge, and the tears started spilling from his eyes at a rapid pace.

“H-hey Ash,” he choked out, slowly walking forward until he was within arms’ reach for Ashton, but still with enough distance in between them for the smaller boy not to feel uncomfortable. Ashton was still gaping at him, his eyes taking in every inch of the tall boy in front of him, gaze constantly moving up and down as if he couldn’t believe that Luke was actually _there_.

Luke suspected that really was what he was thinking.

He waited patiently until Ashton had finished looking him up and down and his gaze finally stilled on the blonde’s face. Blue eyes met hazel ones and Luke was pretty sure he could feel his heart shatter when he saw the confusion and hope in Ashton’s eyes. With slow and hesitant movements, he sat himself down in the chair next to the bed, making sure not to break his eye contact with Ashton the entire time. The curly-haired boy’s eyes only went wider with every moment Luke was not disappearing, and the basement and his _father_ would come back.

That never happened, though.

Luke put one of his hands on the bed, beside Ashton’s body, signalling him that he was free to touch if he wanted to. Ashton’s eyes drifted from the hand to Luke’s face, then back at the hand and back at Luke’s face again a few times, which would have been funny if it had been a different situation. Eventually, Ashton’s large hand slowly inched forward until his fingers were brushing against Luke’s. the blonde’s fingers gave a little twitch but he kept still otherwise, though a fresh set of tears started running down his cheeks again and he was biting his lip rather harshly now. Ashton’s hands travelled further up his arms, brushed against the fabric of his sweater where it was covering his shoulder and eventually stilled on his cheek. The confusion is his eyes had shifted to disbelief, but the hope was still there, and it only burned brighter when Luke leaned into the touch slightly and gently put his hand over Ashton’s. That’s when the curly-haired boy started crying as well, and Luke absolutely _loathed_ seeing him so sad. He gently and slowly, _so_ slowly brought a hand up to Ashton’s face. The smaller boy flinched a bit at first, but then his eyes met Luke’s again and he allowed the blonde to put his hand on his cheek and gently wipe his tears away. A smile broke out on Luke’s face then, watery and shaky, but definitely there.

“Hey, princess,” he whispered, completely disappearing into the moment where he could finally hold Ashton again, though not exactly how he’d imagined it to be - he was still more than happy to finally have his boy back. They sat like this for a while, mirroring each other’s position, and even though the awkward angle started to hurt Luke’s back, he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT HAS BEEN A WHILE AGAIN I'M SORRY. I love you guys though, hope you enjoy this!

It had been two weeks since they had gotten Ashton back. Two weeks in which the curly-haired boy had made a _lot_ of progress; his ribs barely hurt anymore, the deep wounds on his abdomen were well on their way to healing and both his broken wrist and leg were doing great - he still couldn’t walk or use his left hand, but the doctors were certain that no permanent damage had been done.

Physically, that is.

They were still very much concerned about Ashton’s mental health. He wasn’t doing as well as they wanted him to be, and though it was completely understandable for him to not be fine, considering everything he’d been through lately, everyone was still deeply worried about him.

Ashton hadn’t spoken a word since he’d gotten back.

The doctors had tried to get him out of his shell, but he still didn’t like the presence of any of them, even the female ones. The only person he allowed to get close was Luke, and some doctors as well if they needed to change a bandage or check up on him, but only if Luke was there, holding his hand.

Luke worried about him too.

He had tried to get Ashton to talk, or even make a _sound_ \- of _course_ he had tried. But it hadn’t worked. The only reaction he’d gotten from the smaller boy when he asked, when he tried, was a headshake and a fearful look, and Luke always immediately felt bad for _scaring_ Ashton - though he didn’t know _why_ the curly-haired boy was scared.

It was frustrating, to say the least.

Daryl had turned out to be a good help as well, as he had been the one to actually save Ashton from that basement. He had explained to the doctors how Ashton had looked utterly _petrified_ when Daryl had come down to the basement, and the poor boy had made a sound. Even if it had only been a whimper, Daryl had _never_ before seen so much terror in someone’s face as he had seen in Ashton’s then.

Thinking about how much Ashton’s father had hurt his son made Luke want to cry. He had been doing that a lot lately.

He didn’t spend his nights at the hospital anymore, though. He slept at home, forced himself to go to school, and went to the hospital right after to spend time with Ashton, even if the curly-haired boy was quiet company nowadays. It didn’t bother Luke too much, though. He had Ashton back, that is all that mattered to him.

Michael and Calum didn’t come to sit with him at lunch at school anymore. Luke didn’t need to guess why - he knew Michael was still not happy with him because of the whole soulmate-thing, and he knew that the now silver-ish-haired boy just wanted to protect his best friend, but Luke wouldn’t deny that he would like some company.

So he decided to make the first move himself for a change.

He went up to the table the pair was sitting at and sank down in one of the chairs uninvited. Calum shifted in his seat uncomfortable and Michael just raised an eyebrow, but didn’t start yelling at him, which was something, at least.

“I haven’t told Ashton yet,” Luke decided not to beat around the bush. Michael only looked a little surprised - but more by him showing up at their table, not about him not having told Ashton yet.

“He hasn’t really been okay enough to put that on him,” Luke defended himself, and he knew that was only half true, but he tried to convince himself otherwise. “I didn’t want to put more on him than he can handle. He’s not doing great at the moment, but I was hoping that maybe some other company than just me, his mom and the doctors would help him a bit,” he explained, and Michael nodded thoughtfully.

“Alright, that makes sense. What I don’t get, though, is that you’re voluntarily asking us to come to ‘your boy’,” Michael stated, and Luke resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t quite fight the blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Look, I know I’ve kind of been an ass, but I just want Ashton to be okay, for now, and eventually happy. And apparently, I can’t do that on my own.”

It honestly _pained_ him so say those words, but Ashton’s wellbeing was _far_ more important to him than his own pride. “So I want you to come to the hospital with me after school today. We can just hang, pretend we’re not in the hospital. Like friends. We could be like friends.”

Luke knew he was rambling a bit, but he couldn’t help himself - he didn’t even know why he was. That also happened a lot lately.

Michael seemed to ponder it for a minute, talking to Calum through their eye contact as well, before eventually sighing and nodding. “Alright, we’ll come. For Ashton,” he said, and Luke couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, and he shouldered his bag before patting Calum on the shoulder a bit and walking off.

 

-

 

Michael and Calum arrived at the hospital about twenty minutes after Luke had - the blonde had driven there immediately when school had finished, while the two boys had gone home to drop off their bags first. Luke was waiting for them at the sleeping room, which Anne still used sometimes, and was labelled as ‘theirs’ - which basically consisted of Luke and Anne - for as long as Ashton was hospitalized.

“Hey,” was the simple way he greeted them. Michael just nodded at him, but Calum muttered a “Hi” back, and Luke smiled at him genuinely.

“Let’s go to his room, yeah? I need to warn you though; he’s really not okay, no matter how much he wants to be. So please be careful around him. Don’t be too loud or make any sudden movements,” Luke said, and Michael furrowed his eyebrows but nodded nonetheless. Calum just followed suite as Luke started walking down the hallway, entering Ashton’s room after knocking.

“Hey Ash,” he said, sending the boy huddled up on the bed a smile, which was returned not quite as brightly as Luke would’ve wanted. Ashton’s expression faltered a bit when he noticed Calum and Michael, the both of them lingering at the door for a bit, cautious to come closer and possibly scaring the curly-haired boy. Luke took a seat beside the bed and gently took Ashton’s hand in his, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head. “I brought Michael and Calum today, if you don’t mind. Thought it would be fun,” he said, and Ashton nodded hesitantly. Michael’s frown deepened, and Calum also looked a little concerned, but the two of them carefully walked closer to the bed as well. Calum took a seat in the other chair and Michael remained on his feet - there were only two chairs in the room.

Ashton was taking deep breaths, clearly trying to keep himself calm. Luke immediately wriggled himself in the small space on the bed beside Ashton and the bedframe, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy to keep him calm.

“It’s okay, they’re your friends, remember? They won’t hurt you,” he promised, and Ashton seemed to relax a little bit, some of the tension leaving his shoulders as he nodded.

“Hi Ash,” Calum said then, sending a small smile his way. Ashton returned it hesitantly, raising one of his hands to wave a little at the tanned boy. Calum seemed to be confused by the gesture, and as to why Ashton didn’t say anything. Luke tried to get eye contact with Michael, and lightly shook his head when he did. Michael seemed to understand immediately, luckily, and squeezed Calum’s shoulder softly before walking over to the other side of the bed and sinking down in the chair.

“Um...” Luke started suddenly, in a tone that made Ashton frown at him worriedly. Luke looked a bit pained when he spoke, stroking Ashton’s side with his thumb mindlessly, like he didn’t even realise he was doing it. “I need to tell you something. Actually, Michael and I need to tell you something.”

Ashton just looked utterly confused now, and he looked from Luke at Michael and then back at Luke, a questioning look in his eyes. Luke took a few deep breaths, pulling Ashton closer without hurting him.

“Take your time,” Michael said, and Luke had already jumped into defence-mode when he realised Michael hadn’t been sarcastic. “I understand that it’s hard to tell him.”

Luke nodded gratefully as he rested his head on top of Ashton’s, inhaling the scent of cheap shampoo, the ever-lingering stench of disinfectant and just _Ashton_.

“Alright, here we go,” Luke mumbled. The weight of Michael’s hand on his knee felt both supporting and annoying at the same time. Luke wished he didn’t feel comfort in it.

The words were whispered into Ashton’s ear, making the smaller boy go rigid in his arms.

“Michael is your soulmate.”


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL, here we are again, after over two weeks.. I am so terribly sorry. I would've written sooner, if I had the time or the inspiration, but I'm here now and I'm sorry it took so long but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway!

Luke felt Ashton stiffen in his arms, the smaller boy’s grip on his shirt tightening significantly. Ashton seemed to hold his breath, looking up at Luke with wide, confused eyes – maybe a bit scared as well. Luke tightened his grip as well, though not as much as Ashton, but he made sure he had the younger boy wrapped in his arms safely.

“C’mon, love, breathe,” he muttered, running a hand through the boy’s caramel coloured curls, gently coaxing him to breathe again. Eventually, Ashton carefully took a sip of air, still lying rigidly in Luke’s strong arms. The blonde looked down at him, a gentle but sad smile gracing his lips. Ashton could see the pain and hope in his eyes, but there was also something else. Something Ashton couldn’t quite place.

“It’s okay,” Luke whispered, his mouth so close to Ashton’s ear that he could feel his hot breath against the skin of his neck, involuntarily causing goosebumps to form. Ashton carefully peeked at Michael over his shoulder – quite an awkward angle – and the smile on the purple-haired boy’s face was small but sweet, no teeth showing, but a certain light burning in his eyes. Ashton couldn’t help but smile back, before remembering what Luke had literally _just_ told him. He turned back to the tall boy he was lying against and shook his head, his eyes telling the blonde more than his words probably could have. Luke’s gentle, sympathetic smile didn’t falter one moment.

“It’s true, I promise,” he whispered, running his hand through Ashton’s curls once again, because he knew that always calmed the smaller boy down. It didn’t seem to work this time, though. When his expression still held the same amount of doubt and confusion, Luke let out a sigh and lifted his gaze to look at Michael.

“Show him,” he said, and Michael nodded, slowly and carefully taking his shirt off - as his wrist was still wrapped up in a splint – revealing the many bruises littering his torso, identical to Ashton’s. The curly-haired boy still didn’t make a single sound, he just stared at Michael’s battered chest with his mouth slightly hanging open, eyes wide in shock and confusion. His grip on Luke’s shirt was to tight that his knuckles were turning white. The blonde gently took both of his hands in his and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s okay, love, you don’t need to say anything, I just wanted you to know,” Luke promised, gently rocking Ashton in a way he hoped would comfort him. Ashton seemed to have trouble wrapping his head around it, if the frantic look in his eyes was anything to go by.

“Hey Ash,” Michael said softly while putting his shirt back on, a warm look in his eyes. “It’s alright, I promise. I didn’t expect you to come flying in my arms or something. It’s still your decision. Take your time.”

It was quiet for a few moments, but then Ashton nodded slightly and Michael’s soft smile widened a bit, though his eyes showed it wasn’t as genuine as it maybe should’ve been. “I’m just gonna go home now. Have a good night, I’ll be back tomorrow, alright?” he asked, and when Ashton nodded once again, he turned around and exited the room, leaving an astonished Ashton behind. Calum sighed.

“I probably should go check on him. We’ll be back tomorrow. Keep holding on Ash, see you later. Bye, Luke,” he said. Luke couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face. “Yeah, see you tomorrow, Cal,” he said, and Calum ducked his head to hide the redness that suddenly appeared on his cheeks at the nickname. He muttered another goodbye before quickly exiting the room. As soon as he was out of the door, Ashton turned so his body was completely leaning against Luke’s, hiding his face in the taller boy’s neck and breathing in deeply, trying to calm himself down. Luke understood. He allowed the curly-haired boy to hold him however he felt most comfortable, and made sure his arms were wrapped securely around Ashton’s small form. He’d lost a lot of weight during the time he’d been locked in that basement, and though he didn’t look as bad as he did when he only just got back, he was still way too skinny. It took him a while to gain weight, as he had been living on practically nothing for the time his father had taken him, and his stomach still had trouble adjusting to him eating more than just a dry slice of bread every day. He was making progress though, and Luke was proud of him.

“I’m sorry we suddenly broke that on you like that,” he said softly, resting his chin on top of Ashton’s head. “I just really thought you needed to know. I didn’t want to make the same mess that happened when we decided to keep the soulmate-thing from Calum. You don’t deserve that. And he didn’t either, by the way.”

Ashton just nodded and sighed, his grip on Luke’s shirt never faltering. He was shaking and Luke felt bad, but he also knew that it would have been worse if they had kept it from him, and he wouldn’t have been able to live with the guilt he would have felt if they had done that, even if only for a little while.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but I just wanted you to know that it’s your decision. I don’t know what exactly we are, but having you ripped away from me like that made me realise that there’s definitely _something_. And I... I care about you a lot, Ash. I love you.” His voice shook a little, as did his hands, but he made sure to not let his reassuring hold on Ashton go slack. “I just want you to know that. And if you would choose Michael now, because he _is_ your soulmate, I would be happy for you two. I wouldn’t blame you. You belong together, after all.” Luke took a shaky breath and let his lips ghost over Ashton’s temple for a moment. “And if you decide you want some space, if you choose neither of us, that’s fine too. I just want you to be happy. That’s all I care about.”

It was deadly silent for a few minutes. The only thing heard was their breathing, calm and even – maybe forced calm. Eventually, Ashton tilted his head up and softly, _delicately_ almost, let his lips brush against Luke’s. The contact was barely even there – it was only the ghost of a kiss – but it was there nonetheless, and in that moment, it was more than enough for Luke.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo there's some action here again. Or well, not exactly action, but at least there's a happening. I hope you didn't expect this. ;) I got kind of poetic in here, don't laugh at me. Also I didn't really know how to end this so I'm sorry if it sucks.

Calum found Michael on one of the benches just outside the hospital. The purple-haired boy was staring at the pebbles littering the ground there. His crutches – his (or Ashton’s) broken leg wasn’t quite healed yet - were lying on the floor beside the bench, looking like Michael had dropped them carelessly. He looked a bit _lost_. Calum sighed and went over to him, sinking down on the wooden bench. A silence stretched between them, but it definitely wasn’t an uncomfortable one. Calum knew Michael just needed some time, and he would talk when he was up for it. He was always like that.

After a while, Michael spoke up.

“This sucks.”

His eyes were just a tad too watery and his voice shook a bit, but Calum was nice enough to pretend not to notice. He just nodded, looking straight into his best friend’s eyes. “Yeah, it does. But whatever happens, it’ll be alright,” he promised. The ‘whoever he chooses’ remained unspoken, but hung in the air, pressing down on Michael’s shoulders heavily.

“I guess,” he muttered, subtly wiping some wetness off his face. Calum politely looked away.

“What if he chooses Luke?” Michael asked suddenly, refusing to meet Calum’s eyes. “What’s going to happen then?”

Calum had never before wanted _so_ much to say something _useful_ , something to reassure the older boy, but he couldn’t think of anything. He knew Michael needed the _truth_ though, and no lies or vague guesses just to give him a little hope. Michael knew how to hold his head up high.

“I don’t know,” Calum said eventually, _honestly_. “I don’t know what will happen. And to be honest, that scares me. I don’t know what’s to come, and though I really want to know what the future looks like, I _do_ know that we aren’t _meant_ to know. Am I making any sense?”

Michael was quiet for a while before nodding slowly, and Calum took that as a sign to continue. “I think you just need to look at the future like it’s a blank canvas, and you don’t know what you’re going to paint just yet. Your inspiration is in front of you, it’ll come as time goes. You’re not the only one holding the paint brush and choosing the colours, but you have the greatest influence on it. If Ashton does choose for Luke, then his colours won’t be in your painting, or at least very little. Then it’s up to you to find another pretty colour you’d never get tired of, one you would want to look at every second of every day. Ashton might be your favourite colour, but he isn’t the only one on your palette. _You_ choose what your canvas is going to look like in the end. Don’t let your future depend on the decisions other people make. Don’t paint by order. Paint what _you_ want it to be like.”

Another silence fell between them, and after a while, Calum started fidgeting a little, afraid he might have said the wrong thing. Michael smiled though, turning to fully face Calum and pulled his best friend in a tight hug. Calum sighed softly in relief and wrapped his arms around Michael’s torso. They stayed like that for a while, just savouring each other’s presence. Michael was the one who broke the hug.

“Thank you,” he said, voice no longer sounding chocked up and an honest expression on his face. Calum smiled at him, wide and brightly, before standing up and extending a hand to help the purple-haired boy up as well.

“I think you could use some bro time,” the Kiwi boy said, and Michael raised a pierced eyebrow. “I’ve been having quite a lot of ‘bro time’ up in Ashton’s room,” he said, and Calum didn’t miss the bitter undertone to his voice. Frowning a bit, Calum picked up Michael’s crutches and handed them to him.

“This is what I mean. You need to forget about the situation for a while. Why don’t you come back to my place, and I’ll invite some old friends to come over,” Calum said, wiggling his eyebrows a little and Michael barked out a laugh, immediately catching on to who the dark-haired boy was talking about.

“That sounds awesome. There’s only one tiny little problem, though,” he said, and Calum shrugged. “They don’t live in Sydney?”

Michael nodded exaggeratedly and almost managed to trip over an unfortunately placed pebble with his crutches. Calum suppressed a giggle. “I think they’ll be here soon enough once we tell them what’s going on. They’ll be up for giving one of their best friends some moral support,” he said. “And they don’t even live that far away.”

Michael eventually shrugged, but nodded excitedly immediately after that, letting all of his cool slide. “It’s been way too long since I’ve seen them. Make the call, Hood.”

Calum was still grinning from ear to ear when he grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled the number.

 

-

 

The loud yelling of excited teenage boys resounded through the entire house when Calum opened the front door, about two and a half hours after he and Michael went home. The purple-haired boy was sitting on the couch with his foot up on the table, a pillow underneath it. Their childhood best friends had just arrived and Michael had a face-splitting grin on his lips, despite having both his wrist and his leg in a cast and a lot of drama going on in his personal life at the moment.

Michael kind of felt like he was a part of a bad soap series.

But then Alex and Jack barged into the Hoods’ living room and Michael forgot all about his worries as he pulled them both in for a big hug.

“Aye Clifford, it’s great to see you again, man,” Alex said, patting him on the shoulder a few times. Michael grinned at him. “Good to see you too, dude. It’s been a while.”

Jack wolf-whistled then, running a hand through Michael’s hair. “You look awesome. Way better than you did before. You look, like, actually quite punk rock,” he said, and Michael slapped his hand away with his good arm. “My hair is too punk rock to be petted. Hands off,” he said, causing both Alex and Jack to burst out laughing.

“Alright, alright. Sorry, princess,” Jack said. Michael raised his middle finger at him and Jack blew him a kiss. Turning to Calum next, he asked: “Is it okay if we crash here? It’s a bit of a too far drive to go back tonight.” Calum raised an eyebrow, attempting to suppress a smile.

“Why are you even asking?”

Nothing had changed in the long time they hadn’t really been in touch.

Alex then frowned as he flopped down on the brown leather couch, gaze focused on the colourful casts on Michael’s limbs. “What the hell happened to you, man?” he asked, pulling Jack down to sit in his lap. The slightly younger boy didn’t seem too fazed by this, he just accepted the coke Calum offered him with a smile and focused on the conversation. Michael sighed and started plucking on a loose thread on his black skinny jeans. Calum took a seat next to him and patted his arm a little to show support. Eventually, Michael raised his gaze again, looking serious.

“It’s a soulmate thing, don’t worry, it’s not me. He’s in the hospital, though, and he won’t be out of there for a long while, probably. And there’s some more going on, but you didn’t come here to listen to me whining. Let’s play some video games. _Please_ tell me you guys brought _Halo_?”

Alex and Jack looked at him for a few seconds before deciding to let it go, like Michael asked them to, and nodded in unison. “Duh. Are we gonna order some pizza as well?”

“Hell yeah,” Calum said, his phone already in his hand, dialling the number of the pizzeria. “Pepperoni or Hawaii?”

“Order two of both,” Michael answered, already busy with starting up the video game Jack had just popped into the PlayStation.

“I’m gonna beat your ass so hard, Clifford,” Jack grinned, huffing when Michael chucked a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face. “You wish, Barakat.”

Michael felt a lot lighter that evening, like all of his worries had been taken away from him for a while.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry this took me long. I haven't really had a lot of inspiration lately.

In a few weeks’ time, almost all of Ashton’s injuries fully healed. Both his wrist and his leg got out of their casts and he started walking again, small distances at first, but gradually further and further. Most of the bruises had disappeared and the large wound in his abdomen was still red, but it was starting to fade towards pink already, and with time, it would leave a white scar, barely visible.

The looks of Ashton’s body didn’t betray the horrors that had taken place. Physically, he had fully healed. The only thing that was still bothering, well, _everyone_ , was the fact that he hadn’t made a single sound yet.

Other than that, there wasn’t a single reason for him still to be in the hospital, which was why Ashton was released. Exactly six weeks after Daryl Clifford had saved him from that god damned basement, he was allowed to go back home.

Anne was a bit emotional from it, her eyes just a tad too wet for it to be natural, and she kept subtly wiping at her nose. No one blamed her, though. Everyone was feeling it a little. Luke was absolutely excited, a big smile lighting up his face the entire time because his boyfriend – and _God_ , it felt good to finally be able to say that with it actually being _true_ – was going home.

Ashton, well, he didn’t really know how he felt about it. He was equal parts happy and scared. Of course, it would be amazing to be home again – that was what he had dreamed of when he was lying on the cold concrete floor of the basement every night. But on the other hand, it was also the place where it had started. His own bedroom, his own _bed_ , was where he was taken from. His father had managed to break in and just carry him out. Ashton couldn’t say he was thrilled to go back there and have those memories return to him as soon as he laid eyes on the covers of his bed.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t excited to finally go back home, after _months_. And Luke would be there as well – he had promised that – so Ashton guessed it would be okay. If Luke was there, it always would.

The blonde boy was currently sitting on the edge of the hospital bed while Ashton was packing his things. Because he had been in the hospital for so long, Anne had brought a lot of his stuff from home, like shower gel, his own pillow, some books, some of his own clothes and his pyjamas when he didn’t have to wear a hospital gown anymore; things like that. It almost didn’t fit in the sports bag she had also brought. Luke watched how Ashton was struggling to zip it up as the sleeve of a shirt got caught in it, an amused smile on his lips.

“Here, let me help,” he said, darting forward and kneeling beside the curly-haired boy. With skilful fingers, he managed to get the bag zipped up within a few seconds. Ashton huffed beside him, mock-offended. Luke just ruffled his curls a bit and pressed a soft kiss to his temple.

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked, gently brushing a strand of hair away from Ashton’s forehead. The smaller boy bit his lip and nodded a bit, sending Luke a small smile before standing up and grabbing the sports bag, flinging it over his shoulder.

Anne was waiting for them in the hallway, wiping her eyes a bit before engulfing her son in a hug. Ashton immediately wrapped his arms back around her, craving the gentle touch more than ever lately.

Luke immediately noticed the lack of dyed hair in the hallway. He let out a sigh. No matter how much he despised Michael – even though he wasn’t really sure that was how he felt anymore – he wanted him to be there for Ashton. Because even if Luke and Ashton were together now – like actually, properly _together_ – Michael was still his soulmate, no matter how distorted the complete image was. Luke knew how much Ashton had always longed for a soulmate, though he wasn’t so sure about whether that came from the desire of being normal and for his dad to accept him, or if he really wanted a soulmate for the sake of having a soulmate – but what he _was_ sure about was that, even if Ashton tried to not let it show, not having Michael around was affecting him in a bad way.

Luke definitely didn’t miss the way a look of sadness and disappointment washed over Ashton’s face for a moment when the curly-haired boy too realised that Michael was nowhere to be seen. He recovered himself quickly though, a small smile playing on his lips as he took Luke’s hand in his. The blonde entangled their fingers and let the warmth Ashton was radiating soak into the skin of his hand, seeming to spread through his whole body through his veins. He couldn’t fight the wide grin that was coming up, but he didn’t want to, anyway. Everyone was allowed to see how happy Ashton made him.

“I love you,” Luke murmured in Ashton’s ear, pressing a soft, barely even there kiss to the tanned skin of his neck. A slight blush crept up to Ashton’s cheeks and he quickly tugged Luke along, following his mom through the maze of hallways and waiting rooms to the exit.

They didn’t let go of each other’s hand the entire time.

 

-

 

The house was spotless when they got there. Anne had clearly cleaned up the entire place for when Ashton returned. Not even a speck of dust was seen.

“Why don’t you two go unpack Ashton’s things, and I’ll go and make dinner,” Anne said, and both boys nodded in unison. Luke took Ashton’s hand once again and led the smaller boy up the stairs. With every step they got closer to Ashton’s bedroom, the more hesitant the curly-haired boy got, until eventually Luke was practically dragging him on.

“C’mon Ash, it’ll be fine. I’m right here,” the blonde promised, and when Ashton nodded hesitantly, Luke smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips as he opened the bedroom door.

Ashton felt like his breath got caught in his throat and someone was squeezing his chest tightly when he stepped over the threshold. He barely even registered that Luke tightened his grip on his hand and put an arm around his waist to steady him – hell, he hadn’t even noticed himself wobbling and almost falling over. He did manage to suck in a deep breath and press down the uprising panic. The familiar smell hit him like a wall of bricks; laundry detergent mingled with the freshly picked bouquet of flowers he always had standing on his bedside table – and the soft, sweet smell of Sydney’s summer air floating in through the open window. The bed was obviously just made; the covers were stretched over the mattress without a single crease in them.

Ashton had to take a few deep, steady breaths and take a minute to let it all sink in, but eventually he stepped further into the room and dropped the sports bag on his bed, effectively wrinkling it so it didn’t look so _creepily_ unlived in anymore. It wasn’t as bad as he’d expected it to be. He didn’t even have a panic attack, so that was something. That was very good, actually.

“I’ll unpack your stuff, you take a minute,” Luke told him, and Ashton had no energy to do anything but nod and sink down on the bed. The empty spot on his desk from where his father had bumped off a vase back on that night was screaming at him, but he managed to ignore it mostly.

With Luke there to distract him from all the dark thoughts clouding his mind, he barely even had time to think about it anyway.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe you've noticed that I changed the total amount of chapter of this fic to 81. I've finally completely planned it out and it won't take too long anymore - we've only got 19 chapters left!  
> Also trigger warning for panic attack. Please be careful <3

_Ashton gasped for air desperately as the grip his father had on his throat tightened. He clawed at the man’s fingers, but Mr Irwin didn’t let go; he kept holding Ashton up from the ground by his neck like he weighed nothing, only releasing his son as the curly-haired boy’s face began to turn purple. Ashton slumped to the ground, gasping in a lungful of air, all power drained from his muscles. Mr Irwin stepped forward, once again reminding Ashton of a predator as he kneeled down next to his son and took something from the back pocket of his jeans. As the metal gleamed in the weak light of the single lightbulb on the ceiling, Ashton realised that it was a knife._

_He tried to cower back, to get away as far from his father as possible, but the man simply grabbed his leg and pulled him back, pressing the cool metal against the skin of his neck, where a bruise was already starting to form._

_“You will die in this place,” Mr Irwin whispered, as if it was a huge secret he was sharing. “You will die here, and no one will even miss you. I bet they haven’t even noticed you’re missing. And do you know why?”_

_He pressed the knife to Ashton’s throat more harshly when the boy didn’t answer immediately. “I asked you a question,” he hissed and Ashton swallowed (with quite some effort), shaking his head carefully to make sure the metal blade wouldn’t do any damage. A small bead of blood started trickling down his neck onto his chest after the movement though, and Mr Irwin grinned sadistically, leaning over so his lips were next to Ashton’s ear._

_“Because they don’t care about you,” he whispered, adding a little more pressure to the knife, and Ashton felt a sharp stinging sensation and he gasped in another breath, desperately trying to hold back the pained sounds he was about to make, but one escaped his lips nonetheless. His father’s eyes darkened with the fury suddenly spreading through it, and the man’s face twisted to an expression of total_ anger _before he retracted his hand and-_

Ashton shot upright, the duvet of the bed he was sharing with Luke sliding down his torso to pool around his hips. He grasped for his throat, still feeling his father’s fingers wrapped around it and the blade of the knife biting into it. His breath came in short, sharp gasps that got stuck in his throat every so often, making him cough, which he had to hold back because _he wasn’t allowed to make a sound_. So all he could do was hyperventilate while pathetically keeping one hand resting on his throat and clasping the other over his mouth because he was breathing _so_ _loudly_ and he was going to wake Luke if he didn’t quiet down.

“Ash?”

Well, too late for that, apparently. Fuck.

Luke’s voice was hoarse and thick with sleep and Ashton tried to hold his breath because he was making way too much noise, but his body wouldn’t have that and forced him to cough and gasp at the same time, which made him choke again and he started tearing up and-

“Fuck, Ash, calm down, it’s alright. I’m here, shh, you’re okay,” Luke said, suddenly sounding a lot more awake. Ashton flinched involuntarily when the blonde tried to wrap his arms around him.

“Shit, you’re having a panic attack, you need to calm down. It’s okay Ash, you’re okay, I’m right here, I love you. I’ve got you.”

This time, Ashton allowed Luke to touch him, so the blonde didn’t hesitate to wrap the smaller boy in his arms and clutch him to his chest, gently coaxing him to breathe while whispering sweet nothings in his ear. It didn’t seem to work at first, for Ashton was still panicking about the sounds he was making and the tears had started falling now and Luke’s grip was just a little bit too tight around him and Ashton couldn’t deny that he was _scared_ , but as he started recovering from the nightmare and coming back to himself, he realised that this was _Luke_ , not his father.

He closed his eyes and grabbed the baggy shirt Luke always used as a pyjama, holding on to the fabric tightly as he breathed in deeply. It was still a bit shaky, but he managed it. Luke softly praised him for doing so well and ran a hand through his sweaty curls.

“Keep going, Ash, you’re doing great,” Luke mumbled, pressing a kiss to his cheek and Ashton slowly and deeply breathed in again, holding it for a few seconds before slowly breathing out. Luke kissed the corner of his mouth then, almost like a reward.

“See? You can do it. I love you,” he said, and Ashton felt the tension flow out of his muscles and the tightness disappear from his throat. He sighed in relief and slumped back against Luke’s body, savouring the warmth he was radiating and cuddling his nose to the crook of the blonde’s neck. Luke smiled down at him fondly and ruffled his hair.

“What happened, princess?” he asked after a while, breaking the silence that had sunk over them. Ashton just shrugged, but his grip on Luke’s shirt tightened a bit more. Luke sighed, putting his fingers under Ashton’s chin to lift his gaze.

“Did you have a bad dream?” he asked, and Ashton bit his lip and nodded, his eyes glassing over with a new flow of tears. Luke cuddled him closer and held him tightly, but it gave Ashton a sense of _safety_ instead of fear this time.

“Was it about your father?” he asked, and though Ashton didn’t answer, the wet spot that gradually started appearing after that question told him enough.

“You’re okay fluff, I’ve got you. I love you so much. I won’t _ever_ let him hurt you anymore,” he promised, peppering Ashton’s face with small kissed, which made Ashton crack a smile through his tears. The curly-haired boy let out a sigh and stared into Luke’s baby blue eyes then, and even though he didn’t use any words, it wasn’t hard for Luke to hear what he was saying through the silence. He lay back down, pulling Ashton with him so that the smaller boy was lying with his head on Luke’s chest and their legs tangled up under the covers. Luke intertwined their fingers and ran his other hand up and down Ashton’s bare back softly.

“I love you too,” the blonde whispered, and the small smile playing around Ashton’s lips after those words told him that he hadn’t misinterpreted the look in his boyfriend’s eyes.


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I changed the amount of chapters again - it might change some more but it'll be somewhere in between 80 and 90 chapters. :) Hope you enjoy!

Ashton couldn’t recall ever feeling as comfortable as he did right now. He was lying on a bed of soft grass in his and Luke’s place in the woods, the green strands tickling the skin of his neck and his back, where his shirt had ridden up a little bit. His head was rested in Luke’s lap, the blonde’s long legs crossed in such a position it was both comfortable for himself and for Ashton. The curly-haired boy’s eyes were closed, his lips curved in a content smile as he listened to Luke’s soft humming and occasional singing, his smile widening a little every time he recognised a song. Luke was currently singing the lyrics to I Miss You by Blink-182 – one of Ashton’s favourite songs –, making him feel like he was being serenated to – which he probably was, as well. That thought made him smile a little more.

 _“Where are you? And I’m so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time,”_ Luke’s raspy, yet soft and calming voice almost _breathed_ – with how softly he was singing – , and Ashton curled up to him a little more, a low hum slipping from his lips when Luke ran a hand through his curls, twirling the caramel-coloured strands around his finger and lightly massaging his scalp.

But then Luke suddenly stopped singing mid-song and Ashton was pulled out of the half-trance he had been in, opening his eyes to lazily glare up at Luke, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. The fingers in his hair kept pulling at the locks gently though, so it wasn’t long until Ashton’s eyes fell shut again. Luke smiled down at him fondly before also retracting his hand, fumbling with something Ashton couldn’t see from this angle.

“I wrote a song for you,” Luke suddenly spoke, fingers moving down to subconsciously take Ashton’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers and detangling them over and over. “When you were, you know... away,” the blonde continued, his voice choking up just the slightest bit at the last word. Ashton swallowed but managed to press the upcoming memories away, gripping tighter onto Luke’s fingers and curling into his side more, hiding his face in the fabric of the taller boy’s tank top.

“It’s called ‘The Only Reason’, wanna hear it?” Luke mumbled, barely audible, but because the only other sound was the soft rustling of leaves in a small breeze, Ashton caught it anyway. He nodded into Luke’s side, glancing up at his face to send him a small, encouraging smile, which Luke returned. He then scraped his throat and went back to the fumbling he was still doing and Ashton still couldn’t see. A silence fell over them for a few moments before Luke finally found the courage to start singing.

 _“Don’t talk, let me think it over. How we gonna fix this? How we gonna undo all the pain? Tell me, is it even worth it? Looking through a straight line, taking back the time we can't replace,”_ he sang, the vulnerability in his voice showing more than Ashton had _ever_ heard before, and he just _had_ to close his eyes now because he could already feel the tears building in them and he really didn’t want to ruin the mood by crying now. So instead, he just focused on keeping his breathing slow and listened to Luke’s voice, the husky undertone making goosebumps erupt on his skin, while the emotion in it made him feel all warm inside.

_“All the crossed wires just making us tired. Is it too late to bring us back to life? When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I fall apart, I’m fighting hard to breathe. You’re the reason, the only reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb, I swear my heart is never giving up. You’re the reason, the only reason.”_

By the time he finished singing, Ashton had tears running down his face, but he didn’t even have time to feel bad about it when a tear that definitely didn’t belong to him splashed onto his cheek. Luke giggled embarrassedly, though Ashton could practically hear the tears in that sound.

“Sorry, princess,” the blonde whispered, wiping at Ashton’s damp cheeks, chuckling a bit more when he felt that Ashton had also been crying. “Love you,” he promised, and Ashton smiled a tooth-baring grin, hiding the blush creeping up on his cheeks by turning his head further into the material of Luke’s shirt. He made sure to rub circles in the boy’s back with his thumb, though – and even if it might seem like a meaningless gesture, Luke understood what he was trying to say with it.

And Ashton’s grin could _not_ have been brighter when Luke gently placed the purple flower crown he had been working on atop of Ashton’s head, planting a peck on Ashton’s nose as well, just to see the cute way he scrunched up his nose and the sparkle in his eyes flared up.

Luke couldn’t have loved him more.

 

-

 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Luke asked for the umpteenth time that evening, smiling a bit embarrassedly when Anne rolled her eyes at him once again, handing Ashton his coat.

“ _Yes_ , Luke, we’ll be completely fine, stop worrying so much. We’re just having dinner and seeing a movie,” she said matter-of-factly, causing Luke to blush slightly. Ashton grabbed his hand, his eyes radiating a sense of calm and excitement. Luke smiled and pecked his lips softly.

“Take care, yeah? I’ll miss you,” he said, and Ashton rolled his eyes at him as well – a family thing, Luke guessed – but kissed him nonetheless. The smaller boy’s curly eyes clearly told him to take care as well though, and Luke tried to reassure Ashton through his eyes that yes, he would.

“Call me if something happens, alright?” Luke pressed, and Anne nodded fondly.

“Of course, love. You too. Now go home, your family probably misses having you around. You spend way too much time here lately,” she said, and Luke couldn’t help but laugh – he knew she was right.

“Never enough, though,” he mumbled instead, winking at Ashton and pressing a last kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek, causing a face-splitting grin to break on Ashton’s face. Luke returned it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he said, and after he gave Anne a hug and Ashton another kiss – or two, maybe three, but eh, details, right? – he got on his motorcycle and drove back home, for the first time that week.

 

-

 

Liz was indeed happy to see her son again. She did scold him for not bringing more clothes, seeing as he was wearing the same pair of skinny jeans for a week straight now. He didn’t see how that mattered though, so he just wrote it off as maternal drift and went upstairs for a shower and a change of clothes, telling himself it was because he wanted to, not because his mom said so. (He wasn’t fooling anyone, though.)

When he got out of the bathroom, dressed in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, he decided he felt like going out for a night – he hadn’t done that in quite a long time. And though going to a club was more something you would do when you wanted to get laid, and not if you already were in an established relationship, he was sure it couldn’t hurt. He wasn’t going out there to get laid, he just wanted to have a drink and maybe dance a bit. So he dressed in ripped black skinny jeans and a Nirvana tank top, quaffing his hair up to perfection.

Jack wolf-whistled when he got downstairs, which Luke just rolled his eyes to. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and snatched Ben’s car keys from the kitchen island, a weird feeling in his gut telling him to go by car instead of motor cycle. He tried to shrug it off, but decided to take the car anyway, because why the hell not? It was probably safer anyway, when he’d had a couple of drinks and was driving back home. Yeah, that was probably it.

“I’m going out,” he announced, jiggling the keys a bit when Jack turned to look at him. “I’m taking Ben’s car, don’t tell on me.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “You don’t even have a licence.”

Luke just shrugged. “I can drive. Just don’t have proof of that on paper.

Jack snorted but grinned at him. “Alrighty. Don’t be home too late,” he said. Luke flipped him off and darted out the door.


	64. Chapter 64

The club was packed, which was to be expected on a Saturday night. The music was so loud that the glasses on the bar shook a little, the liquid in them almost spilling over the edge. Luke could feel the bass thudding in his stomach. He took a sip of the Jack Daniel’s he had ordered and let his eyes wander around the room. The dancefloor was filled with drunk people who all seemed to be grinding on someone. Some of them still had their drinks in their hands and occasionally took a sip. Luke wondered how they managed not to spill it all over themselves.

He ordered another whiskey after he finished his first one and decided to go for a dance as well – he didn’t just come here to have a drink, after all. So he downed his drink a lot quicker than the previous one, slammed the glass down onto the bar and slid out of his seat, making his way over to the dancefloor. The temperature went up by at least ten degrees Celsius as soon as he had managed to claim himself a spot on the bright neon-lighted tiles. Several bodies were pressed up against him – more because of a lack of space than anything else, but it still felt rather uncomfortable and like he was betraying Ashton somehow. Luke was starting to have seconds thoughts about coming here now, and he was just about to force his way back to the wardrobe to retrieve his coat, when he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Chocolate-brown eyes stared at him from not too far away, wide with shock – Calum clearly hadn’t expected Luke to be there.

After a short inner dilemma, Luke decided to just fuck it and started elbowing himself a path through the people to get to Calum. The dark-haired boy seemed frozen on the spot, though he was swaying on his feet a little, a half-empty glass with clear liquid in his hand – Luke suspected it was vodka.

“Hey, Cal,” he yelled as soon as he’d reached the other boy. Calum just continued staring at him, until the shock on his face eventually changed to something that looked a lot like hurt and anger, but also sadness.

“What’re you doin’ here?” the tanned boy slurred, bringing the glass up to his mouth and downing its content in one swig. Before Luke got the chance to say anything, Calum took a step forward and put his hand on the taller boy’s cheek, staring into his eyes.

“Why can’t you jus’ be mine?” he mumbled, a sad look appearing in his features. Luke was still contemplating whether he even heard that right when Calum was already walking away, stumbling over his own feet and swaying dangerously. Luke couldn’t just leave him here like this. He rushed after the dark-haired boy, grabbing his wrist to make him stop walking and turn around.

“You’ve had enough to drink, Cal,” Luke stated, draping the boy’s arm over his shoulder and sneaking his own one across his waist, to keep him upright. Calum resisted though, pushing himself away from Luke, a look of panic settling on his face.

“No, why are you here? You’re not s’pposed to be here! I came here to forget you but you’re still here, go away!” he screamed, taking Luke by surprise. The blonde boy stood there just gaping at his soulmate for a while, but was shaken out of his trance when Calum turned around and stumbled over to the bar, ordering another drink. Luke went after him before the bartender had the chance to give it to him, however, dragging the other boy away. He didn’t struggle this time.

“Jus’ wanted t’forget you,” Calum slurred again, and Luke could have _sworn_ he felt his heart break a little. Maybe even a lot.

“C’mon, I’ll take you home,” he said, his tone soft even though he has to raise his voice in order to be heard over the pounding music. Calum just nodded, his head lolling to the side like he was about to pass out. Luke got worried.

He managed to retrieve both their coats quite quickly and practically dragged Calum to his car, carefully buckling the tanned boy up on the passenger’s seat and draping their coats over him as a makeshift blanket.

“Hang in there, buddy, we’ll be home soon. What’s your address?” Luke asked, frowning when Calum just mumbled something incoherent and turned his head to the side. Eventually, Luke took Calum’s phone from the pocket of his jeans – which, okay, awkward – and looked into his personal information, tapping the address into the car’s navigation system. That’s when he realised what the weird gut-feeling earlier that night about taking the car probably had been.

Stupid soulmate system.

Grumbling to himself, he put the gear shift in reverse and smoothly swirled the car out of the parking lot and onto the road, shifting gears once again. He kept sending worried glances to Calum, but the dark-haired boy seemed to be half asleep now, mumbling something Luke couldn’t make out every now and then. (Luke was almost certain he heard the word ‘soulmate’ a couple of times, but he chose to ignore it. He probably misheard it anyway.) Calum was going to have such a hangover tomorrow.

Luke felt terrible.

 

-

 

They arrived at the Hood residence a small twenty minutes later. It looked like everyone was either already asleep or just not home at all. All of the windows were dark and the curtains shut tightly. Luke got out of the car and darted over to the other side of the vehicle, opening the passenger’s door and carefully peeling the coats off of Calum. He decided to just leave them in the car for now and to get Calum inside the house first – he did retrieve the key to the front door from Calum’s pocket first.

“Cal, wake up. We’re at your house, mate,” Luke said, shaking Calum’s shoulder in an attempt to wake him up, but it didn’t really work. He opened his eyes but just stared at Luke glassily for a moment before Luke sighed and lifting the boy up bridle style. Calum barely even reacted – he just snuggled a bit into Luke’s warmth. The blonde blamed it on the cold air.

Luke managed to clumsily open the front door and carry Calum to his room, almost dropping the keys and _very_ nearly falling off the stairs, but they both lived. As soon as they reached the bathroom though, Calum let himself fall from Luke’s arms and hunched over the toilet, emptying his stomach in the porcelain bowl. Luke kneeled beside him, holding his damp hair from his sweaty forehead and rubbing his back until he was done. Calum pretty much went limp when his stomach was empty, almost falling to the ground next to the toilet. Luke managed to catch him in time, hoisting him up on his feet and guiding him over to the sink.

“Here, brush your teeth and drink some water. You can shower tomorrow, I’ll get you some pyjamas now and you can sleep,” he said, only exiting the bathroom when he was sure Calum wouldn’t fall over again. He searched for some sweats and a t-shirt, finding some within a few minutes and handing them over to Calum, who had just finished brushing his teeth. He seemed to have sobered up a bit by throwing up.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, stripping from his sweat-drenched shirt and skinny jeans before Luke realised that he should probably give him some privacy. The blonde sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for Calum to finish in the bathroom.

The tanned boy emerged after a minute, looking terrible and sleep-deprived, and still clearly drunk. He stumbled twice in the three steps it took him to walk from the bathroom door to his bed. Luke tried not to feel too guilty. He peeled the duvet back a bit and helped Calum to get in the bed, tucking him in once he’d made himself comfortable.

“Will you be okay now?” Luke whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from Calum’s clammy forehead. The other boy nodded a bit, staring at Luke with wide eyes, like he couldn’t quite believe that the blonde was actually _there_. Luke nodded and turned to leave, his hand already on the door handle when Calum spoke up again. His voice sounded small and vulnerable in the heavy silence in the room.

“Will you stay?”

Luke half turned back around, biting his lip, thinking. He couldn’t possibly do that – he had Ashton, he couldn’t just spend the night in another boy’s bed. _Especially_ not Calum’s.

But then Calum whispered a “Please?”, his voice cracking on the single syllable, and Luke caved. He closed the door once again and changed into another pair of sweats and an oversized shirt he grabbed from Calum’s wardrobe and then climbed under the covers next to the smaller boy. It didn’t feel as awkward or wrong as it should.

Calum immediately cuddled into him, resting his head on Luke’s shoulder and pressing the cold tip of his nose to Luke’s neck.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and all doubts left his mind when he heard how sincere and _hurt_ Calum was. He put an arm around the boy’s small figure and pulled him a bit closer, resting his head on his sweaty black hair.

“Goodnight Cal.”


	65. Chapter 65

When Luke woke up the next morning, a head was resting against his shoulder and strands of hair were tickling his neck. There was an arm around his waist and his sweats-clad legs were tangled up in another pair. It took his still half-asleep mind a few moments to catch up on the fact that it wasn’t Ashton who was cuddled up to him. Last night’s events all came back to him and he scrambled out of the bed, but careful enough as so not wake Calum up. The tanned boy was still fast asleep, curling in on himself a bit more at the sudden loss of warmth. Luke watched him sleep for a moment before he realised he was being, like, _really_ creepy and silently changed back into his own clothes. Hesitating for a moment, he eventually decided to get some Advil from the medicine cabinet and put the pills along with a glass of water on Calum’s bedside table for when he woke up. The dark-haired boy still hadn’t woken up. He was buried under the white duvet, his black hair hanging over his forehead and sticking up in all directions. Luke couldn’t fight the fond smile that formed on his lips. Deciding that he couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye, but also not wanting to disturb Calum’s much needed sleep, he searched the tanned boy’s desk for a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a quick note, which he left on his pillow before silently exiting the room.

_‘Take the pills and sleep it off. Please be safe, don’t do this again._

_I’m sorry.’_

 

-

 

Calum woke up to someone pounding on his door repeatedly. He groaned at the headache the sound gave him, which was only intensified when he tried to sit up. Cursing silently, he gave up, slumping back down under the duvet. He didn’t even have time to say “Come in” before Michael was already barging through the door, looking worried and slightly pissed off.

“Where the hell were you last night? I tried calling you a hundred times but you didn’t fucking answer! And now Mali called me that she saw ‘some blond guy’ sneaking out the door! I demand an explanation.”

Calum frowned and looked to his side, where he was sure Luke had been the night before. A sigh left his mouth when he was met with an empty, cold spot, the small note on the pillow the only evidence that Luke had even been there. Carefully, as if the messy handwriting on the piece of paper could physically hurt him, Calum picked it up and let his eyes wander over the words. He couldn’t deny that the note made his stomach stir pleasantly, but he threw it away from himself quickly, afraid he’d get his hopes up again, only for them to be completely crushed and walked over. He wanted to explain to Michael what happened, but something entirely different came out of his mouth.

“My head fucking hurts,” he mumbled, placing a hand on his temple and rubbing the skin there, as if that would make the pain disappear. Michael sighed in annoyance but sat down on the bed, lowering the volume of his voice considerably.

“Looks like your one night stand saw that coming,” he said, gesturing to the glass of water and the white pills on the bedside table. Calum’s mind still seemed to be working in slow-motion, as it took him a few moments of staring at the pills before the thought kicked in that yeah, maybe he should take them. Michael’s annoyance had slipped in the meantime, and changed to even more worry.

“What did you do last night, Cal?” he asked. Calum cringed at the tone of his voice, which was filled with disappointment.

“I um, I went out,” he mumbled, running a hand through his greasy hair. Michael made a little hurt noise in the back of his throat.

“And how much did you drink?”

Calum let out a sigh and sat up properly, causing the duvet to slip off. “A lot,” he answered. “Probably more than I should have. But I didn’t sleep with anyone.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Luke found me and he brought me home, made sure I was safe and stuff.”

Michael didn’t look to happy to hear that. “Fucking Hemmings was here? And he stayed overnight?”

Calum bit his lip and nodded. “I asked him to, and he said yes. It wasn’t a big deal. And I was wasted off my ass.”

Michael looked more angry than worried now, but Calum had a feeling that it wasn’t necessarily directed towards him, but more towards Luke – as if the blonde had actually done anything wrong this time.

“He shouldn’t play with your feelings like that,” the older boy finally said, voice barely above a whisper, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to say something like that. Calum went to object, but Michael cut him off by raising his hand. “Please, just let me finish, okay?”

Calum nodded and Michael managed a small smile. “Thank you. Okay, to begin with, I’m not as philosophical as you are, so this won’t be, like, an epic inspirational speech or something. But I’m worried about you. I know that Hemmings is your soulmate, and I also know that it clearly isn’t working out between the two of you. And honestly, I understand that it hurts and that you’re sad about it, but you can’t do things like this to yourself. You’re worth a _lot_ more than this whole stupid soulmate system and you need to stop beating yourself up over Luke being with Ashton instead of with you.”

Calum cut him off then, pushing the white bedsheets off of himself with a sharp “I’m not beating myself up over that!”

Michael just looked at him with a sad smile and so much _sympathy_ in his eyes that it made Calum want to curls up into a ball and cry. “You do. I can see it in your face. But it’s not your fault, Cal, it really isn’t.”

A tear really started rolling down the tanned boy’s cheek then, and he wiped at it furiously, but to no avail; more and more came soon after and Michael let out a soft sigh, climbing further onto the bed and engulfing Calum in his arms. It wasn’t long until the dark-haired boy was clinging to Michael’s shirt, sobs shaking his body and big tears dripping down his cheeks, leaving wet tracks behind. The now white-haired boy just held his best friend close and ran his fingers through Calum’s black hair, whispering calming words in his ear.

“I’m sorry,” Calum whispered eventually, wiping at his eyes. “I’m acting like a child, I really need to stop.”

Michael chuckled softly. “I’m glad you finally realise that,” he said, which received him a shove to his shoulder. “It’s understandable that you feel bad, but it’s not helping you any further. I actually have an idea that might, though,” he continued, gaining Calum’s attention. “Like what?”

“I think you should move on, you know, let the guy go. He doesn’t deserve you anyway,” Michael said. Calum frowned.

“I can’t just ‘get over him’ all of a sudden,” he countered. “If I could, I would’ve done it a long time ago.”

Michael nodded. “I know. But maybe it would work if you just let go of the soulmate system. Just pretend it doesn’t exist and find another guy. Or girl, for that matter, I don’t give a fuck. Just someone.”

Calum chuckled. “I think I’ll stick to a guy, thanks. But you know what? Maybe you have a point there. Thanks, Mike.”

The older boy just grinned at him and ruffled his hair. “Any time, bud. You should probably go take a shower though. You smell.”

Calum flipped him off and climbed out of bed, grabbing some clean clothes while stumbling to the bathroom.

“I’ll wait downstairs, Mali made pancakes,” Michael called after him just before the door shut. Calum rolled his eyes fondly on the other side of the wood. “Save some for me.”


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo there's some unintentional Malum in this hehe hope you like it!

“Guess what?” Michael said in a sing-song voice a few days later, barging into Calum’s room without knocking. The tanned boy looked up from his phone, unimpressed.

“What?”

“I got you a date,” Michael stated proudly, grinning from ear to ear and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Calum felt his jaw drop. “You _what_?”

“I already figured you wouldn’t do it by yourself. You’re too shy, it’s actually quite cute,” the white-haired boy smirked. Calum just stared at his friend for a good few seconds befre smacking him against the back of his head.

“Oh my god, you’re unbelievable,” he said. “Why the hell did you do that?”

“Because I want you to finally stop moping around about that asshole and actually have some fun. And also rub it into Hemmings’ face please, that would be a great bonus,” Michael said, causing Calum to groan and shove his shoulder, but Michael definitely didn’t miss the small smile that Calum tried to hide.

“Are you actually serious?” he asked, and Michael rolled his eyes at him.

“ _Yes_ , I’m serious, you dork. His name is Louis, he actually moved here not too long ago. A few months, I think. He’s an old pal of Alex and Jack’s. I met him yesterday. And guess where he’s from.” Michael was practically bouncing up and down, not even trying to conceal his excitement. Calum shook his head fondly. “I don’t know. Where is he from?”

“England!” Michael almost yelled, causing Calum to break out in a fit of laughter. “He has the most adorable British accent, I swear to god,” the white-haired boy continued.

“Are you sure you don’t want him for yourself?” Calum said, nudging the older boy with his shoulder playfully. Michael chuckled, shoving Calum back with more force.

“Nah, I’ll pass on this one, he’s all yours. Oh, he’ll be here to pick you up in like an hour or something, so you might want to get ready,” Michael stated, as if it was nothing, and Calum was sure he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

“He’s _what_?! You’re such a dick, Michael, seriously! Get out, I need to get ready,” Calum screeched, scrambling onto his feet and picking up random clothing items from the floor. Michael just chuckled and stopped his best friend, prying the fabric from Calum’s grasp and discarding them on the bed.

“I’m gonna stay because you’re gonna be freaking out about what to wear in a few minutes if I don’t stop you. So why don’t you just take a shower, and I’ll choose your clothes.”

Calum narrowed his eyes at the pale boy for a moment before deciding that Michael was probably – definitely – right and darting into the bathroom to take that shower.

 

-

 

About an hour later, Calum was clean and dressed in simple black skinny jeans and a Guns N’ Roses tank top. Michel had indeed chosen the outfit for him and Calum couldn’t deny that he looked good in them. The white-haired boy had left a few minutes ago, leaving Calum alone with his thoughts to wait for his date. He didn’t have to wait long though; Louis was perfectly on time.

And Louis turned out to be everything Luke wasn’t _._ Contrary to Luke’s six foot, Louis was small – _petite_ , even – and though he kept claiming he was five nine, Calum didn’t buy it. Louis’ hair was brown, not blonde, and he had styled it in a subtle yet classy way that made it look a bit like he had just gotten out of bed, but somehow it looked insanely good on him. He had some light brown scruff on his chin and further up his jawline, climbing over his upper lip, and his clothes couldn’t have been more different from Luke’s style. Luke always wore black skinny jeans that were so tight they looked like they were merely painted on his legs and a band shirt or a black leather jacket. Louis did wear black jeans, but they weren’t as _black_ as Luke’s and also definitely not as skinny. A simple white t-shirt hung off his small shoulders and was covered by a black blazer. His voice was soft, almost soothing, and he indeed had the cutest British accent, as Michael had told Calum already. Luke’s bold, Australian accent was suddenly _ugly_ in comparison to Louis’. He was the complete opposite of Luke and he was _perfect_.

The only problem was his eyes. Because they were stunningly light blue, pulling Calum away in their depth when he stared into them, drowning him in the deep ocean they seemed to carry. Even though they made Louis look absolutely _gorgeous_ , those baby blue eyes were immediately Calum’s worst enemy. They reminded him too much of Luke, with their mischievous glint and the sparkle that flared up every time he talked about something he loved.

Calum pretended it didn’t bother him, though. He let Louis take him out to a cute little restaurant – one Luke would’ve never chosen, he was sure of that – and actually had _fun_ that evening. The two of them talked a lot – small talk at first, but their conversations turned deeper quite soon; Louis turned out to be really talkative and funny. On top of that, he also seemed to be a great listener, not interrupting Calum when the tanned boy was talking and nodding or humming in all the right places.

Their music tastes didn’t quite match – Louis was more into indie music, but he did listen to a few rock bands, though not the same as Calum did. The dark-haired boy couldn’t really be bothered by that, though. Indie music was good too, he could get used to it.

Calum’s day sure had brightened up a _lot_ when Louis dropped him back off at home. The blue-eyed boy even walked up to his door with him, brushing some of Calum’s dark locks from his forehead and staring into his coffee-brown eyes intently. Calum’s breath seemed to catch in his throat as he once again got lost in the seemingly endless blue skies hidden beneath Louis’ eyes.

“I had a lot of fun this evening,” Louis said softly, almost a whisper, and Calum allowed to let his eyes flutter shut when the shorter boy put a small hand on his tanned cheek. “I’d love to do that again sometime.”

Calum carefully put his own hand over Louis’ one and reopened his eyes, gazing into Louis’ with a fond and happy sparkle in them. “I’d like that, yeah,” he responded, causing a grin to break out in Louis’ face.

“Great! Tomorrow at seven?” Louis asked, and Calum bit his lip and nodded. A small gasp was forced from his mouth when Louis softly pressed his lips to Calum’s, the kiss just a small brush of lips, but it was there nonetheless and Calum couldn’t fight the stupid grin practically splitting open his face.

“See you tomorrow,” he whispered, before pressing a peck to Louis’ cheek and almost fleeing inside of his house before the brown-haired boy could see the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Michael was still waiting for him in his bedroom, sitting cross-legged on his bed and playing a video game. He looked up when Calum walked in, though, pausing the game and putting the controller down.

“How did it go?” he asked, though the huge smile on Calum’s face probably told him everything already. The tanned boy flopped down on the bed beside his best friend and let out a contented sigh.

“It was amazing,” he said, letting himself fall on his back, with his hands intertwined behind his head. The action startled a laugh out of Michael, who dropped down beside him. “I don’t want to say I told you so, but...” he started, making Calum push his shoulder playfully.

“I know, I know,” the tanned boy said. A silence fell between them for a few moments before Calum spoke up again.

“Thank you,” he said, “for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Michael sniffled and pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “I’m touched. That was beautiful.”

Calum just half-heartedly punched him. “You’re such a dick sometimes,” he mumbled, cuddling into Michael’s side. The pale boy hummed and ran his short fingers through Calum’s hair. “But you love me,” he said, making Calum smile a bit.

“Yeah, I do,” the tanned boy whispered back, closing his eyes and hiding his face in the crook of Michael’s neck.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you either,” he heard Michael whisper in his ear, before he drifted off to sleep.


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short I'm so sorry <3

A few weeks and a lot of dates later, Calum and Louis were officially together. They saw each other pretty much every day, despite Louis’ university work and Calum’s homework. They made it work, somehow, and Calum was happier than he’d been in a long while. He knew he couldn’t fool himself for too long, though. Yes, he was happy, but it still didn’t feel _complete_ , not like it was supposed to be. Calum was pretty sure that he knew _why_ that was, but he didn’t want to admit that. Not yet, at least.

Calum had spent the last few weeks avoiding Luke, which had turned out quite well – with a little bit of Michael’s help. He had only seen Luke from across the canteen or in the hallway, but never too close and they hadn’t spoken at all. Michael still did see Ashton occasionally, when the curly-haired boy had a class that Luke didn’t. They seemed to be quite good friends now, and either Luke didn’t mind or Ashton just didn’t tell him – Calum suspected the latter.

Calum’s next class was with Luke and without Michael, though, and he just hoped that the blonde boy wouldn’t talk to him, because he was desperately trying to ignore him, but he knew himself, and he wouldn’t be able to ignore him if Luke talked to him first. So when he entered the classroom and saw Luke sitting in the back, he dropped his bag on a desk in the front row, in the opposite corner of where Luke was seated. He could practically feel the other boy’s blue eyes bore into the back of his head, but he pretended he hadn’t even seen the boy and focused on the teacher.

Class was a drag and seemed to go on forever – probably also because Calum was paranoid about Luke and he was driving himself insane. It was really annoying. But then finally the bell rang, signalling the end of period – and for Calum, the end of the day – and he quickly shoved all his books in his bag and darted out the door before anyone else. As he exited the classroom, however, he bumped straight into someone, causing the both of them to stumble and almost fall. His eyes grew wide when he saw who it was and though he immediately started scolding his boyfriend, he couldn’t help the smile on his face.

“Louis, what the hell are you doing here?” he hissed. “You’re not allowed to be on school’s property if you don’t actually go here.” He took a stance in front of the smaller boy to make sure the teacher or any of the passing students didn’t see him.

“I know,” the brown-haired boy replied, smirking mischievously. “I was just coming to pick you up, but I was a bit early so I decided to wait inside. Surprise,” he giggled, making Calum smile fondly.

“Why, thank you,” he replied. “Where were you planning on taking me, then?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, does a movie sound good?” Louis asked, and Calum nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” he mumbled, his lips very close to Louis’, before finally pressing them together. He could feel the edges of Louis’ lips curve up in a small, as well as the older boy’s hands – one cupping his cheek, the other resting on the back of his neck, but travelling south quite rapidly, before it came to rest on Calum’s hip. He himself had one of his hands on Louis’ lower back and the other resting casually on his neck. Calum had meant to keep it PG, of course, since they were in school and Louis wasn’t even allowed to be there, but quite soon, he found himself curling his fingers into Louis’ hair as their tongues met in a heated version of the innocent kiss. They were interrupted, however, when someone walked out of the classroom and came to an abrupt stop, their shoes making a squeaking noise. When Calum turned around, he was met with a pair of bright blue eyes staring into his own, the emotion in them almost _hurt_. Calum and Luke kept staring at each other like that for a while, until Louis whined softly and pulled on Calum’s shirt, making him turn back around.

“What’s wrong?” the older boy whispered, and Calum looked over his shoulder to Luke once more. He felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach as he once again caught the pained, sad expression on his face.

He wouldn’t fall for it this time, though.

“Nothing, sorry,” he said in answer to Louis’ question, pecking his boyfriend’s lips quickly before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the exit. “So how about that movie now?”

Calum could still feel Luke’s eyes burning in the back of his head as he and Louis walked away from him, hands intertwined and shit-eating grins on their faces. The blonde boy couldn’t fight the feeling of jealously and betrayal washing over him, even though he knew he had no right to feel that way. Not anymore.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda suck-ish I'm sorry.

As soon as Luke stepped foot into the Irwin residence, Ashton noticed something was off about him. It was visible in the small things, like the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and how he wouldn’t make eye contact with Ashton. Anne probably hadn’t noticed, but Ashton simple knew Luke too well. So that’s why he immediately grabbed his notebook and a pen when the pair got upstairs and scribbled down; _what’s wrong?_

Luke read the note and averted his gaze, fiddling with his fingers in his lap for a while before shrugging. “Nothing, don’t worry,” he mumbled, and Ashton huffed.

 _Liar_ , he simply wrote, and dropped it in Luke’s lap when the blonde boy refused to look at him again for some reason. Luke sighed as he saw the note, his finger tracing the blue ink lines for a moment, before he crumpled it into a ball and threw it in the general direction of the bin; he missed.

“I think I need to tell you something,” Luke finally said, and Ashton nodded, taking a seat next to his boyfriend on the bed, wrapping his arms around his waist to show him support. A faint smile decorated Luke’s lips as he pressed them to Ashton’s temple gently. It was silent between them for another few moments after that, in which Luke played with Ashton’s fingers before finally finding the courage to speak.

“You remember when you went out with your mom that evening?” he asked, and Ashton frowned in confusion but nodded, pressing closer to Luke when he noticed the other boy’s discomfort.

“I went to this club, that night, and I ran into Calum,” Luke admitted. Ashton’s frown deepened, but he urged Luke to keep on talking.

“He was drunk,” Luke forced out, his voice sounding a bit choked-up now. “He was completely wasted and he kept mumbling about soulmates and stuff. He seemed so heartbroken, it was really sad to see and I felt so guilty.” He swallowed thickly and leaned further into Ashton’s body, still avoiding the smaller boy’s eyes.

“I brought him home, but he asked me to stay when I wanted to leave so I did. I left the next morning before he woke up, though. And then today I saw him kissing some bloke in the school corridor and... I don’t know, I’m just- I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing his face and sighing. Ashton got up from the bed to take his notebook once again, scribbling down a sentence and hesitating for a few moments before finally holding it up for Luke to read.

_Were you jealous?_

Luke just gaped at the messily written words for quite a while, trying to comprehend his feelings and organise his tumbling thoughts. His frown only deepened with every passing minute.

“Yeah,” he mumbled eventually, shamefully. He waited anxiously as Ashton took his time writing the next note, afraid of what the curly-haired boy would say.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, keeping his gaze focused on the carpet in Ashton’s room. It took another few minutes for Ashton to finish the note, but this time he didn’t hesitate and pressed it into Luke’s clammy hand immediately.

 _That’s understandable. He’s still your soulmate, even if you don’t want him to be. I can imagine you felt like that_.

“Thanks,” Luke answered, extending his hands to his boyfriend, who smiled and cuddled up to him on the double sized bed. The blonde boy kept repeating Ashton’s words on the note in his head. Maybe it was natural to feel the way he felt, but that didn’t meant that was how he wanted it to be. He was happy as it was, thank you very much, and he didn’t need the universe to decide against that. Then suddenly, a thought crossed his mind.

“Do you feel the same way about Michael?” he asked Ashton, and he already knew what the answer was when he felt the curly-haired boy stifle in his arms. His slender fingers gently caressed Ashton’s back and stroked through his curls, which always calmed him down.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it doesn’t matter, I just want to know. I won’t be mad, I promise,” he whispered, his lips close to Ashton’s ear, pink lips pressing soft kisses on the skin there. Ashton’s curls tickled his cheeks and stroked his forehead, and the goosebumps that erupted on the smaller boy’s smooth skin made the corners of Luke’s mouth edge up in a small smile, despite their current situation. Ashton eventually nodded in response to Luke’s question and the blonde simply hummed, pulling his boyfriend closer and pecking his nose, because he loved the way Ashton always scrunched it up when he did that.

“I love you,” he stated, making Ashton smile brightly. “I love you and not even the stupid soulmate system can take that away from me. I will always love you.”

He was getting a little sentimental now – he even teared up a bit, but if anyone ever asked, he would have to deny that ever happened – and Ashton still didn’t say anything, he just leaned in, cupping Luke’s cheeks in his soft hands and pressing his lips to Luke’s. Both boys closed their eyes as their mouths moved against each other harmoniously, touches remaining delicate and _loving_.

The way Ashton’s lips were pressed up against his own, the way one of his thumbs subconsciously rubbed his cheekbone, the way his light hazel eyes stared into Luke’s bright blue ones when they broke apart told the blonde boy everything he needed to know. They didn’t need the soulmate system to be happy. They didn’t need the universe to find them someone to love; they had already done so themselves.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank [5sos-cake-bakery](http://5soscake-bakery.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for helping me out on the plot a bit :)

Luke had been feeling off lately.

It was a weird feeling, something he couldn’t really describe, but it certainly wasn’t a good feeling. He found himself wanting to be alone more and more, sinking back into his shell of solitude, like he had been before he had met Ashton. It wasn’t a good sign, and Luke knew that, but he didn’t have the motivation to try and fight it. It felt like something was missing, something big – there was a large hole in his chest, with great depth and sharp edges, slicing into his heart and swallowing his soul. And even Ashton couldn’t make him feel better this time.

Luke found himself walking away from the red-bricked school building in the middle of the day, when he was supposed to be in maths class. He couldn’t be bothered to go there, he didn’t think he could stand any interaction at the moment. His head was spinning with the amount of thoughts that clouded his mind, all of them following close behind each other, tumbling over each other even, leaving him no room and time to even take a proper breath. He needed a break.

With his brain on autopilot, he made his way across the school grounds, not really paying any attention to where his feet were taking him. If he had, he probably would have forced himself to turn around and gone the other way, but when he finally took notice of his surroundings, it was basically too late already. The heavy, sweet aroma of the many flowers hit him like a brick wall and he swayed on his feet, a sudden wave of dizziness taking him by surprise. He was in _their_ spot in the woods – his and Ashton’s – and he felt a painful tug at his heart when the hole in his chest expanded some more. He sat down on the grass, right next to a bunch of tiny blue flowers, ones that Luke recognised as the flowers Ashton used to make him the blue flower crown. His heart started aching more. With a trembling hand, he carefully grabbed the stem of one of the flowers and tugged at it until it snapped. He twirled it around in his finger for a while, just staring at the small blue petals while his thoughts reached the speed of an express train, running around and over each other to make him feel even worse than he already did. His grip on the flower tightened and he only noticed that he was clenching his fists when he felt his nails digging into the skin of his palm. He unclenched them immediately, before his nails broke through his skin and drew blood. The crumpled blue flower fell to the floor soundlessly. Luke looked at it sadly, impossible to supress the thought that it resembled pretty much how he felt right now.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts and self-pity that he hadn’t even noticed the footsteps and cracking branches behind him, and he almost jumped out of his skin when the intruder spoke up.

“Mind if I join you?”

Luke turned around so fast his neck almost snapped – at least that’s how it felt – and let out a huff when he was Michael standing there. “Actually, yeah, I do.”

Michael just shrugged and flopped down onto the long grass a few feet away from Luke. “I’m going to anyway,” he announced, and Luke groaned, but couldn’t find the energy to get up.

“What do you want, Clifford?” he asked instead, trying to casually place his hand over the flower and hide it before the once again blue-haired boy could see it. He didn’t think it worked.

“You didn’t show up in class,” Michael said. “I wanted to know what you were doing. You’ve been acting weird lately. Haven’t skipped a class in ages. Why now?”

Luke frowned, annoyed with how Michael was prying into his private life. “That’s none of your business. Why would you are anyway?”

“I just want to make sure you’re not falling back into your old habits, for Ashton’s sake,” Michael explained, ever so calmly. Luke’s head snapped up, his gaze angry, but Michael beat him to speaking.

“He’s my soulmate, Luke. I care about him, even if he loves _you_. I guess that’s just how the system works,” the blue-haired boy said, staring straight into Luke’s blue eyes. “I don’t want to see him hurt.”

“I would never hurt him,” was Luke’s instant reply. Michael simply nodded.

“Not intentionally,” he just said, and Luke averted his gaze. He knew Michael was right.

“Ashton told me about what happened between you and Calum the other day,” Michael suddenly said after a short silence, but he continued before Luke even had the chance to let the words sink in. “Or well, he wrote it down and I read it. Don’t get mad at him, he just worries about you. He worries about a lot, actually.”

Luke swallowed thickly and started plucking the petals from the blue flower. “You two talk?”

Michael nodded slightly. “Yeah, we have homeroom together, remember? I like talking to him.”

“I feel the same way about Calum as you do about Ashton,” Luke suddenly blurted, angrily ripping the flower apart and reaching forward to take a new one, for the sake of having something for his hands to do. They wouldn’t stop shaking. “The only problem is that I don’t want to feel that way. I keep hurting him and I feel like shit but he just isn’t what I want.”

Michael remained silent for a while, seemingly thinking as he stared at Luke’s fingers molesting the little flower. “He thinks you hate him,” he said eventually, and Luke had to close his eyes to make sure he wouldn’t start crying right then and there. “He’s fully convinced you loathe him and he feels terrible.”

Luke threw the flower away and hid his face in his hands, pressing his palms against his eyes to the point he started seeing stars. “But he has a boyfriend now,” he noted, and Michael sighed.

“Yeah, I actually set them up on their first date and things escalated for them from there. Louis is a real gentleman, he treats Calum like a prince. I think that’s why Calum is still with him. Lou treats him like he wants to be treated, but he still wishes it was _you_ instead of Louis and that makes him feel even worse. It’s a downward spiral really, it’s sad to see.”

Luke’s frown deepened, though his face was still hidden in his hands, and he felt the emptiness in his chest cease a little. “He still wants me after what I did to him?”

Michael nodded, his face hard as steel. “Yes. Because you two are soulmates. He will never not want you. And I know that, deep down, you want him as well. Maybe you don’t even realise so yourself, but you really do. Just like I still want Ashton and he still wants me.” He stood up, brushing some dirt off his skinny jeans. Luke still had his face buried in his hands and didn’t look up when he heard Michael walk away.

“You can’t escape the soulmate system, Luke, no matter how much you want to,” he said, turning around and looking at the figure sitting hunched over in the grass. “You and Ashton aren’t destined to be together, but Calum won’t stick around forever. Not like this. You’ve done nothing but treat him like crap and if you don’t stop doing so soon, I will make sure he knows he’s far too good for you. I’ll make sure he has a good life, without you in it. I care too much about him to let him get hurt like this.”

He waited a few seconds for Luke to reply, but when the blonde boy didn’t so much as move, he sighed and turned away, walking back down the dusty path through the forest. He missed the way Luke’s shoulders began to shake mere seconds later, and he didn’t hear the muffled sobs leaving the blonde’s mouth. He didn’t feel how the hole in Luke’s chest widened even move, until he was one big, gaping wound, the abused flowers perfectly portraying how he felt.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way too long, I'm so sorry.   
> We reached chapter 70 already! Wow, this is incredible. Thank you all for reading and sticking with me, it really means a lot. 18 more chapters to go!

Luke didn’t go back to school for the rest of the day. He remained seated on the itchy grass of the small field in the woods, his fingers playing with some of the flowers every now and then, when he couldn’t sit still anymore. He must have been there for at least two and a half hour when he finally got up and walked down the sandy path back to the school grounds, following Michael’s footsteps that the blue-haired boy had left behind over two hours ago. He didn’t go to Ashton’s place, which he normally would have done, but went to his own house instead. After parking his motor on the drive, he let himself in, only to walk straight into Jack, who had seemed to be waiting for him in the hallway. Luke raised an eyebrow.

“Hi?”

“Ashton is here,” Jack just said, the expression on his face close to unreadable, but Luke could still tell that something was wrong.

“Why?” he asked. “Is he okay?”

“To be honest, I don’t know,” Jack replied. “He didn’t say anything, obviously, but he looked kind of upset. He’s waiting for you in your room.”

Luke just nodded, confused and a bit scared, dumping his bag on the floor carelessly and darting past his older brother to make a beeline for the stairs. His heart was thumping rapidly against his chest, so hard it almost hurt, and the hole in his soul made him feel so empty he felt like he was drowning. The walk up the stairs took both too long and too short at the same time and his head was spinning by the time he was opening the door to his bedroom. Ashton was sitting cross-legged on his king-sized bed, which wasn’t an unusual sight for Luke to come home to. The obviously not happy look on his boyfriend’s face wasn’t too common, but Luke surely wasn’t a stranger to it either. The curly-haired boy held a small notebook tightly in his hands and fiddled with it a bit. He was nervous.

“Hey, Ash,” Luke said, attempting to smile, but it came off more as a grimace. “Are you okay?”

Ashton nodded a bit at first, then frowned and shook his head. He patted the space on the bed beside him and Luke felt his stomach grow heavy with dread as he slowly took a seat beside his boyfriend.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly, and Ashton let out a deep sigh before passing the notebook to Luke with shaking hands. The blonde took a moment to take Ashton’s hands in his own to calm him down before he opened the little booklet. There was only one line written on the page, in Ashton’s neat handwriting.

 _We need to talk_.

Luke felt his blood run cold. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded, not taking his eyes of the blue ink on the otherwise blank page.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked. If Ashton noticed that he sounded a little choked up, he chose to ignore it, which Luke was grateful for. The curly-haired boy just carefully flipped the page over. There was considerably more written on the next page, Ashtons handwriting still neat. He had thought about this, Luke noticed. Ashton’s thoughts were neatly scribbled down on the page, not hurried in the slightest.

 _I know you feel something for Calum_ , was the first line, and Luke already felt like he was going to throw up. He lifted his gaze and opened his mouth to say something, but Ashton held up a hand to stop him and pointed back at the notebook, his eyes sad. Luke swallowed and nodded, turning his gaze back to the little book in his hands.

_I know you feel something for Calum, and to be honest I feel something for Michael too. It’s like this invisible attraction and I don’t want to feel it but I still do, and I think that means something._

Luke looked up from the pages to steal a glance at Ashton, with tears swimming in his eyes.

“Ash,” he croaked out, but the curly-haired boy just shook his head and vaguely gestured at the notebook.

_I think you can’t really escape your fate, and that’s kind of what we’ve been trying to do. Just look at all the stories, the old myths; everyone tried to escape their fate and they all ended up just making it worse. I don’t want to end up like that. Things haven’t been great between us lately and I know that Calum can make you happier than I ever could, and I want you to have that. I don’t want us to end up having a fight and breaking up over that. We’re not destined to be together and I think we should stop pretending that we are._

Luke blinked to rid his vision of the blur the tears were causing. One of them fell on the notebook, smudging the handwriting, and Luke wiped his eyes.

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked, his voice trembling and breaking on several words, barely above a whisper. Ashton bit his lip and looked at Luke with a pleading look in his eyes. He gently pried the notebook from Luke’s fingers and grabbed a pen. His handwriting wasn’t as neat as the earlier written lines.

 _I don’t want us to end up hating each other,_ it said, and Luke felt despair settling in the huge hole that was left of him.

“I wouldn’t _ever_ hate you, Ash,” he said, but the curly-haired boy shook his head.

 _You don’t know that_ , he wrote down. Luke wanted to be mad at him, wanted to scream that he was wrong, that he was making a bad decision, but deep down – though maybe (definitely) not as deep as he had always pretended – he knew Ashton was right. It would go wrong eventually, even though he loved Ashton with all his heart, and the last thing he wanted was for him and Ashton to end up hating – or even disliking – each other. Luke took a shaky breath and wiped at his cheeks to rid them of the still flowing tears. Ashton was crying now as well, playing with his fingers nervously. Luke tossed the notebook aside and reached out for the smaller boy, wrapping him up in his arms.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, gently rubbing his thumbs over Ashton’s cheeks to wipe the tears away.“I understand. You’re probably right, as well. And I just want you to be happy.” He chuckled lowly and allowed Ashton to cuddle closer into him, giving him the comfort he needed in this moment.

“I don’t want things to get weird between us, though,” he said. “We can still watch stupid movies and cuddle until we fall asleep, right?” If he couldn’t have Ashton as his lover, he would at least still have him as his best friend.

Ashton broke out into a grin through his tears and nodded vigorously, taking Luke’s hands in his. His mouth remained motionless, but his eyes spoke volumes.

“I love you,” Luke whispered, and though Ashton didn’t return the words, the way his thumbs rubbed gentle circles behind Luke’s ears as he cupped the blonde’s face, and the utterly soft look in his hazel eyes told Luke everything he needed to know. They stayed in that position for a while, until Ashton reached for the notebook behind them and wrote something down.

_I should be going. See you tomorrow?_

Luke’s heart hurt, but he nodded, a smile on his lips. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Ashton returned the smile, leaning forward to press his lips to Luke’s for one last time before he turned and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... *hides*


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is terribly short but I think most of you will like it anyway. ;)

Ashton was peacefully sitting at his usual table, hidden behind a couple of bookshelves in the back of the library, just reading a book he would have to write an essay about later, when a bag was violently dropped on the table top, causing some sheets of paper and a pen to fall to the ground. The curly-haired boy look up, alarmed, but relaxed mostly when he saw it was only Michael. The pale boy had died his hair black over the weekend, which suited him _way_ better than Ashton ever imagined. (Not that he had imagined things like that. Not at all.)

Ashton gave him a little wave and a smile, which Michael returned as he dropped himself down in the seat next to him.

“Hey, Ash,” Michael said, though it sounded a little like a question. Ashton put his book down and raised a questioning eyebrow at Michael. The black-haired boy smiled a bit.

“Calum ditched school today to be with Louis,” he said, shrugging a little, but the look in his eyes told Ashton that the main point was about to come.

“And I noticed Luke wasn’t in maths today,” Michael continued, talking a bit slower as if he was choosing his words very carefully. He took a few seconds before speaking up again. “Is he in school?”

Ashton shook his head slightly, biting on his lower lip. He still felt bad about breaking up with Luke just like that, but honestly, he just couldn’t live that lie anymore.

Michael made a face at his answer. “Why not?” he asked, and it sounded a bit angry. Ashton just sighed, but reached for his notebook and grabbed his pen from the ground. Michael smiled sheepishly and helped him pick up the sheets of paper as well. When the dark-haired boy re-emerged from under the table, the notebook was lying on the table right under his nose, Ashton’s handwriting spelling out three simple words on the white paper.

_We broke up._

Michael just stared at the small note for a few moments before his mind caught up with his limbs and he whipped his head up, staring at Ashton with wide eyes. “What?” he asked, looking absolutely flabbergasted. The curly-haired boy just shrugged, twirling his pen around in his fingers.

“Why?” Michael asked, so Ashton gestured that he needed the notebook back and scribbled a short answer down before passing it back to Michael.

_Because we’re not soulmates._

Ashton could see that Michael was trying his absolute best to keep a straight face, to keep his excitement concealed as his grip on the note tightened and he almost ripped the delicate material in two, but Ashton saw the hope and glee dancing behind Michael’s eyes. Ashton couldn’t blame him, though. He guessed he would have felt the same way, had he been in Michael’s position.

The black-haired boy cleared his throat and put the abused piece of paper on the table. “Um, so, what does that make us?” he asked, his voice small, filled with hope and fear at the same time. The look in his eyes was almost apologetic, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to talk about this. Ashton shrugged, pulling the notebook closer and flipping to a blank page.

 _I don’t want to rush into things all of a sudden,_ the note said when he passed it over to Michael. The boy’s expression faltered a little, but he nodded understanding. “Of course, I didn’t-“ he started saying, but Ashton beat him to it by taking back the notebook and scribbling down something else, which he hesitantly showed Michael a few moments after.

_That doesn’t mean I don’t want to try._

Michael’s heart practically skipped a beat when he read the sentence, but Ashton was back to writing before he got the chance to react.

_I just want to take it slow, okay? I don’t want to rush it, especially not right after a break up, even if we’re soulmates._

Michael nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, but he didn’t care anymore. Ashton was allowed to know how happy he was to finally have a chance at this.

“That sounds great,” he said sincerely, and Ashton managed a smile, which he returned widely. “So, do you, um, like, want to come over to my place later? We could, like, watch a movie or play video games or something. Whatever you want,” Michael said, tripping over his own words, and Ashton shook his head at him with a grin before giving a thumbs up. Michael beamed. He was pretty sure he would have sore face muscles later.

“Awesome! I’ll wait for you in the parking lot after school then, okay?” he said, and he felt a buzz of excitement in his stomach when Ashton nodded again, the teasing smile for Michael ineloquence still on his face.

“Great. See you later.” Michael swung his bag over his shoulder with a smooth swing and skipped off, leaving Ashton with a smile on his face and warmth in his heart.


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually meant to upload this last night but I fell asleep oops. Sorry. Here's it anyway! :)

Luke hadn’t left his room in three days. He hadn’t left his bed in about two in total, only getting up to pee and eat a bit. He knew he was being pathetic – this had been coming, really, he just hadn’t wanted to see it.

His brothers apparently also thought so, Luke concluded, as suddenly his door was thrown open with such force it actually collided with the wall, and both his brothers were standing in the doorway, shoulder by shoulder, their postures creepily lit by the dim light from the hallway. It looked like a scene from an action movie and Luke couldn’t help but snort softly to himself. But when the two of them actually barged into the room and ripped the covers off of his body, he yelped and shrunk in on himself, trying to make himself as small as possible to get them to leave him alone – which, obviously, didn’t work. Ben and Jack flopped down on the bed beside him and both fixed him with a stern look, making Luke cringe.

“What?” he mumbled, though he already knew what was coming. Ben just narrowed his eyes at him at looked like he wanted to slap him. Jack was the one that spoke up.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest and letting out an angry huff. Luke turned around so his back was facing his brother and he was staring at the wall, picking at a loose thread on his pillowcase. “Nothing. Like, literally nothing,” he answered, releasing the thread and closing his eyes. “So if you could leave me alone so I can go back to doing nothing, that’d be great, thanks,” he mumbled, and he could almost _feel_ both of his brothers roll their eyes at him.

“Not gonna happen, dude. You can’t spend the rest of your life hidden away in your room, pining over this one guy that isn’t even your soulmate,” Ben countered, and now Luke was getting pissed. He turned back around, sitting up and glaring at his oldest brother.

“It’s not about ‘just this one guy’, this is about _Ashton_. And I know he’s not my soulmate, okay, I’ve known all along, but I thought we were gonna make it happen. I never wanted this whole soulmate system anyway. I wanted to decide for myself. But I’m shit at that, apparently,” he said bitterly. Jack rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.

“You’re looking at the system like it’s an enemy,” he concluded after a short silence, glancing at Luke briefly before continuing. “I think that’s your biggest problem. You should look at it like it’s a support, or a helping force. The universe didn’t make it up just to interfere in your personal life. I think that life has a lot of ups and downs, and it’s not perfect. It never is. You have to settle with ‘good enough’ a lot of times. All the soulmate system really does is make sure that you find the perfect partner, so that’s one weight lifted off your shoulders. Your life might never be perfect, but your love will. That’s all it really is. You’ve overthought it. Let it go. It’ll all end up like it’s meant to be if you let it happen. Stop resisting.”

With every word spoken, Jack got more and more passionate about his little rant, and at the end Luke didn’t know what he wanted to do more; laugh at his brother’s ridiculousness or cry because of the truth of it all. He didn’t do either of them though. Instead, he just buried his face in his hands and let out a deep, shaky sigh.

“I’m so fucking tired of this mess,” he mumbled into his hands. Ben took a hold of his wrists and gently pried them away from his face.

“You should go out and have some fun,” he said. “I can’t watch you waste away in here anymore. Go live a little, everything’s gonna work out in the end. But it won’t get better if you keep moping over things you can’t change anyway.”

The most annoying part of his brothers interfering with his personal life was that they were always _right._ Luke couldn’t even argue with them.

“Fine,” he grumbled, dragging out the ‘i’ and pouting slightly. Jack laughed and ruffled his hair.

“Okay, now you go and take a shower, you look like shit,” Ben decided. Luke raised an eyebrow, offended.

“Wow, thanks. I can really feel your love,” Luke muttered sarcastically. He barely had the time to squeal (with a lot of dignity, thank you very much) when Ben scooped him up in his arms bridle style and carried him to the bathroom. His ridiculously long legs bumped into the wall a couple of times on the way there. They would probably bruise. He would need to apologise to Calum about that.

“Just looking out for you,” Ben said, as a late response to Luke’s earlier whining, while he carefully put Luke down on the tiled bathroom floor. “Now you clean yourself up and we’ll make you some food before we kick you out.”

“You’re the best brothers ever,” Luke mumbled, sarcasm dripping from his voice, but the look on Ben’s face told him that he knew Luke had actually really meant it.

“Love you, little bro,” he said, before exiting the bathroom and walking down the stairs, Jack trailing behind him.

 

-

 

True to Ben’s word, they really did kick Luke out after he’d had his meal. (Jack couldn’t cook for shit, by the way. The omelette he had attempted to make had looked more like he’d thrown up in the frying pan and presented it to Luke on a plate.) So that explains why Luke was standing right outside his own front door, without his keys on him and with no idea as to where to go. He had already tried knocking on the door and begging his brothers to let him back in, but the loud music he could hear faintly through the walls indicated they didn’t even hear it. They probably purposefully put the music on so they couldn’t hear him. Luke really hated his stupid brothers sometimes.

He decided to go for a walk, as neither Ben nor Jack would be letting him back inside anytime soon. He plugged his earplugs into his phone and randomly chose a song, softly humming along to the melody as he started walking. He let his mind get consumed by the drums, guitars and lyrics as his feet carried him to God knows where. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. His feet just walked on their own accord and he allowed them to take him to wherever they wanted to.

What he hadn’t expected them to do, however, was take him to Calum’s house.

He hadn’t even realised he was actually there until he stepped up the front porch and the lamp next to the door flipped on, triggered by his movements. The wood beneath his feet creaked as he took a step back, staring at the blue door in shock, ready to bolt and go back home, but then the door opened and a surprised looking Calum was standing in the doorway. He was clad in his pyjama, which consisted of sweatpants and a baggy sweater. The sleeves were so long they covered half his hands and his hair was all ruffled with strands peaking up and he just looked so _cuddly_ Luke had to take a few moments to recollect himself.

“Luke?” the tanned boy asked, sounding as surprised as he looked, his brown eyes wide. Luke just stood there, waving awkwardly as he muttered a “Hi”.

“What are you doing here?” Calum asked, and while it probably should have sounded hostile, it didn’t, and Luke let himself hope.

“I just- I kind of got locked out of my house and I was taking a walk and suddenly I was... here? So I guess I’ll just go now, sorry for bothering you,” he finished awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand while he slowly walked backwards, careful not to trip and fall off the porch. Calum sighed, seeming to ponder for a few moments before opening the door a little wider and taking a step to the side.  
“D’you wanna come in?” he asked. Luke stared at him for a moment before he remembered that he was expected to answer.

“Um, what about your boyfriend?” he asked cautiously, and Calum sighed again.

“He’s not here. And it’s not like I’m gonna jump you. I’m just offering you shelter because you were stupid enough to lock yourself out,” Calum answered, walking back inside but leaving the door open as an invitation for Luke to follow him. The blonde didn’t hesitate for a single moment and darted inside, closing the door behind him.

“Just so you know, I’m not actually stupid enough to lock myself out. My brothers kicked me out and refused to let me back in,” he said, but cringed as he realised that that wasn’t really any less embarrassing. Calum just chuckled, but his expression went back to serious almost right after.

“So why did your brothers kick you out?” he asked, taking a seat on the couch where he had clearly been sat before, judging by the pile of pillows and blankets he wrapped himself back into. Luke shrugged.

“I hadn’t left my room in a couple of days and they were worried. Kicked me out so I wouldn’t become a caveman or something,” he answered, chuckling humourlessly. Calum looked at him with this knowing look in his eyes that had Luke cringe inwardly.

“Was it because of Ashton?” the dark-haired boy asked eventually. He didn’t have to say the words ‘break up’ out loud, Luke could hear them in the suggestive tone his voice held. He just nodded, scratching his elbow and bowing his head in embarrassment. Luke felt the couch dip as Calum stood up and disappeared to what Luke assumed was the kitchen, only to come back with two cups of Ben & Jerry’s and two spoons in his hands. When Luke raised an eyebrow, thoroughly confused, Calum just smiled.

“Ice cream helps with heartbreak. Take that from someone with experience,” he said, handing one of the cups and a spoon to Luke, who took them with trembling hands and a sat look in his eyes.

“Calum, I’m sorry-” he started, but the tanned boy broke him off.

“Not right now, okay?” he said, coming off a little more harshly than he intended, but he couldn’t help it. “I know you broke up and that sucks and I’m sorry about that, but I’m not gonna listen to your lousy excuses that you’re only making because you’re alone now anyway. I’m happy, so please, just let me be.”

Luke was taken aback by his sudden outburst, and Calum swore he saw tears in the blonde’s eyes, but then he was nodding and stabbed his ice cream with his spoon. “Okay,” he mumbled. “Can we watch a movie?” he asked next, softly and cautiously, but Calum just got up and popped a random disc in the DVD-player, tossing Luke a blanket and a few pillows as the opening credits rolled. Luke smiled at him to say thank you and wrapped himself up in the soft, warm fabric.

The film turned out to be Titanic and Luke couldn’t say he was thrilled by that. It was exactly the kind of movie he _didn’t_ need right now, so he just focused on eating his ice cream as slowly as possible and took in the details of Calum’s living room, something he hadn’t had the chance to do the last time he was here.

He started out of his thoughts when he felt Calum’s head fall on his shoulder. The older boy groaned, but didn’t move away. “Sorry, ‘m tired,” he mumbled, and Luke tried his hardest to fight the endearing smile off his face, but failed nonetheless.

“’S okay, don’t worry,” he replied, putting an arm around Calum because it was more comfortable that way. Calum subconsciously snuggled closer to Luke.

“Cal?” Luke asked after a period of silence, the sounds of the movie the only thing to be heard.

“Hmm?” came the reply. Luke took a few moments to choose the right words.

“Does Louis know I’m your soulmate?” he asked eventually, and yeah, he should’ve really asked that more tactfully, but Calum was too tired to care, apparently. The dark-haired boy just shrugged, pressing his face further into the fabric of Luke’s shirt.

“No, I guess not. I haven’t told him, at least. Why?”

Luke shook his head. “No reason.”

Too tired to push further, Calum let his eyes droop closed once again, but before he could fall asleep, Luke’s voice broke the relative silence again.

“Does he really make you happy?” the blonde asked. Calum was really halfway asleep right now, so he answered as if on autopilot – which he probably kind of was.

“No, but it’s a good distraction,” he mumbled. Luke’s heart felt like it was being run over by a whole parade of trucks at this point. He wasn’t sure if he had even felt so guilty in his whole life. Pulling Calum’s sleeping body a bit closer to him, he breathed in the boy’s smell and muted the television.

“I really am sorry, Cal,” he whispered, before burying his face in the tanned boy’s fluffy hair and closing his eyes, sleep overtaking him within minutes.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [5soscake-bakery](http://5soscake-bakery.tumblr.com) on tumblr for giving me all kinds of ideas and stretching this fic on and on.

When Luke woke up, the first thing he noticed was the pair of strong arms wrapped around him and the warmth of another body pressed up against his. For a short moment, his still half asleep brain thought it was Ashton and he contently sighed, but then he woke up a bit more and realised that it couldn’t be Ashton because they had broken up. Luke frowned, opening his eyes and as his blue orbs caught sight of the the softly snoring tanned boy in his arms, the events of the night before came rushing back to him and his heart started racing so fast it made his stomach churn. He untangled himself from Calum’s limbs and flew off the couch, stumbling over his own feet from his haste and waking Calum up in the process. The dark-haired boy groggily sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“What’re you doing?” he asked, voice raspy from sleep and his hair completely messed up in a way that made him look extremely cute and Luke’s mind should _not_ be taking this direction.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” Luke replied, the words leaving his mouth before he got the chance to think them over, but he didn’t do anything to take them back. “It was a mistake. I should be leaving now.”

Calum’s face went from confused to sad really quick, but then the underlying anger took over. “You’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met,” he muttered, lying back down on the couch so that his back was facing Luke. “Don’t bother coming back,” he added, all emotion lacking from his voice. Luke huffed.

“As if I would want to,” he shot back, stomping out of the house and slamming the door behind him with so much force the windows trembled in their frames.

Inside of the house, Calum flinched at the sound and furiously wiped at the tears leaking from his eyes.

 

-

 

It wasn’t until a few days later that Luke returned to school. It had taken him longer than he would like to admit to figure his thoughts out, but now that he had, he was actually feeling quite good. He had been absolutely fine on his own before Ashton came along and just because he had a few cracks in his heart now, didn’t mean he would keep being bitter about it for the rest of his life. Ashton might have changed him in some ways, he wasn’t going to lose himself.

That didn’t mean his breath didn’t still catch in his throat when he accidentally made eye contact with Calum in the hallways. It just meant he would pretend it didn’t.

His day was going by as slow as it ever did. He wore earplugs most of the time, Fall Out Boy blasting loudly into his ears, drowning out the everyday sounds of high school. The music also helped him ignore the harsh glares Michael sent to the back of his head throughout the entire maths class. Luke guessed Calum told him about what had happened. He turned the volume of his phone up a bit more.

 

-

 

Lunch time started off better than his classes. As soon as he entered the cafeteria, Ashton waved him over. Luke did his best to ignore the way his stomach fluttered at the curly-haired boy’s smile, like it pretty much always had done.

“Hey, Ash,” he said, dropping his bag to the floor and taking the seat next to the other boy. Ashton pulled his phone out and started typing something, showing it to Luke when he had finished. The question was typed in an unsaved note.

_Where have you been the past few days?_

Luke shrugged and tried not to pull a face. “Just at home. I didn’t feel like coming to school,” he said, which actually wasn’t a lie at all. He had just left some details out, is all. Ashton sent him a long, hard look, trying to look through his careless demeanour, but Luke refused to let it crack this time, so Ashton gave up after a while. Luke sent him a reassuring smile, though, which seemed to put the smaller boy a bit more at ease and he smiled back. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until a certain black-haired boy approached their table and let himself fall down on the chair on Ashton’s other side.

“Hi,” Michael smiled gently, putting his hand on Ashton’s lower back. Luke glared at the hand with such fury that he was surprised he hadn’t burned a hole in Michael’s pale skin yet. He had most certainly missed something in the time he had been away. The way Ashton leaned into the touch had Luke feeling a bit sick. Maybe he wasn’t as over it as he had thought he was.

“Oh, hi Luke, I didn’t see you there,” the black-haired boy said, and Luke managed to hold back his glare when he shifted his gaze to Michael’s face. He just nodded, but Michael seemed content with that. Luke figured he had expected a nasty remark of some sort. He couldn’t blame him.

“So, are you two together now?” he asked, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible. Michael’s eyes narrow immediately and his arm sneaked further around Ashton’s waist.

“That’s none of your business,” he said, clearly trying to remain calm. Ashton sent him a look Luke couldn’t see from where he was sat, but Michael’s tense shoulders relaxed a little and the anger slowly left his face.

“I’m just looking out for my best friend,” Luke countered, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, exactly the way he had been sitting when he first met Ashton, in the principal’s office. Ashton now turned to look at him, and the way his eyes shone told Luke that he recognised the pose as well. The look in his eyes set Luke at ease. He himself might not be the person who could make Ashton happy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want Ashton to be happy. And if Michael was the person who could give that to him, who would he be to deny his best friend of that?

“Just don’t hurt him,” he told Michael, making sure the threatening undertone to his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “He doesn’t deserve that.”

Michael just nodded, a determination in his eyes that warmed Luke’s heart. Michael loved Ashton, he could tell. That meant Ashton was in good hands. He could live with that.

Michael just _had_ to ruin it, of course.

“Calum doesn’t deserve that either,” he muttered, and though it earned him a shove of Ashton’s elbow in his stomach, Luke knew he was right.

“When are you gonna stop mentioning the destiny I do not want?” he asked, not really expecting an answer. “I get it, okay, I’m fucked. Just stop rubbing it in.”

Michael snorted but refrained himself from making a remark. Instead, he just shuffled even closer to Ashton and started fully ignoring Luke’s presence. Ashton had the decency to send Luke an apologetic look. The blonde shrugged, smiling a bit to make sure Ashton knew he wasn’t mad.

Everything went even more downhill when Calum arrived at their table. Luke started to seriously question why he was still sitting at their table when Calum refused to acknowledge Luke’s presence. He didn’t even spare the blonde so much as a glance, but immediately sat down in the chair across from Michael and just said: “It’s settled.”

Luke raised a questioning eyebrow, but was fully ignored – as he had already expected – but Michael’s jaw dropped and Ashton’s eyes widened.

“Are you serious?” the black-haired boy asked. Calum nodded enthusiastically. “Yup. I’m leaving in a week.”

“A week?!” Michael seemed to almost lose it. “I thought you were going to wait until at least after graduation?”

Calum nodded. “I was. But Louis’ roommate is moving in with his girlfriend, so I won’t have to wait until he’s finished his study. I can move in with him as soon as his roommate has moved all of his stuff out.”

A sad look crossed Michael’s face. “So you’re really leaving then, huh?” he asked. Calum nodded again.

“Yeah, I am. Sorry, Mikes, but this just feels right. I can’t stay here for much longer,” he said, glancing at Luke briefly before redirecting his gaze to Michael. Luke felt his heart crack a little more.

“How are you gonna pay for the rent, though? Because I thought Louis couldn’t cover it on his own,” Michael said. Calum shrugged.

“I’ll just find a job. It’s not like the apartment costs a fortune, and I won’t have a lot to do when Louis is in class anyway,” he answered. Michael sighed and stood up, pulling his best friend in an awkward hug.

“Promise me we’ll keep in touch,” he said, and Calum nodded, gripping onto his best friend tightly. “Of course, Mikey.”

Luke just observed the scene, feeling utterly confused. He’d probably missed a major part of this conversation, one that had been held earlier. Which reminded him once more of how he didn’t really belong to this group. He was back to being the outcast.

“Where are you going?” he heard himself ask. Calum turned to look at him briefly, but had already looked away when he answered.

“London. Louis is going back to England soon and I’m going with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... oops?


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should be studying but I just can't bring myself to so here's a little thingy for you guys. Hope you like it!

Ashton thought he was finally starting to understand the concept of soulmates. He had never really understood before, seeing as he thought he didn’t have one for a long time, and after that, he had been with Luke, who he had known wasn’t his soulmate. But now, Ashton felt that feeling that other people described after meeting their soulmate. At last, he knew what they meant when they talked about the heat on their skin after their soulmate had touched them, and the warmth that coursed through their veins when they were near each other, filling their hearts up to the very brim. He understood the way soulmates communicated – they always seemed to know what the other wanted to say without them saying it out loud, just by reading it from their eyes, or actually sensing what they were feeling. This had always left Ashton puzzled until now. In the short time Ashton had been with Michael, he had already been able to read him better than he had ever could with Luke. Every time Michael was happy, Ashton would get this warm feeling in his chest, but when Michael was sad, that was gone, leaving him feeling slightly cold. Ashton was able to somehow sense Michael’s feeling up to a certain level, which had only been great so far – it had been a good excuse to cuddle up with each other without having to say a word, leaving them in a comfortable silence and the warmth slowly but steadily seeping back into their hearts.

Ashton had never been more in love than he was in those moments. He would always get a funny feeling in his stomach – not like the butterflies he always got when he was with Luke, it was warmer, softer, and it didn’t tickle. It felt good, peaceful, almost. It felt like coming home.

Ashton felt like that a lot when he was around Michael.

And unlike with Luke, he was sure that Michael felt the same way about him. He could sense it, in that weird, mysterious way that still freaked him out a little sometimes – it was new and scary, but Ashton thought he could definitely get used to it. And it wasn’t like he had doubted that Luke loved him back – the blonde had proven that plenty of times. Ashton had barely ever been insecure about that – occasionally on a bad day, but Luke would always make that feeling disappear. It was different with Michael, though. Ashton couldn’t really describe it, but it was like he could _feel_ the love radiating from Michael’s touches, words, even his silence. Just from Michael, really. It felt secure.

Ashton felt loved.

 

-

 

Calum had really left. The tanned boy had looked absolutely torn when Michael and Ashton dropped him off at the airport – he hadn’t wanted to leave his best friend behind, but he had felt like he had to join Louis to London, and so he did. Michael understood, that wasn’t the problem, and Calum had more than lived up to his promise of calling every day, even though the time difference between London and Sydney was so immense. Michael had gotten calls from Calum both in the middle of the night and in the middle of the day, when he was in class. It was night-time for Calum on those occasions, and those were the times that Calum couldn’t sleep because he was homesick. Michael was always more than happy to excuse himself from class and talk to Calum for way too long.

They missed each other, but they were doing fine. Their friendship was still as strong as ever, if the endless conversations and long texts were anything to go by.

Calum was doing good in London. He had found a job in a coffee shop not too far from his and Louis’ apartment, and it earned him enough money to pay for the rent and save up some. The apartment he and Louis lived in wasn’t big, but it was roomy enough for the two of them and Calum was genuinely happy. Michael was happy for him as well.

 

The absence of his best friend was the reason he was cuddled up in his king sized bed with Ashton right now, an episode of Skins playing in the background with the volume turned low. Ashton had sensed he was feeling a bit down and had come over. Michael was gently running his fingers though Ashton’s curls, to which the boy sighed contently every now and then. They both weren’t really watching the show, just savouring one another’s presence and relishing in the comfort they brought each other. With the gentle tugging on his hair, the soft noise in the background and the rhythmic beat of Michael’s heart right under his ear, where his head lay on the black-haired boy’s chest, Ashton couldn’t help but drift to sleep, Michael’s fingers leaving a burning feeling on his scalp, in the best way.

 

-

 

_The only sound that left Ashton’s mouth as his father thrust the knife forward, was a soft gasp, barely audible. The metal breached the skin of Ashton’s abdomen, immediately drawing blood. The red liquid dribbled down his stomach, seeping into the fabric of his pyjama bottoms. Ashton winced as the knife was pulled out of him, sinking to the floor with his hands pressed against his stomach, the skin turning red instantly. His father batted his hands away, pure hatred and rage the only emotions on his face as he drove the metal blade of the knife into his son’s stomach once again, and again, and again. Ashton could do nothing but lie limply on the cold concrete floor of the basement as his father kept stabbing him for God knows how long, each stab burning and stinging more than the previous one. He bit his lip to keep quiet to the point it drew blood, and his body shook with the effort it took him to keep in his sobs, with tears running down his cheeks._

_His father laughed as he twisted the knife inside of Ashton’s stomach. It took the boy every ounce of will and strength he had in him to not cry out in agony._

_“You’re pathetic,” his father hissed, pulling the knife out and chucking it away. The metal collided with the concrete with a low_ cling, _that still echoed through the basement, the sound bouncing off the walls._

_Ashton couldn’t focus on anything but the sharp pain in his abdomen and the warm liquid flowing out of him. He barely even registered being moved around by his father, but he surely did feel the unbelievable pain when the bone in his leg snapped. He screamed, he opened his mouth and let out the sound, his voice a bit creaky and raw from disuse. His father wasn’t pleased, yelling expletives at him and pressing the knife against his throat. Fresh droplets of blood surfaced, slowly trickling down his neck as the blade dug deeper into his skin._

_His father shook his head as he twisted the knife once again, pushing Ashton’s head back against the basement floor, the hard concrete digging into his scalp. “Oh, Ash,” he sighed, shaking his head again, disapproval clear in his face this time._

_“Ash,” he said again, but it sounded different this time, though Ashton couldn’t quite put his finger on it._

_“Ash.” The look on his face changed from sadistic and and angry to something less hostile._

_“Ash,” he repeated once again, and his eyes showed nothing but concern and even a slight edge of panic now._

_“Ash!”_

_Ashton didn’t know what to do, he just sobbed and clutched his stomach, but he didn’t feel the blood anymore._

_“ASH!” his father bellowed, but it wasn’t his voice Ashton heard this time._

“Ash!” Michael called frantically, shaking his shoulder as well as keeping one hand on the curly-haired boy’s cheek. Ashton gasped as he opened his eyes, looking around the room frantically, his hand twisted in the fabric of his shirt, right over his abdomen. There was no blood, the feeling of the warmth seeping out of him was gone and his leg didn’t hurt. Confused and still panicking a bit, he looked around the room, his confusion changing into relief as he recognised the multiple band posters on the walls and the electric guitar carefully placed in the corner.

“Oh, baby,” Michael sighed, wrapping Ashton up in a hug and stroking his hair, running a hand up and down his spine in a calming way. It worked; Ashton’s rapid breathing slowed down steadily and the tears stopped coming. Exhausted, Ashton finally let himself relax into Michael’s embrace, not even having realised he had still been tense.

“It’s okay, Ash, I’ve got you,” Michael murmured into his head, and Ashton nodded, because yes, he felt safe wrapped up in Michael’s arms like this. He grabbed a hold of Michael’s shirt and cuddled closer into him, letting out a soft sigh as he nuzzled his nose against Michael’s neck.

“Bad dream?” the black-haired boy asked, sounding wide awake even though he had only just been woken up. Must have been shock, Ashton realised. He nodded and closed his eyes, his breathing evening out again even though he wasn’t trying. Michael seemed to realise this as well, as he pressed his lips against Ashton’s temple and gently laid the both of them back down.

“It’s okay, love, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here,” he whispered, and Ashton actually opened his mouth to _say_ something, for the first time in what felt like years. But he closed it again soon after and just nodded, softly kissing Michael’s collarbone before drifting off against the warmth of Michael’s chest.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been way too long I am so sorry. This update took me like a week to finish because I started over like a hundred times because I didn't like how it was turning out. So I hope you like it! The ending kinda sucks though.  
> Also trigger warning for swearing and an almost-panic attack.

A couple of days later, Michael came up to where Ashton was sitting in the library with a cheerful smile on his face – one he hadn’t worn since Calum left. It made Ashton’s lips curl upwards as well, seeing his boyfriend – God, that was still kind of weird to say – happy.

“Hey, Ash,” Michael greeted the younger boy, excitement vibrating off his features. Ashton just waved and smiled like he always did nowadays, his eyes shining at the genuine happiness of the other boy.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Michael continued, smile softening but not leaving his face completely, the edges of his lips still curved upwards and a bright sparkle visible in his eyes. “An old friend of mine threw his birthday party a couple nights ago but I couldn’t make it, so he invited me to come by this Saturday, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with? Like, he’s really cool, I promise, and it’ll be just us and one other friend.”

Ashton bit his lip, contemplating the offer. As if Michael could read his mind, he reached over to put his hand over Ashton’s and said: “You can bring Luke if you want to.” Ashton shook his head and pulled his phone out to object, but Michael shushed him and intertwined their fingers.

“I know he calms you down better than I do and you two obviously know each other very well. There’s some kind of dynamic between you. I’m not upset about it or anything,” he added, effectively calming the worry in Ashton’s hazel eyes. “I just want what’s best for you. And sometimes, he is.”

Ashton just stared at Michael with wide eyes, some worry still churning inside them, but Michael smiled softly at him and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, babe, it’s perfectly fine. You’re allowed to need him, he’s still your best friend. I know what he means to you.”

Ashton managed to return the smile, albeit it was still a bit weak, and he hoped that his eyes showed how grateful he was. Michael seemed to understand, as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Ashton’s temple, ruffling his curls a bit when he sat back.

“So, you’re coming?” he asked, and Ashton bit his lip before nodding hesitantly. Michael’s face positively lit up and he pulled the curly-haired boy in a not-so-gentle hug, which Ashton returned instantly.

“Great! I’ll pick you two up Saturday afternoon then? It’s a couple of hours away.” When Ashton nodded once again, Michael beamed and pecked his lips quickly.

“Awesome! See you then.”

 

-

 

Saturday rolled around quite quickly. When Ashton had proposed the party to Luke, the blonde hadn’t been thrilled about it in the least – the idea of spending the evening watching how someone else was swooning over _his_ Ashton (and Ashton swooning over someone else, for that matter, though he did not want to think about that at all) wasn’t all too appealing. But when Luke had made the mistake of looking into those beautiful, sparkling hazel eyes, he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist. And he kept telling himself it was because Ashton wanted him to be there too, not just because the curly-haired boy was afraid he’d have a panic attack or something along those lines that Michael couldn’t calm him down from – or worse, because Ashton _pitied_ him, because Ashton felt bad for him. Luke didn’t need nor want that.

So Luke had said that yes, he would come to the party, and Ashton had smiled so brightly his dimples had shown and Luke hadn’t been able to resist the urge to smile back – that was just what this boy did to him. And that is how he ended up in the leather backseat Michael’s car – a beat up old truck that had once been bright red, but the colour was a bit faded now, and that was actually very grunge-looking and Luke was secretly kind of jealous of – while Michael was driving and Ashton was seated in the passenger’s seat, smiling occasionally when Michael said something. The black-haired boy tried to get Luke to participate in the conversation a couple of times as well, but the blonde had mostly just responded with a grunt or the occasional ‘yeah, sure’ when he was spoken to, even though that had earned him some harsh stares from Ashton through the rear-view mirror, and Michael had just given up. So the silence that occasionally fell between them grew to be awkward, because Luke wasn’t cooperating and Michael was maybe trying a tad too hard. Ashton tried to reassure him through looks and soft touches that it wasn’t Michael’s fault, that Luke was being stubborn and unreasonable. He didn’t know if it worked, but Michael didn’t look annoyed, so he figured it was alright enough.

 

-

 

The ride to Michael’s friends’ place felt like it took twice as long as it actually did. As soon as Michael steered his car onto an empty driveway in front of a nice-looking house – not very big, but definitely not small either, and well-maintained, the paint on the walls spic-and-span and the flowers and plants all perfectly trimmed – the thick tension seemed to flow away and Ashton felt like he could breathe a little more freely. After Michael had locked the car, he walked around the house instead of up to the front door and hopped over the small fence separating the backyard from the front yard, just barging in through the back door. When Ashton raised an eyebrow at him, he just shrugged, smiling sheepishly.

“I’ve been friends with them basically my whole life. I never not went in like this,” he said, and Luke rolled his eyes but Ashton smiled and followed him, giggling soundlessly when Michael stepped aside and bowed, murmuring “after you”, actually quite excited about it.

That excitement died as fast as a flower in the desert when he stepped foot into the house. His eyes immediately fell on two pairs of strong arms, with maybe a couple more tattoos than before – arms that he had been at mercy of more times than he could count, and not in a good way. Their purposefully messy hairstyles hadn’t changed in the almost year he hadn’t seen them, except one of them had dyed it blue. Ashton could feel his breathing become more troubled and he started shaking, taking a step backwards subconsciously as one of the boys moved. Luke was by his side immediately, looking confused and worried as he eyed the two older boys with suspicion.

“Irwin? What are _you_ doing here?” Alex asked, and although he didn’t say it with venom in his voice like he always used to, Ashton still flinched, staggering backwards like he had been hit, his eyes wide. Michael and Luke had come in behind Ashton, but he didn’t notice them anymore. He was suddenly back in high school, with Alex and Jack towering over him, their knuckles cracking menacingly and Ashton squeezed his eyes shut in terror.

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” he heard Jack ask, and then Michael’s voice was telling him to back off.

“Dude, you’re scaring him,” the black-haired boy said. “Alex, I’m serious, step back, we got this.”

Ashton sucked in a breath and took another step back at the mention of the now blue-haired boy’s name, and that’s when he could hear Luke getting involved.

“What did you say his name was?” he asked, voice dangerously calm and low, like a lion about to strike.

“Alex,” Michael’s confused voice piped up, and Ashton heard Luke letting out an angry growl before there were some footsteps and then the sickening sound of a fist hitting a face. Alex let out a muffled squeak, and Ashton opened his eyes just in time to see the other boy clutching his nose, a small trail of red dripping down his hand, and Michael roughly clinging to Luke’s shirt, pushing him back.

“Dude, what the fuck?!” Alex demanded, glaring at Luke, as did Michael.

“Yes, indeed, ‘what the fuck’? Why did you do that, you absolute arse?” the pale boy demanded, but the glare Luke sent him was so intense that his eyes widened a little and he stepped backwards. Luke took the chance to step forward, into Michael’s space, crowding him against the wall with his index finger poking into Michael’s chest accusingly.

“Alex and Jack?” he sneered, voice so low Ashton could barely hear it, but he didn’t miss the sharp edge to his tone, the dangerous sound that almost made goosebumps crawl up his spine. If Luke hadn’t been on his side, Ashton would have been terrified of the blonde. Michael frowned, trying to push himself backwards into the wall in order to get away from Luke’s poking finger.

“Yes?” he replied, it coming out more like a question. “What the hell is your problem?”

“What is my problem?” Luke asked, anger darkening his eyes like a stormy cloud, thunder crackling off of his features as he grabbed Michael’s collar and slammed him into the wall, their faces only inches apart. “My problem is that you brought Ash straight into the lion’s den,” he sneered, tightening his grip on Michael’s collar. The older boy swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing, and Ashton saw it cost him a bit more trouble than usual.

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice coming out slightly breathless and Luke bared his teeth.

“I mean,” he said, speaking deliberately slowly and the fury was so evident in his voice that Michael couldn’t have possibly missed it, “that these two assholes are the reason he had to change schools. They’re part of the reason he tried to kill himself,” he hissed, tightening his grip once more before releasing completely, taking a few steps back so he was standing in front of Ashton, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“They- I- what?” Michael stuttered, unable to string a proper sentence together. Alex gasped through his bloody nose, another drop leaking out and painting the couch crimson.

“Is that really why you left?” Jack asked Ashton, but Luke widened his stance a little so Ashton was completely hidden from their view.

“Yes,” Luke answered for him. Jack looked like he was going to be sick.

“Ashton, I swear to God, I’m-” he started saying, but Luke growled and took half a step forward, his tall posture threatening.

“Don’t even say his name, you fucking-”

“Hey!” Michael cut him off, going to stand between Luke and the duo, one arm stretched out to each side as a gesture for them to calm down. Luke snorted.

“Does anyone care to explain what the fuck is going on here?” Michael asked.

“Don’t swear so much, you know it upsets Ash,” Luke countered, before pointing an accusing finger in the direction of Alex and Jack, his glare strong as ever. “They bullied Ash back in his old school because he ‘didn’t have a soulmate’. I’m also pretty sure they’re homophobes,” he sneered, sending a disgusted look in their direction before turning around to scoop a trembling Ashton up in his arms, murmuring soft words of comfort. Ashton gripped onto his t-shirt tightly and hid his face in the crook of Luke’s neck, trying desperately to control his breathing.

“Shh, it’s okay, princess. Just breathe. I’m right here, I won’t let anything happen to you,” Luke whispered, gently running a hand through Ashton’s hair and pulling him impossibly closer. It worked, as Ashton managed to take a deep, steady breath, and his overly tight grip on Luke’s shirt loosened a little, leaving wrinkles in the fabric. Through Luke’s softly spoken words of comfort, Ashton managed to hear Michael’s annoyed voice talking to Alex and Jack.

“Would you care to explain to me what the fuck Luke is talking about?” he hissed, trying to keep his voice low but failing. Alex and Jack exchanged a look for a few seconds before sighing simultaneously.

“He’s right,” Alex admitted, voice a bit thick from his nose, which was still bleeding sluggishly. Michael’s hands balled themselves up into fists and the look of fury that passed his face even scared Ashton a little.

“Right about what?” he asked, not even trying to keep the anger out of his voice. The two boys cowered a bit under his furious gaze.

“About us bullying Ashton,” Jack said, voice low with shame. Michael let out a sound that sounded more like a legit growl than anything else, knuckles turning white as his fists clenched tighter, but the look in his eyes had changed to something that could only be described as betrayal.

“It was you,” he said, voice small. “All those years, I was worried sick about my soulmate getting hurt around the clock, and all along it was two of my best friends causing him to hurt that much?!” His voice had changed from small and vulnerable to booming and angry, and Alex flinched at the sound, pressing himself more into Jack.

“Mike, we- what are you talking about?” Jack asked, looking positively lost with guilt and confusion, which only angered Michael more.

“Ashton is my soulmate,” the black haired boy said, puffing out his chest and giving them a look that dared them to argue him on it. Ashton felt a warmth spread in his chest because _Michael was proud to be his soulmate_.

A silence spread in the living room after Michael’s words, tension so thick Ashton was positive he could feel it, touch it. But then Alex’ voice broke it, cracking a little when he said: “Man, we really fucked up big time.”

Luke snorted, his grip on Ashton tightening but remaining gentle at the same time. “You don’t say,” he muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear him. Jack’s face twitched with guilt.

“Ashton,” he said softly, standing up from the couch with slow movements so as to not scare the curly-haired boy. Ashton actually found it hard to be afraid of him when he had such a pained look in his eyes. He still watched wearily as the older boy came closer, clinging to Luke when the blonde boy growled. Jack eventually kneeled about a meter away from the two boys, who were half sitting half crouching on the wooden flooring, arms raised slightly to show he meant no harm.

“Ashton,” he repeated, nothing but sincerity and regret shining in his eyes, “I am honestly so sorry about what we put you through. We were young and confused and I know that doesn’t excuse a single thing we did, but I am so sorry.”

“Me too,” Alex piped up from where he was sat on the couch, his face and hand covered in drying blood. “We never should have done that. I never knew how much it really affected you.”

“Why did you do it in the first place?” Michael asked, still sounding angry. Alex avoided his gaze.

“We were idiots. And we had some issues that we took out on him unfairly,” he answered, eyes focused on the blue fabric of the couch. Michael snorted.

“What ‘issues’ were you dealing with that made you think it was okay to beat up my soulmate?” he asked, raising an eyebrow sceptically.

“I know that what we did wasn’t okay, and I’m so fucking sorry we did it,” Alex said, before taking a deep breath and blurting out: “Jack and I are soulmates. We had a bit of trouble coming to terms with that, and with the whole, you know, homosexual thing.”

He blushed and Jack walked over to him, flopping down on the couch beside him and putting an arm around his shoulders. “We’ve sorted everything out now, but I guess back then we were both trying to prove something to each other. We were absolutely horrible and I’m so sorry.”

He glanced at Ashton when he said that and the curly-haired boy nodded, attempting to smile a little and nudging Luke softly so he could stand up. The blonde looked back and forth between Ashton and the two older boys sceptically before letting go of Ashton, though his protective, hostile stance didn’t fall.

“Are you sure?” he asked Ashton. The curly-haired boy was only slightly surprised that Luke immediately knew what he was doing. He nodded and walked over to Michael, still shaking slightly as the two of them sat down on the couch. The silence was still a bit tense, as no one knew what to say, but then Luke walked over to the sitting area as well, arms still crossed in front of his chest.

“He forgives you,” the tall boy stated, not looking happy with his own statement in the slightest bit, “but that doesn’t mean I do. I’ll still rip your throats out if you ever lay a finger on him again.”

Alex and Jack nodded at the same time, admittedly a bit intimidated by the tall boy with the fire in his eyes. “We won’t,” Jack said, looking Ashton straight in the eye as he talked. “I promise.”

Luke nodded. “Good.” And then the conversation got steered into another direction, which Ashton was grateful for.

“So Cal really moved, huh?” Alex asked. Michael nodded.

“Yeah, he did. I think he needed that break, though,” he answered. “And he calls pretty much every day, so it’s not too bad. As long as he’s happy.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, he’s called us a couple times as well. I’m glad he’s doing well.”

“Me too,” Michael replied. “What have you guys been up to? Thought I saw something on Twitter about you recently.”

The two boys grinned, both nodding enthusiastically. “You know our friends Zack and Rian, right?” It was more of a statement than a real question, but they only continued when Michael nodded. “Okay, so, the four of us started a band, and we booked a few gigs and stuff. Nothing big.”

“That’s insane,” Michael said, practically bouncing on the couch in excitement. “You got quite some fans already, dude. I saw your YouTube channel.”

“Yeah, we’re growing,” Alex said, smiling bashfully. “You guys should come to a show some time! All of you,” he emphasized, looking at Ashton, who managed a shy smile. This side of Alex and Jack he could get used to.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought you might want the guy back, so here ya go. The ending is kind of weird I guess but I tried. Hope you enjoy!

Michael woke up in the middle of the night because he had to take a leak. Large raindrops were slamming against the window, creating a calming sound. Michael had always liked the sound of rain, and how the earth smelled after a downpour. The bright red numbers on his alarm clock burned his eyes when they let him know it was already past two in the morning. He groaned as he pushed himself up with his elbows and got out of bed, stumbling the first few meters before he properly regained his balance, which caused him to run into the doorframe. Rubbing his shoulder grumpily, he was making his way down the hall to the bathroom when the doorbell rang. At first, he thought he’d imagined it, but it rang again after a while, so he grumbled and walked down the stairs, still clad in nothing but his boxers, and opened the front door with a badly suppressed yawn. All fatigue left his body in a rush, however, when he actually took notice of who had rang the doorbell. Standing there at his doorstep, shivering a little in the cool, rainy air, was Calum. He had a duffle bag swung over his shoulder and a large suitcase standing on the ground next to him. His hair was soaked from the rain, hanging limply against his forehead, half hidden away under a grey woollen beanie, and his eyes were too watery for Michael’s liking. The pale boy could feel his hands start to tremble as he looked his best friend up and down for a few minutes, just staring at the other boy, taking in his appearance, while the rain continued to clatter down on the pavement.

“Cal?” he asked eventually, voice laced with confusion and an edge of hope, like he couldn’t quite believe what he saw. As soon as he had opened his mouth, however, Calum’s bottom lip started to tremble, so he quickly bit down on it, but the dam had already broken, and tears came pouring down his cheeks, the hot, salty teardrops mixing with the cold rainwater. Michael let out a small noise that held the middle between surprised and hurt and he darted forwards, embracing the boy in front of him, not caring in the slightest that the steadily falling raindrops were soaking him entirely. A sob tore through Calum’s body, shaking him so harshly it had to hurt, and his duffle bag fell to the muddy ground with a muffled thud as he let go of it in order to wrap his hands around Michael’s waist, clinging to him like a frightened kid. His sobs grew louder and more frequent as he buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, and the black-haired boy ran his hands up and down Calum’s soaked back, softly humming a tune in his ear. When Calum had calmed down a little, Michael ushered him inside of the house, quietly closing the door behind him.

“What happened?” he asked, immediately putting an arm around Calum’s shoulders again. The tanned boy shook his head, arms wrapped around himself and silent tears still leaking from his eyes. Michael sighed, but he knew that pressing for an answer wouldn’t work, so he just gently tugged at Calum’s shoulder until the younger boy started moving, numbly following his best friend up the stairs.

“You’re completely soaked,” Michael muttered, keeping his voice low so as to not wake his parents while he stripped Calum of his drenched jumper, and the boy followed by himself by taking his jeans off, which was quite the struggle considering they were not only wet, buy also skin-tight. Michael handed Calum a dry shirt and lead him over to his bed, tucking him in. Calum made grabby hands at him as soon as he moved away for only an inch and Michael couldn’t have fought the endeared smile off his face even if he had wanted to. Climbing in the bed beside Calum’s warm body, he put his arms around the younger boy’s waist and snuggled closer to him, rubbing his nose against the tanned skin at Calum’s neck and sighed contently. What the hell Calum was doing back in Sydney he would find out tomorrow.

 

-

 

Calum did tell him what happened in London the next day, and he was not happy in the slightest with what he heard. Apparently, Louis had run into some bloke at a local bakery. The boy, in his early twenties, had not been working there for very long yet and had moved to London with the idea to change his life, but had ended up broke and had managed to find a job in the small store. His name was Harry and Calum had absolutely hated him at first, with his long, thick, brown curls that bounced up and down when he walked, that deep, husky voice that made him sound like he had only just come out of bed every minute of the day, and especially those bright green eyes that radiated so much love towards _his_ Louis. Calum wasn’t stupid, though. He could see that Harry was a better match for Louis than he ever would be. So it hadn’t come at a surprise at all when Harry had turned out to be Louis’ soulmate. When Louis had told him, his bright blue eyes shining with pity and a soft, guilty smile on his face, Calum had just nodded, told the smaller boy he was happy for him and had packed his bags. He had caught the first flight back to Australia he could get tickets for and had gone straight to Michael’s house because he knew he couldn’t handle facing his family right now. And of course, Michael had let him stay, but not after making sure that Calum knew just how much he had missed him.

 

-

 

“I’m was going to meet up with Ashton today, but I can cancel if you want to,” Michael said, but Calum shook his head, sending his best friend a small smile.

“No, it’s fine, go have fun,” he assured him, but Michael wasn’t falling for it.

“You can come, if you’d like that,” he offered, and Calum contemplated for a moment before nodding his head.

“Yeah, that sounds good. If that’s alright with you. Don’t want to interrupt your time with Ash.”

Michael shook his head, ruffling Calum’s hair fondly. “I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn't.”

They decided to walk to Ashton’s house, as it wasn’t too far away from Michael’s. It felt as if nothing had changed, as if Calum had never left. They laughed and teased each other like they always had and Michael hadn’t realised just how much he’d exactly missed his best friend until he had him back.

The sense of normality faded, however, when they arrived at Ashton’s house and Luke was the one to open the door. His gaze fell on Calum and he immediately froze, blue eyes locked with coffee-coloured ones, and he just kept staring at Calum, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide, until Michael cleared his throat and stepped forward, effectively blocking Calum from Luke’s sight.

“Hello, Luke,” he said, a tad too politely to be genuine, to which Luke nodded and stepped aside, disappearing further into the house. Michael immediately turned around to pull Calum into a hug, trying to ignore that he could feel the boy shaking.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he would be here,” he said, almost desperately, but Calum just shook his head.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. I can handle it,” he said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself. Michael frowned but didn’t object, and lead Calum through the hall to the living room. As soon as the tanned boy entered the room, Ashton’s eyes fell on him and a smile spread over his face as he rushed forward to engulf Calum in a hug. The tanned boy giggled, despite still being a bit tense because of Luke being in the same room, but he hugged Ashton back nonetheless.

“Hey, Ash, great to see you again,” he said, and the way Ashton squeezed his waist slightly told him that he was glad to see him, too.

“What is _he_ doing here?” Luke’s voice cut through the air, and Calum tensed up unintentionally. Michael glared at the blonde, stepping closer to him until they were almost in each other’s space.

“He’s been through enough shit already, whether that had to do with you or not,” the black-haired boy said, a normal volume to his voice but the threatening undertone was unmissable. “He doesn’t need you adding to the bullshit. So will you just for once leave him alone and be nice to him? Please?”

Luke stared at him for a few moments, anger flaring in his eyes and his shoulders hunched up defensively, but eventually he nodded, and Michael mimicked the movement. “Good. Thank you.”

The silence that fell between them then wasn’t as awkward as it could have been, thanks to Ashton. The curly-haired boy dragged Michael to the couch and cuddled up to him, leaving Luke and Calum awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. Calum was just about to move over to the couch as well when Luke sighed, rubbed a hand over his face and turned to the tanned boy.

“Look – I’m sorry,” he said, actually sounding genuine despite Michael having basically pushed him into being nice. “I know I’ve been nothing but a dick to you and you didn’t deserve that. I just-” He glanced over to were Ashton and Michael were being all couple-y on the couch and pulled a face.

“You just love Ashton, not me,” Calum finished his sentence for him and Luke had the decency to look guilty when he nodded. “But that still doesn’t give you the right to treat me like dirt,” Calum continued, and Luke nodded again, hanging his head in shame.

“I know, I’m sorry. I really am,” he said, and Calum just nodded, unsure of what to do now, because a simple apology didn’t make up for everything immediately.

“Okay,” he said eventually, feeling a bit dumb for not being able to come up with something better but not actually worrying about it too much. “Shall we join Mike and Ash then or are we gonna just stand here for the rest of the day?”

“Actually, I have a better idea,” Luke said, turning to where the couple were still tangled up in each other on the couch.

“Hey, Ash?” he said, effectively gaining the curly-haired boy’s attention. “D’you wanna show Michael what we did this morning?”

Ashton’s face lit up at that, but signs of insecurity also showed through his features. Luke stretched out his hand to the other boy, which Ashton replied to by getting up from the couch and tugging Michael along. Luke also gestured for Calum to follow them, which he did. They ended up the the garage that Calum never even knew the Irwin residence had. There wasn’t a car in there, but instead of that, a drum kit was standing in one of the corners, as well as a couple of acoustic guitars, some of them clearly older than the others. Luke turned to Michael while Ashton was getting comfortable on the stool behind the drum kit.

“He played again, for the first time in quite a while,” he told the black-haired boy, pride evident in his voice. “His wrist is fully healed now. He still plays really well.”

A grin spread over Michael’s face. “Seriously? That’s awesome!” he beamed, turning to where Ashton had picked up a set of drumsticks and was nervously waiting. When Michael gave him a thumbs up, he took a deep breath and started playing. And in all honesty, Michael didn’t think he had ever heard as good a drummer as Ashton. It took him a while to recognise the song, but when he did, he decided to walk over to the guitars and play along, because Ashton was playing American Idiot by Green Day and that was one of Michael’s favourite songs of all time. He was pretty sure he just fell in love with the curly-haired boy all over again, with how good he looked when he was playing the drums and with the skills he possessed in doing so.

The warm sound of guitar string being played joined the rhythmic drums and Michael spontaneously got goosebumps all over his body. Luke grabbed one of the guitars as well – whether he was making it a competition or was trying to be friends, Michael didn’t know – and started playing the chords as well, their guitars harmonizing perfectly. And when Calum joined in as well, not just with the guitar, but also singing the chorus, to which Luke answered by singing the next verse, Michael felt an unfamiliar warmth spread through his body as he looked around the room, at his friends. And although Michael had always wanted to be in a band, to tour the world and to play shows in sold-out arenas, he had never seriously contemplated it, because the chances of actually making it were too slim. But now, hearing the four of them play like this, a wide grin stretched over his face when he realised that they were _good_. Not great yet, but Michael was confident that they actually had a chance of making it big.

“We should do this more often,” he said as soon as the song had ended. The other three boys nodded, each with a grin so wide it almost split their faces in two.

“Yeah, we definitely should,” Luke agreed.


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me very fucking long and it's 1:30am rn and I'm tired af but I wanted to have this finished for you guys so here you go. I hope you'll enjoy it!

Calum had moved back into his parents’ house two days after he had come back to Sydney. His mother had been absolutely ecstatic to see him again, because even though she had fully supported his decision to move to London – she wasn’t blind, she probably had figured out at least part of the reason Calum wasn’t doing so well anymore – she had missed her only son terribly. She’d been all over him for the first couple of days, fussing over everything and nothing until it got on Calum’s nerves, but he loved her for it at the same time. All David had done when Calum had walked into the living room, duffle bag swung over his shoulder and a vulnerable smile on his face, was grin widely and envelope his son in a typical father-and-son bear-hug, mumbling something along the lines of “Good to have you back, son”, after which he’d pretended that nothing had changed, that Calum had never even left in the first place. He had made it feel easy and familiar and Calum had been grateful for it.

He had hung out with Michael, Ashton and, surprisingly, Luke, even though the blonde boy had been the reason he’d emigrated in the first place. They were doing kind of okay now, though, acting friendly towards one another in a way that was too polite to be genuine, but at least they were civil enough to not hurt each other’s feelings over and over again. The four of them were becoming a serious band now – as far as a group of teenage boys could be serious – and they had regular band practises from now on, where they gathered together almost every day to practise the chords and singing – Luke had the most amazing voice Calum had ever heard and he still got goosebumps every time the blonde so much as hummed a tune –, to record a video which they never had the guts to post on YouTube later anyway, so why they were even still trying, Calum wondered sometimes. It was fun, though, and Calum learned that he loved music even more than he’d thought he did, up to the point it became the only thing he wanted to do, _ever_. He was sure he could do this for the rest of his life, just sing and play his bass for sold-out arenas, tour the world and play a show in every single city on the entire globe, get lost in the adrenaline that a screaming crowd ignited, with his three best friend by his side. They’d be the next Rolling Stones, still playing shows in their late sixties and they wouldn’t stop, never, they would have to be carried off stage in a body bag before that ever happened. Calum could see it all, the ‘American Dream’ playing in front of his eyes over and over when he let his thoughts drift in that direction at night.

But that’s all it was, and all it probably ever would be – a dream.

Calum wasn’t stupid, he knew the chances of actually making it that big were so slim they were almost non-existent. But now that he’d discovered his passion, the last thing he wanted to do was give up on it.

 

-

 

Michael was spending the day with Ashton, so there was no band practise and Calum was left to entertain himself. Which would be just fine, usually, but today just so happened to be one of those days where nothing could keep his attention for more than a few minutes and everything bored him and he didn’t feel like doing anything, but just sitting on his bed and staring blankly at the wall didn’t make him feel any better either, so he decided to get some fresh air.

It was beginning to cool down outside, as winter was approaching, so Calum put on a leather jacket and pulled a beanie over his head before he headed out the door. He walked a couple of blocks without really looking where he was going, eyeing the several small shops and cafes along the way, but none of them really caught his attention until he stumbled across one that he didn’t recall ever seeing before. The light blue paint on the door and window frames was peeling off and the colour was fading more towards grey that actually blue, but the blooming plants on the window sill, along with the wooden blinds, gave it a Tumblr-esque look that drew Calum in, and before he even realised what he was doing, he was already inside, the warmth the heaters radiated seeping into him gradually and forming a light blush on his cheeks. He ordered a latte at the counter and observed the interior a bit more while he waited. The cafe was quite small, only a couple of booths along with a few seats at the bar, but Calum immediately fell in love with it. The smell of coffee mixed with that of old wood, which the entire building was seemingly made of, and even though everything looked a bit worn, it was really inviting.

After a minute or so, the barista handed him the paper mug that contained his latte and he smiled gratefully at her when he accepted it, turning around to exit the small cafe but bumping into a solid body, spilling the coffee over both of them.

“Fuck,” he hissed as the hot liquid seeped into his shirt, burning his skin slightly. He quickly but carefully grabbed the fabric between two fingers, pulling it away from his sensitive skin before it could do any serious damage.

“Jesus Christ,” he heard the other person curse, and when he looked up the boy – or man – was wiping at the brown stain in his shirt, which really only made it worse. Then the guy looked up and Calum only had about a second to take in his defined jawline, soft features and blonde hair before he drowned in the sea of blue his eyes held. For a moment, he thought it was Luke, but the guy standing before him was a bit smaller, while Luke towered over him with a good couple inches, and this guy had a lot more stubble than Luke, but lacked a lip ring.

“I’m sorry,” he forced out as soon as the realisation that he didn’t even know this man had settled in. “I’m- fuck- I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking, I-”

“Dude, relax, it’s fine, don’t worry,” the man said, and Calum got confused again because his smile was _exactly_ the same as Luke’s and his eyes were just as blue and he was wearing a Misfits shirt that Calum was _absolutely_ sure Luke possessed as well and just... what?

When the man asked him: “Aren’t you Luke’s friend?” Calum quirked an eyebrow because this situation was getting more and more confusing by the second, but nodded anyway, and the smile on the blonde’s face shifted from forced and polite to something easier, more genuine – even though Calum had literally spilled coffee all over him, like, not even a minute ago.

“So that’s where I know you! I thought you looked familiar already,” he said, extending his coffee-damp hand. “Hi, I’m Jack, Luke’s older brother.”

The gears in Calum’s head stopped their pointless spinning and clicked together as he finally realised where all the similarities were coming from, and he let out a not very intelligent-sounding “Oh!” He scraped his throat in an attempt to recover himself.

“I’m Calum, nice to meet you,” he said, accepting the extended hand and shaking it. “Still really sorry about the coffee,” he added, and Jack huffed out a laugh.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, my mom will have the stain out in no-time. Why don’t you come with and I’ll clean your shirt as well?” he offered, and Calum raised both his eyebrows.

“I’m the one that spilled coffee over you, though, shouldn’t I be the one washing our clothes?” he said, but Jack was already shaking his head before Calum had even finished his sentence.

“Nonsense, it’s no big deal. I’ll even make you a fresh cup of coffee if you want to,” Jack said, and really, Calum had no good reason to say no to that, so he happily nodded and followed Jack out of the coffee shop to his car. The ride to Jack’s house was comfortable, the two of them making small talk, and Calum discovered that the guy was really easy-going and social, which was a great combination and Calum immediately took a liking to him.

The pleasant feeling that had settled in his stomach after his chat with Jack dulled significantly when he stepped into the Hemmings’ living room and Luke was sat on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table and his phone in his hand. He looked up when the pair came into the room, his eyes immediately falling on Calum’s figure, eyes widening slightly and the look in them hardening.

“Hey,” he said after a few moments of awkward staring, and the only emotions audible in his voice were confusion and a vague hint of annoyance. Calum subconsciously took a small step back, unused to Luke behaving like this anymore. Jack looked back and forth between the two of them before sending Luke a warning glance and walking in the direction of the kitchen.

“So, coffee?” he asked, looking at Calum, who nodded with a polite smile. Jack gave him a thumbs up and disappeared through the door, only to reappear within a minute with his coffee-stained shirt in his hand.

“I’m gonna wash it now,” he said, waving a little with with the fabric in his hand. “Shall I take yours too?”

Calum nodded, feeling a little nervous when his fingers curled around the edge of his shirt and swiftly pulled it over his head, exposing the smooth skin of his chest. He could feel Luke’s eyes on him, burning invisible holes in his skin, and Calum wrapped his arms around himself, trying to shield his body from the blonde’s burning gaze. As soon as the door fell closed behind Jack’s back and the older man’s footsteps could be heard going up the stairs, Calum turned to Luke, only to see the boy quickly turning his eyes away and scraping his throat.

“What are you doing here?” the blonde asked, but it didn’t sound friendly – a bit hostile even, if Calum was being honest. He awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, rubbing his hand up and down his arm just for the sake of having it occupied.

“I, um- I kind of spilled coffee over the both of us and he offered to clean my shirt,” he said, voice coming out quieter than he had intended for it to. Luke raised an eyebrow in a way that made Calum feel utterly stupid and the tanned boy felt a blush creep up his neck, painting his cheeks a soft pink. They fell into an awkward silence once again, the only sounds coming from upstairs, where Jack was apparently having a struggle turning on the washing machine. Luke sighed eventually, pressing his hands against his eyes so harshly it had to have made him see stars before standing up and gesturing for Calum to follow him.

“I’ll get you something to wear until your shirt is clean,” he muttered, his shoulder bumping into Calum’s when he brushed past the brunette, making Calum stumble a little. Luke didn’t spare him a second glance when he stepped into the hallway, turning to walk up the stairs but bumping into his brother instead. The look in Jack’s eyes was hard to decipher, but Calum could see he didn’t look pleased. His suspicions were confirmed when Jack grabbed his little brother’s elbow and dragged him to a door, opening it and pushing him inside. Luke protested loudly, but Jack didn’t budge. And really, Calum should have seen it coming when the man grabbed his arm as well, pulling him over to the door and ushering him through it as well. Calum stumbled down the small stairs, which consisted of only three steps, and the only reason he didn’t fall face down onto the floor was because Luke managed to grab a hold of his forearm just in time. They were in some sort of miniature basement, not even a meter wide, probably, and barely high enough to stand in without ducking. It was pitch dark in there, Calum couldn’t even make out the shape of his hand when he held in right in front of his eyes. The tanned boy mumbled a ‘thanks’, but if Luke even heard it, he didn’t react, too busy trying to get up to the door again, only to find out that Jack had locked it.

“Jack, you absolute fucking dick, let me out!” he called, slamming his hands on the wood of the door repeatedly. The only response he got for a while was a yelled “No!” which made him groan in frustration and try and break through the door even more frantically, even trying to force it open by using his shoulder, but because of the stairs he couldn’t get enough force behind it.

“Jack, please,” Luke whined after a while, and the two boys were met with a brief silence before they heard Jack’s muffled voice through the door.

“I don’t know what your fucking problem is, little bro, but you’re being difficult and all you’re doing is hurting people, including yourself. So please, get your shit sorted, I’m getting sick of seeing you all miserable because you’re too much of a coward to admit you were wrong and just be with your soulmate like you’re supposed to be,” he said, and Luke stumbled backwards, an appalled look on his face that twisted into one of anger fairly quickly.

“I hate you so much,” he hissed through the door, and Jack just knocked on the wood softly.

“I know,” he said. “I hate you too. Now get your goddamn shit together, will you?”

Luke groaned again before walking down the stairs again, leaning against the wall opposed to the one Calum’s was pressed against.

“Where’s the light button?” the brunette asked, voice sounding almost ridiculously loud in the confined, silent space, even though he had spoken quietly.

“Other side of the door,” Luke mumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His elbow bumped into Calum accidentally, the both of them reeling back like they had been burned at the same time. Luke stubbornly refused to say anything and Calum could feel the tension in the room thicken until it seemed to have suppressed all the oxygen in the room, making his chest tighten uncomfortably. Eventually, he couldn’t stand it anymore, feeling like he was going to burst.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked quietly, his voice coming out far more vulnerable than he’d intended and he hated himself for it. Luke sighed and Calum knew he was running his hands over his face, whether in annoyance with Calum or himself, the tanned boy didn’t know.

“No, you didn’t,” the tall boy answered eventually, but his voice still held that tone that made Calum want to shrink in on himself because he felt like he was doing everything wrong in the other boy’s eyes.

“Then why are you like this? We were doing so much better lately.” Calum knew he sounded desperate, like he was begging, but he couldn’t help it. He needed to understand.

“I know,” Luke muttered, and the silence that draped around them like a blanket after that told Calum that Luke wasn’t about to say anything more. Jack didn’t seem to think that was a good idea, however, if the loud knock on the door and the “Stop being so fucking difficult and just get together already!”

Calum felt a bit embarrassed that Jack had apparently been able to follow at least the majority of their conversation – maybe even the entirety of it – but Luke just got _angry_. And Calum already didn’t like an angry Luke when they were in a large room with different people in it, but he absolutely hated it when he was trapped in a small, dark space with the raging blond. He cringed backwards when Luke raised his voice to yell, the sound booming in the confined room.

“It’s not that fucking easy, Jack! I can’t make myself love him just like that!”

Calum had known. Of course he had, it’s not like Luke had ever tried to keep it a secret, but hearing it coming straight from his mouth like that still hurt every time. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively and bit his lip to keep it from wobbling.

“I’m not gonna lie to him like that.” Luke just sounded defeated now, all hints of anger gone from his voice so suddenly it felt like it was an entirely different person speaking. “He’s better off knowing. I’m not going to pretend to love him to make him happy temporarily if it’ll only hurt him more in the long run.”

Calum felt his eyes glass over with tears a couple of seconds before they came pouring down his cheeks, the hot, salty drops drawing wet tracks on his skin. He put one hand over his mouth for a minute to make sure he’d keep quiet before he slowly stepped forward, towards the stairs, up the steps until he was pressed against the wooden door.

“Jack, can you please let me out?” he asked, voice wavering a little from the tears he was trying so desperately to suppress. Jack heard it as well, apparently, as the lock of the door clicked mere seconds later and Calum was blinded by a ray of light, forced to blink until his eyes adjusted and he was able to see Jack properly. The man looked guilty, his mouth opening to say something, but Calum just shook his head, sent him a smile that was so weak he wasn’t even sure if it was actually visible and darted out the front door, completely forgetting that he was shirtless until the cool air hit him, goosebumps erupting on his skin, but he didn’t turn back; he just hugged himself in an attempt to save some of his body warmth and practically ran down the street, wanting to get as far away from the Hemmings’ residence as possible, as fast as possible.

Luke emerged from the basement a bit later, his hands trembling slightly and the look in his eyes absolutely destroyed. Jack made a noise like he was heard and wrapped his little brother up in a full-body hug, repeating different apologies over and over.

“It’s okay,” Luke whispered after a while, clinging to Jack like a lifeline. “Thank you for trying.”

“I fucked up,” Jack said, but Luke shook his head, refusing to blame his brother for his own brain not realising who he was supposed to love.

“You were just trying to help,” he insisted. Jack pulled away from the hug and held his brother by his shoulders at arm-distance.

“I should’ve talked to you about it first, though. This wouldn’t have happened if I had.” Luke had to admit he had a point, but didn’t want Jack to feel guilty about it.

“It’s okay,” he repeated. Jack just shook his head.

“You still love Ashton, right?” he asked then, taking Luke by surprise slightly, but he nodded anyway. Jack gave Luke one of his intense stares, the kind that made the taller boy feel like his brother was looking right into his soul, reading his mind, and said: “But you also love Calum.”

Luke stepped back, out of Jack’s reach, and shook his head, almost desperately. Jack stayed where he was, but held Luke in place with just his gaze. “But you do feel something for him, don’t you?” the older boy pressed, and Luke couldn’t do anything but shrug.

“I don’t know if it is because that’s what I’m supposed to feel, or if it’s really what I’m genuinely feeling. Like with Ashton,” he mumbled, voice so quiet it was barely above a whisper. Jack nodded, understanding, even if he didn’t know what it felt like.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said, and to Luke, it felt like a promise. One he was getting quite desperate to cling to.


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE DRAMA HEHEHE. I'm sorry.  
> Also, we reached 40 000 views today and I'm so happy! Thank you all so much!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Trigger warning for house fire.~~

The tension between Luke and Calum was back – or had intensified again because it never really left in the first place – and it worried Ashton. He knew something had happened between the two of them but Luke wouldn’t tell him what, and Calum avoided the subject altogether. The band still worked amazingly, however, even though they were clearly lacking some group chemistry, and they’d finally had the guts to post one of their videos on Luke’s YouTube channel; a cover of I Miss You by Blink-182, one of their all-time favourites. It didn’t have many views yet, but it had some, and the comments they’d received were all positive, so they were happy about it nonetheless. Ashton could tell something was off about Luke, though – and about Calm as well, but he was a hundred percent sure that had something to do with Luke. Something had changed between the two of them, both in a good and in a bad way. The blond tried to avoid conversation with Calum as much as possible, only speaking to him when he absolutely had to, but Ashton had noticed something else. He had seen the way Luke’s gaze would linger on the dark-haired boy for longer than necessary, sparing glances at him when Calum wasn’t looking. Ashton had seen the small, fond smile that Luke got on his face every time Calum laughed or just acted like a goofball. He’d seen how Luke would get all grumpy and pouty every time someone got too much into Calum’s space, snuggled with him on the couch or even hugged him. Ashton chose not to comment on it directly, however, knowing that would only drive Luke further into his shell. Instead, he went for an indirect way, figuring out a story around it so he didn’t have to say to Luke’s face that he was being a problem. So Ashton had typed out a note on his phone, about how it felt like they’re pretending, forcing themselves to get along, to be friends, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be; it’ll end in ruins this way, so he thinks they should do something about it. It wasn’t a lie at all – all the tension and things left unsaid between them would eventually come to destroy them, whatever they had. Ashton didn’t want that to happen. When he showed the note to Luke later that evening, the blonde wrinkled his nose at first, clearly thinking it wasn’t a good idea – though Ashton knew the real reason why he didn’t want to – but Ashton put his foot down, refusing to back out until Luke sighed and gave in.

“Fine, alright. We’ll schedule some ‘bonding time’ if that’s what you want,” Luke grumbled, and Ashton scoffed, slapping him on the back of his head. He grabbed his phone again and started typing furiously, making a few mistakes in the process.

_No you moron you don’t schedule things like that._

Luke rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his head. “What did you have in mind then?”

_Idk. We should do fun stuff randomly. Like get coffee._

Luke snorted, but it sounded more fond than mocking. “Yeah, ‘cause getting coffee is _so_ much fun,” he said with a small smirk, and now it was Ashton’s turn to roll his eyes.

_Like now._

He showed Luke the note and the blonde raised both his eyebrows. “Now? It’s almost midnight, Ash, why would you go for coffee _now_?”

Ashton shrugged. _Starbucks is open 24/7. Come on, it’ll be fun, I promise._

Luke sighed, running his hands over his face, but Ashton could see the small smile that he tried to suppress. “Okay, fine, you big goofball. I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

Ashton could tell he didn’t really mind at all, though, especially when he turned away from Ashton to yell into the direction of the garage, where Calum and Michael were still messing around on their guitars. “Guys, put some pants on, we’re gonna grab some coffee!” he shouted, and was met by a few false chords when the boys got distracted and Michael’s confused voice yelling out: “Coffee? In the middle of the night?”

“Yes! Ashton’s hungry for caffeine,” he stated, earning a shove against his shoulder from the curly-haired boy. “Let’s go!”

 

-

 

It was like the idea had sparked something in Luke, like he finally realised he was unnecessarily making it difficult. At first, it had been as awkward as it always was between them, a silence stretching because they didn’t really know what to say, but after a while Luke apparently decided to stop being a little shit, actually participating in the conversation, laughing at the jokes they made. Ashton noticed the way he subtly pressed into Calum’s side when they walked beside each other, smiling at the tanned boy so brightly his dimples showed.

When they entered the small Starbucks that was located a couple of blocks away from Ashton’s house, the curly-haired boy immediately grabbed Calum’s arm, dragging him off to find a table. Luke and Michael looked mildly surprised but didn’t comment on it. As soon as they found a free table – which wasn’t too hard, as it was already past midnight – Calum spoke up.

“Luke is in a good mood today,” he said, clearly carefully choosing his words. Ashton raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, pulling out his phone to type a message.

_He likes you._

Calum shook his head violently when he read it. “No way, he doesn’t.” When Ashton nodded to state the contrary, Calum groaned.

“No, you don’t understand. We talked about that a while ago. Kind of,” he said, averting his gaze to the window to avoid Ashton’s eyes, but turned back when the curly-haired boy shoved his phone over the table to him.

 _He does. I think he’s just too scared to admit it, because he knows he’s been a dick and he’s afraid you’ll reject him_.

Calum could only just in time regain the power over his muscles to stop his jaw from dropping. He scoffed, though. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning on jumping in his arms as soon as he apologises,” he mumbled, and Ashton nodded in agreement.

_And you shouldn’t. But maybe you could talk to him about it._

Calum found himself nodding hesitantly. “Yeah, maybe I should,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Ashton, but Michael and Luke came back right in that moment with their coffees.

“Caramel latte for Ashton and a Frappuccino for Calum,” Michael said, placing the two drinks on the table before sitting down in one of the chairs. They sipped their beverages in silence for a while, comfortable with just being in each other’s presence without speaking. It didn’t take Calum too long to scrape his throat, however, and when he glanced in Ashton’s direction quickly, the curly-haired boy knew what he was going to say.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked Luke, and the blonde looked surprised and maybe a little bit scared but nodded anyway, following Calum to a booth on the other side of the coffee shop, which still wasn’t at all far from where Michael and Ashton were still sitting, but at least it was out of their hearing distance.

“Is everything okay?” Luke started asking, but Calum interrupted him before he’d finished the sentence.

“Do you like me?” he asked, and Luke’s eyes widened, clearly not having expected that question. He remained silent for a bit, but then scraped his throat and avoided Calum’s piercing eyes, nodding slightly.

“I mean, I don’t know – I feel _something_ , I just don’t know what exactly,” he stuttered, a light blush creeping up his cheeks. “I need some time to figure it out.”

His voice sounded so small and vulnerable, so unlike Luke, that it startled Calum a little. “Of course,” he heard himself say, and then they were smiling at each other for a few moments before Calum turned around and walked back to their table, clasping his hands around his coffee and taking a large sip. Luke sighed and remained standing there for a while more before he too took a seat at the table, next to Calum, and made sure to bump their knees together to get his attention.

“Sorry,” he whispered to the tanned boy, to which Calum smiled at him – albeit a bit tightly – and nodded. That was enough for now.

 

-

 

It was already past one a.m. when they finally finished their coffees and went back home. Sydney’s evening air was chilly and Luke was glad he brought a coat. Calum hadn’t had the same foresight, though – the tanned boy was shivering slightly, dressed in only his ripped skinny jeans and a tank top. After a couple of minutes of contemplating, Luke decided to just fuck it and he shrugged his coat off his body, draping the thick fabric over Calum’s hunched up shoulders. The brunette looked surprised and gave Luke a puzzled look, but hugged it tighter around himself, savouring the warmth. Luke just shrugged.

“You looked cold,” he just said, voice low so Ashton and Michael wouldn’t hear him, but the curly-haired boy somehow caught it anyway and sent him an amused lo. It wasn’t mocking, though, and Luke found himself smiling back, especially when Calum slipped his eyes through the sleeves of the coat and they turned out to be a bit too long for him, giving him sweater paws.

Michael broke the comfortable, tired silence that hung over them with a sniffle. “Do you smell that?” he asked no one in particular, so they all ended up sniffing the air.

“Yeah, I smell something,” Luke said. “Smells like fire.”

“Maybe someone’s put on a fire pit,” Calum mooted. Michael nodded.

“Yeah, maybe,” he said, but it didn’t sound really convinced.

His doubts were confirmed when they rounded the corner and the smell got that much stronger. Something bright orange was flickering further down the block and Luke realised they were flames.

“Holy shit,” he heard Calum whisper, and they all fastened their pace until they got close enough to the burning house to feel the heat radiate off it. It was a simple house, nothing special, neither big nor small, with a nice-looking front garden. The flames were mainly in the left side of the house; the right side was mostly untouched. The part of the house that was ablaze was burning furiously, though, flames erupting from the windows and already tearing through the walls. It was spreading quickly and Luke felt his heart hammering against his ribcage violently, wishing nobody was in there.

“Has anyone called the fire department yet?” Michael asked, fear clearly audible in his voice, and Luke couldn’t do anything but shrug in response as he stared at the fire destroying the residence.

“Fuck, I’m calling them,” the black-haired boy said, pulling out his phone and almost dropping it in his haste to dial 9-1-1, but before he got the chance to press the call-button, the piercing sound of a siren was heard and the blue flashing lights came rushing around the corner. A small group of firemen jumped out of the vehicle, immediately starting to detach the hose and start quenching the fire. They didn’t get the chance to actually start before a small explosion was heard and the fire roared loudly, reaching even farther and higher. The four boys backed off a bit, forced to do so by the sudden rush of heat that accompanied it. The firemen shouted things to each other that Luke couldn’t hear over the constant roar of the fire and the creaking of the material the house was made of.

“God, I hope there’s no one in there,” Michael voiced Luke’s exact thoughts, at the exact same time Calum gasped and mumbled “Oh my god.”

“What?” Luke asked him, and followed his gaze when he didn’t answer. The sight he met made all the blood withdraw from his face and his mouth fall open, mouthing the same words Calum had spoken seconds before.

There was someone standing in front of one of the upstairs windows. Luke couldn’t see clearly at first, but when the wind blew the smoke in another direction for a bit, the girl became visible. She couldn’t be older than five, her small face twisted in an expression of panic, and she was clearly crying.

“Holy shit,” Michael said, clearly having caught on to what was happening, and then suddenly Calum wasn’t by Luke’s side anymore. The blonde looked around frantically, trying to locate the boy, and saw him talking to one of the firefighters. As he walked closer to them, he caught their conversation.

“- have to go inside, there’s a little girl in there!” Calum yelled over the noise of the fire, and the firefighter followed his pointed finger with his eyes, a look of compassion crossing his face.

“I’m sorry, we can’t go in,” he said, and Calum practically erupted then.

“What do you mean you can’t go in? _There is a little girl in there_ , she’s gonna die if you don’t go in!” he screamed, redness colouring his face as he let his anger take over. The firefighter pushed him back slightly, out of his personal space.

“I know, but the place is about to collapse. The construction can’t take the fire. If you go in there, you won’t make it out alive.”

Calum sagged then, turning around to stare at the window the little girl was still standing in front of, banging her little fists on the glass frantically. Luke stepped closer to Calum, moving in to hug him, comfort him. Ashton and Michael walked up to them to see what was going on and they both looked pained, obviously trying their hardest to not look to the burning house anymore.

“We should go,” Michael said, looking even more pale than usual. “Let the firemen do their job, there’s nothing we can do anyway.”

Luke nodded in agreement and he and Ashton turned their backs to the house, an uneasy feeling settled in Luke’s stomach. They’d barely taken a few steps when Michael let out a loud scream, what he really said inaudible over the uproar of the fire, but it became clear when Luke spun around, alarmed by the sound. Calum sprinted towards the house, dodging the firefighters that tried to stop him and jumping over the fence, Luke’s coat lying abandoned on the sidewalk. He was already at the front door when the realisation of what he was really doing settled in Luke’s brain, and he felt the uneasiness in his insides turn to plain nausea when Calum ripped the door open, staggered back a little from the sudden rush of heat and sound that came out, and then dove in, getting swallowed by the flames within a second. Luke felt like he was frozen, like the world had just stopped spinning, feeling cold all over. He vaguely registered Michael darting forward as well, but this time, the firemen were prepared and managed to stop him, push him back, and Ashton clung to him to make sure he didn’t try again. All Luke could do was stare at the door, at the spot where Calum had been standing mere seconds ago, and when another explosion was heard, along with the shattering of glass and more terrifying creaking sounds, a burn bloomed on his arm, the skin blistering and turning pink. Michael gasped as soon as he saw it and Luke grasped his arm in his hand, running his fingers over the wound, panic the only thing he felt. When more burns appeared all over his arms and even one on his neck as well, with the sounds of Michael’s frantic calls and panicked sobs, something snapped in him. His feet started moving on their own accord, moving towards the coat lying abandoned on the ground. He didn’t have control over his limbs anymore, but he was pretty sure that if he had, he would have been doing the same thing. He ran forward, trying to push past the three men that were now guarding the fence in front of the backyard, but they stopped him, grabbing his upper arms and pushing him back. He fought against them, ripping their hands off him and pushing them out of his way. One of them stumbled and it was enough. He rushed through the open space, running faster than he remembered ever doing before to avoid the hands behind him trying to grab him again. The heat intensified as he got closer to the house, to the flames, but he pushed through. When he reached the open door, he was blinded by the brightness of the flames licking at the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the furniture, everything. He put the coat on to protect himself from the direct heat and buried the lower half of his face in the collar to make sure he didn’t breathe in too much smoke, and then he went in, following the way Calum must have taken through the sea of flames to get his goddamn soulmate back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I honestly have no excuse for this. I am so sorry.


	79. Chapter 79

As soon as Calum set foot into the house, the heat hit him like a wall of bricks and caused him to stagger a bit. The flames were everywhere, slithering over the carpet and licking at the furniture, turning everything pitch black and leaving a nauseating smell. Calum had a hard time trying to find his way through the house because of the thick, black smoke that hung in the air and made his eyes water. Putting a hand over his mouth to try and prevent himself from breathing in the smoke, he carefully made his way through the living room, trying to avoid as much of the flames as possible, which didn’t always work. There were too many and they were burning too brightly, fuelled by the oxygen the open door let in, and some of them managed to reach Calum, to touch him, and left nasty burns on his exposed skin. Calum fought his way across the room, trying to stay as low as possible to escape the smoke. The living room wasn’t that big and the door to the staircase was only halfway down the room to the right, but Calum could barely see an arm’s length in front of him so it took him a few minutes to find it. When he touched the doorknob to open it, however, the iron turned out to be so heated by the fire that it burned his hand. Crying out in pain, he pulled his hand back and slammed his shoulder into the door a few times before it flew open. He was met with even more flames there, climbing up the stairs already. The steps creaked dangerously when he put his weight on them, so he rushed up the stairs before they had the chance to collapse. In this part of the house, the smoke wasn’t too bad as the fire hadn’t reached this far yet, so Calum took the chance to take a deep breath and looked around, searching for the room that belonged to the girl. All the doors looked the same, cream-coloured with no pattern in or name on them. Calum cursed inwardly, sparing a glance over his shoulders towards the stairs, where the flames were creeping up steadily. To emphasise his need to worry, the flooring a couple of metres to his left creaked and groaned and a couple of the planks snapped and fell, tumbling down to the floor below. Calum swallowed thickly, cursing under his breath as he darted to the nearest door pushing the handle down so quickly he didn’t have the chance to register whether it hurt or not. He ended up in the bathroom, which was still completely untouched. In a foresight, he grabbed a few towels from one of the racks and dumped them in the bathtub, opening the tap and letting the cold water soak the fabric. He put one of them over his shoulders and carried the rest as he ran further down the hall, practically breaking down the next door, which turned out to be a storage closet of some sorts, with a vacuum cleaner and some brooms. Walking backwards out of it again, he glanced aside to where the flames on the stairs had now reached the second floor and were licking at the floor, crackling happily. Calum turned around and ran again, but the hallway was coming to an end, and just when he thought he’d have to go through the flames on the other side of the corridor, he heard a high-pitched cry. It was barely audible, drowned out by the roar of the fire and the continuous protesting of the wood, and for a moment he thought he’d imagined it, but then the little voice was there again. The helpless cry of what sounded a lot like “Mommy!” gave Calum chills to the bone despite the suffocating heat all around him. He rushed towards the sound and burst through the door it seemed to come from. He stepped into a children’s room, a small bed placed in one of the corners with a Sesame Street nightlight beside it, toys scattered all over the floor and messy drawings hung up on the walls. Calum didn’t take any time to take in his surroundings but rushed to the little girl immediately, who had curled herself up in one of the corners, her teddy bear clutched tightly to her chest with a grip so tight it turned her little knuckles white. The look in her eyes was one of pure terror and she was shaking so badly it was visible. Calum felt his heart ache in his chest.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, keeping his voice soft while simultaneously almost screaming to be heard over the fire. The girl let out a terrified sob and curled up even smaller. Calum knew there was no time, however, and reached forward to cradle her small body in his arms. Contrary to what he thought she would do, she curled into him as soon as he touched her, wrapping one of her arms around his neck while the other one never let go of the bear. Calum shushed her gently, trying to calm her down, but it didn’t seem to work – which wasn’t really a surprise. So he took one of the towels that he’d dropped to the floor as soon as he’d reached the girl and wrapped it around her, repeating the process with more towels until she was completely covered.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” he asked her, trying his hardest to not turn around to the door, where he could _hear_ the fire coming closer and closer.

“Lexi,” she sniffled, pulling herself even closer to him. He nodded, more to himself than to her, and pried her little arm away from his neck, putting her hand on the edge of one of the towels.

“Okay, Lexi, I need you to put this over your mouth, alright? Don’t remove it, because you’ll breathe in the smoke and that’s not good for you, okay? I’ll get you out of here, I promise,” he said, and he just nodded as she put the towel over her mouth, fat tears of fear still rolling down her chubby cheeks. Her long, blonde hair was all over the place and she closed her blue eyes tightly in fear.

“Just hide your face when you’re scared, okay?” he said, hoisting her up in his arms more, and she immediately pushed her face into the crook of his neck, still dutifully keeping the towel against her mouth. Calum took a deep breath and exited the room, staring at the roaring flames for a few seconds before mustering up all his courage and walking back towards the stairs. It was far worse than it had been when he’d walked up them. The steps were black, crumbling under the fire, and the first one collapsed as soon as he put his foot on it. Cursing under his breath, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and tightened his grip on the girl.

“Hold on real tight, okay?” he whispered, and he felt her nod as she clutched his shirt with the same hand she was holding her teddy bear with, so it wasn’t tight at all, but Calum knew there was no time anymore so he just let her be. He wasn’t going to make the poor thing drop the teddy bear. With a last deep breath – which just resulted in him breathing in a gulp of smoke – he darted down the stairs, skipping down the steps so quickly he barely gave them any time to collapse. The last one, however, was completely burnt through, and as soon as his foot came in contact with it, it broke, trapping his ankle in it. He let out a scream of shock and pain, the sharp edges of the wood cutting into his skin and little flames burning holes in his jeans, quickly reaching his skin. He desperately tried to pull his foot free, but the step just cut deeper into his ankle and he let out a dry sob, looking up at the ceiling where the flames had already burnt a hole in it, the remains of some of the planks lying in a dusty pile on the floor. Just as he’d given up hope, pressing the girl closer to his chest and burying his face in her towel-covered hair, he heard a hissed “Fuck” and the sound of someone stumbling, and when he looked up, his eyes immediately caught sight of a lanky blond boy that came stumbling through the door to the staircase, wiping at a freshly burnt hole in his coat.

“Luke?” he asked, voice desperate but hopeful, and the blonde looked up, his eyes hardening as soon as he saw Calum.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” he bellowed, storming over to where Calum was standing in an awkward position, foot still stuck in the last step of the stairs.

“I couldn’t just leave her!” he shouted back, clutching onto the girl protectively as she let out another sobbing sound. Luke shook his head, clearly not happy, but Calum could see the traces of worry in his face.

“Shit, you’re stuck,” the blonde then mumbled, more to himself, but he grabbed the towel from Calum’s shoulder and wrapped his around his hands, squatting down next to the stairs and pulling at the wood that kept Calum’s foot trapped. It didn’t take long before it broke with a loud crack, and Luke dropped the now black towel to the floor as soon as Calum had stumbled away from the stairs.

“C’mon, we gotta get out of here,” Luke said, grabbing Calum’s arm and pulling him back into the living room, which had now turned into nothing but a sea of flames. Lexi let out another cry of fear and Calum put his hand on her head, gently pressing it back into the crook of his neck.

“Don’t look, sweetie,” he mumbled, and she let out an ‘okay’, muffled by the towel.

“We need to hurry,” Luke said, to which Calum nodded and the both of them made a run for the front door, Calum a few steps behind Luke, his ankle protesting with every step he took. Two firefighters were waiting for them right outside the door, and an expression of obvious relief washed over both their faces when they saw the two boys.

“They’re coming!” Calum heard one of them shout to the others, but when they were just a few metres away from the door, the ceiling cracked so loudly it sounded like thunder, and a few pieces of burning wood started falling down, quickly followed by larger parts and Calum came to an abrupt stop, staring up at the ceiling fearfully. He vaguely heard Luke yelling something – what, he didn’t comprehend – but then the blonde grabbed a hold of his biceps again and pulled him backwards, away from the door. They barely crossed the living room in time, before the complete front of the house collapsed right behind them, causing a cloud of dust to rise up and mix in with the already thick smoke that hung inside the house.

“We need to find another way out,” Luke yelled in his ear, the noise the fire made now louder than ever. Calum felt himself nod and tried his best to get himself together again. Hoisting Lexi up, he looked around and spotted a door that most likely led to the kitchen.

“Backdoor?” he offered, unable to get anything else out of his mouth, but Luke followed his gaze and nodded, taking Calum’s arm in his hand again as if he knew the dark-haired boy would probably stay standing there again if he didn’t lead him.

The door indeed led them into a kitchen. The room was fairly untouched, the only evidence of the house fire being the smoke hanging at the ceiling. On the other side of the room was a door the led to a garden with a nicely mowed lawn and several patches of flowers. Luke immediately rushed forward, attempting to yank open the door but almost running into it when it didn’t open.

“It’s locked,” he said, sounding appalled and like he was slowly losing hope. Calum barely registered him anymore, however. He was swaying on his feet and had to lean again the dining table to stay upright. His head was pounding and the room was spinning in front of his eyes.

“Cal? Are you okay?” Luke asked, but it sounded like he was far away. Calum had trouble breathing and his grip on Lexi loosened significantly, to the point she noticed and clung to him even tighter, letting out a disapproving and scared sound.

“Fuck, Cal, no, don’t do this to me,” Luke begged, wrapping his arms around the brunette and carefully setting him down on the floor, with his back against one of the kitchen counters.

“Cal, how many fingers?” Luke asked, raising two fingers in front of Calum’s eyes. The tanned boy blinked, trying to get Luke’s hand into focus, and eventually mumbled “four”, voice slurring a little. Luke cursed some more, looking around frantically if he could find a key, but he saw nothing. Calum’s head lulled to the side and his grip on the girl went slack and for a short, terrifying moment Luke thought _he’s dead._ But when he rushed forward and put his hands on either side of Calum’s face, his chocolate brown eyes were still opened slightly, which apparently cost him a lot of strength. Luke felt tears burning in his eyes.

“Cal, you need to hold on, okay? We’re almost there, just a few more minutes. Please, hold on,” he begged, and Calum nodded, making sure to keep a hand on the girl’s back, even when he didn’t have the strength to fully hold her anymore. Luke took one of the chairs from the dining table and looked at the window, aiming a bit before he swung the chair to the glass. The window shattered into a thousand little pieces, clattering over the floor and into the garden. He used the legs of the chair to rid the window frame of sharp edges and to make sure the hole was large enough for them to fit through before he chucked it back onto the floor carelessly and turned back to Calum and the girl. Calum pushed the girl in his direction, though there was clearly barely any strength in his movements anymore, but the girl stumbled towards Luke and extended the hand she was still holding the teddy bear with, the other still holding the edge of the towel against her mouth like Calum had told her to.

“C’mere, peach,” Luke said, scooping her up in his arms and carefully lifting her through the glass, placing her on the grass on the other side. She started wailing immediately when he let go of her, scared to be alone for even a second, but when Luke promised her he’d just get Calum out there as well and then they’d be back with her, she nodded and clutched her teddy bear tightly. Luke rushed back to Calum’s side, crouching down beside him.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, and it took Calum way too long to turn his head. Luke cursed. “We need to get you to the hospital,” he said, but Calum didn’t respond. His eyes were starting to slide closed and Luke shook his shoulders violently in an attempt to keep him awake.

“Come on, Calum, you fucktard, fucking stay awake,” he muttered, putting an arm behind his back and the other under his knees, lifting him up bridle style. They barely fitted through the window like this, and they both got a few cuts from the sharp edges that Luke hadn’t managed to remove, but then they were through, standing on the cool grass in the garden and Luke released a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. They made it out.

“We’re out,” he said, his own voice foreign to his ears, and he let out a breathy laugh of relief, but that soon turned to gut-wrenching worry when Calum didn’t respond.

“Cal?” he asked, a fear tears slipping from his eyes when the tanned boy didn’t respond.

“Calum fucking wake up!” he screamed, voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. He let out a sob, unable to hold it in, gently lay Calum in the grass and clung to the tanned boy’s burnt up shirt. Frantically searching for a pulse, he breathed in deeply when he found one. He then looked at the little girl that was still standing right by the house, surrounded by small pieces of glass and with bare feet. He rushed over, scooping her up in his arms and putting her down on the grass where he was sure there was no glass before returning to Calum, trying to wake him up, but to no avail. The little girl went over to them as well and took Calum’s much larger hand in her small one, with her teddy bear still in her other hand, and just lay against him like that. Luke felt even more tears trickle down his cheeks at the sight.

Suddenly, there were voices coming from his right, and he looked up just in time to see the fence swing open and a group of firemen rushing into the garden, speeding up their pace when they caught sight of the two boys and the girl.

“Are you okay?” one of them asked Luke as soon as they reached him. Luke nodded, his hands still twisted in the fabric of Calum’s tank top.

“I’m fine, but Calum, he- he just collapsed, suddenly, back in there, I don’t- I don’t know what-” His shaking ramble was cut off by the man, who quickly lifted Calum off the grass and started carrying him out of the backyard. Luke didn’t want to let go of Calum, but another fireman gently pulled him and the little girl away from him and Luke immediately lifted her up, cradling her to his chest as she wrapped her arm around his neck, the damp towel now lying abandoned on the floor. The other firefighters led him and the girl out of the backyard back to the street, where two ambulances were now parked, blue beacons still flashing. He could only just see how Calum was laid on a stretcher, an oxygen mask placed over his mouth and nose before they wheeled him into the ambulance and closed the door, the vehicle rushing off immediately with a piercing siren. Luke felt a bit light-headed as he carried the little girl over to the other ambulance, gently stroking her messy hair.

“What’s your name, love?” he asked her, and she replied “Lexi,” in a teary voice. He ran a hand up and down her back to calm her down.

“I’m Luke,” he replied, to which he felt her burying her face in the crook of his neck, just like she’d done with Calum.

“Luke!” he heard someone shout, and it took his tired mind a few seconds to recognise the voice as Michael’s. He and Ashton were rushing over to him and Lexi, frantic looks in their eyes and tear tracks on their cheeks. The wet trails gleamed in the light of the fire. Luke didn’t respond, he just watched them as they approached him quickly, both engulfing him in a tight hug as soon as they’d reached him. One of the paramedics broke them apart soon after, though, taking Lexi over from Luke and putting an oxygen mask over her face. She started wailing and Luke climbed into the ambulance without thinking, taking her soft hand in his, calming her down instantly. Ashton climbed in as well, wordlessly wrapping his arms around Luke’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Luke put his arm around Ashton as well, motioning for Michael to get inside the vehicle too. The black-haired boy did, taking a seat next to Ashton and putting his hand on top of Luke’s on the curly-haired boy’s back.

“Where’s Calum?” he asked. Luke didn’t even have the energy to turn his head anymore.

“Other ambulance,” he said emotionlessly. Another paramedic went over to him then, placing an oxygen mask over his mouth as well, and he retracted his arm from Ashton and Michael to hold it in place. He never let go of Lexi’s hand during the ride to the hospital.


	80. Chapter 80

As soon as the engine of the ambulance shut off, the paramedics opened the doors and rushed Luke and Lexi out. They had to force him to lie down on the stretcher – he could still walk, thank you very much, but apparently it was very important for him to keep the oxygen mask on while they wheeled him into the hospital. Ashton and Michael followed them, looking scared and a bit lost, never taking their eyes off of Luke’s body.

Luke only noticed they were headed to intensive care when he was half in a room already, the signs on the wall almost like a thorn in his eye. He pushed himself up on his elbow, tugging the oxygen mask off his nose and mouth, eyes still fixated on the bold words ‘Intensive Care’ on the wall.

“Why am I here?” he asked, his voice raspy. It hurt to talk, but he tried not to let it show. The nurse just shot him a look.

“You’ve got some major burns that need immediate medical attention,” he said, grabbing a large injection needle from a chart in the room and stepping closer to him. Luke moved backwards as best as he could while on the stretcher and shook his head.

“They’re not mine, I was wearing a coat all the time I was in there,” he promised, the look in his eyes almost desperate as he pleaded. “They’re Calum’s. My soulmate. He’s- he-”

The nurse shushed him before he could form a proper sentence, sending him a soft smile. “He’s in surgery right now. So the burns aren’t yours, that’s a good thing. You still need to keep the oxygen mask on, you’ve inhaled smoke –”

This time Luke cut her off by ripping the mask off his neck and throwing it to the floor, pushing himself up off the stretcher.

“That’s not a ‘good thing’ at all, he’s my soulmate! He’s hurt badly enough to be brought to the ICU and you’re saying that’s a _good thing_?!”

The nurse stepped back subconsciously, taken aback by his sudden outburst. “I’m fucking fine,” Luke hissed then, brushing some leftover ashes off his shirt. The coat he’d disposed at the house, a couple of large holes burned into the fabric. “I want to see my soulmate now.”

“You can’t see him, he’s in surgery at the moment,” the nurse replied, clearly having composed herself and looking a little pissed off.

“Then I want to see Lexi,” he insisted, crossing his arms in front of his chest and scraping his throat to make his voice sound less raspy, but it left a burning sensation in the back of his throat. The nurse contemplated for a few moments before she sighed and nodded.

“Fine, you can join her in her room, but only if you’ll actually wear the oxygen mask and let the doctors take care of you,” she reasoned, and Luke nodded eagerly. He followed her down the hallway and into the elevator, a few floors upwards, and finally into a room. The walls were painted a pleasant brown and were decorated with flowers, trees and bees; they were in the children’s ward. Lexi was sitting on the bed in the middle of the room, an oxygen mask on her face and an IV in her small arm. To Luke’s surprise, Ashton and Michael were there too, both with tears in their eyes and wet trails on their cheeks. They both looked up upon Luke’s arrival, rushing over to him and engulfing him in a group hug.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked, gripping them back just as tightly, his voice still coming out too scratchy for his liking. Michael sniffled.

“They wouldn’t let us come with you to the ICU. Only family allowed and all that,” he answered, releasing Luke and slinging his arms around Ashton instead. Luke rushed over to the little girl sitting on the bed, her big eyes watery and her face pale.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, taking her small hand in his, careful not to disturb the IV. Lexi made a small noise and clung to him, practically throwing herself in his lap. Luke just wrapped his arms around her and held her properly, running his hand through her blonde locks. The nurse then came up to him and nimbly put an oxygen mask on his face, ignoring his annoyed look as she did so. Luke heard her talking to Ashton and Michael in a hushed voice while he tried to calm Lexi down from her earlier panic, still a bit shaken up.

“Are you family?” she asked them, crossing her arms over her chest as they shook their heads.

“No, but Ashton is Luke’s ex-boyfriend and I’m Calum’s best friend. We’re all practically brothers,” Michael said, and though the latter wasn’t quite true, he felt like they had definitely been growing in that direction. The nurse nodded to herself thoughtfully.

“Do you know how we can reach their families?” she asked, and this time, Michael nodded vigorously, taking out his phone.

“I can call them right now, if you want me to,” he offered, and she nodded with a small smile.

“Yes, that would be good,” she said, and Michael ushered Ashton over to Luke before exiting the room to make the calls. Ashton hesitantly sat down on the bed next to where Luke was still cradling Lexi in his arms, the both of them a tangled mess of trembling limbs and plastic tubes. Luke smiled at him gently and tightened his grip on Lexi slightly when he saw the worried look in the curly-haired boy’s eyes.

“I’m fine,” he promised, “just breathed in a little smoke. Barely got any burns.”

Ashton nodded and managed a smile, but he wasn’t quite able to hide the scared undertone of it as it didn’t reach his eyes. Michael re-entered the room soon after, his phone still in his hand and a pained expression on his face.

“That was no fun,” he muttered as he sat down in one of the chairs next to the bed. “Joy completely flipped her shit, started crying. Understandable, but still no fun.” He then turned to Luke, expression melting into something slightly less depressed. “And your parents weren’t home, but your brothers are on their way,” he informed Luke, who groaned, taking the oxygen mask off temporarily so he could speak.

“Great, they’re gonna be all overprotective and won’t stop freaking out until I’m home again,” he sighed. Michael snorted and kicked him in the shin half-heartedly.

“At least you know they care about you,” he murmured. Luke nodded, burying his nose in Lexi’s hair.

 

-

 

Ben and Jack were the first to arrive, practically breaking down the door in their haste to enter the room.

“Don’t you fucking dare ever doing that again,” Jack heaved, jumping onto the bed next to him and almost knocking Ashton off in the process, wrapping his arms around Luke from the side. The blonde huffed out a laugh and managed to twist his arm so that he could hug his brother back awkwardly.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, relishing in the strength and warmth both his brothers excluded as Ben also wrapped himself around Luke, skilfully managing to avoid squashing Lexi while doing so.

“What the hell even happened?” Jack demanded, inching away from Luke to take a good look at him. “You look like shit. There’s fucking ashes in your hair, bro. _Please_ tell me I heard Michael wrong and you didn’t actually run into a house on fire,” Jack almost begged, and Luke sighed, clinging to the little girl in his lap.

“Calum went in first,” he said, sounding like he was using it as an excuse, even to himself. Ben sighed and shook his head.

“So you thought ‘oh, hey, that looks fun, I’ll do that too’?” he countered, an angry tone to his voice, but Luke knew it was only out of concern.

“No, I thought ‘I can’t make him do this alone’, so I went in to get him out. And he would be dead if I hadn’t,” he added softly, hoisting Lexi up into his lap from where she had slipped back. “And so would she.”

Everyone in the room fell silent at that, lost in their own thoughts, much like Luke. Jack was the one to break the silence.

“Sorry, we were just worried about you,” he said softly, and Luke managed a smile.

“I know. Thanks for that. Just don’t get mad at me for being the hero of the hour,” he joked, and his brothers laughed, albeit his voice came out a bit weak.

“More like hero of the year,” Ben grinned, putting the oxygen mask back over Luke’s mouth, but his smile faded when the door swung open once again, revealing a male doctor with a grim expression on his face. His white clothes were stained red with blood – he’d clearly just come out of surgery – and he looked tired.

“Those here for Calum Hood?” he asked. Michael and Ashton rose immediately, their hands finding each other instantly, as if they were meant to hold one another – which, Luke realised, they _were_.

“Yes?” Michael asked, voice small and terrified. The doctor checked the clipboard in his hands and frowned at the two boys.

“I’m only allowed to speak to direct family,” he said with an apologetic smile.

“His family aren’t here yet, but we’re as good as his brothers. The doctor looked like he was about to protest when a small voice called out, barely audible even though it was quiet in the room.

“Where’s Calum?” Lexi asked, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Luke could feel his heart shatter.

“He’s not here right now, sweetie,” he whispered, pulling her even closer into his chest. “You’ll get to see him soon enough, I promise.”

The doctor made a face and gestured for Michael and Ashton to follow him, apparently throwing the protocol out of the window. He started talking as soon as the door fell shut behind Michael, but just in that moment, Joy and David rushed around the corner, their clothes rumpled and askew, Joy without make-up on her face.

“Where’s Calum?” she asked as soon as she was within hearing distance. “Where is my son?”

“Mr and Mrs. Hood, I presume?” the doctor asked, extending his hand when they nodded. “I’m doctor Blake, I performed surgery on your son. Excuse me for my appearance.”

The Hoods didn’t seem to even notice the blood on his scrub. Joy threw her arms around Michael as soon as she’d reached them and breathed in shakily.

“Is our son alright?” David asked Dr Blake, who gestured to some plastic waiting chairs.

“I think it’s best if you sit down,” he said. Michael felt his gut stir unpleasantly while he took a seat.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Dr Blake said, and Michael felt all blood leave his face, goosebumps breaking out all over his skin, but not in a good way. Joy muffled a sob in her hands and Ashton leaned in closer to Michael, who wrapped an arm around him.

“The surgery didn’t go as well as we’d hoped. Calum had quite a few major burns and he’d breathed in a lot of smoke, which caused him to be unable to breathe properly. He’s suffering minor brain damage from a lack of oxygen. Besides this, his ankle is sprained and the skin there is infected, but considering his other injuries, that’s minor. We did everything we could, but unfortunately, we couldn’t stop him from slipping into a coma. I’m really sorry,” he finished, and Michael could only stare at him, disbelief in his eyes and tears on his cheeks. Ashton’s body shook against his and Michael pulled the smaller boy further into him, cradling his shaking frame to his chest. He vaguely noticed David and Joy hugging each other as well. His mind hadn’t quite comprehended the new information yet. Calum was in a coma. He was still alive. That was something, at least.

“Can we see him?” he heard himself ask. The doctor looked at him apologetically before shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, only direct family is allowed to see him. You can stay with Mr Hemmings, though. I will be back in a few,” he said, gesturing for Joy and David to follow him, probably to the Intensive Care. Michael and Ashton kept sitting in the plastic chairs for a few moments, defeated, before returning to Luke and Lexi’s room. The three brothers looked up simultaneously when they walked in. Luke’s expression darkened as soon as he took in their faces.

“What did he say?” he asked, voice wavering as he clutched to Lexi protectively – and scared, probably. Michael felt like he was on autopilot as he sat down in one of the chairs again, never letting go of Ashton’s hand.

“He, um- Calum, he’s- he’s in a coma,” he said, barely acknowledging that he’d spoken until he noticed that all eyes in the room were fixed on him.

“What?” Luke’s voice wavered and his knuckles went white with how tightly he was holding onto Lexi now.

“They won’t let us see him because we’re not family,” Michael continued, unable to hide the bitter edge to his voice. “His parents are there now. The doctor said he’d be back.”

He knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought, let alone express one. The room fell silent for a second time that night, everyone tangled up in each other with frightened looks in their eyes. That’s how the doctor found them when he came back in, now in his regular white doctors’ coat without blood on it, accompanied by two police officers this time. Both of them were male, one much slimmer and taller than the other.

“Luke Hemmings?” the tall one asked. Luke simply nodded, not moving an inch. “We need to speak with you. Privately,” he added, and Luke had no choice but to pass Lexi into Ben’s arms and follow the officers outside of the room. The doctor didn’t protest when he took the oxygen mask off.

“Mr Hemmings, we’d like to personally thank you for what you did tonight. That was immensely brave of you and Mr Hood to do,” they started. Luke really wasn’t in the mood for meaningless compliments right now, though.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked, the burning ache in his throat increasing when he talked. The officers exchanged a look before the tall one started speaking.

“Thanks to you and Mr Hood, the girl – Lexi – got out of the house safely,” he started. Luke nodded. “Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one in the house during the fire. Both her parents didn’t make it out alive, I’m afraid.”

Luke gasped, hands flying up to cover his mouth. Lexi’s parents were dead. She was an orphan and she didn’t even know it yet. “What’s gonna happen to her?” he asked, tears blurring his vision. He didn’t even try to blink them away anymore.

“She will be assigned to the orphanage as soon as she’s been released from the hospital,” the shorter agent said. Luke felt his heart break all over again. “I think we can trust you to take care of her for as long as she’s in the hospital, though. She won’t need a social worker here to look after her, if you’d be willing to take that responsibility. She seems very fond of you,” the tall one added, and Luke nodded vigorously, wiping at his eyes.

“Anything,” he pressed out. The officers exchanged another look, seemingly satisfied now.

“That’s good to hear. Now, go back in there and cuddle her some more. We’ll talk to her tomorrow. Don’t want to throw too much on her in a short time.”

Luke just nodded, numbly, and went back into the room, immediately scooping Lexi in his arms again while he let silent tears roll down his cheeks. Everyone shot him concerned looks but he just shook his head, mouthing “later”, while he gently rocked Lexi to sleep, murmuring sweet nothings in her ear and stroking her hair.


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic got extended again because [KohtaKiller](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KohtaKiller) gave me a new idea, so thanks a lot. Hope you enjoy!

Luke woke up the next morning with a terrible ache in his back and a small, warm body pressed against his, his arm loosely swung over the steadily breathing figure. Lexi’s light blond hair was sticking up in every direction from all the tossing and turning she did at night, and a couple of the strands were tickling Luke’s nose. He pushed himself up off the mattress, careful not to wake her up, and grabbed his phone from the night stand. Michael and Ashton had gone home the night before because they weren’t allowed to be in Calum’s room, and Lexi’s room only had enough space for one extra person – and Luke had already called dibs on that space. He hadn’t meant to chase Michael and Ashton away, he really hadn’t, but he wasn’t going to let Lexi out of his sight for even a second. Not when she was the one Calum risked his life for. Calum would have wanted her to stay alive and safe, and Luke was going to make sure she would be.

Luke only had a few messages and no missed calls. Both Ben and Jack had sent him some texts after they had gone home last night, varying from ‘hope you’re okay, little bro’ to pictures of the television that was broadcasting re-runs of How I Met Your Mother, taken on silly moments in hopes of cheering him up. He sent them a simple ‘thanks, I’m okay’ back and went to the ones left by Michael and Ashton. The one left by Michael just said that they’d be back in the morning and to call if there were any updates on Cal, and Ashton’s multiple messages said the same, though they also showed support and told him to take care of Lexi and to sleep well. He smiled a bit at his phone and typed a short message back, asking them at what time they would be back at the hospital. Right after he’d pressed ‘sent’, Lexi began stirring and sniffled softly, rubbing her tiny fist over her eyes before she opened them and gazed up to Luke sleepily. He put his phone down and turned around fully, sitting down on the bed next to her and gently brushing a few stray strands away from her forehead.

“Good morning, sweetie,” he murmured, having to supress a grin when she cutely yawned and returned the greeting with a slight lisp in her voice from the missing milk teeth.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked her as she sat up, her arms still wrapped tightly around her teddy bear. She didn’t answer his question, but instead looked around the room and back at Luke when she couldn’t find what she was looking for.

“Where’s my mommy?” she asked. The vulnerability in her tiny voice broke Luke’s heart. He couldn’t look her in the eyes when he answered.

“She’s not here right now, love,” he said, patting her head softly. Lexi pouted and wiggled herself to the edge of the bed, slipping off it carefully.

“But I want my mommy,” she whined, walking over to the door. Luke barely reached her in time to stop her from exiting the room.

“You can’t see your parents now, sweetie, I’m sorry,” he said, lifting her up effortlessly and placing her on his hip, just when the door swung open and Michael and Ashton walked in.

“Any news?” was the first thing Michael asked when he saw Luke. The latter shook his head, hoisting a now crying Lexi higher up his hip.

“Nothing. Will they let us into Calum’s room already?” he asked, to which Michael shook his head as well.

“No, still family only,” he replied, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs. A relative silence fell between them, during which Luke attempted to calm Lexi down and Michael and Ashton were seemingly lost in thought. After a while there was a knock on the door, and after Michael had called a “come in”, the two officers that Luke had met the day before came in, along with a tall woman in high heels, a white blouse and a pencil skirt. Her hair was tied together on the back of her head in a tight bun and though everything about her screamed strictness and rules, her face was soft and friendly, with big, brown eyes and a gentle smile.

“Hello, you must be Luke Hemmings,” she said, taking in the blonde boy with Lexi still on his hip, one arm supporting her bum and the other her back. Luke nodded and looked back at Michael and Ashton, who had stood up and now went to stand beside Luke and Lexi. The woman extended her hand to Michael because Luke’s were obviously occupied, and the black-haired boy shook it with a sceptical look in his eyes.

“Hi, my name is Claudia Greene. I’m a social worker, I’m here for Lexi Cantor?” the woman said, her gaze drifting over to where Luke was balancing Lexi on his hip, arms wrapped securely around her. The little girl rested her head on his shoulder and waved at her shyly, which caused a grin to spread over Claudia’s face.

“Hello, darling,” she cooed, extending her hand to shake Lexi’s much smaller one. “My name is Claudia. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Lexi looked at Luke hesitantly and only agreed when he nodded in approval. Putting her down on the ground, Luke exited the room together with Michael and Ashton with a heavy heart.

“She’s going to be heartbroken,” Luke said as soon as the door closed behind them. “They’re going to tell her that her parents are dead. She’ll never recover from that. She’s way too young to have this happen to her.”

Ashton nodded sadly and put an arm around his shoulders while Michael crossed his arms in front of his chest, eyes flicking between the door of Lexi’s room and farther down the hall, in the direction where Calum’s room must be.

Claudia didn’t dance around the subject too much, apparently, as it wasn’t too long before he could hear muffled cries coming from Lexi drifting through the door, growing louder by the second. Luke didn’t waste any time in barging straight back into the room, sweeping up Lexi in his arms from where she was seated on the bed and pulling her in close to his chest. He wrapped her up in the warmth of his body and secured his arms around her, one hand in her hair and the other on her back, gripping the fabric of her clothes so tightly his knuckles turned white. Michael and Ashton walked in after him, silently, their hands wrapped around each other, fingers intertwined. Luke stood there with the tiny human in his arms, his face buried in her hair as he listened to her high-pitched cries of “mommy” and “daddy”, utter devastation so clearly audible in her voice it felt like it was tearing him apart on the inside. He pressed her face into the crook of his neck gently, rocking her and whispering reassurances and sweet nothings in her ear as Lexi continued to cry, her tears soaking Luke’s shirt, but he didn’t care. It absolutely broke his heart to see her this morose, even if he’d only known her for a short period of time – she’d already found her way into his heart and he wasn’t planning on pushing her out. He’d done that to Calum, and look where they’d ended up. He swore to himself in that moment that he’d do anything to keep Lexi safe and happy. Anything for her.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised her, the words whispered into her ear while his large hand continued stroking up and down her back. “I’m right here. I’ll always be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” she asked, clinging to him like a lifeline with her little hands balled into fists, clutching his shirt. Her voice was barely above a whisper and sounded more like a whimper than anything else. It broke Luke’s heart.

“I promise.”

 

-

 

A while later, David Hood entered the room, looking tired and distraught but okay. He immediately hugged Michael when the two men saw each other, and Luke was reminded of how old his and Calum’s friendship was when David embraced Michael like his own son.

“Joy and I talked to the doctors,” he said, “and they agreed to let you guys see Calum. You’re as much his brother as I am his father, after all.”

Luke thought he saw tears well up in Michael’s eyes, but he couldn’t see properly as the black-haired boy wrapped himself around David once again, hugging him even tighter. “Thank you,” he mumbled, the words muffled by the fabric of David’s shirt.

“C’mon, let’s go then,” the older man said. He frowned as he turned to Luke, taking in the blonde’s appearance, along with the girl still seemingly permanently attached to his hip – literally. Lexi had calmed down from her breakdown and was now half asleep on Luke’s shoulder, completely drained from the crying fit.

“Are you good to leave this room? I mean, you went into the house as well...” David trailed off. Luke nodded and managed a small smile.

“I didn’t even get injured, just inhaled some smoke. They only made me stay the night to check up on me, I didn’t have any treatment,” he assured Calum’s father. David nodded, satisfied with the answer, and started leading them down a maze of hallways, around corners and into the elevator a floor down until they finally reached a room with a tag that read _Hood, Calum_ on it next to the door. It was on the Intensive Care Unit and though Luke knew Calum would get the treatment and care he needed here, it still scared him because it made the realisation of Calum being in a coma even more real. He found himself shaking a little when David opened the door and let the three boys in. The sight he was met with made his breath catch in his throat and his heart skip a beat. Calum was sprawled out on the hospital bed, carefully tucked in under the white cover. A white wristband was tied around his arm – a similar one to the one Luke himself was wearing, along with Lexi. The thing that shocked Luke was the state Calum was in. His naturally tanned skin was several shades paler than usual and was littered with burns, varying in colour from a light pink to an angry red, and some even had bandages around them, the white gauze spotted with crimson from where he’d bled. Calum wasn’t wearing an oxygen mask – no, it was much worse. He was on mechanical ventilation, the mask and tube attached to his mouth and the machine buzzing silently beside the bed. A couple of IVs were placed in the veins in his arms, probably for nutrition, Luke guessed. The steady beeping of the heart monitor showed that Calum was alive still, which was the only reassurance Luke had because the boy – _his_ boy – didn’t so much as move a muscle when they stepped foot across the threshold. He didn’t just look comatose – he looked _dead_. And it scared Luke a lot.

Joy was seated in the chair closest to Calum’s head, his limp hand clutched tightly between both of hers. Luke tried to smile to her, but he was certain it looked more like a grimace. A girl Luke hadn’t seen before was also present, sitting in one of the chairs with dark bags under her eyes and a dull look in them. Her skin was naturally tanned like Calum’s and the colour of her hair matched Calum’s perfectly. She looked up when they walked in and immediately latched onto Michael, who hugged her back instantly and just as tightly, tears spilling from both their eyes. Feeling a bit awkward, Luke sat down in one of the spare chairs, placing Lexi on his lap in such a way that she could lean into him comfortably enough to be able to fall asleep. She needed the rest.

“Is that Calum?” she asked, her voice soft from the sleep threatening to pull her under. Luke nodded, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back closer to his chest.

“He looks like he’s hurt,” Lexi mumbled, her eyelids half closed but still alert enough to notice the bandages.

“Yes, he does,” Luke agreed, “but he’s in a very deep sleep, so he doesn’t feel the pain.” Luke could feel Lexi’s breaths evening out and her body go limp gradually. He pressed a gentle kiss to her hair and redirected his attention to the rest of the room.

The girl let go of Michael after a while, wiping her eyes and accidentally smearing a bit of mascara over her face in the process. Michael took a seat next to Joy and put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. She turned to look at him with a sad smile on her face, tears shining in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Michael whispered, emotions getting the best of his voice. “I should have protected him, I should have stopped him. He shouldn’t be here.”

Joy shook her head vehemently before he’d even finished, the tears finally spilling over.

“It’s not your fault, Mike. It’s not your job to look after him. I’m glad it’s not the both of you lying here. At least _you_ are okay. And besides, he saved a little girl’s life, that’s definitely worth something. I hate seeing him like this, but he’ll pull through. He has to. And everyone will be glad he did go in, eventually, because he saved her life and survived it himself,” she said, letting go of Calum with one hand to take Michael’s hand in hers. Tears were running down the black-haired boy’s cheeks by now and he grasped Joy’s tanned hand tightly as she repeated “It’s not your fault” over and over again, like a mantra, like it was the only thing that kept her sane in that moment. Once again, Luke was hit with the realisation that Calum and Michael had been friends all their life, and Calum’s parents cared for Michael so much they basically saw him as their own son.

The girl that had hugged Michael upon their entrance stood up from her seat eventually and made her way over to where Luke was sitting with a passed out Lexi in his lap. She crouched down in front of him and brushed a few strands of hair from Lexi’s face, a gentle, fond look in her eyes as she did so.

“So this is the girl Calum risked his life for?” she asked softly, so as to not wake her. Luke nodded.

“Her name is Lexi,” he whispered back, returning the smile the tanned girl sent her at that.

“I’m Mali Koa,”  she said, pointing to Calum’s unconscious figure behind them over her shoulder. “I’m Calum’s sister.”

“’M Luke,” he replied, “Calum’s soulmate.”

Mali just nodded in reply, twisting a strand of Lexi’s hair around her index finger almost absent-mindedly. “The soulmate that doesn’t love him back?”

Luke swallowed but nodded, a guilty look in his eyes. “I think I do love him, though. I was just too proud to admit it, I guess. But I’m not going to put him through something like that anymore,” he said, determination shining in his eyes. “I’m going to love him the way he deserves to be loved from now on.”

“Do you promise?” Mali pressed. Luke shook his head.

“I swear,” he replied, and the smile that Mali sent him then radiated the faith she had in him. He was determined not to mess this up again.

“Can you take her for a moment?” Luke asked Mali, gesturing to the toddler fast asleep in his lap. “I think I need to have a talk with your parents.”

Mali nodded and carefully lifted Lexi up, manoeuvring her until she was half sitting, half lying in her lap and she herself occupied the chair Luke had abandoned. The blonde boy made his way over to the bed and hesitantly sat down in the chair Michael had been sitting in minutes prior. The pale boy had taken a seat next to Ashton, their hands intertwined once again, and he was engaged in quiet conversation with David. Joy looked at him when he took a seat next to her and managed a small smile to him.

“Hello, Luke,” she said, and Luke managed a weak smile back.

“Are you alright?” Joy asked him, an edge of worry audible in her voice. “I heard you went into the house after Cal.”

Luke swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling dry. “Yeah, I did,” he muttered, looking down at his hands. “And I’m glad I did. His foot got stuck in the stairs and he couldn’t get out himself. And I wasn’t even seriously injured.”

Joy put her hand over Luke’s that he’d clasped together in his lap and squeezed them, silently assuring him. “I’m glad you did too. Thank you for saving my son. And I’m really glad you’re alright.”

Luke tried to smile at her to say “thank you”, but as soon as she’d shifted her gaze back to Calum’s limp body, he squeezed his eyes shut, a wave of guilt washing over him violently. He’d treated Calum like dirt in the past, but his family were still so nice to him. He didn’t deserve the kindness they gave him, not after what he’d put Calum through. Tears burned in his eyes and it took him a great effort to hold them back. Standing up, he stumbled over his own feet, barely managing to stay upright, and walked over to Lexi. Mali handed her over wordlessly, a look in her eyes that was way too compassionate and understanding for Luke’s liking. He didn’t deserve it.

“I should go back to our room, put her to bed,” he said, a rough edge to his voice from the tears. If the others noticed, they were kind enough not to comment on it. Luke was grateful. Using Lexi to shield his face from everyone in the room when the tears came pouring down like a monsoon, he muttered a quick “see you tomorrow” before exiting the room.

Lexi woke up briefly when he laid her down on the mattress. As he pulled the duvet up to tuck her in, she took in his appearance and the tears still flowing from his eyes.

“Why are you crying?” she asked around a yawn. Contemplating the best way to state it, Luke made sure she was all set and comfortable before he answered.

“I’m a bit sad because Calum probably won’t wake up soon. He’ll stay asleep for a while,” he said, kissing her forehead. Her mother always used to do that, she’d told him, and it made her feel better.

“But it’s good that he’s asleep. He’s hurt, he would feel the pain if he was awake,” she argued. The sheer logic and intelligence of her answer startled a laugh out of him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, lovebug. Let’s hope he’ll stay asleep until he’s not in pain anymore,” he said, and she only had the energy to nod once before her eyes drooped shut and her breathing evened out, leaving Luke to change into his pyjamas and get into bed as well. He pulled her sleeping figure against him and kept an arm around her protectively as he finally let himself drift off to sleep, completely worn out from the intensity of the past two days.


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to upload this yesterday but my internet provider blacked out so I couldn't. Sorry it's late!

Calum hadn’t shown any signs of waking up in the three days they’d spent at the hospital now. Luke had been officially fired from the hospital because he didn’t require any further treatment, even though his body still showed several bad-looking injuries – they weren’t _his_ , after all, but they were a constant reminder of what had happened and the sight of them made Luke want to scratch at his skin until it was so red you could barely see the injuries anymore. He’d stayed there anyway, mainly because Lexi’s lungs weren’t well enough yet and she spent hours a day with an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose and attached to several machines. The sight alone made Luke’s skin crawl. She was too young to have to go through all of this, to be locked in a hospital like this only to be admitted to a foster home once she was healed. It made Luke sick to his stomach. 

He’d developed a routine during the three days he’d spent in this place: he’d sleep in Lexi’s hospital room, then stay with her until she was allowed to take the oxygen mask off for a while before he, Lexi and her teddy bear went to see Calum, who was still in ICU with no improvement of his condition. And every time they stepped foot into Calum’s hospital room, Michael would be there. The black-haired boy still wore the clothes he was wearing three days prior. His skin looked paler and the bags under his eyes darker every time Luke saw him. The blonde sighed, taking a seat beside the bed with Lexi in his lap, across from Michael, who has one of Calum’s large hands cradled in both of his own. 

“Where’s Ashton?” Luke asked after a few minutes of silence, the only audible sounds the steady beeping from the heartrate monitor and the muffled voices and footsteps from the nurses on the other side of the door. Michael looked up at Luke as if he’d only just saw him and rubbed at the skin under his eyes. 

“Toilet,” was the only thing he said before he directed his gaze back to Calum’s pale face. The usually tan boy’s cheeks were sunk in and his skin was several shades lighter than it should have been. 

“He looks tired,” Lexi noted, her eyes fixated on Calum’s face as well. Luke nodded, pulling her closer. 

“Yeah, he does. That’s why he needs to sleep so much,” he answered. Lexi shook her head, though.

“But he looks more tired every day!” she argued. Luke couldn’t do anything but nod and turn her head so she wasn’t looking at Calum’s comatose form anymore.

“I know,” he whispered.

The door opened silently when Ashton came in, shutting it behind him. He and Luke had a wordless conversation through their eyes for a few moments before Luke turned to Michael, putting Lexi on the ground to play with her teddy bear. 

“I think you should go home,” he said, catching the older boy’s gaze as he turned his head. “No offence, but you look like shit. When’s the last time you even ate?”

Michael huffed, clutching to Calum’s limp hand tighter. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” he answered, his voice close to being monotone. Luke rolled his eyes.

“Of course it matters. You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep going on like this. Calum wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself,” he said, voice choking up at the mention of Calum’s name. “He would want you to go on with your life and be strong. Not only for yourself, but for him as well. You can’t just put everything on hold because he is in the hospital. He would hit you so hard when he wakes up if you did that.”

“Then what is it that you’re doing? Huh?” Michael shot back, the look in his eyes hardening. Luke could still easily see the terror and hurt underneath the anger, though. “You’ve put everything on hold as well. You’re spending every minute in this place even though you’ve already been fired just for her!” He gestured to Lexi when he said that, who was obliviously chatting to her teddy bear and didn’t seem to have heard him. Luke still lowered his voice when he answered.

“Because I’m all she has left. Her parents are _dead_ , Michael. I’m not wasting away next to her bed while watching her like she’s going to disappear if I take my eyes off her for even a second. I’m making sure she knows that she still has me, no matter what has happened or what will happen to her in the future. I’m trying to give her something stable, something permanent, because as soon as she’s out of the hospital she’ll go to the orphanage, and eventually to a foster home, and her entire life will change. I’m _actively_ helping her. What you’re doing is not only watching Calum die, but you’re killing yourself in the process.”

“He’s not going to die!” Michael hissed, standing up so suddenly and violently his chair fell to the floor with a loud _thud_. He’d released Calum’s hand, but was not holding on to the metal bar on the side of Calum’s bed with such a tight grip his knuckles turned white. “He’s going to make it, he’s going to survive and make a full recovery. He’s not going to die.”

Lexi had turned around upon his outburst with a questioning glance, so Luke gestured to her that everything was okay and she redirected her attention back to her teddy bear.

“He’s not going to die,” Michael whispered, sinking back down in a chair that was still standing upright.

“He’s not going to die.” He started repeating it like a mantra and looked like he was about to have some sort of a panic attack. Ashton seemed to realise this too, as he rushed to Michael’s side and put his hands on the black-haired boy’s knees, thumbs rubbing comforting circles in the fabric of his jeans. As soon as Ashton reached him, Michael seemed to calm down, all tension leaving his body. He just looked plain exhausted now. Luke stood up as well, walking over to them and crouching down next to Ashton. 

“He’s not going to die,” Michael whispered, voice cracking as tears ran down his face. Luke nodded.

“And when he wakes up, he’ll need his best friend to be there for him. He’ll need you to be healthy, not looking like a walking skeleton, because he’ll feel guilty about it. You know him. He’ll just blame himself for you not taking care of yourself. You don’t want that, do you?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut and brought his hands up to cover his face, shaking his head as tears had now started leaking through his closed eyelids. Ashton gently squeezed his shoulder to show him the support he couldn’t express in words. 

“You should go home with Ash, take a shower, maybe get some sleep,” Luke continued when Michael fully turned around so he could hug Ashton, clinging to the curly-haired boy desperately.

“I don’t want to leave him,” Michael said, again, like he couldn’t function properly anymore. His face was half hidden in the fabric of Ashton’s shirt so the words came out muffled. 

“I’ll stay with him,” Luke promised. “I’ll stay right here and I won’t leave his side until you’re back.”

Michael had never before looked as vulnerable as he did then. His eyes went back and forth from Calum’s unconscious body to Luke and back a couple of times before he sighed and deflated.

“Okay,” he croaked out, leaning more into Ashton’s touch, who seemed to sigh in relief. 

Luke nodded. “Good.”

Ashton led Michael out of the room and they left without another word, leaving Luke alone in the quiet room with Lexi and Calum’s body. 

“What’s wrong?” Lexi’s small voice piped up, laced with worry and curiosity, even at her young age. Luke lifted her off the floor easily and placed her on his lap as he sat back down in his chair.

“Nothing, sweetie,” he told her, stroking a strand of hair out of her face and putting it behind her ear. “Michael didn’t want to leave Calum alone but he had to go home to eat and sleep.”

“But Cal isn’t alone,” she countered, forehead creased in a frown with confusion. “We are still here.”

“Yes, but Michael wants to be here himself, to be able to take care of Calum himself.”

“Like the knight in shining armour wanted to save the princess from the tower himself in the stories mommy always reads me?” Lexi asked. Her blue eyes were opened wide and she was clutching her teddy bear to her chest tightly, like Luke was the one telling her a thrilling story and she was hanging on his lips, dying to hear what was coming next. Luke nodded, a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, exactly like that,” he told her. She seemed satisfied with that answer, as she shot him a wide, toothy grin. It faded not much later, and the confused frown was back on her face.

“But Michael isn’t Calum’s prince,” she argued, practically bouncing up and down in Luke’s lap in excitement at this realisation. “Michael is Ashton’s prince already, right? Then _you_ are Calum’s prince! And you need to save him!” Her eyes were almost comically wide when she ended her small rant, innocence shining bright in the blue orbs. A sad smile graced Luke’s face.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he just said, dropping the subject. Lexi now was truly satisfied, as she climbed off his lap and went to sit back down on the ground with her teddy bear. The thing was light brown with a lighter coloured belly, like the cliché stuffed bears, and it was all dirty and worn from how much she used it. 

Luke stared at Calum for a while before hesitantly placing one of his hands over one of Calum’s, and when he got no response – not that he was expecting one, but still – he put his other hand over it as well and wrapped Calum’s cold hand in both of his warm ones. The little talk he’d had with Lexi made him think. Was there something he could do? Something to get Calum to wake up? Or something to give him the strength to keep on fighting?

He wished there was.

-

It barely even took two hours for Michael and Ashton to return. As soon as Michael threw the door open, his eyes scanned the room frantically before locking on Calum’s still sleeping form and an expression of both pain and relief washed over his face. “Any news?” he asked Luke.

The blonde shook his head and tried to wipe his eyes inconspicuously. “I would’ve called you if there was.”

Michael eyed Luke for a moment, taking in the tear tracks on his face and the dull look in his eyes, but he simply nodded eventually and sat back down in the chair he’d been sitting in before Luke had come in.

Luke sent Ashton a questioning glance, but the curly-haired boy shrugged and pulled out his phone, typing a message which he showed to Luke soon after. 

_ He just ate and showered. I tried to get him to sleep but he wouldn’t. _

Luke made a small noise of acknowledgement and turned to Michael. “You should ask a nurse to put an extra bed in this room instead of in the sleeping room if you’re really not going to leave his side,” he said. “At least try to get some sleep.”

Michael seemed annoyed for a moment, but dropped the unspoken attitude almost immediately. “Yeah, okay. I think I’ll do that.”

Luke turned to Ashton then. “Please make sure he does.”

The nod he received was enough certainty for him. Of course Ashton would.

Lexi then jumped up, one of the paws of her stuffed bear clutched in her little fist, and ran up to Ashton, hugging his legs. A grin spread over the curly-haired boy’s lips, but Lexi still frowned when he didn’t answer her loud “Hi, Ash!”

“Why don’t you talk?” she asked him, genuine curiosity in her eyes where panic was taking over in Ashton’s. Luke stepped in before anything could happen, though, scooping Lexi up in his long arms easily.

“It’s because he hasn’t talked in a long time. He forgot how to,” he told Lexi, eyeing Ashton over her shoulder for approval. The smaller boy sagged in relief and nodded. “But we’ll teach him again, don’t worry. He will talk again.”

He looked right into Ashton’s eyes as he said so and, contrary to what Luke had been afraid might’ve happened, a small smile grew on Ashton’s face and he ducked his head bashfully, smiling at his shoes. Luke grinned too and put Lexi back down, but his gaze drifted over Calum’s almost lifeless body in the process and his heart sank back into his shoes. His thoughts were tumbling over each other and his mind was spinning, had been since Lexi’s philosophy, but only got worse. He needed to get out of here. 

“Can you watch Lexi this evening? I’m gonna go home for a bit too,” he asked then, his voice getting stuck in his throat a little. He hoped they hadn’t noticed. Michael didn’t seem to have heard him at all, but Ashton gave him a thumbs up. Luke smiled at him.

“Thanks. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

He quickly exited the room before they could start asking questions and pulled his phone from his pocket, dialling Jack’s number to ask for a ride.

-

Michael and Ashton were awkwardly cuddled up against each other in the hospital room, watching Lexi tell a fairy tale to her teddy bear on the other side of the room. The arms of the separate chairs they were sitting in pressed into their sides almost painfully and prevented them from cuddling properly, but they tangled up in each other as best as they could and watched Lexi play from across the room with fond smiles on their faces. 

“Do you ever want to have a kid?” Michael asked Ashton suddenly. The curly-haired boy looked taken aback for a moment before smiling and nodding. Michael smiled back. 

“Me too.”

They continued to sit like that in a comfortable silence, watching how Lexi tired herself out with the talking and large hand gestures and eventually slumped down on the floor with her head on her teddy’s lap, half-asleep. As if on cue, the door swung open silently, revealing a very tired-looking Luke. He’d changed into a long-sleeved jumper that gave him sweater paws and sweatpants. His face was paler than usual and he seemed to be swaying on his feet a little. Both Ashton and Michael eyed him warily.

“You okay?” Michael asked him. Luke looked at him blankly for a few seconds as if processing what he was saying before he nodded and walked over to Lexi, easily lifting her almost sleeping figure off the ground and placing her on his hip. He hissed and moved her over to his other side. Ashton’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair and Michael’s eyes narrowed. 

“Are you sure?” he pressed, but Luke just nodded stubbornly. 

“’M fine. I’m gonna put her to bed. Good night,” he said, disappearing out of the door and to Lexi’s room before Ashton or Michael had the chance to reply. Both boys locked gazes as soon as the door had slammed shut, concern and confusion evident in their eyes.

“What was that about?” Michael asked after a while. Ashton just shrugged.

_ Just leave him. He probably needs some time, _ Ashton typed, and Michael nodded, turning his attention to Calum. Even if you ignored all the tubes sticking out of his body, he still looked terrible. It scared Michael. It only made sense that it’d scare Luke too.


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I've been staring at this for literally hours and I just couldn't get it figured out. I hope it's not too bad.  
> By the way, I've started a new 5SOS fic. I hope you'd like to take a look at it :)   
> [You only live forever in the lights you make](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4618644).

Michael was sitting in Calum’s hospital room nervously. Ashton’s hand rested in his, which he was grateful for – if it hadn’t, Michael’s hand would have been shaking terribly.

The doctors had asked them to come to Calum’s room because they had an announcement to make. Michael and Ashton had been invited because Joy had thrown a fit when the nurse had once again refused to let them see Calum. She had completely lost it, yelling at every hospital employee within close proximity how the two boys were just as much Calum’s family as they were and she didn’t want them to be left out of anything regarding her son. The doctors had finally listened to her and had let Michael and Ashton into Calum’s room from then on.

And now, at last, there was news. Calum’s condition had stayed the same for the past almost three weeks he had been in the hospital and though, in a way, that was good – at least he didn’t worsen – it also wasn’t because it meant no improvement.

Luke came in last-minute with Lexi on his hip. She had made a lot of improvement and actually didn’t even really need to be in hospital anymore, the doctors and the social worker, Mrs Greene, had agreed that she could stay there for as long as Calum had to until they had found a family to adopt her. Lexi was comfortable and happy around Luke and he took good care of her. On top of that, there was plenty of room at the children’s department in the hospital while the orphanage was quite crowded at the moment, so it was better this way.

Luke looked paler than usual when he sat down in a spare chair, placing Lexi on his lap. David, Joy and Mali were huddled together around Calum’s hospital bed, holding onto the unconscious boy and each other. Fear was visible in their eyes. The silence in the room was thick and heavy, but with anxiety and anticipation, not with tension. Lexi didn’t seem to notice, too young and oblivious to realise the severity.

Dr Blake, the doctor who had been taking care of Calum in the past weeks, came in after a while. He was alone this time, no nurses following him to check on Calum’s vitals. Joy stood up as soon as she saw him.

“What’s the news?” she asked, overly eager to know about her son’s condition. The doctor gestured for her to sit back down, taking a look around the room after she’d done so.

“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you,” Dr Blake said, a barely suppressed sigh escaping his mouth. He was clearly affected by it as well. Michael’s heart came to a stop and he could feel Ashton freeze under his arm.

“Calum has been in a coma for a while now and he’s shown no signs of improvement at all. The chances of him waking up are growing slimmer by the day, so we need to inform you that it’s not looking good for him. He’s a strong kid, but you shouldn’t get your hopes up. I’m really sorry.”

All Michael can do is stare at the seemingly lifeless body of his best friend. The only indication he was actually still alive was the steady rise and fall of his chest, but even that was controlled by the machines, not regulated by himself. Calum’s skin was growing paler and paler each day and Michael hated seeing him waste away like this without being able to do anything.

Ashton started trembling and pressed closer to Michael, who wrapped him up in both his arms and stroked his back soothingly. He vaguely registered Luke gripping onto Lexi for dear life as he too couldn’t take his eyes off Calum lying there motionless in the hospital bed.

The second the doctor stepped out of the room and the door fell shut behind him, Joy lost it. Her loud cries filled the room and Michael had to bite his lip harshly to keep his own tears in. She, David and Mali exited the room soon after, unable to stay in the presence of their dying son and brother any longer. Michael’s teeth let go of his lip when the door closed and it only took seconds before hot tears were streaming down his cheeks, blotching up his face and leaving glistening tracks. Ashton tightened his grip on Michael’s waist to give him comfort and Michael squeezed him back, clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping him from falling apart. His vision was clouded with tears and everything is blurry. He choked on a whimper, trying to swallow it back, but he failed and Ashton noticed. The curly-haired boy slid out of his chair and sat down on Michael’s lap. It was a bit childish and perhaps out of proportion, Ashton too big to fit, the pressure on Michael’s laps almost too much, but he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and rested his head on top of Ashton’s head. The tears continued to silently cascade down his cheeks and he let them fall down onto Ashton’s curls. He didn’t seem to mind anyway.

Meanwhile, Luke was staring at the white wall with a blank expression on his face. He seemed emotionless, like all his feelings had been trampled over and shoved away far, a mask hiding his real face. His bright blue eyes usually had a sparkle in them, whether it was angry or happy, they always seemed to shine a little. But now, they were just dull, a mere empty shell of what they used to be. Michael could almost see the darkness behind them eating Luke away from the inside. His heart ached.

Luke stood up after a while, Lexi clutched tightly to his chest, and he just left the room without saying another word. He looked like he was running on autopilot, not really registering what he was doing. In some sort of trance, or shock, maybe.

Michael took the chair right beside Calum’s head, stroking his greasy yet dry hair out of his face as another fresh wave of tears flooded down. Ashton held him through it, tight grip becoming desperate when small sounds of distress left Michael’s mouth, despite him trying to keep them in. The weight of Dr Blake’s words finally started to sink in and he ducked onto Ashton, fisting the fabric of his shirt and pulling him impossibly closer as he buried his face in the curly-haired boy’s neck, sobs racking his body. Ashton’s eyes were leaking too, but not quite as bad as Michael’s, and the smaller boy wanted nothing more but comfort him, calm him down, make the hurt go away even just a little bit. The decision he made was more of an impulse, sudden and desperate, and the voice nagging at the back of his mind started screaming at him not to, the consequences still fresh in his wretched mind. He knew that Michael would never hurt him, though, so he pushed the voice away, did his best to ignore it, and finally, after months and months terrified silence, opened his mouth.

“ _When the dark clouds come your way_ ,” he sang, softly. His voice cracked on almost every syllable and he couldn’t get it out any louder than a shallow whisper. His throat burned from the effort, arid and raw from disuse, but he didn’t stop. Michael needed him and he was determined to be there for him.

“ _When your demons can’t be tamed,_ ” he continued. Michael’s violent shaking died down a little, trembling against Ashton’s body instead. His voice was still unsteady and his throat hurt even more, but the volume increased, if only a little.

“ _When your last straw’s about to break_ , _when you feel your heart can’t take anymore._ ” It cracked less, voice still unnaturally raw at the edges, but the emotions he poured into it were clearly audible. Painfully so.

“ _When your second chance is gone, when you’re barely hanging on, when you’re tired of being strong, and you don’t know where to run anymore_.” Michael relaxed against him more, tension dissipating from his body. His head rested limply on Ashton’s shoulder while his fingers played with the edge of Ashton’s shirt. He was still crying, but silently and not as badly – his eyes were just leaking, a sign of drained sadness and agony. Ashton’s voice stopped cracking so badly and got more steady, the final words sung directly to Michael’s ear. The pale boy’s eyes slid closed, dozing off after his breakdown.

“ _I want to take away the hurt, but I just don’t have the words. Let me hold you. Let me hold you tight. Let me hold you. Just let me hold you tonight_.”

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Let Me Hold You by Josh Krajcik - all credit to him.   
> So, this chapter was kind of good and bad at the same time. Not my best, but I tried. Tell me what you think?


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long. Again. School is busier than ever and the year only just began.

Michael’s eyelids were heavy when he tried to open them. He didn’t have enough energy to complete the action. Still half asleep, he registered the colours dancing before his closed eyes – unevenly dotted red, with spots of lighter orange and darker spots of black dancing in between it. The colours got lighter the harder he tried to open his eyes. When he finally succeeded, he was temporarily blinded by the bright white of the hospital – the walls, the floor, the bed, the sheets. Even Calum’s skin tone was lighter than it had been, the tan now looking faded and unhealthy, taken over by paleness. It made the black inked lines of his tattoos stand out even more.

Michael registered that the arm of the chair he was sitting in was poking him in his ribs, and his limbs were clumsily and uncomfortably tangled up in someone else’s. He could feel a large hand resting on his lower back, radiating warmth through the fabric of his shirt into his skin. It took him a moment longer than he’d have liked to admit to realise who the person they were attached to is. And when he did, he felt silly because _of_ _course_ it would be Ashton whose body he was intertwined with, grabbing onto each other tightly, joined almost like Siamese twins. A small smile appeared on his lips when his eyes fell onto Ashton’s face, taking in his caramel-coloured hair – which is getting so long it’s barely even curly anymore – his prominent cheekbones, the sharp edge of his jawline, the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows-

And that’s when it all came rushing back to him, washing over him like a tidal wave, robbing his lungs of all air and leaving him gasping. Ashton startled awake at the sound, clumsily untangling himself from Michael as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Wha?” he mumbled, cut off by a yawn. All Michael could do was stare, stare at the soft curve of Ashton’s lips as they pouted, wallow in the echo of Ashton’s raw voice that kept playing over and over in his head, until it was all he could hear, even drowning out the beeping and buzzing of the machines in the room.

Michael’s mouth dropped open is disbelief when Ashton made a small, cute noise at the end of his yawn and Ashton looked at him with concern in his eyes.

“You okay?” he asked, a small frown appearing on his face, pulling his eyebrows closer together. Michael could kiss him.

So he did.

Ashton’s lips were slightly chapped, but Michael barely even noticed, too busy savouring the sparks that shot up his spine when their lips made contact. When they broke apart for air, panting slightly, Michael still couldn’t bring himself to say something. He was too happy, too much in awe from hearing Ashton’s clear, bright voice again after far too long a time. Ashton’s eyes were sparkling, but still carried that worry.

“You- I – I mean, I’m- you just-” Michael stuttered, stumbling over his words and unable to form a coherent sentence. Miraculously – but no longer surprisingly – Ashton understood what he meant. The curly-haired boy clasped a hand over his mouth, eyes widening. Michael had never hated the terror in his eyes more than he did in that moment.

“I am so incredibly proud of you,” he whispered, grabbing a hold of Ashton’s hand before he could pull it away, thumb rubbing circles into his skin to comfort him, reassure him. It seemed to work, as Ashton no longer tried to push himself through the armrest to back away.

“I’ve missed your voice so much,” Michael continued, trying to pour his heart out in every word to make sure Ashton knew he was telling nothing but the absolute truth. “I’m so happy I got to hear it again.”

Ashton swallowed, still looking hesitant, but with a glint of determination shining in his eyes. He licked his lips and opened his mouth, breathing out the softest “Yeah?” Michael had ever heard, but it was there, it was definitely there. Michael almost jumped ten feet up in the sky from happiness and relief.

“Yes!” he cried, jolting forward to engulf Ashton in a bone-crushing hug. Ashton didn’t flinch, cringe or even try to pull away gently – he just melted into the embrace, slumping against his soulmate and wrapping his arms right back around Michael.

“Please don’t go back,” Michael begged, words muffled by the fabric of Ashton’s shirt. “Please, don’t stop talking again. We need you, I need you. Please, stay.”

Ashton nodded, tearing up a bit, and pulled Michael impossibly closer. “I will,” he promised, and Michael couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped him then.

“Thank you,” he muttered, resting his head on Ashton’s shoulder.

It’s not long after that that Luke entered the room, Lexi perched on his hip like she always is nowadays. It had become a rarity to see either one of them on their own, without the other right next to them. There was a red shade to Luke’s eyes, and he had large bags under them, making him look older and miserable. Michael wondered if he had even slept at all that night. Luke nodded at Michael and hoisted Lexi up a bit higher. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“How did her check-up go?” Michael wondered aloud. Luke nodded, even though that wasn’t really an answer to the question.

“It was good,” he rasped, voice wrecked from disuse. “She’s doing really well. The doctors allowed her to sleep without the oxygen mask from now on.”

Michael beamed at Lexi, giving her a thumbs up from where he was still draped against Ashton. “That’s great! I’m proud of you,” he said, making Lexi smile.

“Thanks,” she grinned, showing off the gap between her teeth. One of her milk teeth had come out yesterday – it looked adorable.

Luke nodded in agreement, a small smile playing on his lips when he looked at her, and put her down on the ground to entertain herself.

“Any news around here?” he asked, sitting himself down in a chair on the opposite side of Michael and Ashton. Michael nodded, but Ashton answered with a heartfelt “No”. It took look a few moments to register before his jaw dropped, too. The “Ashton” he breathed out got lost in the way he hugged him, burying his face into Ashton’s shoulder and clinging to him tightly. The angle was awkward and Michael was stuck in the middle of it, but it still felt perfect. Luke had gone further than just tear up – the tears were actually streaming down his face, clouding his vision, but he didn’t let it bother him as he clasped Ashton’s larger hands in his own, gazing up at the curly-haired boy’s face.

“Talk to me,” he begged, “say something else, _please_.”

Ashton smiled softly, squeezing Luke’s hands. “Hey, Luke,” he said, the two words punching a sob from the blonde’s lungs.

“Welcome back,” he whispered, pulling Ashton in for another hug and, to everyone’s surprise, even Michael after that. Their eyes locked when Luke let go of Michael, Luke’s blue orbs looking straight into Michael’s soul. They were void of the envy Michael expected he would see. All they displayed was relief and gratefulness, silently thanking Michael for achieving what he couldn’t do himself. The underlying pain didn’t go unnoticed, but Michael chose that it wasn’t the right time to mention it.

Lexi came up to them then, the pitter-patter of small feet against the hospital floor loud in the otherwise silent room. She clung to Luke’s legs, her small arms wrapped around them tightly, preventing him from moving, and grinned up at Ashton.

“You talked,” she said, lisping a little from the gap in her teeth. Ashton nodded, smiling shyly.

“I did,” he confirmed. Lexi’s grin widened.

“Did Michael teach you how to again? Like Luke said he would?” she wondered aloud. Ashton curled an arm around Michael’s waist and nodded, smiling happily.

“He did,” was all he said, but the goofy smile on his lips spoke volumes.

Luke went to sit back down in the chair he’d hastily abandoned when Ashton spoke, pulling Lexi up into his lap. He was deadly silent, staring at Calum, at the way his chest rose and fell steadily, supported by the machine. Luke’s hand subconsciously found Calum’s, fingertips grazing the dry skin, drawing patterns into it, tracing the tattoos permanently etched onto him.

“You’re the prince,” Lexi said suddenly, her high-pitched voice piercing through the loaded silence. Luke frowned in confusion.

“What?” he asked. Ashton and Michael also looked at her, puzzled.

“You’re the prince,” she repeated in a matter-of-fact tone, like it should be perfectly obvious that Luke was a prince. The gears in Luke’s head clicked when she continued speaking.

“And Cal is Sleeping Beauty,” eyes growing wide in realisation. Luke would have chuckled if her words hadn’t felt like bricks in his stomach. “You have to kiss him. If you kiss him, he’ll wake up. Just like Aurora did.”

It’s absolutely ridiculous, but Luke can’t fight the blush creeping up onto his cheeks, dusting his skin a light shade of pink. Oh, how he wished it was that easy.

“Come on, Lukey, you have to kiss him!” Lexi pressed, hopping up and down in his lap. He barely had the time to steady her before she toppled right off. Luke shook his head, however.

“I can’t kiss him, Lex. He’s got a tube down his mouth, you see?” he pointed out. Lexi frowned and pouted, brows furrowing as she pondered, like it was a serious issue that she had to solve. After a few minutes, she gasped and threw her chubby arms up in the air.

“Kiss his cheek then!” she cried, grinning smugly at her very creatively found solution. Luke did chuckle, then.

“Alright,” he said, leaning forward without hesitation and pressing his lips to Calum’s cheek softly, lashes grazing the skin as well when he closed his eyes. Calum’s face felt scarily cold against his lips. He ran his hand through Calum’s black hair, keeping his eyes fixated on his face, waiting for any changes, any signs of life to show. But as the seconds passed by, Calum’s face remained the same – pale, cold and sunk-in, lifeless if it hadn’t been for the machines. Luke felt a wave of disappointment wash over him, even though he had known nothing would happen. Deep down, he’d hoped that being Calum’s soulmate was enough, that it could really be like a fairy tale, and he’d have Calum walk out of the hospital with him the next day, perfectly healthy. But he knew he was only fooling himself. Just being Calum’s soulmate wasn’t enough. Of course it requires work, to prove you’re even worthy of your soulmate. Luke had done absolutely nothing to prove that. Maybe if he had, Calum wouldn’t have been lying here now.

That being the only thought on his mind, making his head spin and his mind cloud over, he stood up, handing Lexi over to Michael.

“Please take care of her. I need to go home,” he said, ignoring the “Wait!”s and “What’s wrong?”s they yelled after him as he slammed the door shut, pure self-loathing the only thing occupying his mind.


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry this took me so long. I've never let you guys wait for such a long time and I promise it won't happen again. I guess I just don't really want this fic to end yet and we're so close to being there. Just five more chapters. Thank you for everyone who's still here, after such a long time. I really appreciate it, it means a lot. Figured you deserved something good after this wait, so here you go. Hope you enjoy!

They were all tired.

The not-knowing, the fear of what could happen and especially the waiting had torn them down, tired them out. The waiting for the doctors to step into the room and finally deliver some good news, to hear the words “He will be waking up soon”, was painful. But they knew very well that their waiting could also end in the doctors saying that there’s nothing more that they could do for Calum, that they had to give up on him. The thought of that alone was agonizing.

And finally, the waiting had come to an end.

The doctors had called all of them in, so they were huddled around Calum’s hospital bed waiting for the bomb to be dropped. Ashton was terrified of what the outcome could be. He desperately hoped it was good news.

Calum’s parents were sitting on one side of the bed, Joy keeping a tight grip on her son’s hand. Mali was sat on the other side, occasionally stroking a strand of hair out of his face when it fell down. Luke had taken a seat in the last remaining chair in the room, with Lexi in his lap, as she always was nowadays. Ashton frowned in concern as he took the blonde’s appearance in. Luke looked like death. He had huge bags under his eyes, coloured a dark grey. They looked like bruises. His hair lay limp on his forehead, void of gel. He hadn’t taken the time to style it up into a quiff like he usually did in weeks. The oversized, baggy sweater with sleeves reaching up to the tips of his fingers didn’t help him look any better. If anything, it made him look worse, like he hadn’t eaten properly in days and had gotten even skinnier than he already had been before all of this had happened. He wasn’t wearing skinny jeans anymore, either, just sweatpants that were a bit loose around the waist for him. Ashton was starting to get really worried about him.

Lexi did seem to realise the seriousness of the situation this time, or at least partially. She was quiet for her doing, a serious expression on her pretty face as she held onto one of Luke’s hands with both her tiny hands tightly, giving him a bit of the support he desperately needed. Despite the situation, Ashton thought they looked adorable like that and he couldn’t help but think how great of a father Luke would be.

Ashton himself was standing at the end of the bed, tangled up with Michael, who was leaning heavily on the white metal bar of the bed. His knuckles were turning white with how tightly he was gripping it, like he was scared that if he let go of the bar, Calum would let go of the last remaining remnants of life inside him. Ashton hugged him a little tighter, pressed closer to him to provide him some more, much needed comfort.

When the Dr Blake finally walked into the room, the expression on his face already told Ashton enough, but the curly-haired boy still hoped, prayed, begged any power that might be out there that he was mistaking. Everyone sat up a little straighter as soon as the man walked in. Michael turned around and wrapped both his hands around Ashton’s waist, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. Ashton could feel him trembling with fear and anticipation.

Dr Blake sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked tired, too. Not as bad as Luke, but still not too good. “Thank you all for coming,” he said, as if there had ever been a question about them not being there. “I know how hard this is, so I will go straight to the point and not dance around it, because that won’t help anyone.”

Calum’s parents nodded, gripping onto their son and each other more tightly. Ashton gave Michael a little squeeze and took a deep breath, half hiding his face in Michael’s shoulder because he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the message they were about to receive.

Dr Blake’s eyes were sad when he started talking, corners of his mouth turned downwards in a grim expression. “We’ve tried everything we could, but nothing is working. Right now, Calum is just in a lot of pain without making any improvement, and with every passing day his chances are getting smaller. It pains me to say this, but the odds he’ll ever wake up again have dropped to zero. I’m sorry.”

Quiet gasps and muffled sobs came from various parts of the room. Ashton could feel his eyes fill up with tears as he whispered “No”, shaking his head in disbelief. Michael wrapped him up in a hug and Ashton felt the boy’s tears leak through his shirt, creating a wet patch on his shoulder. Over the top of Michael’s head, he saw how Luke pulled Lexi closer to him, turned her around and hugged her to his chest, stroking her long, blonde locks lovingly. Tears dripped down his cheeks, passing the dark marks under his eyes and Ashton had rarely seen anything more heart-breaking than this. He wanted to wrap Luke up in a hug and not let go until he was feeling better, until he was mended, but before he had the chance to move, Mali had scooted over with her chair and wrapped her arms around both Luke and Lexi. Her slim shoulders were shaking slightly in time with her crying and Ashton couldn’t see her face, but he was sure she looked wrecked, with mascara running down her cheeks and smudged eyeliner.

“We will give all of you a moment to say goodbye before we turn off the machines. You can stay here until... until it happens, or you can wait in the hallway or go home. Whatever feels like the best thing for yourself,” Dr Blake said, the apology he wasn’t saying out loud still audible in his voice. Ashton wanted to tell him to not beat himself up over it, that it wasn’t his fault, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now and he didn’t want to leave Michael’s embrace.

“Come on, boys, let’s give the family a moment,” one of the nurses said, whose name Ashton kept forgetting but who was always nice to all of them. He just nodded and exited the room after her, still not letting go of Michael. Luke followed them too after a moment, balancing Lexi on his hip. Her face was hidden behind her mop of hair and buried in the crook of Luke’s neck, but Ashton was pretty sure he could see her skin glistening with tear tracks and judging by the way her tiny hands had curled into fists, tightly clutching the fabric of Luke’s sweater, he was right.

Luke looked absolutely broken. He could only wrap his arms around Lexi and hold her against him, showing no signs of ever letting go.

It took quite a while – almost an hour – for David and Joy to exit the hospital room, and Mali stayed in there for a few minutes longer so she could have a last private moment alone with her little brother. She looked like a mess when she came out, crying almost hysterically, and Michael immediately latched onto her and hugged her even more tightly than he’d been hugging Ashton before. Her parents joined in and it suddenly looked like a really intimate family moment, especially with the way Joy and David had always treated Michael like their own son. Ashton kind of felt like he was intruding just by watching them, so he averted his gaze until they broke apart and Michael came back up to him. Luke came to stand by their side, still carrying Lexi, and they went inside. The sight of Calum hit Ashton like a freight train – not because he looked bad, as he looked the same as he’d done an hour prior, but because this would be the last time they saw him. Ever.

The doctors had taken Calum off the mechanical ventilation. He now just had a tube in his nose to help him breathe and the rise and fall of his chest went significantly slower and less deep now. Ashton didn’t want to think about how his chest would be completely still, very soon, forever.

A sad, heavy silence hung over them like a dark cloud until Michael took the lead and stepped around the bed, sitting down in one of the vacant chair and taking Calum’s hand in his own.

“Hey, Cal,” he said, taking a deep breath to banish the tears from his voice. “Look at you, mate. You look like Hell.” Michael cleared his throat, inconspicuously wiping at his cheek. “It’s all going so fast, all of a sudden. You can’t leave me, mate. You’re my brother. I need you. I need you to stay. Please, Calum, please stay.”

His voice caught in his throat at the last syllable and Ashton sat down next to him, swinging an arm around his shoulder and briefly touching Calum’s bared arm with his free hand.

“You can’t leave us,” he whispered, unable to get more volume behind his voice. “Not like this. Not after everything we’ve been through. We’re a quartet now, man. There’s four of us. We can’t go on being just three.”

The dark cloud hanging over them became even darker at his words and it got harder for Ashton to keep on talking, his vocal chords swollen from emotion and the crying. “And you did it. You saved the girl, you saved Lexi. You should at least be around to see how much of a hero you are.”

As if Ashton had summoned her by saying her name, Lexi clambered on top of the bed, clumsily crawling over Calum’s near-lifeless body until she was sitting next to his chest, and pressed a kiss on his cheek.

“Bye-bye Cal,” she said, petting his greasy hair with her chubby little hand, and Ashton’s heart both melted and shattered at the same time when she softly whispered “I love you” before sliding off the bed and diving back into Luke’s arms. The blond smiled and wiped at his nose, cuddling her close for a minute.

“Do you think he heard me?” Lexi asked, her round eyes even bigger than usual. Luke smiled at her sadly.

“Yeah, peach, I think he did,” he said, “and I’m sure he wants to say back that he loves you too.”

Lexi beamed at him and gave him another hug, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Can you go with Ash and Mikey for a moment?” Luke asked after they broke apart, glancing over at the pair to make sure they were okay with it. Ashton nodded his approval. “I want to talk to Calum alone for a second.”

“Okay,” Lexi said, trotting over to the two boys and letting Michael pick her up. Luke smiled at them, but his eyes just looked empty.

“Thanks,” he said, and Ashton nodded at him before closing the door behind them.

Luke took a deep breath and moved to the chair closest to Calum’s head, running his pale fingers down the boy’s tanned arm and eventually lacing their fingers together. He lifted Calum’s hand up to his mouth and gently pressed his lips to the skin, scared by how cold he already felt.

“Hey, Calum,” he mumbled, trying to keep his tears at bay for as long as he could. “I, um. I have a lot of things that I have to say to you. And a lot of these things I should’ve told you way earlier, when it wasn’t too late yet, but. I guess it’s too late for that now, too.” He chuckled humourlessly and squeezed Calum’s hand softly, drawing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. His skin felt dry, almost like paper. It made him hold on a little tighter.

“First of all, I need to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry about how I treated you. I regret every minute of it now.” He took a deep breath, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill.

“Y’know, I, um. I always thought that the universe was trying to tell me how to live my life through the soulmate system, like some sort of cruel prank being played on me, but lately I’ve been thinking that maybe the universe is just trying to help, and I turned it so that the cruel prank was on you without even really knowing. The system gives you one certain, steady thing in a world full of uncertainties and constant changes. It gives you true love, a significant other that will stay for a lifetime because that’s who you’re meant to be with. And I think it’s about time I finally started embracing it. You’re my soulmate, Calum, and I love you. God, do I love you. And I’m not afraid to admit it anymore.”

A pathetic sound escaped his mouth as he tried to suppress a sob and it only worked half. “But it’s too late now. And I can’t put into words how fucking sorry I am.”

Luke squeezed his eyes closed and rested his forehead on the back of Calum’s hand, that he was still clasping in both his own ones. His breathing was shaky, irregular and unsteady and his hands were trembling. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words, put the sentences together. So he let his tears soak into the skin of Calum’s hand and gripped his hand like a lifeline, like he could pull Calum back that way.

“I love you too, you asshole.”

Luke’s head shot up so fast he could feel something crack, but he barely registered it as his eyes locked with Calum’s coffee-coloured irises. A scream erupted from his mouth and he quickly clasped one of his hands over his mouth, but it went back to holding Calum’s hand almost immediately.

“What... I – how...” was all he could manage to say, overwhelmed to see his eyes open, to hear his voice talking. “Calum.”

“Luke,” the tanned boy replied, retracting his hand from Luke’s hold and cupping the blonde’s cheek with it. “You are the biggest arsehole I’ve ever met, and I hate you. A lot.”

Luke nodded, more tears falling down his face – although they were joyful ones now, overwhelmed and happy. “I know,” he whispered, putting one of his hands over Calum’s one, “and I am so sorry.”

“I know,” Calum echoed, the ghost of a smile tugging one corner of his lips up. “And it’s okay.”

Luke shook his head. “No, it’s not,” he argued, but continued before Calum could interfere. “But I’m not going to ruin the moment. I’ll prove myself to you. I’ll prove that I love you and that we were meant to be in the end. If you’ll give me the chance, that is.”

With the loudest _bang_ Luke ever heard, the door of the room flung open and crashed into the wall, revealing a panicked Michael and Ashton and a set of doctors right behind them.

“What’s going on?! We heard a shout, what-” Ashton asked, eyes flying up and down Luke’s body to check for injuries, unaware of what was happening, but Calum didn’t let him finish.

“Ash!” He shouted – or tried to – voice cracking even at the single syllable. “You’re talking again!”

Ashton immediately stilled all of his movement and froze on the spot, Michael right behind him doing the exact same thing. Both their mouths dropped to their shoes as they took Calum in, awake and alive. It wasn’t even a second later that Calum’s bed was filled with two more teenage boys, resulting in a messy pile of limbs. Calum laughed weakly, coughing as he did so.

“Guys, please, I love you too but you’re kind of squashing me right now.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Michael rushed out instantly, getting off of the bed so quickly he almost dropped face-first onto the floor.

“It’s fine,” Calum promised, his hand finding Luke’s one again and intertwining their fingers. Their eyes locked for the second time that day and Luke found all air knocked out of his lungs, in the best way. It felt like coming home.

“Of course I’ll give you the chance,” Calum smiled, squeezing Luke’s hand, and though he still had a long way to go to recover from this, in that moment, Luke knew that everything would be alright.

 


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could be triggering. There is talk of self-harm in here. Please be careful reading this.

Calum’s recovery had started from the minute the doctors entered the room behind Ashton and Michael. They ran up to the bed, watched the monitors and checked the multiple IV’s still attached to Calum and, for the time being, they didn’t take any of them out. Even Luke saw why. After all the weeks he had spent in the hospital he had learnt how to read the monitors, to see when it’s doing fine and to spot when something is going wrong. The beeping of the heartrate monitor showed had only become a little more steady and regular, and the one that shows Calum’s breathing showed exactly the same information as it had done the past couple of days. He still had a long way to go until he was healed, obviously, but he was _alive_ and he was _awake_ , and for now, that was enough.

Despite the miraculous jump in Calum’s condition, the doctors hadn’t been able to get Luke to leave the hospital for over an hour. The blonde had taken the hospital as his new residence, staying in the room they had set up for them when Calum first got hospitalized. All of them had used it frequently, but they had all gone home several nights a week too, to clean up in their own shower and to get a proper night’s sleep – the hospital beds were awfully uncomfortable. Even David, Joy and Mali hadn’t stayed at the hospital every night. Luke was the only one too stubborn, and perhaps too hurt by everything that had been going on, to leave. He’d had an excuse at first – he needed to be there for Lexi, she was a little girl who had just lost her parents and she’d grown a large liking for Luke. But now that Lexi had been discharged, under the condition that she had to come back frequently for check-ups to make sure her little lungs didn’t stop working from the aftermath of the smoke, there was nothing to hide behind, no legit reason for him to stay at the hospital around the clock. Since Calum had started his slow recovery, everyone had started trying to coax him into going home. Luke had stubbornly refused to sleep anywhere but in the uncomfortable hospital bed, despite the ache in his back getting worse by the day. He had only finally caved in when Calum had downright ordered him to go home, to take proper care of himself for the first time in quite a while.

So Luke had finally slept at his own house, in his own bed for the first time in _weeks_ , and it made him feel much better than he had thought it would. The dark circles under his eyes had decreased in their intensity, his skin didn’t feel like paper anymore and his back hurt a lot less after a night on a comfortable mattress. Luke hadn’t felt this good in what seemed like ages.

The counterpart of Calum’s recovery was Lexi’s. In Luke’s eyes her recovery, discharge from the hospital meant she’d had to go to an orphanage, as she had lost both of her parents. This meant that Luke barely saw her again, as he still wasn’t comfortable with leaving Calum alone for, well, any period of time, actually. He had offered to pick her up and bring her to the hospital once every week for her check-up, sitting with her through the boring, and to the little girl quite scary, routine, always taking her to see Calum afterwards. Lexi absolutely _adored_ Calum, climbing into his cramped hospital bed every time and staying there until it was time for Luke to bring her back.

Of course, Luke didn’t visit her only once a week. He had grown very attached to her – more attached than was probably healthy – and honestly, he could barely go a day without seeing her. So he dropped by at the orphanage she had taken a temporary residence in. It was heart-breaking to see how she’d light up every time Luke stepped into the room, running over to him and clinging to his legs to make sure he wouldn’t leave. But sadly, he had to leave after a while, every single time. Luke’s heart ached a little more each time.

Today was the day of her weekly appointment again. Those were Luke’s favourite days of the week, because he got to spend more time with her than regularly and he could see the way Calum was with kids – which was, to portrait in a single word, perfection. He was so gentle with her, so sweet, even when she was high on sugar and jumping around on the bed, hitting sore spots on his body by accident. The way he adoringly called her ‘princess’ or ‘sweetie’ made a warmth spread all through Luke’s chest, pouring down his intestines like liquid gold and covering his heart in a soft layer of fondness for his soulmate. It was moments like those when Luke could see their future, settled down in a nice house with a backyard somewhere a few miles outside of Sydney, the sound of tiny feet pattering around the wooden floor of their living room. He could hear their dog barking and smell the flowers in their yard. Those moments made Luke fall in love with Calum more and more.

As usual, Lexi was tragically ecstatic to see him when he stepped across the threshold to the room she’d been assigned. She had to share it with two other girls from around her age and though she seemed glad to have some company that she could play with instead of sitting around people three times her age, locked up in a hospital room all day, Luke could easily see that she wasn’t happy. Not really. Not if she still got so much happier by actually spending all day stuffed away in a hospital room surrounded by adults. Luke would give everything he could to get her out of there. But sadly, he couldn’t care for a kid on his own. He didn’t have the time, experience or money and he wanted her to have the best life she could get, not one stuck with a broke teenage boy who was barely a legal adult. He wasn’t able to give her the golden life she deserved.

So he savoured any time with her he could get, lifting her up in the air with a little grunt of effort when she ran to him.

“Luke!” she yelled excitedly, swinging her tiny arms around his neck and holding on to him tightly.

“Hey princess,” he answered, chuckling at her excitement as he spun them around a few times, making her giggle.

“Are we gonna see Cal again today?” was the first thing he asked, making her bright blue eyes big on purpose and with a small pout she knew Luke couldn’t resist. He was so gone for her.

“Yes, we are. But we first have to get you to the doctors to make sure you’re good, yeah?” Luke said, waving at one of the social workers at the shelter absent-mindedly as he exited the building with Lexi in his arms. She wined, wriggling around in his grasp as if that would stop him from taking her to her appointment.

“I don’t want to go to the doctors,” she pouted. Luke resisted a chuckle as he pinched one of her flushed, chubby cheeks.

“I’m sorry, love, but you’ll have to. But I’ll get you a present from the gift shop if you’ll be good, alright? Does that sound good?”

Lexi nodded excitedly, allowing Luke to put her down in the kid’s seat in his car he’d bought for her. The drive to the hospital was nice, with Lexi singing along to some of the songs on the radio with her cute, high-pitched voice, getting most of the words wrong. Luke thought he’d never heard anything more adorable.

 

-

 

“Hey guys,” Calum said as Ashton and Michael entered his hospital room, hands intertwined. Ashton immediately noticed something was wrong.

“Hey Cal. How’re you doing?” Michael asked, taking a seat. Calum shifted in his bed uncomfortably for a bit, opening his mouth and closing it again a few times, no sound coming out.

“You okay?” Ashton asked, eyeing him with concern. The tanned boy nodded, but Ashton wasn’t convinced.

“I’m fine,” Calum promised, clearing his throat right after he said so. Ashton frowned.

“Can I ask you something?” Calum continued, playing with the white duvet draped over his body. “Something personal?”

Ashton’s frown deepened, Michael’s facial expression matching his perfectly. “Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

Calum still hesitated, however, his fingers now twisting over and through themselves in a vain attempt to calm his nerves. “I mean, only if you’re sure. I don’t want to pry or anything-”

Ashton took Calum’s hand in his free one and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s fine, Cal, I promise. Ask away.”

Calum swallowed thickly and his gaze flickered up to meet his friends’, only to fly back down to his tangled hands a few times before he had finally gathered enough courage to speak.

“How did you stop self-harming?”

His voice was small and quiet, like he was afraid to ask. Ashton blinked dumbly, that having been the last question he’d expected to hear. Michael looked even more concerned than before, face paled a few shades at the question.

“Um,” Ashton said, trying to retrieve the memories stacked so far away in his mind. They were painful to relive, but he was finally seeing a therapist and he was making huge progress. Nightmares bothered him much less than they once had and he didn’t wake up screaming anymore, drenched in cold sweat and with Michael’s arms around him, the touch foreign to his scared subconscious. “I don’t really know, to be honest. When my father-” He broke off then, swallowing as he bit his lip. Michael put a hand on his back and Ashton scraped his throat, pushing the memory of agony and fear away. “When I was – you know – I didn’t get the chance to do it. And when Daryl found me, when I got back, I guess I had been in so much pain already that I didn’t need even more of it. So I just never picked up my razor again. In that way, maybe I should be grateful for what my father did.” He chuckled humourlessly. Michael shot him a fiery look.

“You shouldn’t be grateful for anything that bastard has done to you. You would’ve been able to stop on your own power. We would’ve helped you,” he said, unable to hide the undertone of anger and hatred – not directed at Ashton, the curly-haired boy now knew, but at his father. Ashton smiled.

“Thanks,” he said. Michael returned the smile, but they focused their attention back on Calum then.

“Why did you want to know?” Ashton asked him. Calum just shrugged, not looking them in the eye.

“No, don’t fucking be like that,” Michael hissed, leaning over to lightly slap Calum on his arm when he didn’t respond. “Don’t ask us about self-harm and then not say why. Are you hurting yourself?”

Calum’s eyes went wide, his grip on the duvet tightening significantly. “No,” he said in a small voice, but tears sprang into his eyes and Ashton felt his body go cold all over.

“Cal,” Michael rasped, brokenly, cradling Calum’s large hand in his own smaller one. “Why?”

“I promise I’m not,” Calum repeated, more forcefully this time, but the tears had started leaking from his eyes. “But I, um. I think Luke is,” he admitted slowly, softly, finally meeting their gaze. Ashton’s heart froze.

“What makes you think that?” Michael asked carefully, still not letting go of his hand. Calum shrugged again, wiping his face with the back of his free hand.

“He just- he looks so _tired_ all the time, like he might collapse any moment from exhaustion. I don’t know if you realised, but that’s exactly the way you used to look when you still... you know,” Calum said, awkwardly gesturing at Ashton’s sleeve-covered wrist. The curly-haired boy subconsciously tugged the fabric down a little further. Michael smiled gently at his best friend.

“That _is_ something to worry about, but it doesn’t prove he’s doing anything like- like _that_ ,” he said, squeezing Calum’s hand. “Maybe he just has trouble sleeping.”

Calum shook his head, sniffling and trying to blink his tears away. “It’s not just that,” he said, voice barely audible and thick with tears. “It’s- I- he-”

Michael grabbed his hand a little tighter when Calum tried to stop a sob from tearing through him, coughing as he did so. “It’s okay, it’s fine. You can tell us. What is it?”

Calum pulled his hand from Michael’s grasp and placed them over his face, heaving in a few slow, deep breaths to calm himself down. “I have these cuts on my hip,” he finally managed to press out. Ashton suppressed a gasp, grip around Michael’s hand tightening. “I didn’t put them there. They were just there, when I woke up, and I didn’t think anything of it at first, figured I’d got them in the fire somehow. But a few nights ago, I couldn’t sleep and I suddenly felt something tickling at my hip. And when I looked, I saw more cuts appear, out of nowhere. I didn’t do anything and they just faded into existence. Then I realised, they must be a soulmate thing. And I just- I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.”

Calum had never looked so scared, so miserable as he did then. The look on his face was one of complete desperation, helplessness. Ashton’s heart ached for him, but also for Luke.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, voice cracking as he covered his mouth with his hand. The cuts had to come from Luke, there was no other explanation for them appearing on Calum’s skin like that. How had he not noticed?

“We need to confront him,” Calum croaked, “but I don’t know what to say.”

“We’ll do it together,” Michael promised.

 

-

 

When Luke entered the hospital room, both Lexi’s hands in his and her tiny feet perched atop of his own, walking for the both of them, all eyes were immediately on him. And it wasn’t in the way people look at someone who just entered a room in a way of greeting, smiling at him with their eyes before they hugged him and said hi. The way they looked at him made his skin crawl, his stomach churn with discomfort. It felt almost judgemental.

Lexi, blissfully unaware of the sudden tension crowding the room, squealed when she spotted Calum.

“Cal!” she called, letting go of Luke’s hands to run over to the bed and climb on it – which took her quite some effort and required a little help from Michael. She hugged Calum fiercely once she’d managed.

“Hey sweetie,” the tanned boy giggled, wrapping his strong arms around her small body. “How did it go at the doctors?”

“It was boring,” the whined immediately, but pushed a fluffy stuffed pink teddy bear in Calum’s face. “But I was good so Luke bought me this!” Her voice went up a few octaves from excitement and Calum’s couldn’t help the fond giggle that escaped him.

“That’s very sweet of Luke. I’m proud you did so well,” he answered, booping her nose. She beamed at him, her smile almost as bright as the sun. Michael lifted her up, then, eliciting a surprised squeal from her.

“Don’t you say hi to me anymore?” he asked, feigning hurt. Lexi was quick to assure him she still loved him. As Michael distracted her, Ashton gestured Luke to come sit next to him. Calum looked tense, shoulder tensed up and body rigid.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyeing Calum worriedly. “What’s going on?”

The latter was more directed at Ashton. The curly-haired boy sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at Luke with a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m just going to get straight to the point here,” Ashton said, looking at Calum to check if that was alright. He nodded. “Luke, have you been harming yourself?”

Luke’s breath got caught in his throat with a sharp intake of breath. He felt his blood rapidly run cold, spreading all through his body, making his fingertips and toes go numb. He started shaking, his head was spinning and his train of thoughts had come to an abrupt stop. All he could do was stare at Ashton’s open, concerned face, and turn his head to look into Calum’s equally as worried – maybe even more so – eyes. Luke closed his eyes as he felt tears building up behind his eyelids, pressing forth until they broke through the barrier, pouring down his cheeks one after the other, like a sad parade. He didn’t re-open his eyes until he heard Calum let out a sob and felt warm hands pulling him forward, onto the bed. He could vaguely hear Michael talking to Lexi animatedly to keep her attention away from what was happening between the three of them. Luke felt safe and loved when Calum wrapped his tanned arms around his waist and squeezed them closer together, burying his tear-stained face in the crook of Luke’s neck as his body shook with quiet sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Calum hiccupped, pulling Luke impossibly closer. “I’m so sorry.”

Luke wrapped his hands around Calum’s shaking form and held him close, tears still streaming down his cheeks. “What for?” he managed to ask, sparing a glance at a very sad-looking Ashton.

“For not being able to prevent you from doing this to yourself,” Calum answered. Luke felt guilt creeping up on him, eating him up from the inside. He shook his head firmly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Cal, _nothing_. I promise,” he said, running his hand through his boy’s black locks. “You did nothing but make me happy.”

“Then why do you do this to yourself?” Calum asked, voice so small and vulnerable it punched a fresh set of tears right out of Luke. He was pretty sure he could hear his heart shatter.

“It has nothing to do with you,” he muttered, burying his nose in Calum’s hair. He smelled like cheap shampoo and the lingering smell of chemicals every hospital possessed.

“Tell me why,” Calum begged. Luke couldn’t have denied him of anything even if he’d wanted to.

“I um. I started when you were in a coma. They said you weren’t going to make it and I just. I couldn’t deal with that. I did it because I hoped it would distract me without having to bother others, because everyone had enough to deal with on their own. Ashton told me before, that’s how it worked for him, so, yeah...” Luke’s voice trailed off, his words fading away into the silence of the hospital room. The only thing audible were Lexi’s high-pitched screams as Michael tortured her by tickling her in the sides. Luke couldn’t even hear his own breathing. Maybe he was holding his breath – he didn’t notice.

“So it was my fault,” Calum’s voice broke the heavy silence eventually, entering Luke’s ears and cutting through him like an array of sharp knives.

“No, it wasn’t. it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you did to make me do that,” Luke promised, pressing kisses all over the soft skin of Calum’s face. “You saved Lexi. She’s been the only thing that kept me going on some days. If anything, you’ve helped me. Indirectly, but still. Okay?”

Calum swallowed, blinking through his tears as he nodded. “Okay.”

“I love you,” Luke smiled. Calum managed a weak smile back.

“I love you too.”

Ashton leaned forward then, clumsily wrapping his arms around the two of them. The awkward angle emitted a giggle out of them. “Promise me you’ll stop,” Ashton pleaded, voice wobbling as he squeezed Luke’s waist gently. Luke nodded.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised. Ashton smiled. That was all he needed to hear for now.

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out way longer than I expected. Hope you enjoy!

A week later, Luke took Lexi to her weekly appointment at the hospital once again, and they visited Calum together afterwards, as they did every time. Calum was starting to look better – he had more colour in his face, his skin wasn’t as pale as it had been when he was in a coma, and his cheeks were less sunk-in. Luke was relieved. It had been horrible to see Calum waste away like that. It was good to see him doing better.

The love for Calum in Luke’s chest swelled up to the point Luke felt he might burst of fondness when Lexi ran up to the bed and Calum lifted her up. Luke went over to greet Michael and Ashton in the meantime, who were also present in the room.

“Hey, bug,” the tanned boy cooed, hugging Lexi close for a moment while she pressed a slimy toddler-kiss to his cheek.

“Hey, Cal,” she said in her small, high-pitched voice.

“How did it go?” he asks her. She shoots him a bright smile, two of her teeth missing and leaving gaps in her mouth.

“Good! The doctor said I don’t have to come back every week anymore,” she cheered. Calum high-fived her.

“That’s great news!” he said, pulling her in for another hug. “But you’ll still come visit me every week, right?”

Lexi nodded vigorously, clinging to Calum’s neck. It looked like she was strangling him, but Calum didn’t seem to be affected. “Of course!” she squeaked, patting his hair with one chubby hand. “Luke will still bring me every week. Right?”

She turned to Luke when she asked and he nodded reassuringly. “Yeah, of course I will. Every week,” he promised, ruffling her long blonde locks a bit. She grinned up at him, causing a fond smile to spread over not only Luke’s, but also Calum’s face.

Michael, who was standing with his back against the wall of the room, walked over to them until he was standing next to Luke.

“You really love them, don’t you?” he asked in a hushed voice, so only Luke could hear. The blonde nodded.

“He’s my soulmate,” Luke answered, a certain determination evident in his voice. “I’m not afraid of that anymore. I love him. And she is the brightest, sweetest, bravest little girl I’ve ever seen.”

Luke felt his throat closing up when he watched Calum tell Lexi a story, painting his words in the air with hand gestures and facial expressions. “I can’t bear the thought of someone adopting her and me possibly never seeing her again.”

They fell silent for a while, listening to Lexi’s squeals as Calum mercilessly pressed his fingers into her sides, tickling her until she was gasping for breath through her laughter. It was Michael who finally broke the silence.

“Then why don’t you adopt her yourself?”

It took Luke a while to process Michael’s words, but when his brain finally caught up he turned his head so fast his neck hurt.

“What?!” he whisper-shouted. “What do you mean ‘adopt her’? I can’t just adopt a kid, I’m not even an adult myself.”

“Legally, you are,” Michael pointed out. “And she clearly adores both you and Calum. She could be your first kid. It’s not like you’d be alone in it, you wouldn’t have to raise her all by yourself. Me and Ash would be there to help you, too.”

He said it so easily, like it was nothing, with a small shrug of his shoulders. Luke’s head was spinning. A child was a huge responsibility, and even though he’d love to see Lexi every day, watch her grow up, he couldn’t just take in a kid like it’s no big deal.

“At least think about it,” Michael reasoned when Luke didn’t answer. “I’m sure Cal would love it too.”

Luke just nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from his soulmate and the little girl sitting on his lap. I will, he thought to himself.

 

-

 

Luke was lying next to Calum in the hospital bed, just talking to each other, when the doctor came in. He didn’t bother sitting up straight, just took one of Calum’s hands in his own and faced the doctor.

“Good news, Mr Hood,” the man said, a warm smile on his features. Calum pushed himself up from the bed a little, curiosity in his eyes.

“I just got your test results back. They came back very positive. We just need to check a few more things and then, I’m confident to give you the all-clear. You’ll be sleeping in your own bed tonight,” the doctor informed them. Calum elicited a small gasp, mouth hanging open slightly. Luke’s grip on his hand tightened significantly.

“What?” Calum breathed, lacking the courage to say it out loud in case he’d jinx it. The smile on the doctor’s face grew a little.

“We’re clearing you. You’re going home,” he said, winking as he backed out the door. “A nurse will be with you in a few to run some final tests. I will be back with you after.”

It took Calum a while before he was able to tear his gaze away from the door, only to face the huge grin on Luke’s face. “You’re going home,” the blond said, parroting the doctor’s words. Calum nodded, lost for words.

“Yeah, I am,” he said. Luke chuckled and cuddled him close.

“Took you long enough,” he whispered into Calum’s dark mop of hair. The tanned boy nodded and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of cigarettes and shampoo that Luke emitted.

“I know,” he whispered back, stroking Luke’s back through his leather jacket. “I know.”

 

-

 

Luke had trouble breathing.

Calum was at home, with his parents and sister fussing over him even though he kept insisting he was fine and didn’t need to be taken care of every single minute of the day. Luke hadn’t wanted to invade their family moment and had gone to his own house, but figured he might well give Lexi a visit. When he’d arrived at the orphanage, however, the lady at the front desk had told him that he couldn’t see Lexi at the moment, that there was a family, a married couple with her right now, thinking about adopting her. Thinking about adopting Luke’s little girl, taking her away from him. The woman had refused to let Luke in, no matter how much he’d begged her, and eventually he’d rushed back home, his eyes burning with the effort of keeping his tears at bay. His heart felt like it was being ripped to shreds as he slammed the bathroom door closed behind himself and sank down onto his knees on the tiled floor. He tried to take deep breaths, get his breathing under control, and lit a cigarette to stop his hands from shaking so badly, but nothing worked. He breathed in deeply, keeping the air in for as long as he could to let the smoke burn in his lungs to distract him from the pain in his heart.

Tears clouded his vision and he almost toppled over with how violently his body was trembling. As a sob was torn from his body, he reached for the cupboard under the sink, pulling the door open with more force than necessary and knocking over several bottles in his search for the little piece of metal. When his fingers wrapped around the cold material, he sat down with his back against the bathtub and shoved his jeans down his legs, taking another inhale from the cigarette he was still holding in between his lips, breathing out the smoke through his nose. The small blade in his hand reflected the light as he brought it up to his face, to look at it for a few moments, before his hand went down farther and farther, until the metal pinched his skin.

Luke watched in horrified fascination as the blade dug into the flesh of his hip, piercing the pale skin and drawing blood. The red liquid filled the tiny, neat cut and gathered at one edge before dripping down. It landed onto the tiled floor with a soft 'drip', the deep crimson a large contrast to the spotlessly clean white of the tile. The cut stung as more blood welled up and more droplets started flowing down his hip. Some landed on the floor, like the first one, and he wiped some other ones away before they had the chance to do so. It felt wet at first, like water but thicker, but it turned sticky and uncomfortable soon, caking his fingertips and staining them red. The colour and structure of the substance forced a certain fascination out of him. A nagging part at the back of his mind kept screaming at him that this was wrong, it was weird and disgusting. A different part, however - which at this moment dominated - couldn't stop staring at the red liquid on his fingers, slowly dripping down his hip, couldn't stop touching it. It enchanted him, kept him in a trance.

He took another pull from the cigarette, his fingers leaving bloody smudges on the thing. His lungs burned with the smoke in them and his hip burned when the blade dug into it again and again and again-

The bathroom door flew open, revealing a panicked-looking and heavily breathing Calum. The tanned boy looked like he’d just run an entire marathon, doubling over while he gasped for air but moving farther into the room nonetheless. Luke silently cursed himself for not locking the damn door.

“Luke,” Calum heaved out, the pain straining his voice not just from the physical effort he’d clearly been making. Luke wondered if he’d run here all the way from his house. He probably had. He must be insane. Luke told him that.

“You’re insane,” he muttered, purposely ignoring the gasp Calum emitted and the way he flinched when Luke dragged the blade across his ruined skin once again. Calum visibly swallowed, dropping to his knees in front of Luke and gently taking the cigarette from his mouth, putting the butt out in the small layer of water left in the sink. The drain pipe was blocked, Luke still needed to have it unclogged. He hadn’t found the time to do so yet.

“Says the one who’s made himself bleed all over the goddamn floor,” he bit back, but Luke knew the anger was just coming from worry. The tears he’d been holding in all the time suddenly spilled over as Luke lost the will to fight them.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice breaking. The blade slipped from his fingers and clattered on the floor. Calum quickly pushed it out of Luke’s reach.

“It’s okay,” he answered, lifting Luke up with more effort than it’d have cost him before all the months he’d spent at the hospital. He’d need to exercise a lot to regain the muscle mass he’d lost from being in a coma for such a long time. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Calum grabbed a handful of toilet paper and gently pressed it against Luke’s bleeding hip. The blonde didn’t even flinch from the sting it caused. Calum bit his lip in worry, grabbing the first aid kit from the same cabinet Luke had retrieved the razor blade from. It was a bit tricky to bandage the spot Luke had chosen, but Calum managed to do it after a few clumsy tries. It didn’t stain with red immediately so he was quite sure it wasn’t bleeding as badly anymore. Luke didn’t say a word when Calum lifted him up and carried him into his bedroom, laying the both of them down onto the made bed, Calum wrapped around the taller boy. The duvet still smelled of laundry detergent.

“What happened?” Calum asked, voice soft but still loud in the eerie silence of the room. The only sound audible was their own breathing for a while, until Luke answered.

“A family came to the orphanage today,” he said, voice flat and emotionless. Calum’s grip on him tightened a little. “They want to adopt Lexi. They want to take her away from me.”

“Luke, this has to stop,” Calum said, grabbing Luke’s upper arms to make sure he had his attention. Luke stared at him for a few moments before deflating and nodding.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Calum didn’t know what to answer, so they just lay there for a while, Luke in Calum’s arms as the little spoon. The blonde had almost fallen asleep despite their uncomfortable position when the dark-haired boy spoke up again.

“I won’t let them.”

 

-

 

The silence in the car was heavy and loaded with anticipation and anxiety. Calum felt it pressing against his chest. His hands shifted on the steering wheel, unable to hold still. Luke was just as bad, constantly moving his pose like he couldn’t find a comfortable one. They were on their way to the orphanage, the car’s motor roaring gently under the hood as they sped through town, most definitely far above the speed limit. They couldn’t risk being too late.

The double doors to the opening hall of the orphanage weren’t as heavy as Luke had anticipated, banging against the wall with an obnoxiously loud noise as he forcefully pushed them open. He cringed inwardly, but didn’t break his outer demeanour. He and Calum barged right up to the front desk and Luke slammed his hands down onto it, palms flat against the oak wood. This, what they were doing right now, it was impulsive and completely not thought through. They hadn’t even talked about it with their families yet. But nothing was going to hold Luke away from his girl.

“I need to speak with the head of this institution,” he said, voice unwavering and posture confident. The woman eyed him for a moment, clearly surprised by his suddenly slightly hostile behaviour, but she gave them the directions to the head’s office anyway. The pair rushed through the hallways, taking turns so sharply they bumped into the walls more than once. Luke barely even felt it.

Calum only just managed to stop Luke from barging right through the wooden door to the head’s office when they found it, and knocked on it politely, only entering when they heard the “Come in” form the other side.

A middle-aged man was sitting behind a desk in a comfortable-looking chair, several pieces of paper spread out in front of him. He looked up when they entered, offering them a smile.

“Hello,” he said, “I don’t recall having an appointment at this moment. An impulsive visit, I suppose?”

Calum managed a smile, offering the man his hand. “Yes, I’m sorry about barging in like this. It’s just an urgency, you see? We didn’t have time to make an appointment,” he answered. Luke admitted his ability to stay so calm and polite, while his own being was screaming at him to hurry, before they were too late.

The man nodded and shook Calum’s hand. “Alright then, I suppose I have a minute to spare. My name is Jai Cohen.”

“I’m Calum Hood, this is Luke Hemmings,” Calum said, gesturing at Luke when he said the boy’s name. Luke smiled close-mouthed.

“So, boys, what brings you here?” Cohen asked. Luke felt his stomach drop when he called them ‘boys’.

“We want to adopt,” he answered, voice coming out stronger than he’d feared. Cohen frowned but nodded, shifting through some of the papers in front of him.

“Alright, alright. Aren’t you a little young to take care of a child, though?” he wondered out loud, rubbing the slight scruff on his chin. Luke took a deep breath, but refused to back down. He’d put up one hell of a fight for Lexi.

“Perhaps,” he replied, scraping his throat. “But this is a special case.”

Cohen cocked an eyebrow. “How so?”

Luke gnashed his teeth. “You see, Mr Cohen, my daughter is in a room down the hall and I’d very much like to take her home.”

Calum stepped in before Cohen could reply, laying a hand on Luke’s shoulder to calm him down. “What my partner is trying to say, is that there is this little girl we’ve grown quite attached to and we would love to take her in and give her a proper home.”

Cohen nodded and leaned forward, putting his lower arms on the desk and wrapping his hands up in each other. “My concern in this matter is that you two are both still very young, probably only just out of high school – if even that. I’m not quite sure you’re in any state to take care of a child,” he frowned. Luke balled one of his hands into a fist but Calum held him down in his chair.

“I understand your concern,” he replied, massaging Luke’s shoulder gently in the meantime, “but we saved that girl’s life. We took care of her during the time she was hospitalized and we drove her back and forth between here and the hospital for her aftercare. We became her family in a small white room, in an uncomfortable hospital bed, when her parents died in that fire. We became her family by taking care of her when there was no one else to do so. We became her family when I found her scared to death in her room, when Luke here carried her out of the flames. And after everything was over, we stayed her family because she wanted us to.” Calum took a moment to compose himself, to push the tears back into his eyes, refusing to let them spill in front of Cohen. “So with all due respect, Mr Cohen, there is no one out there who deserves to take that little girl home and raise her to become a woman as much as we do.”

Cohen sighed, rubbing his scruff some more as he contemplated. “I’m sorry, Mr Hood, but I can’t just let two teenagers adopt a child-”

“Why don’t you ask her what she wants?” Luke offered, voice a little more aggressive than was probably smart, but he couldn’t contain himself. “You wouldn’t want to put her in a family where she won’t be happy, would you? We may not be the richest or most experienced people you’ll find, but we’re here, we’re very willing to take her in and _we love her just as much as she loves us_. You won’t be able to find a family like that for her.”

Cohen continued staring at them, thinking, for another few torturously long moments before he finally moved to pull up a file on the computer sitting on the edge of his desk. “What did you say this girl’s name was?”

 

-

 

“Luke! Cal!” Lexi squealed as soon as she entered the room, a woman right behind her. She greeted Cohen with a silent ‘hello’, though never taking her eyes off Lexi. Luke recognised her as the woman who had come to the hospital when Lexi had just lost her parents. Her name came back to him a few moments later, after some thorough digging – Greene. Claudia Greene.

“Hey princess,” Luke grinned, crouching down to lift Lexi up as she flung herself into his arms. Calum joined the group hug as soon as Luke was standing on both his feet again.

“I missed you, lovebug,” the tanned boy smiled, receiving a sloppy kiss on his cheek as an answer, along with a high-pitched “I missed you too!”

“Hey, Lexi, I need to ask you something,” the Claudia said in that voice people use when they talk to small children. Lexi directed her attention to her but never let go of both Luke and Calum.

“These two men want to take you in,” she said gently, clearly experienced with using the easy language on such a matter. It made Luke wonder how many children she’d placed in new homes already. “They want to become your new family. Do you want that too? Do you like them?”

Lexi didn’t answer the question but looked at Luke instead, the shades of blue of both their eyes matching almost perfectly. She could’ve very well been his. If he hadn’t known the story and Luke had said she was his daughter, he’d have believed him.

“Really?” Lexi asked, her naturally big eyes opened even wider, almost comically so. Luke nodded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Yes, love, but only if you really want to,” he promised. “If you’d rather stay here or go home with another family, that’s okay too. I want you to be happy.”

Lexi frowned. “But I won’t be happy if I go with another family. I wanna go home!”

“You wanna come home with us?” Calum asked, confirming what they all knew she was saying. As Lexi nodded determinedly, Luke turned to face Cohen, cocking an eyebrow as to say “I told you so”. The man sighed and turned to Claudia. “Miss Greene...” he started saying, but she cut him off.

“I think it’s a very good idea,” she said, smiling at the two boys with the little girl in between them. “I saw them at the hospital with her. They handled everything very well and I’d say it’s pretty obvious Lexi has grown a liking for them. I’ve met their friends and families, too. They definitely won’t be alone in raising her.”

She winked at them and Luke had never been more grateful for the words of a stranger in his entire life. He turned back to the doctor anxiously and hoisted Lexi higher up on his hip. Her weight pressed down onto the fresh cuts but he didn’t so much as bat an eyelash. He was very willing to go through any kind of pain, for Lexi. Cohen seemed to think it over for a bit longer before he eventually sighed and pulled a piece of paper out of a stack.

“Alright then. I will put a hell of a supervision up your asses, though,” he said.

“Language!” Lexi scolded. Everyone in the room burst out laughing.

Luke could cry from relief and happiness. He wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t. Kissing Lexi on her temple and pressing himself into Calum’s side, soaking in the boy’s warmth through their clothes, he was sure he’d never been this happy in his life before.

 

-

 

The whole deal was straightened out pretty quickly, in the end. They filled in some forms and signed some papers, and the insurance company that had arranged the insurance Lexi’s parents had put on their house agreed to pay the money the family would have received for the house to Calum and Luke, to take care of Lexi. They’d set up a new bank account for it and had immediately started making plans for a room for Lexi in Luke’s house – Ben had moved out so there was a vacant room. The plan remained what is was for now though – a plan. When they had finally been allowed to bring Lexi home, the sun had set already and darkness was creeping up in the streets. They went to Calum’s house. Luke sent his mom a text to let her know he’s spending the night there. He’d tell her the rest of the story tomorrow, in person, so he’d be able to shove a seat under her bum before she collapsed from shock. Luke was sure she’d be alright with it, though. Maybe she’d be angry at first, but she’d fall in love with Lexi – her _grandchild_ , officially now – as soon as she’d lay her eyes on her.

They went to bed right after dinner, exhausted from all the stress and excitement of the day. Lexi was sleeping in between the two boys in Calum’s queen sized bed. It felt kind of weird, like the final realization that they’re actually doing this, they really have the responsibility of a small human being in their hands now. But they were both determined to make the most of it. Luke’s heart had never felt so full of love before, when he took in the sight of his soulmate with their _daughter_ in his arms, kissing her good night while she’s already drifting off to dreamland, a dopey smile on her face and her teddy bear clutched tightly in her tiny arms. His heart swelled up even more when Calum looked up at him with such adoration and love in his eyes that Luke had to close his own for a moment, to compose himself. When he opened them again, he knew they held the same amount of emotion as Calum’s. It was overwhelming, this, and oddly domestic. Calum chuckled.

“We’re taking this way too fast,” he whispered, running a hand through Lexi’s hair. “We’ve only been together for a few weeks and we already have a four year old kid to take care of.”

“Do you regret it?” Luke asked. Not because he really thought Calum does, but because he needed to hear him say it. Calum shook his head.

“Not for a single second,” he responded. “You?”

“No. And I never will.” He looked up at Calum, catching the older boy’s eyes. “I’m in it for real this time. I’m not going anywhere. _I love you_. Both of you. I’m here to stay.”

Calum nodded, gently placing his hand on Luke’s cheek and stroking the skin with his thumb. “I know,” he whispered. “I love you too. And I ain’t going anywhere either.”

Luke smiled and kissed Calum’s hand swiftly, settling down under the covers properly and swinging an arm over both Lexi and Calum, holding his _family_ close and safe.


	88. Chapter 88

Luke put the last finishing touches on the already drying paint on the wall and then dropped the brush into the bucket, causing a few purple droplets to jump out and splash onto the newspaper-covered floor. He wiped the small layer of sweat off his forehead and when he turned around to face Calum, who was clad in old, worn clothes covered in splashes and swipes of paint, exactly like Luke, Calum laughed. Luke frowned, but when Calum stepped into his space and wiped at Luke’s forehead too, he understood. 

“You got a little paint right there,” Calum giggled, rubbing the remnants of the light purple substance on his shirt. Luke grinned. 

“Oops.” 

Today was the day they would make it official – Lexi moving in. Today, they would give her her own room with her own bed. Liz and Joy were in the kitchen working on cupcakes to properly celebrate and Ben and Jack had taken Lexi to a carnival for the day, so Luke and Calum would have all day to work on Lexi’s room and have it finished when they got back, with some help from Ashton and Michael.  

They had decided to paint the walls a light shade of purple, as that had apparently been the colour of the walls of Lexi’s room before her house had burned down. They had bought new furniture, with some financial help from every member of both their families, and Ashton and Michael’s. The room now had everything a girl Lexi's age needed - Mali had even bought her a huge, beautiful doll house that Luke was absolutely sure she would _love_.  

Placing the newly bought furniture in the room ended up taking nearly as long as the painting had done; nobody agreed with each other about where to best place the bed or whether the wardrobe should be placed against the same wall the door was in or the one opposed to it and so on. Luke vetoed a few decisions, eventually, when it became clear that the bickering wasn’t going to stop anytime soon if he didn’t cut in. Especially Mali and Calum had trouble coming to an agreement - Luke suspected it was more playful sibling teasing, them disagreeing on purpose rather than anything else. Being the good boyfriend he was, Luke did choose Calum’s side on every argument, even when he thought Mali had a good point.  

Finally, after an entire day spent in paint damps and covered in wood chips from the do-it-yourself furniture that David and Andrew had picked, they finished. Liz offered to do the last finishing touches - sweeping the floor and dusting the surfaces - while the others went downstairs to wait for Ben and Jack to bring Lexi back home. Not a moment too soon, either - as soon as Luke sat down on the couch next to Calum, the doorbell rang. Mali darted through the room to the front door before anyone else had the chance to get up and go. She was met with enthusiastic chatter from Lexi, whose high-pitched voice carried all the way to the living room, so Luke could hear every word of what she was saying.  

“... and I went on the merry-go-round and I was on a pretty white horse and then we were on the Ferris wheel, it was so high! And-” 

Her babbling got louder as Mali took her into the living room, but came to an abrupt stop when she spotted Luke and Calum sitting on the couch. Wiggling out of Mali’s arms, she trotted over to them, the two pony tails Mali had styled her hair into that morning flopping around adorably.  

“Cal! Luke!” she called excitedly, clambering onto the couch clumsily until she was seated half in Luke’s lap, half in Calum’s.  

“Hey lovebug, did you have fun?” Calum asked her, hugging her and ruffling her hair. She didn’t even bother putting it back in place after, so her blonde locks were fuzzy and all over the place. Luke took the ties holding her ponytails together off and ruffled her hair to make sure it fell down and framed her face without any weird bending in it from being tied too long.  

Lexi nodded enthusiastically, grinning widely. “Yes, it was fun! Jack bought me ice cream.” 

Ben and Jack entered the living room too, both of them a glass of water in their hand. They looked tired, which was no wonder after having dragged a toddler with them all day long, but they looked at Lexi fondly so Luke guessed they’d enjoyed it too. 

“Spoiling her already, huh?” Luke asked teasingly. Jack smirked.  

“Someone has to play the cool uncle,” he replied. Luke rolled his eyes. 

“We have a surprise for you, love,” he said, turning to Lexi. She’d managed to wiggle herself fully into Calum’s lap, so he was the one to lift her up when her grin widened and she asked “What? I wanna see!” 

The whole family followed them up the stairs and Luke chuckled inwardly. It looked like something from a comedy movie. 

The best reward Luke could’ve asked for was for Lexi’s mouth to drop the way it did when she lay eyes on her new room. Her blue orbs were wide and shocked, but in a happy way, and the twinkle in them was brighter than Luke had ever seen it before.  

“This is your new room,” he said, softly because it felt like he would scare her by talking too loudly in this moment. “Do you like it?” 

Lexi nodded, speechless, and Calum set her down. She walked over to the bed, where Luke had placed her teddy bear on the covers, the only thing that they had been able to save from Lexi’s old house when it burned to the ground.  

“We’ll give you three a moment,” Joy said, effectively dragging everyone else out of the room to give them some privacy. Luke barely had the time to thank her before the door was slammed shut and he was alone in the room with Calum and Lexi. The little girl had sat down on the bed with her teddy bear hugged tightly to her chest. Her eyes roamed the room, taking in everything.  

“It’s the same colour as my old room,” she said after a while, a smile taking over her face, happiness winning from the surprise. “I missed it.” 

“I’m happy you like it, sweetie,” Luke said, sitting down next to her and putting an arm around her shoulder. Calum sat down on her other side and put his hand over Luke’s. For the first time, they really, genuinely felt like a family. 

 

- 

 

Luke, Calum, Michael and Ashton had decided to focus on the band. They’d missed a lot of school from Calum being in the hospital and this was something that they really wanted to do. It was a long shot, of course, but they weren’t aiming for millions. Small musicians made enough money to get by, and they could always find part-time side jobs if it was necessary. 

The four of them were rehearsing a song Calum wrote, called Gotta Get Out. It was good - really good - and Luke was excited to shoot a video of them playing it and post it on their YouTube channel. Halfway through the song, the doorbell rang. Calum groaned in annoyance as he stopped playing, putting his acoustic guitar down and walking over to the door. His temporary grumpiness seemed to disappear as soon as he opened the door, however, judging by the excited voices carrying through the house. As soon as their visitors came into view, Luke understood. 

“‘Sup everyone?” Alex called, getting swallowed in one of Michael’s hugs right after. Jack received the same enthusiastic greeting a few seconds later. Luke couldn’t fight the smile spreading on his face; he’d grown a liking to the two. He did glance warily at Ashton to gauge his reaction, but he too had a smile on his lips. Two other guys from around their age entered after Alex and Jack and Luke greeted them as well, albeit not with the same amount of enthusiasm. They introduced themselves as Rian and Zack.  

“What are you guys doing here?” Michael asked when they’d all sat down on the couch and Calum had gotten them drinks. Alex and Jack shared a look before breaking out into grins at the same time.  

“We are going on tour,” Jack announced, casually taking a sip from his coke. Luke choked on his own one.  

“You are what now?” Michael asked. Their grins widened. 

“We got signed,” Alex beamed, his fingers moving to entwine with Jack’s. “We’re actually a serious band now. We’re going on a tour through the United States.” 

A silence fell for a moment as everyone processed the news, but then they broke out in loud cheers and Michael and Calum wrapped Alex and Jack up in a hug. “Are you fucking kidding me? That’s awesome! Congratulations!” Michael bellowed. Alex laughed. 

“And that ain’t even the best news,” he winked, a smirk gracing his face. Michael’s eyebrows rose until they almost reached his hairline. 

“What could possibly be better than that?” he deadpanned. Jack’s smirk mimicked Alex’. 

“We want you guys,” he said, gesturing to all four of them and the instruments now lying on the ground, “to open for us.” 

Another silence, this time broken by the clatter of tiny feet against the parquet and Lexi’s timid voice as she emerged from her room, woken up from her afternoon nap. Luke instantly walked over to her, lifting her still-waking-up body up and balancing her on his hip. She rested her head against his shoulder and the teddy bear almost slipped from her fingers as she fell half back asleep again. Alex actually cooed out loud at the sight of her.  

“Who’s this little one?” he asked as Luke sat back down on the couch, Lexi still pressed up against his torso. He exchanged a look with Calum, who had a goofy, happy smile on his face. 

“This is Lexi,” the tanned boy answered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She lazily opened her eyes and smiled at him, showing off the gap in her teeth. Her first milk tooth had come out a few days ago and she’d been adorably delighted when she found a dollar in the morning, under the pillow she’d put it under the evening prior. “She’s ours.” 

Four pairs of eyes widened in surprise and curiosity at the confession. Luke smiled. “We adopted her.” 

“She’s adorable,” Jack said, chuckling when Lexi yawned and rubbed her eyes, pouting. “Any chance I can adopt her from you?” 

Luke laughed, but he meant it when he said: “Not a chance in hell.” 

“So, what do you say?” Alex asked, spreading his arms with a smile. “You in?” 

The four boys exchanged glances, but they didn’t need to discuss it. 

“Oh, yeah, we’re in.”


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this fic is almost finished omg.  
> I'm not really content about this tbh but it's been way too long and you guys deserve something. I promise the epilogue will be much better.

Adrenaline flowed through Luke’s veins. His fingers danced over the neck of his guitar, pulling the melody out of the strings. The roar of the large crowd right in front of him was so loud he could hear their screams over the music from his earplug. The lights were hot and blinding as he stood in one of the spotlights, eyes trained on the crowd. Thousands of little lights were being waved back and forth in time with the music and Luke could see hundreds of people stretching their arms out to the stage, trying to reach for him even with all those metres in between them.

He could feel the others’ presence more than he could see them, too absorbed in his own little world to see anything but the crowd and the lights. Calum was on his left, bouncing up and down in time with the beat. His dark hair was lying flat on his forehead and hung in his eyes. His shirt clung to his back with sweat, the dark wet stain on the back growing larger with each song they played. Luke could feel the low thumping of Calum’s bass in his chest. He still thought it was one of the best feelings ever. It wasn’t quite the same as Ashton’s drums, which he could feel low in his belly. That too felt good, familiar after the time they’d spent on the road, but it didn’t have that edge about it that made Luke’s skin erupt into goose bumps. Calum’s bass did, as did his voice. The tanned boy’s voice was like that of an angel – that was the only way Luke could describe it, the only words that came to mind when he thought about it.

As the last echoes of the song faded out, Luke took a step back and inhaled deeply. The air was warm and heavy from all the bodies squeezed into the venue. He could feel a bead of sweat slowly running down his face, catching on his chin for a second before falling down onto the stage. The screams of the crowd upped in volume even more and Luke was sure that his ears would be ringing tomorrow still.

He was too entranced by it all to hear Michael hold their little ‘thank you and goodbye’-speech, only catching the last sentence before they all head backstage.

“... We have been 5 Seconds of Summer. Thank you all so much and goodnight!”

Luke took a few more moments, drinking in all the colours and lights and revelling in them until he felt a gentle tug on his sleeve. Waving at the crowd for the last time, he let Calum sling an arm across his shoulders and lead him backstage.

He still felt the buzzing of his skin and still heard the noise of the crowd in his ears when All Time Low waked up on stage. It hadn’t subsided in the slightest when they had arrived back at the hotel they were staying at. He still felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he lay on the bed with Calum wrapped in his arms later that night.

 

-

 

“Should we do this? I don’t think we should do this. Are we really doing this?”

Luke rolled his eyes fondly at Ashton as the skittish boy asked the same questions for the tenth time in five minutes.

“You’re the one who wanted to do this, Ash. If you’re having second thoughts, just say the word and we’ll just go back to the hotel,” he answered, squeezing the smaller boy’s hand. Ashton shook his head.

“I’m just being silly, I do want to do this,” Ashton assured him, adding nervously, “Do you think he’ll like it?”

Luke stopped walking. Ashton followed a few steps later, not realising instantly that Luke had stilled. The blonde still thought that the confused frown on Ashton’s face was adorable. Pulling the curly-haired boy against him, Luke wrapped his arms around him, breathing in Ashton’s vanilla scented shampoo when his nose was buried in the golden locks.

“He’ll love it. And he’ll love it because it’s you and he loves everything about you,” Luke promised. A shy smile creeped up on Ashton’s face.

“You think so?”

Luke grinned. “I know so.”

Pressing a kiss to Ashton’s forehead, Luke let him go and pulled him along the last few metres to their destination.

The tattoo store was small and cramped, the walls overloaded with posters and pictures. It gave off a cool vibe and Luke was instantly excited, even though he wasn’t the one getting inked today.

A large guy with both his arms covered in tattoos – varying from skulls to hearts – approached them upon hearing them enter.

“How can I help ya?” he asked, Texas accent more than evident. It reminded Luke of how different their lives were now. A few months into their tour with All Time Low and he could honestly say he had never been happier. Slapping his palm down on Ashton’s shoulder, he addressed the man with a smile.

“This one here could use a hand.”

 

-

 

Ashton was gripping onto Luke’s hand so tightly both their fingers turned white. The smile he shot him was tight with nerves and probably pain, but he was taking it rather well. The steady buzzing of the needle breaching Ashton’s skin soon blended in with the background noises, barely audible over the radio playing a Nickelback song.

“You okay?” Luke asked. Ashton nodded, though his grip on Luke’s hand tightened significantly when the needle pricked at a sensitive part of his skin. Luke squeezed back gently. “You’re doing great. It’s almost done.”

Ashton grimaced and shifted slightly, careful not to disturb the tattoo artist working on his arm.

It was only a few minutes later when the buzzing stopped and the guy wiped at Ashton’s arm with a piece of cloth, wiping away the blood and leftover ink.

“All done,” he said, winking at Ashton. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”

It was more of a statement than an actual question, but Ashton snorted. “I am never getting a tattoo again.”

The guy laughed jovially, one hand on his belly as he wiped the other on his shirt. “Alright, kid. Have a good day.”

“Let me see,” Luke wined as soon as they stepped foot outside the store. The skin around the ink was red and swollen, irritated by the needle. The black letters were swirly and stood out prettily against Ashton’s sun-tanned skin. It was the same font as Michael’s ‘To The Moon’-tattoo, swirling letters splaying out against the skin of Ashton’s upper arm and spelling the words ‘And Back’.

“It’s kind of really cheesy,” Luke noted, laughing along when Ashton erupted in giggles.

“I know,” the curly-haired boy replied, “but I like it anyway.”

“Me too,” Luke said. “Michael is lucky to have you.”

Ashton’s eyes flew up to meet Luke’s and for a moment, everything they didn’t say out loud could be seen in their eyes, emotions shining brightly and unspoken words dangling in between them. They stared at each other like that for a long time, just taking each other in, drowning in the emotions spilling from their faces.

Then a car rushed by behind them, splashing up water. It hit Luke’s back and instantly soaked him, the cold water chilling his bones. He yelped, and the moment was gone.

Luke doesn’t remember seeing Ashton laugh as hard and free as he did then, liberated of all tension and worry and reassured by what he’d managed to find when he was searching Luke’s soul through his eyes. He linked their hands together, fingers entwined, and they didn’t let go of each other all the way back to the hotel.


	90. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are. This is the end of this fic. I hope I did the story justice with it, because a lot of what this fic was about in the beginning has faded nearing the end and I hope this conclusion gives it some closure and adresses everything it has to. Please, do let me know how you feel about it.  
> Alright, I'm gonna go and cry for a bit now. And, for the last time: hope you enjoy!

The sounds of leaves crunching and twigs breaking under his feet echoed through the otherwise silent forest. The dirt path they were walking on was more narrow than Ashton remembered, overgrown by the untamed bushes and roots. The air was fresh and a bit on the cool side, burning in Ashton’s lungs as he took deep breaths. It felt like he was washing himself clean, like he could breathe properly again for the first time in a while.

Luke was right behind him, tripping over his own feet more than over the stray roots sticking up in their path. Even after all these years, he hadn’t fully grown into his ridiculously tall body. He was wearing a leather jacket and ripped skinny jeans and that, combined with the soothing smell of pine wood and earth, it reminded Ashton of their time back in high school. Although, the only difference between then and now was, well, everything.

The clearing in the middle of the woods was exactly the same as Ashton remembered: long grass surrounded by all sorts of flowers. The mix of all the different colours and scents still made a warm feeling spread in Ashton’s stomach.

Luke slipped past him and flopped down in the grass, patting a comfortable-looking patch of grass beside him. Ashton smiled and sat down, tucking himself into Luke’s side with a contented sigh. After all these years, this place was still the only spot in the whole wide world where he could find peace and calm in the chaos that had become – or has always been – his life. The sun was just starting to set and the pink-orange light it emitted coloured the forest around them prettily. Ashton’s limbs ached from life on the road; sleeping in tiny bunk beds and playing the drums for the better part of every day. The muscles in his arms protested with every move he made.

Luke’s arm found its way around Ashton’s broad shoulders, tucking him into his side farther.

“You okay?” he asked, husky voice breaking the comfortable silence that hung over them. Somehow, it fit in with all the quiet sounds of the nature around them, blending in with them like the two of them were supposed to be there.

“Yeah,” Ashton answered softly, afraid to break the peaceful quiet. Luke’s fingers danced over his skin, tracing the black lines of his tattoo, the ‘And Back’ written in a swirly font on the inside of his upper arm. The same place Michael had his ‘To The Moon’ tattoo.

“Can’t believe it’s been ten years,” Luke mumbled, voice low as he stared up into the sky. Ashton nodded, making a sound of agreement.

“Me neither.”

_A shy, hesitant smile graced Ashton’s features as he entered the hotel room Michael and Calum were in. He was trembling slightly; from nerves or excitement, he didn’t know. Probably a mixture of both._

_“We’re back,” Luke called, making the two boys look up from the video game they were playing. Michel’s eyes darted up, coming to rest on Ashton’s features and a smile lit up the black-dyed boy’s face, tooth and all. Ashton felt his nervous smile shift into a genuine, joyful one at the sight._

_“What mischievous things have you two been getting into anyway?” Calum asked, pausing the game so they could focus their full attention on the other boys._

_“Oh, nothing much,” Luke grinned, grabbing Calum’s arm and dragging him to the door. “Come on, Cal, Ashton and Michael need some privacy.”_

_Calum managed a glance back into the room, eyes darting from Ashton to Michael and back before addressing Luke. “Please tell me you didn’t go to a sex shop and I have to listen to kinky sex noises all night.”_

_Luke’s responding laugh echoed through the hallway. “Don’t worry, you’re safe.”_

_Michael looked at the door, where the pair had disappeared, with an amused expression on his face. “What was that all about?” he asked. Ashton shrugged, but sat down on the bed beside him._

_“We went to a tattoo parlour,” he admitted a bit sheepishly, rubbing his arm through the fabric of his long-sleeve. Michael snorted._

_“Did Luke drag you along when he went to get another tattoo?”_

_Ashton shook his head, lowering his gaze to where his hands were folded together in his lap. “Luke isn’t the one who got a tattoo.”_

_Michael’s eyes widened slowly as the words sank in. “_ You _got a tattoo?” he asked, disbelief audible in his voice._

_Ashton nodded. “It was meant to be a surprise, but- I kinda suck at surprises.”_

_Michael hummed thoughtfully, remembering the story Ashton had told him about the time Luke took him into the woods as a surprise and Ashton ended up having a panic attack. “A surprise? For me?” he asked, grinning fondly as a blush creeped up on Ashton’s cheeks, dimples carving into his cheeks with a small smile._

_“Yeah,” he answered, rubbing the itching area he’d just gotten tattooed. “Wanna see?”_

_“Hell yeah,” Michael replied, repositioning himself on the bed so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, hands on his knees as he watched Ashton nervously pull his shirt over his head, revealing his tanned torso, buff arms and the reddened skin on his upper arm. Michael gasped softly as he read the words, eyes skimming over them again and again, drinking them in. Eventually, his hand came up to touch it. His fingers darted over the ink etched into the skin ever so gently._

_“This is...” Michael started, clearing his throat when his voice got stuck. “This is really cheesy.”_

_Ashton barked out a laugh, giggling along with Michael’s bright grin. “I know,” he replied, moving to put his shirt back on. Michael’s hand around his wrist stopped him._

_“I love it,” the pale boy whispered, pulling Ashton into him with a kiss to his nose. “I promise. It’s perfect.”_

_Ashton poorly concealed his smile by pushing his face into the crook of Michael’s neck, breathing in the smell of his boyfriend’s skin and shampoo. It was sweet and had a hint of peach in it, very different from Luke’s fresh-smelling lemon shampoo, but Ashton loved it the same._

_“You’re perfect,” Michael whispered, as if it was an afterthought. Ashton could hear the smile in his voice and he pressed a soft kiss to the skin right behind Michael’s ear._

“Ten years since our first tour,” Luke continued. His fingers were now rubbing circles on the back of Ashton’s neck, playing with the strands of hair there. Ashton hummed.

“Ten years since you adopted Lexi,” he offered. Luke grinned into the lukewarm evening air.

“Ten years since I had my daughter,” he agreed. “God, I can’t believe she’s fourteen already.”

“She’s becoming a lady,” Ashton said. “Not long until she finishes high school and leaves us all behind to go to college.”

“Can we not talk about that yet?” Luke laughed, only half joking. “That’s still a couple years away. I want to enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Do you remember the first time she called you ‘dad’?” Ashton asked, giggling as Luke let out an embarrassed huff. “You cried like a huge baby as soon as she was out of the room.”

“Did not,” Luke countered, though it had no heat behind it because they both knew Ashton was very right. “Shut up, it was an emotional moment.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Ashton teased, earning himself a light punch to his arm and a mumbled, insincere “fuck you”.

Their hands locked as Ashton grabbed onto Luke’s to stop him from more punches (and possible – probable – tickling) and a soft, metallic ‘cling’ was heard as their rings accidentally bumped against one another. The sound made them still all movement and go silent, looking at the simple, golden bands around their fingers with undisguised love in their eyes.

_Michael looked like he was going to throw up at any given moment when Calum walked into the room. The pale boy was sitting on a chair in his own living room, fingers twitching and trembling as they clutched onto the small blue velvet box in his hands. Calum eyed his friend with amusement._

_“Nervous?”_

_Michael scowled at him, but the effect of it was drowned out by the underlying fear visible in his eyes. “No,” he answered, even though he knew Calum would be able to see right through him. He always did._

_“Do you honestly think he’ll say no?” Calum asked, grabbing a chair and placing it in front of Michael’s so he was facing his best friend. Michael was silent for a moment, contemplating, but then shook his head._

_“No. But somehow that doesn’t make it less terrifying.”_

_Calum smiled sympathetically. “Everything’ll be fine. Stop worrying so much, or he’ll think you’re sick and try to postpone the concert tomorrow.”_

_Michael managed a laugh at that; Ashton would actually try and cancel or postpone a concert if Michael wasn’t feeling well._

_Before they had the time to say anything else, the sound of the front door opening and closing interrupted them and voices rang out through the house._

_“Hey,” Ashton called cheerfully, “we’re back! I think we got everything – I didn’t forget the eggs this time.”_

_“He did almost forget the milk,” Luke made sure to tell them. Ashton huffed indignantly and slapped him on the back of the head._

_“Key word there being almost,” he muttered, moving around the kitchen to put the groceries in the cupboards and fridge. Michael kept fidgeting, fixing his hair and wiping his hands on his jeans as he waited for Ashton to enter the living room. Calum squeezed his shoulder in a manner of support._

_“Relax. It’ll be fine,” he assured him. Michael huffed, eyeing the ring on his best friend’s ring finger. Calum hadn’t been the one to propose, hadn’t had to deal with the nerves that came with it. In their relationship, it had been Luke who had made the move, complete with the cheesy yet still romantic candles-and-rose-petals-dinner and sinking down on one knee when popping the question._

_When Ashton finally stepped into the room, Michael stood up in such a rush that he knocked his chair over, sending it toppling to the ground with a loud crash. He felt his cheeks burning red as he righted it, making sure to keep the box containing the engagement ring hidden from Ashton’s view._

_“Are you okay?” the curly-haired boy asked, the look in his eyes a mixture of amusement and worry. “You look a bit pale.”_

_Michael nodded quickly, straightening a fold in his shirt. “I’m fine,” he squeaked, clearing his throat right after. Calum snorted behind him, elbowing him in the side. Ashton’s gaze turned more and more confused with each passing second._

_“I have something to tell you,” Michael eventually managed to say without his voice doing weird things. Ashton raised an eyebrow, trying to look relaxed, but Michael could see the anxiety and insecurity raging on in his eyes. He stepped forward to take Ashton’s hand in his own, rubbing comforting circles into his skin._

_“I, erm- I suck at this,” Michael said, looking up at Ashton through his eyelashes apologetically. “But, I just wanted to tell you that, after everything that’s happened, with you, with us – we’ve been through a lot, all of us, and I’ve learned a lot from it. Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that you should never let go of your loved ones, because you never know when your last day with them might be. After what happened to Calum, and to you before that, it has become a real concern for me that I could lose you overnight, just like that. And I really don’t want that to happen. Not again. Because I love you, obviously. So, erm- I wanted to ask you something.” He cleared his throat again, sinking to one knee in front of Ashton, with one of his lover’s hands still clutched in his own, opening the velvet box with the other. “Will you marry me and never leave me again?”_

_Ashton’s free hand came up to cover his mouth, happy tears shining in his eyes and a look of disbelief but intense happiness on his face. A few agonizing seconds passed in which Ashton tried to find his voice and Michael worried at his bottom lip with his teeth, but finally Ashton managed to choke out a “yes, yes, of course, yes”, and Michael smiled so widely his face felt like it was splitting in two. The golden ring fit perfectly around Ashton’s finger and the kiss they shared once he had it on was so passionate and full of love that Michael knew he would still be able to taste it years and years later._

Luke brought his hand up to his face and gently traced the words engraved in the ring. The simple yet elegant cursive font read ‘You are my favourite place’, matching with Calum’s ‘You are my getaway’. Calum had cried when he’d given it to him and hadn’t been able to stop touching the ring for weeks after, constantly reading the lyric etched into it over and over again, then reading Luke’s one whenever the blonde boy was within arm’s reach. He remembered how he himself hadn’t been able to keep his hands off it on their wedding day. He’d been twirling and twisting it around his finger all day, even when he was standing at the altar and Calum was walking up to him.

_Luke was a mess, pacing around in the back room and running his hands through his hair time and time again, messing it up more each time. Jack peered into the room, knocking while he was already inside. Luke looked up for a second before continuing his restless pacing._

_“You alright?” Jack asked. He sounded like he was holding back a laugh. Luke flipped him off._

_“You have no idea now nerve-racking this is,” Luke said, pulling at his hair once again. Jack stepped forward, halting Luke’s movements and pulling his hands from his hair._

_“Actually, I do. Or did you forget all about my wedding? Had you really drunk that much?”_

_Luke scoffed. “No, I hadn’t drunk that much. And fuck you, by the way.”_

_Jack re-styled Luke’s hair into the perfect quiff it had been in earlier that day and patted his younger sibling on the shoulder. “Trust me, little brother, it’s not worth the nerves. This should be the best day of your life. It’s not like Calum suddenly changed his mind and is going to say no. He loves you. He wouldn’t have agreed to marry you if he didn’t. And he is going to say yes. I have no doubt about that. You already have a daughter, remember? So would you please just calm the fuck down already and stop messing up your freaking hair.”_

_He grabbed hold of Luke’s wrists to stop his hands from tangling into his locks once more. Luke breathed in and out deeply a few times before nodding. “You’re right. This is a happy day. It’s gonna be great.”_

_“It’s gonna be amazing,” Jack corrected, grinning when Luke’s tense shoulders relaxed a little. “Almost time, little brother. You ready?”_

_Luke took a few more deep breaths, face paler than usual, but the look in his eyes was one of determination when he nodded. “I’m ready.”_

_Jack ended up being right, the fucker. When Luke was standing at the altar and Calum entered the room, dressed in suit and tie with a white flower in the pocket, all worry and doubt left him in a single exhale and he was filled to the brim with love and awe. Calum looked like an angel in the dimmed lights of the chandeliers hanging from the ceiling._

_The only thought in Luke’s mind was that he was the luckiest guy in the world._

_Later that night, when they were lying in a king-sized bed in the presidential suite of a fancy hotel, tangled up in one another, Luke sighed happily. Calum frowned at him, missing the happy undertone of it._

_“What’s wrong?” he asked, curling in closer to Luke. The blonde simply smiled._

_“Nothing, just thinking.”_

_“What are you thinking about?” Calum wanted to know. Luke tightened his grip on his husband – God, it felt good to say that – a little and pressed a kiss to his forehead._

_“Just that the soulmate system isn’t that stupid after all.”_

Luke’s fingers slid over the smooth skin on Ashton’s arm, faltering a little when he felt the small bumps and scar tissue that raised the skin. The easy smile on Ashton’s lips slipped as Luke traced his scars, which had faded over the years. Ashton’s smile returned when he felt Luke’s fingers draw a flower on the skin there – a daisy to be exact – along the lines of the tattoo he’d gotten there a few years ago. Ashton reached out to touch the identical one on Luke’s arm, in the same spot.

“Hang on,” Ashton muttered, scrambling up from his sitting position and untangling himself from Luke’s long limbs. The blonde whined but let Ashton go, watching the curly-haired boy dart to the edge of the clearing, carefully selecting and picking a handful of flowers before returning to his position pressed to Luke’s side. Said boy’s smile widened when he realised what Ashton was doing, black lip ring stretching over his pink lips. Ashton pressed the nail of his thumb into the stem of one of the flowers, weaving another one through the gap he’d created and then splitting that stem too, repeating the progress until he held a flower crown in his hands, consisting of daisies and small blue flowers that Luke kept forgetting the name of. It was so similar to, yet so different from those years ago, when Ashton had been insecure and damaged. Now, he was grinning broadly, offering the flower crown to Luke because he knew Luke secretly loved them, still. The blonde carefully took it from Ashton’s hands and gently placed it on his curls, ruffling his hair in the process.

“There you go, princess,” he said, “you look adorable.”

Ashton grinned, contrary to the shy smile and blush that would’ve dusted his cheeks in the past. He’d made so much progress since their time in high school.

No matter how much of a fairy tale their relationship had seemed back then, they weren’t made for each other. Luke could see that now. No one made Ashton happy and comfortable in the way Michael could, and Luke had finally accepted that. But he knew that he and Ashton would always have this special bond between them, created by everything they’d been through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it, I guess. It's been one hell of a ride, but the end has finally come. Or maybe not entirely. You may have noticed that I added this fic to a series. I'm planning on writing spin-offs to this fic, just oneshots about the boys and what more is to come for them. If you have a request for this, something you want to see written, let me know and I'll see what I can do.  
> To everyone who has read this, whether you've been here from the beginning, dropped in halfway through or are reading this afterwards: thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for not giving up on it, despite my irregular updates that took way too long. Thank you for taking the time to read this, to comment, to message me on other platforms. Thank you for bringing in your own ideas and letting me use them to expand this fic. Thank you for your support, your criticism, everything.   
> And last but not least, I want to say a special thank you to my hero Katy, without whom I probably never would have finished this fic, to my baby Loren, my angel Lani and my girl Mylena, who have been great friends and a great support and have definitely helped me a lot. Thanks, guys.  
> So, that's it. I kind of really suck at goodbyes but I hope I will see you/hear from you later. All the love.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://tinymichael.tumblr.com) or add me on kik to talk: mikeycuddle.  
> Here is the [playlist for this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/unholy-ao3/playlist/35S5lyKvLemxaNvlneNcL1)  
> This is dedicated to [Katy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops) because she's my Ashton and I love her a lot.


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